Providence

by Cocca, Lisa Colozza

  It was agreed that Georgia and I would go first, but Lily found her voice. “There is no sense in you taking two trips into town, John. Take my car, and they can all leave together.”

  While John fetched her car from the garage and moved Baby Girl’s seat, Rosie ignored the “here’s your hat, what’s your hurry” we’d just gotten, and filled in the quiet. “Next week, why don’t you come down by us for a visit?”

  A half smile pushed its way across Lily’s face. “Thank you, but I don’t think so.”

  “You give it some thought,” Rosie said.

  In the car on the way home, Rosie turned toward the back seat and said to me, “Lily was always a song in the wind. She just needs a little time to get back to herself. A little time and a whole lot of us, and she will fill up with life again.”

  I thought about the sadness I had seen in Lily’s eyes. I had never known Rosie to be wrong about a person yet, but I was having a hard time believing she was right about Lily only needing a little time.

  CHAPTER 16

  July slipped away and August showed no mercy with its heat. People were taking pride in their places on Main Street again, and the once empty sidewalks now hosted a steady stream of shoppers. The thick air was causing everyone to move a little slower than usual; everyone but Georgia. The more she grew the less she slept, leaving me with fewer minutes for creating merchandise for Rosie’s customers.

  Rosie was spending most of her days sitting behind the counter and most of her nights sitting in front of the television. I attributed Rosie’s dwindling pep to the sweltering summer air. I swear some days the temperature got so high even a stone would sweat.

  The Second Hand Rose was benefiting from the extra Main Street traffic. And the more sales we had, the more money Rosie put in my pay envelope each week. I sent half of my money back to Mama and Daddy every month, along with some suckers for the little ones. The rest mostly got eaten up by Baby Girl’s neverending need for diapers and bigger clothes. But I did manage to save a little, and so on one of the hottest days of the season, I took my savings down to the hardware store and bought two of the strongest electric fans they sold. I set one up by the register to keep Rosie and Georgia cool at work, and I put the other one by Rosie’s bedroom door.

  One afternoon, I heard a thud coming from the front of the store. I hurried up the aisle and discovered Rosie had thrown a small ball at the door. She was sitting in her chair, cradling Baby Girl, and waving someone in. As I got closer, I saw Sarah coming up the steps. She opened the door, bent over to scoop up the ball, and said, “Hi! You’ve got a great aim, ma’am.”

  Rosie laughed.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t have your book here,” I said. “I left it at home, but I can get it to you.”

  “Just bring it to my pool party tomorrow night.”

  I looked down at the floor. “I appreciate the invitation, but I can’t go.”

  Rosie said, “Of course, you can make it. What time would you like her there?”

  Sarah looked from Rosie to me and back several times. “Any time after five,” she said.

  “Perfect,” said Rosie. “We will be closing up at four tomorrow, so that gives her plenty of time to get ready.”

  “Great! Hey, I’m going down to the market to grab a Coke, do you want to walk down with me?”

  Rosie reached over to the drawer and pulled out a few dollars. “That’s an excellent idea. Becky, why don’t you buy a couple for us, too? Georgia and I will entertain each other while you’re gone.”

  Since the last minutes were spent talking about me instead of to me, I shoved the money in my pocket and followed Sarah out without a word.

  When we got back, Georgia was in the carriage sleeping and Rosie was in the chair, on her way to dozing off. “That didn’t take long,” Sarah whispered.

  I placed the drink within Rosie’s reach and pointed toward the door. We sat on the front steps and sipped the cold, bubbly liquid. “How was your trip?” I asked.

  “Fun!” Sarah said. “There’s nothing like sleep-away camp to make a girl miss her ordinarily annoying little brother. I actually was glad to see him and spend time with him.” She pulled out her phone and showed me pictures of her with her family. They were smiling and laughing and acting silly in the pictures. I tried to picture Mama, Daddy, and my brothers and sisters and me acting like that. I couldn’t do it.

  “Are you okay?” Sarah asked.

  I coughed. “I’m fine, thanks for showing me your pictures.”

  Sarah stood up and slid the phone into her pocket. “I can’t believe school starts in another week,” she said. “At least it’s always preceded by days of school shopping. New clothes are the best part about going back to school, don’t you think?”

  I stood up, too, and smiled. I didn’t want to tell her stocking up on new clothes was never a part of my back to school routine. I was hoping she wasn’t going to ask about me going to school at all this year.

  “Gotta run!” Sarah said. “I promised my mother I would go to the store with her to pick up supplies for the party. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  True to her word, Rosie insisted on closing the store at four the next day. As we made our way out the door, Dottie came out of the Tick Tock and yelled, “I’ll be at your house before five.”

  “It’s always good to have an extra pair of hands around with a baby,” Rosie said, “but I hope she doesn’t think she is going to hog Georgia all night.”

  The look on Rosie’s face reminded me of my brother Thomas. He always wore that face when he was determined to beat one of the bigger boys at a game. I wondered how he was doing without me there to nudge the older ones into giving him a chance at victory.

  When we got home, I gave Georgia a bath and fed her. Then I showered and slipped into my bathing suit. As I walked down the hall toward my bedroom to grab a pair of shorts, I heard Georgia fussing. I passed my door and called out, “Is everything okay?”

  Dottie was reaching down to the baby seat to pick up Georgia when I got to the living room. She stood back up with her in her arms and started the swaying and patting dance. “Do you want me to take her?” I asked.

  Dottie waved me away, but Rosie called out. “Come on in here and let me see you in that new bathing suit. You didn’t try on any of those clothes before we bought them. Does it fit?”

  I inched my way into the room. “I think it fits well enough,” I said while tugging the seat down a bit.

  Rosie looked me up and down. “I’d say better than that. You’ll have to bat the boys away.”

  My arms crossed my middle. I could feel myself going red all over. “Now I’m just teasing you, Becky. I know you’re a good girl.”

  I forced a little smile on my face and glanced at Dottie. She didn’t look like she agreed with Rosie. “I’m going to put some shorts on. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  As I walked out of the room, I heard Dottie in a half-whisper say, “I’m sorry, Rosie, but that is not the body of a girl who just had a baby.”

  I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself. This was the first time since coming to Watson’s Grove that I’d worn anything but baggy clothes. It was probably the first time since I was twelve I’d worn anything but baggy clothes in front of anyone other than Mama and the little ones. At the store, I had picked the most modest suit I could find. I pulled on the shorts and wondered if I should cover it with a loose T-shirt, too. I had woven a cloak of lies since I’d gotten here, and this bathing suit just might be the loose thread Dottie could tug on to make the whole deceitful cloth unravel. I sat on the edge of the bed. Putting on a shirt now wasn’t going to make Dottie unsee whatever it is she saw. It was too late for that. Maybe it was time for Baby Girl and me to move along.

  Dottie yelled my name and pulled me from my thoughts. I jumped up and ran to the living room. “What’s wrong?” I asked, looking at Baby Girl.

  “There’s nothing wrong. John is here to drive you to that party. You’re bringing a t
owel with you, aren’t you?” Dottie said, nodding toward the door.

  I looked at John, who was leaning against the doorjamb. When I turned to face him, he stood up straight. “I can walk there,” I said.

  Rosie pulled herself up out of her chair. “Nonsense, John’s happy to do this. It’s a long walk, and you have those brownies you made last night to bring with you. In this heat, they would be chocolate soup by the time you got there. He will go back to fetch you after the party too, so just tell him what time to be there.”

  Sitting in the front seat of the truck, I could feel John looking at me every few minutes. I just kept staring ahead. When he stopped in front of the house, he said, “You’re going to a party, not a funeral. This is supposed to be fun.”

  I couldn’t tell him my current state of being was because my brain was clouded with worries about where Baby Girl and I should go next. I just let him think it was me worrying about a party.

  John looked at his watch. “How about I come back between eight-thirty and nine, and if you want to stay later I’ll make myself scarce for another hour or two?”

  I nodded, even though I had never stayed out to eleven o’clock in my life and I was certain today wasn’t going to be the first time. I slid down from the seat, grabbed the plate and towel, and began to walk at snail speed up the driveway. I wasn’t even halfway up when I heard whooping and hollering coming from the backyard.

  When I was almost to the gate, the girl with the pink stripe in her hair raced by me. She stopped, turned around, and looked at me. “Hey, I know you. You’re the girl from the library. I didn’t know you were coming.” She opened the gate and held it for me.

  Sarah ran over to us. “I’m glad you’re both here! Mickey, Amy is telling us about a guy she met on her cruise this summer. You have to go listen. The story is so funny! Becky, those brownies look delicious. Let’s go put them in the kitchen.”

  She led me across the patio. “That’s my dad,” she said, pointing to the man behind the grill. “Dad, this is Becky,” she shouted. The man raised a long fork in my direction. I waved back. Her mother was standing at a counter in the kitchen wrapping ears of corn in foil. “Mom, you remember Becky. She brought brownies.” She picked one up and took a bite. “They taste as good as they look, too.”

  Her mother rolled her eyes. “Thank you, Becky. That was very thoughtful of you. I’ll put them out later.” She looked at Sarah. “Some people actually eat dessert after they eat their dinner.”

  Sarah hugged her mother. “Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll have one then, too!”

  I looked around the room. Every surface glistened in the light. Mama and Daddy would approve. Sarah let go of her mother and grabbed my arm, leading me outside. As I looked around the yard, I wondered if Sarah really thought this crowd was just a few friends. There were about a dozen boys at one end of the pool, trying to get the attention of the girls by acting as silly as my little brothers do when they are down at the pond far from Mama’s and Daddy’s eyes. The girls were doing their best to look like they were ignoring them. They formed a circle on the patio, some stretched out on lounge chairs, some sitting cross-legged on towels. My worries about being seen in a bathing suit disappeared in a flash. You could cut up my suit and make a half dozen of the tiny suits some of those girls were wearing. Mama and Daddy approving would surely have ended at the kitchen.

  We joined the circle of girls. Each of them had a story to tell about their summer vacation. Having never been on a vacation, I had nothing to add, but I enjoyed hearing about all of the places they saw and the things they did. Each of those places deserved a spot in my notebook. When the conversation changed to movies, one of the girls got up and announced she was going for a swim. Several other girls trailed after her. I pulled off my shorts and got into the water, too. A few of the girls sat on the steps, half in and half out of the water. A couple of them floated around in chairs. I swam laps. As I glided back and forth in the water, my brain seemed to escape my worries. When Mrs. Hanson rang a cowbell to call us all to dinner, I realized I was truly hungry. I got out of the pool, wrapped myself in a towel, and joined the others.

  The boys huddled around the grill, talking football with Mr. Hanson as they ate. The rest of us sat around a long table. Mickey was sitting next to me, and Amy was on the other side of her. Amy leaned over Mickey and said, “I’m surprised you two are sitting next to each other.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  Amy pointed at a boy standing with the others. “Drew has not been able to take his eyes off you since you went into the pool. Mickey is in love with Drew.”

  “He doesn’t even know me,” I said.

  Amy laughed. “Don’t worry, he’ll make sure you know him before the party is over.”

  Mickey got up and moved to the other end of the table. I stared at my plate. The boys came over to the table when Mrs. Hanson placed the dessert platters in the center of it. The conversation quickly changed to school. Everyone exchanged information on which teacher they had for chemistry, what period they had English, and horror stories they had heard about the history teacher. I sat back and hoped no one would ask me about my schedule.

  After dessert, the group splintered. I went back to the pool. It was the one place I felt comfortable. I swam around for a short time, but when a dark cloud rolled overhead I pulled myself up onto the side of the pool. I was still sitting there with my legs in the water when Drew swam up and grabbed hold of the edge, to the right of me. The side of his arm scraped against my thigh. “Hi, I’m Drew,” he said. “You’re Becky, right?”

  I nodded, but before I could speak I heard the thwack, thwack, thwack of flip-flops on concrete. I looked up and saw Mickey standing over me. “Oh, Becky, I forgot to ask about your baby earlier. Is she home with the Baby Daddy?”

  “What?” said Drew.

  Mickey tilted her head. “Didn’t Becky tell you about her little family yet? Maybe she has some pictures of her baby she can show you later.”

  Drew swam to the shallow end of the pool. He whispered to the other boys there, and they all turned and stared at me. I stood up and walked past Mickey. I wrapped my towel around me. A rumble of thunder rolled across the sky. Sarah came over and shouted, “Everybody out of the pool. The party is moving inside. Grab something to carry in on your way.”

  “I’m going to go home now, Sarah,” I said. “Please tell your parents thank you for me.”

  “No, don’t go. The party is just getting started. Besides, you might get stuck in the rain if you leave now.”

  I shook my head and tried to blink away the tears forming in my eyes. “I really have to go.”

  Mickey put her hand on my arm. “I hope it wasn’t something I said,” she said before sauntering away.

  Sarah looked at me like I was a lost puppy. “What did she say?”

  “It isn’t important,” I answered.

  Sarah chewed on her bottom lip. “Mickey can be a real jerk sometimes, especially if it involves boys. This is my home and you are my guest. I hope you’ll stay. I’ll talk to her and she won’t bother you again.”

  “It’s okay. I really just want to go home.”

  The gate swung shut. I looked over and saw John standing there. “Are you ready to go?” he asked.

  I nodded. Sarah said, “I’m really sorry about whatever happened. We can still be friends though, right? I don’t want to lose my book buddy over this. We’ll get together soon and talk books.”

  “Soon,” I said. I knew that was just one more lie. Sarah was going back to school and would be spending what free time she had with her school friends. The problem wasn’t just Mickey. I didn’t fit into that world.

  I waited to pull my shorts on until I was in the truck. The thunder gave way to lightning on the way home. I knew Baby Girl was going to need a whole lot of cuddling that night. Both Rosie and Dottie looked real glad to see me when I walked into the house. Georgia, who had no appreciation for Mother Nature’s concert, let out an ear-piercing sc
ream after every drum roll.

  For the first time since we moved in with Rosie, our nightly routine was broken when Rosie gave in to her need for sleep before I could put Baby Girl down in her crib for the night. It was midnight before the sound of windows rattling was replaced by the steady rush of water through the drainpipes. When I laid Georgia down she felt a little warm to me, but I guessed it was from being held close for hours nonstop.

  I had no sooner slid between the sheets than my eyes closed and the rest of the world slipped away. Sleep didn’t last long. I knew something was wrong the moment I opened my eyes. The rain had stopped but the room was still dark. A quick glance at the clock told me it would be hours before the sun came up. I was used to waking up to Georgia wailing for a bottle or a clean diaper, but this was different. Instead of a demanding cry, I heard short sputtering puffs of breath. The steady pattern was broken with slow, sad whimpers. I pulled myself out of bed and leaned over the crib. I gently kissed her forehead, trying not to wake her. She was hot to the touch, causing my heart to race.

  Back home, I had seen plenty of medical emergencies. There were more broken bones, head bumps, and split knees than any one family should have to endure. But I couldn’t recall any of us ever getting sick with fever, so I didn’t know how to tend to Georgia now. My first thought was to wake Rosie and ask her what to do. But it was the middle of the night and I didn’t want to disturb her only to learn that babies just sleep away their fevers. I rested my backside on the edge of the bed, wrapped my fingers around the crib railing, and leaned forward, pressing my forehead into the slats. I listened to Baby Girl breathe and watched her back rise and fall. When her mournful whimpering grew to a heartbreaking moan, I lifted her from the crib and banged on Rosie’s door.

  “Rosie, I need you. Georgia’s sick.”