The Adventures of Jill and Gigi

by John Blandly

  The Adventures of Jill and Gigi

  by Jöhn Bländly

  Copyright (c) 2017 by J. J. Brearton

  AvantLifeGuard Books

  Amazon edition

  Book I

  Ace It

  Book II

  Something Icy

  Book III

  Robin d'Hood

  Book IV

  Cyborg Girl

  Book I

  Ace It

  Characters:

  Finn,

  Glorista,

  Gigi & Jill; maybe others.

  Episode 1

  Finn's diary:

  Octember 97th 2296, 5:87 A.M.

  Oh, man--I don't even know what day it is!

  The asteroid fallout is very light today. Intermittent junkyard sprinkles, mostly used cars, old satellites and telephone wires, have been crashing into Manhattan in the last two weeks, and life is good, except, the sampling of females, slurp, slurp, is mixed, slow, and disappointing. Only one hit this morning.

  This new wavelength girl is very demanding, but, her photo was nice, and, I suppose, she is just a little Italian. She says she's from Venice, and sells speedboats. Perhaps, we will have spaghetti, which I hear is a food Italian girls like, though perhaps the local cuisine is different. I'll do some research.

  I hope to meet her in the booth tomorrow at 11 AM, as was her request.

  She wanted something early, in "daylight."

  She claimed she was worried about sparks, or interference, something about the holodeck.

  Her name is Glorista McPink, age 22, and says she has a nice figure. We'll see about that. I hope.

  I'm writing this all down, as is recommended, in case I am killed.

  She asked me to take her to Tuscany. I do not know where that is.

  Episode 2

  Country music

  Finn had favorite bartenders, usually of the female variety. For him, it was like a show, watching a beautiful woman walk back and forth waiting on customers, pouring drinks. Yeah, like George Thorogood, he would often have to admit, "I Drink Alone."

  In his majestic loneliness, which he thought only he himself experienced, he might text his sister, or, when he had extreme guts-Glorista, whom he loved, although he had only met her twice, in the "get acquainted" virtual reality booth.

  In his mind, a vacant, abandoned place, he would think about girls he went out with. He recalled them wistfully. Full of wist.

  He'd bought Thorogood's greatest hits, and would occasionally listen to, "Get A Haircut," or "One Bourbon, One Scotch and One Beer." Finn had Neil Young, Genesis, Beach Boys, INXS, Rolling Stones, Madonna and other artist's greatest hits CDs.

  Do not emulate Finn. He is a bad influence.

  He doesn't go to bars that much anymore, since it's difficult to be alone, out there, by himself. Finn became a very bad driver once he discovered new country music.

  He'd write down the lyrics on scraps of paper on his steering wheel while motoring through traffic at 74 MPH.

  Often, he'd get choked up singing along to these wild, heavy love songs, even if it just was, "Love on the Rocks," with the lyrics about a bartender.

  Here are his notes, which he has supplemented by Internet research.

  This ain’t my mama's broken heart

  fastest girl in town

  miranda lambert

  steel magnolia

  bulletproof (favorite bulletproof tune)

  I'm a tornado

  little big town

  bulletproof

  la roux

  zac brown band

  titanium (a bulletproof song)

  david guetta

  the in crowd

  bryan ferry

  (not country music)

  toby kieth

  hope on the rocks

  you only live twice

  nancy sinatra

  5-1-5-0

  be mine

  lawyers in love

  jackson browne

  He had become obsessed by "bulletproof" songs. He would get absurdly teary eyed, with a big lump in his throat, listening to and singing along with his favorites.

  In grad school, Finn--the FinnCrazyManiac, had learned the guitar and wrote songs which he'd record on cassette tapes. He usually played an electric guitar in those days.

  (If we could, if stupid damn Finn didn't spend so much time alone, we'd include some dialogue from his interaction with other human beings.)

  Recently, he's become enamored with SoundCloud, the only place he's found that would carry his songs, to no effect, to forward to reality, which he tries desperately to remain in contact with.

  Finn recorded a few CDs, some better than others, which he has given away, mostly to his old college buddies and his sisters. He could not in good conscience send them to anyone else he knew, especially not his hometown friends, although he did recently send one of his best CDs, "I'm An Artist," to Arlo Guthrie, because he had his address.

  Episode 3

  From Finn's notebooks—sorry

  Reality Man

  “Ask questions—pay more.”

  Attila the Hun was a great horseman

  and lived on the steppes—

  sure, right on the front steppes.

  He raped and pillaged.

  We know what rape is—

  what was pillage?

  Crank phone calls?

  Stealing drugs?

  Almost 5% of the world's population

  is related to him.

  He was buried in an unmarked grave

  in an unknown location.

  Live free or die.

  Third choice—move to North Korea—even Russia.

  Episode 4

  Card Game

  The first time Finn asked her out, for a Friday night, Glorista said she couldn't.

  “I'm meeting my old college roommate. She just got into town.”

  Finn said, “Bring her along. No problem.”

  So, it was the three of them.

  Going to the movie was okay. They saw “Lightman,” which was fantastic. You know, that film about that anti-superhero type guy on Cape Cod?

  Anyway, afterward, the junkyard sprinkles were so bad, crashing down on the road and the car, instead of the bar they planned to go to, Finn suggested stopping at his apartment for a few minutes, until the storm passed.

  They sat around his kitchen table and drank beer, mostly Danika Patrick Cider Ale, Milwaukee’s Best, and Bud 55s. Glorista's old college friend, Devi, kept talking about her boyfriend, who was in the military or something—it was getting boring. The television had so much static you couldn't watch it. The radio was no good either. So, Finn suggested, “Let's play a game.”

  He looked around and his eyes fell on a deck of cards. They had come out of a drawer that he was looking through earlier in his attempt to find a bottle opener.

  He was hoping that they might not know how to play poker.

  “How about strip poker?”

  To his surprise, Devi said, “Sure.”

  Glorista then said, gamely, “Okay.”

  Now, of course, Finn thought this was excellent, figuring these days probably no young women would know how to play cards.

  He sure was wrong.

  No matter what he did, he lost.

  Glorista only had to surrender her shoes. She tried to take off a bracelet, but Finn said, “A bracelet is not clothes.”

  Fortunately, she agreed.

  Finn thought he was really getting someplace.

  Devi and Glorista were extremely attractive, in his opinion. Devi was a blonde, had many clothes on, and never lost a hand.

  Finn kept steadily losing.

  He started out
with only a shirt, shorts, green sweat socks and sneakers.

  Quickly, first his shoes and socks were gone, then his shirt.

  He couldn't believe it when, with a full house, he lost to Glorista's flush, which she insisted was a winner. He wasn't sure, but took off his cargo shorts anyway. It was brutal.

  Now, sitting there in just his boxers, he drew two aces.

  All he needed was one more, he figured.

  It was stud poker.

  Devi had a straight going. Glorista was dealing. Devi had a 10, jack, queen, king.

  Oh, no, Finn was thinking. Devi was up next.

  Glorista turned over a nice red ace of diamonds and threw it at Devi.

  He stood up.

  He couldn't believe it. He was getting all nervous as they grinned.

  “Well,” he said. “Looks like the junkyard sprinkles have cleared up. Let's go out.”

  Sure. He kind of cheated--not going through with it. He just couldn't. Chicken.

  Episode 5

  Pro-Jectors

  It was Friday night in the Fertility Room, an upscale nightclub in the Zero District (City Hall, Tribeca) of Old New York, frequented by well dressed high end income guys and girls, or wannabees of that sort.

  “I talked to a guy last week,” Gigi said, sipping a raspberry viagranni from a large pheromone emitting diode glass.

  “Really?” Jill said, moving her bar stool a few inches clockwise, to get a better look at the door. “What did he say?”

  “He just mumbled.”

  “No kidding? You got the app for that--mumbling?”

  “Yes--of course. Want to see?”

  Gigi moved over a bit and tipped her InterCept screen so Jill could see. The blurry purple tinged image of a man in a white shirt and thin black tie filtered in and clarified. She heard the man's words: “--want---to---run my hands--all over your—body--”

  “Oh, brother,” Gigi said. “I should have got that guy. I don't know about this new job—stealing memories. Are you sure you want to do this to Glorista's new boyfriend? She doesn't even know about it.”

  “Wait,” Jill said, “Here he comes.”

  It was Finn, there for a business meeting he had set up. It was his usual place, where he would go to have a couple of drinks just under the legal limit, to chat with the bartenderesses, and listen to country music.

  Episode 6

  Ankle Bracelets

  Finn stood near the shore and spoke into a microphone, looking straight into the camera lens. “We are here on the shore of the mighty Lake Superior--”

  Offstage, a voice was heard. “No we're not.”

  Finn wondered where the voice came from, and continued. “Like I said, we are here on the shore of the mighty Lake Superior—“

  Again, he was interrupted. “No, we’re not.”

  Finn turned his head to look at the director/captain. “We're not?”

  “No.”

  “It's a lake, though, isn't it?”

  “Yes, sure.”

  “In Alaska?”

  “No. New York. Upstate New York—Lake George.”

  “What would we be doing in upstate New York?”

  “Filming,” head captain Murray said. “We're filming the ads. The ones you'll show. You're doing the introductions—you're the MC. It's your show.”

  Episode 7

  Digital recording made by Finn during this era

  It was just my luck that Glorista had me inspected by her girlfriends. This I didn't know, but learned of afterward.

  I'm just trying to piece this stuff together. Maybe, some day, it will all make sense.

  I had been hired to advertise Pro-Jectors.

  I had a meeting with two of their CEOs in Tribeca.

  A Pro-Jector is an ankle bracelet that projected holographic advertisements—mostly, very attractive talking models. I selected this demographic, as I have a major weakness for lovely women.

  Please forgive me.

  Sometimes they were modeling lingerie. Just my luck again, as I was going downtown to the beverage center, at my usual appointed time that appeared on public schedules that everyone is aware of, and, as I checked over the prices of vodka, scotch and Irish whiskey, an ad came on for bikini lifters. This was an ad for push up bras.

  “Hi,” the girl in the ad said. “So glad you could visit. Do you like my outfit? I got a new fish for my tank. Want to see it? Come over to my apartment.”

  Well, it wasn't long after that that a screen that said, “Prohibited”, blocked my messages to Glorista.

  I found this out by reversing the data.

  It was an amazing coincidence that I was assaulted in a parking garage, and knocked unconscious, ending up in a hospital.

  Episode 8

  Back to reality

  At the Starberry Police Station, Glorista paid a cool $1000 to the desk clerk, bail for Jill and Gigi.

  Outside, as they walked down the sidewalk, Gigi said, ”Listen, Glory, I got a confession to make. We blindsided Finn.”

  “You what?”

  “I know—I know,” Jill added. “But we were desperate. I'm tapped out. My cards are maxed, and we got that trip planned to Miami.”

  “Yeah,” Gigi said. “It was like we had no choice. We signed him up for this cheap holographic hot babe ad site—you know, the ones with the ankle bracelets?”

  “So?” Glorista said, obviously puzzled.

  “Well,” Jill said. “Those guys usually get robbed. They steal the data from the sites and peddle it to Nigeria.”

  “Oh, my God.”

  “Yeah,” Jill said. “Sorry, Glory. It was like—an accident—we couldn't help it.”

  Episode 9

  Tight white dresses—yes!

  Finn awoke to find a pretty girl in a tight white dress—tight, tight, tight—holding his wrist and staring at her tiny watch.

  He was mesmerized. He felt better already, and he didn't even know what was wrong with him.

  “Oh, you decided to drop by,” she said with a smile.

  ”Where am I?”

  She pointed to the window. “Look over there. What do you see?”

  “The sky, I guess.”

  ”Excellent. Some say, ‘the window.’ So, you have depth perception.”

  ”Yes, thanks. I can see through some things. Mostly glass. I can’t see through walls.”

  ”You’re much better now.”

  “How did I get here?”

  ”Well, say, for example, you have children.”

  ”I have children?”

  ”No, I’m not saying you have children. Just for example.”

  ”That’s quite an example.”

  She glanced out into the hall and saw a woman in a black miniskirt walk by, hesitate, and look in the room.

  “Oh, it looks like someone's here to see you.”

  In a moment, Glorista stood next to Finn's bed.

  “You want me to leave?” the nurse said.

  ”No, stay right there. Take his blood pressure. See if it rises.”

  ”Okay,” the nurse said, and as she did, the results were quick. Glorista was happy that Finn was all right.

  ”So, listen,” Glorista said. “What happened?”

  ”That’s what I’ve been asking,” Finn said.

  Glorista turned to the young woman in the tight white dress.

  “He’s had memory theft,” she said, and touched Finn's forehead. “The memory robber mark is there.”

  ”What?” Glorista said. “These two red marks?”

  ”Yeah, like a snake bite.”

  “And he can't remember anything?”

  “Not recent stuff.”

  “Glorista,” Finn said. “Is that you?”

  “Yes, honey,” she said, patting his hand. “I'm here. Don't worry about a thing.”

  Episode 10

  More damn notes

  Early the next morning, Finn overheard Glorista say, into her electronic communicator, that he was “alert and cooperating.”
/>
  Blondel

  in his youth

  he was canonized

  as an arbiter of fashion

  in middle age

  he was shot out of cannons

  in old age

  he was shot at by cannons

  some have greatness thrust upon them

  some are just ungrateful.

  Episode 11

  Travel article that failed to sell

  I went to Harvard & Yale—will tell you later about Harvard

  At recent visit to New Haven and Yale with Glorista (she was very placid, once he found a good restaurant for her—she got angry when she was hungry—hunger anger)--no restaurant or bar in hotel--(even Vatican nun hotels have that)

  $18 for parking in garage across street---windy—freezing cold—

  need PHD to get car out of garage—Finn was pretty sure he loved Glorista

  no indoor pool—couldn't order off menu for breakfast---$8.95 continental breakfast---scary parking meters---north pole weather—horrific, tiny hallways in Yale buildings—worn down stairs—dinky seats in classrooms---

  Recommendations:

  Tear down old buildings (mostly stumpy phallic towers)

  build new ones that look like vaginas---about time they got equal display

  nice new spacious building will have adequate free parking

  any remaining buildings honoring fake famous nobodies---splash on hopefully found newly discovered space age material on outside to deter crabs from crawling all over them in desperate attempt to avoid gas grills and pollution

  laser barnacles off sides of buildings—or professors

  Pave green space/lawns/parks to make more free parking lots (multistory) with pumped in top forty country music

  Rid harbor of pollution is # 1 recommendation—

  Stench on Long Island Sound shore grotesque—black boulders forever stained by repeated oil spills and chemical waste

  smoggy fog rolling in each morning

  barnacles and mussels working overtime to eat filth while North Korean drug-dealing diplomats pry insane clams from bloodstained mud to sell to dining halls—