“Figured you didn’t want to see me,” I clipped, shrugging my shoulders before crossing my arms against my chest. “You haven’t seen me in three years, not a phone call, not a letter, nothing.”
“Hold it,” she said, raising her hand to stop me from speaking. “You’re right I haven’t seen you in three years. I want you to think about that for a second and think why I haven’t had any contact with you since you chose to ruin your life.”
“You forget I didn’t have a choice,” I replied, my voice sounding every bit aggravated.
“For the love of God, take responsibility for your mistakes. I raised you better than that Anthony,” she paused, shaking her head slightly. “You had every opportunity in the world to make a better life for yourself, to make better choices. In the end, you belittled yourself and became a street thug,” she said, barely audible, softening the sharp edges of her words.
I swallowed as I continued to stare at her blankly. I didn’t have a rebuttal, all I had was the truth of my mother’s words stabbing me.
“When you were a little boy I used to look at you with so much hope. You were so bright and had such a personality. You always brought a smile to my face and often I thought this boy of mine would change the world.”
I rolled my eyes wondering if she really believed that I could change the world.
“Don’t do that,” she said, wagging a finger at me. “You could’ve been anything you wanted to be. I would look at you at night after I tucked you into bed and think maybe he’ll be a lawyer, a doctor, or even a soldier. You were infatuated with war movies when you were five years old and as much as that scared the daylights out of me, I thought how proud I would be that my son was courageous enough, honorable enough, to defend his country,” she smiled, sadly. “It didn’t matter what you wanted to be, you could’ve been an athlete, hell, you could’ve been a sanitation worker, and I would’ve been proud of you.”
I turned my head, focusing on the wall. I couldn’t look at my mother and see the disappointment reflected in her eyes. It was just too much, too harsh a reminder that I was no better than my old man was. Both of us letting her down.
“Anthony look at me,” her voice sounded like a plea as she took a few steps towards me before lifting her hand and gently turning my face so I was looking at her. “I couldn’t come and visit you. I couldn’t stand to see you locked up like a caged animal.”
I bit the inside of my cheek piercing her with a cold stare. “You couldn’t stand the sight of me but you didn’t mind the money I sent you. Lauren’s tuition is paid for isn’t it? At least one of your kids will make you proud.” I said viciously, brushing by her to walk into the kitchen and get my beer. I knew my words would cut her like a knife but I had no other defense against my mother. She never accepted charity, never wanted a goddamn handout in her life but still I left an envelope every Friday on her kitchen table. I had given her that money whole-heartedly hoping it would lessen the heavy weight she carried on her shoulders.
I threw my head back and guzzled down my beer expecting that by the time I was done, my mother would be halfway out the door. I slammed the empty bottle on the counter, bracing my hands on the edge as I heard her enter the kitchen behind me. I took a deep breath before turning back around to face her. Why wouldn’t she just leave?
She grabbed my hand turning it over so my palm lay flat and slapped something inside of it. I lifted my eyes to meet hers.
“What’s this?” I asked questioningly.
“That…,” she nodded to my hand, “is the bankbook to the account that holds every dollar you have tried to give me.” She huffed, blowing out a breath, composing herself, then continued. “I never took a dollar for myself or for your sister. Lauren is in college on her own good merits.”
“That money was for the both of you, ma,” I yelled in frustration.
“I lost my son to every single dollar of that money,” she cried, tears falling down her cheeks. “I didn’t know how to help you then but I can help you now. Take the money Anthony and make a better life for yourself, let the crimes you’ve committed and the ones you didn’t but still ended up paying for, be a thing of the past,” she sobbed while wiping at her cheeks.
“You’ve got a second chance to get it right; don’t be foolish.”
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat, my mother’s words ringing in my ears as I watched her plead with me to do the right thing.
“I have to go,” she announced, clearing her throat. “I promised Adrianna I’d visit to see her baby.”
“You spoke to Adrianna?” I asked hoarsely.
“That girl has had breakfast with me every Saturday morning since you went away so when she didn’t show up at my doorstep I called her. She told me you were there for the birth,” she said pointedly, stepping towards me placing her hand on my cheek.
“You broke her heart, it’s only fair you make it whole again.”
She patted my cheek gently before taking me by surprise and pulling me into her arms and holding me tight.
“I love you,” she whispered, standing on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek.
“I love you too, Ma.” I replied gruffly, pulling away from her because I didn’t like how out of control I was feeling. I walked her to the door, my head all over the place trying to process that my mother had never spent a single dime I had given her, she kept in touch with Adrianna long after her and I were over, all her words drowning me, making me desperate for solitude to sort it all out.
“Think about what I’ve said,” my mother pleaded.
“All of it,” she added.
I gave her a slight nod as I leaned against the door and watched her walk away. After a few moments of staring at nothing, I walked inside and closed the door. I threw myself on top of my couch, leaned over propping my elbows on my knees, and buried my face in my hands.
I wanted nothing more than to give the two women in my life what they desired. I wanted to be the man they needed me to be but what they didn’t understand was it was too late for me to do that. If I could erase the past, wipe away my flaws and have a clean slate I’d jump at the chance. It just didn’t work that way, there was no escaping the mob. At least not alive anyway.
It’s not as if I hadn’t tried before. I stood up to Victor, told him I would not abide by his orders anymore, and all it got me was on a slick road to peril.
I glanced over at Adrianna sitting in the passenger seat of my truck hysterically crying and reached over the console, placing my hand on her knee. I gave her a gentle squeeze, and she lifted her tear stained face to mine.
“It will be all right baby, I promise you,” I reaffirmed. It didn’t matter that Victor had just threatened to kill me or that he demanded Adrianna have an abortion, none of that shit was going to happen, not on my fucking watch. I’d kill the motherfucker before he fucked with my family, and that’s exactly what we were – a family. Adrianna wasn’t just his anymore, she was mine, and so was the baby she was carrying. It wasn’t about me avenging Val’s death or living for Vic’s next order. It was about me being here to take care of my responsibilities.
“How?” she asked, sounding completely hopeless. “Tell me how it will ever be all right!” She shouted. “He will not stop until he destroys us Anthony, you know he won’t. Do you really think he’s just going to lay back and let you dictate to him how shit will go?” Tears streamed uncontrollably down her beautiful face, ripping my heart out of my chest with each one. “My father’s been a crazed man since Val died, he’s been seeking revenge for years, and when he’s this close to finally getting it, it all falls apart because of you and me. There is no way he will let that happen!”
She was right. Vic was out of his mind trying to get revenge on Val’s death, his guilt driving his quest, haunting him every step of the way until he finally found a way to avenge the death of his underboss. A part of me has believed that these last couple of years every order, every mark, has been to train me for this specific order.
He has put everything into me being the capable soldier that kills the man who ordered the hit on Val. Did I really think I would be able to stand my ground and tell Vic where the fuck to shove his plan of revenge? The bastard would kill me before he let this shit slip through his fingers.
I didn’t know what the fuck to do. How can I go along with this shit and leave Adrianna, not see my kid be born, not be a man who provides for his family? I couldn’t do that. Hell, I don’t even know what will happen to Adrianna when I’m in the can. Maybe if I told Vic I’d do the job as long as he leaves Adrianna alone, allow her to have the baby, be there for her in my absence, you know, strike a deal with the devil. It made sense in my head, trade my life and my freedom for Adrianna and our child.
“Anthony watch out!” Adrianna shrieked, interrupting my thoughts forcing me to turn straight ahead and stare at the tractor-trailer headed straight for us.
“Fuck!” I yelled, grabbing the steering wheel with one hand, slamming my foot on the brake, and stretching my other hand across Adrianna as her screams echoed inside the car.
I lifted my face from my hands, angrily wiping away the tear that fell from the corner of my eye. I needed to get out of here; I needed to drown my fucking sorrows in something. I rose from the couch, walked into the kitchen and grabbed my keys glancing at the bankbook my mother left. The money she saved for me to change my life, the blood money of Vic’s enemies throughout the years. I left it on the counter, wishing there was a way out, knowing that bank account was just as pointless as her and Adrianna’s pleas for me to change my ways.
Chapter Six
June 2005
I was walking down 18th Ave with my two best friends, Kristen and Michelle. We were on our way to Da’Vinci pizzeria for Sicilian slices and vanilla chip ices. It had become a weekly tradition, being as we came from over protective parents who wouldn’t let us do shit. Every once in a while, I’d be allowed to sleep over at one of their houses. But they could never sleep over mine. I really couldn’t argue the fact, what was I supposed to do—beg their parents to understand their daughters would be safe because daddy installed bulletproof windows?
“Oh my Jesus! Look at him,” Michelle exclaimed as she nudged my side with her elbow. I went to smack her hand away until I noticed her peering over the rim of her glasses. Her open mouth stare made me stop and turn to see who grabbed her attention.
My head was so far up my ass I hadn’t realized that we were across the street from one of the café’s my father owned. La Bella Café was an establishment you could get a killer cappuccino at and score a brand-new television or whatever electronic they were peddling out of the backroom. They must have scored big last night because Anthony was sweating as he unloaded the U-Haul. His white t-shirt clung to his body like a second skin, exposing all the ridges and muscles hidden beneath the cotton fabric.
“You didn’t tell her?” Kristen asked surprised.
“Tell me what?” Michelle enquired, working her way out of her Anthony induced trance.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell her!” Kristen said, but I was too enthralled with Anthony to give a damn she was about to spill my secret. “She schemed a date out of Anthony Bianci last Friday.”
I watched intently as he lifted the hem of his t-shirt, revealing his chiseled abdomen as he lifted the shirt to his face to wipe the sweat from his brow. I whimpered slightly at the sight, biting down on my lip before I embarrassed myself in front of my friends. I didn’t know what it was about him, sure, he was fucking hot, but it was so much more that attracted me to him. I think it was the mysterious blue eyes seeming hard at first glance but when you looked into them, you could see they were just a front. There was a good-hearted soul behind those icy baby blues.
“You went on a date with Anthony Bianci and didn’t tell me? How the hell did you even pull that off with your father not knowing?” Michelle asked in bewilderment.
“Actually, my father set it all up,” Well sort of. I shrugged my shoulders as I kept my eyes glued to Anthony, his arms flexing as he lifted another box. “My dad asked him to drive me and Mike to the movies and I struck a deal with Mikey to get lost.”
“Scandalous!” Michelle declared.
“So come on girl, how was it? Was he broody the whole time? Oh my God! Did you kiss him? You totally kissed him! How was it? Oh my God.” She slapped Kristen’s arm.
“She kissed Bianci!”
I peeled my eyes away from Anthony as he disappeared inside the café and looked back towards my friends. Kristen looked as if she was going to throttle Michelle which made me giggle.
“Calm down Michelle, it’s not that serious,” I sighed. “He was broody at first but then he warmed up,” I said, smiling. “I caught him staring at me out of the corner of his eye a few times,” I smiled, as I recited the highlights of my date with Anthony. “Oh, and you know how I always mix in Reese’s Pieces into my popcorn? Well he calls me Reese’s now,” I said, grinning like an idiot.
“Swoon,” Michelle said, giving me her undivided attention.
Kristen rolled her eyes before looking at me expectantly. I grumbled at her knowing she was making me jump to the point of how the date had ended so miserably.
“Then what happened?” Michelle asked.
“Then he took me home and told me it wasn’t a real date,” I glanced across the street as he emerged from the café again climbing into the back of the truck to grab another box.
“What do you mean it wasn’t a real date?” Kristen asked sounding perturbed.
“What would he call it? He paid for your ticket and everything.”
“Anthony said it wasn’t a real date because he didn’t know it was a set up in the first place. He was there because my dad ordered him to do so not because he had asked me out.” Repeating his words angered me, not because I believed them to be true but because I knew they were nothing other than big fat lies. He could say whatever he wanted but I was the one there with him, the one watching him steal glances at me. When he dropped me off, I saw him glancing over my shoulder to see if my parents were home. He wanted to kiss me goodnight but was too worried about my father. I know it. I could see it written all over his handsome face. In fact, it’s time that Anthony Bianci admits once and for all he wants me.
“A, where are you going?” Kristen whined.
I didn’t bother answering her as I hurried across the busy avenue, not paying much attention to the cars honking at me as I crossed in the middle of the street.
“Watch where you’re going girl!” An angry driver shouted out his window. I was creating a scene on 18th Avenue but I didn’t care. I was determined to get Anthony to admit what we both knew.
Anthony lifted his head to see what all the commotion was about and found me stalking towards him. His eyes widened as he gripped the box in his hands and looked at me blankly. He jumped off the truck about to ignore me and turned around to carry the box into the café.
“Hey Bianci,” I shouted, taking the final steps towards him closing the space between us. He turned around to face me and lifted one eyebrow.
Without so much as a second thought I lifted my hands to his face, standing on tip toe and grabbed him, pulling him towards me sealing my mouth over his. I cradled his face as my lips worked his, softly but firmly, as I got a feel for his mouth. My tongue sneaked along the seam of his lips, demanding he invite me inside. The butterflies in my stomach exploded into a frenzy when his lips parted for me, my tongue slipping between his delicious lips for that first taste of him. I wasn’t highly experienced, I had never even had a serious boyfriend. I could count on one hand how many guys I had kissed, you know with tongue. It didn’t matter though, kissing Anthony was second nature. He could probably tell how inexperienced I was but for me that kiss was everything. It had exceeded any expectations I had. It was perfect.
I’d never forget about our first kiss; a few things would always linger in my mind. The first was how he tasted, just like Big Red gum, my favorite. T
he second was he didn’t back away. It didn’t matter that my father or one of his associates could see what we were doing, he kept kissing me. The third was that he dropped the heavy box he was carrying right on my foot.
“Ouch!” I cried against his mouth, pulling away regretfully.
“Shit,” he grunted, moving the box from my foot and placing it beside me. His eyes lifted to mine, his lips glistened from our kiss.
“Are you, all right?”
I probably broke a toe but I wasn’t about to tell him that. I lifted my fingertips to my lips, a little shocked I had the balls to do that, loving every minute of the fact I had.
He was looking at me waiting for me to answer him. I couldn’t find my voice and was afraid if I did I’d sound like a frog was in my throat so I nodded that I was fine even though my foot was throbbing.
“Good,” he said huskily, before threading his fingers through my hair. I stared at him wide-eyed wondering what he was about to do, his eyes turning cerulean blue as he fisted my hair. His eyes zeroed in on my mouth and I felt my breath hitch as he pressed against the back of my head. He muttered something I couldn’t comprehend before his mouth came crashing down over mine.
If I thought I was in control, I was sadly mistaken, because the moment his mouth took mine there was no doubt who had the upper hand. He claimed my mouth like a man capturing his prey. I wrapped one hand around his neck while my other hand grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling his body as close to mine as I could get it.
I had never been kissed like this; none of the boys my age had ever made me feel so sexy before in my life. Anthony made me feel things I hadn’t known existed, and all by the touch of his mouth. I couldn’t even fathom what sort of feelings the rest of his body would conjure in me. His tongue glided over my lower lip where his teeth had grazed before, sliding back inside my mouth and kissing me as if his life depended on it.
If I didn’t know by the way he kissed me that he was attracted to me, I sure as hell knew from the way his dick felt pressed against my stomach. Anthony Bianci wanted me for sure. It was a good thing too because I decided I was playing for keeps.
The Tempted Series: Collectors Edition Page 35
