I have no choice.
After I left the clubhouse Anthony took me to the apartment so I could pack my things before bringing me to his home. I feel bad for the hell I’ve put my brother and Adrianna through. It should’ve been a happy time for them, they should’ve been enjoying Adrianna’s pregnancy but instead they listened to me cry myself to sleep and put off painting their daughter’s nursery in fear it would upset me.
They tiptoed around me, but I’d catch things here and there, like when they were laying on the couch together and Anthony dropped his head into Adrianna’s lap so he could talk to the baby. Or the several times he placed his hands on her stomach when their little girl kicked.
Pea kicked a lot.
But there was no one to lay a hand on my belly other than me.
I was happy for my brother, really I was, but I didn’t like feeling envious so when my mother suggested I move in with her, I jumped at the chance. Of course, Anthony didn’t like the idea, he was my shadow these days and me living with our mom, made his job harder.
I got a job, working from home, billing and coding for a doctor. It wasn’t a great job but it would get me through until I had the baby. Then I really needed to figure out what I would do to support us.
I think of Riggs all the time. I hate myself for it but I can’t help it. I wonder if he regrets what he did or if he’s happy to be rid of the burden.
I’m dreading going to the doctor tomorrow, and not because I can’t wait to see how the baby is doing, but because Riggs won’t be there to hold my hand and whisper jokes in my ear. He won’t be there trying to put his own legs in the stirrups like he did the first time he came to a doctor’s appointment with me. He won’t be there trying to convince the doctor he has super sperm and that our baby will be a genius. He won’t be there to rob hospital gowns intending to play doctor when we get home.
He’s gone.
It’s like he’s dead.
And if I’m being honest, there are days when I tell myself he is.
Rest in Peace, Riggs.
You’ll forever be in my heart.
Chapter Thirty-One
I started staying at the apartment almost immediately after Lauren left, partially because of the feud with Bones, but mainly because I wanted to hold onto my brief time with Lauren and Pea. The first few days it took all the willpower I could muster up not to break every piece of furniture. The couch, the bed, hell, even the refrigerator reminded me of what I gave up.
I had to keep reminding myself that I was doing the right thing even when my conscience tried fucking with me, whispering in my head words of doubt.
I could’ve protected them.
They would’ve been safe with me.
It was my responsibility to watch them.
Not Anthony’s.
And when I pushed those thoughts out of my head all I saw was Wu’s face as he promised to go after me and mine. It’s real clear that this shit won’t die until one of us does. Throwing a bunch of dicks, literally, well, fake dicks, into the river wouldn’t do anything to end this war. Jack says intercepting their shipment sends a message—we aren’t weak, we won’t sit back and let them attack us.
It’s all bullshit.
He will strike.
We’ll strike back and so on and so forth.
We don’t have a common goal with the Dragons, no truce to iron out.
It’s either their blood or ours.
Me, personally? I don’t want to sit back and wait for them to draw our blood. I say we take them out, starting with Wu. But I don’t call the shots and everyone thinks I’m a mad man these days.
I placed the roller in the tray when I heard someone knock on the door and took a step back to admire the paint I had chosen. The clerk at the paint store recommended either yellow or green, something neutral…something gay. I painted one wall gray and the other three white. If Pea was a girl then we could add a ton of pink shit but if he’s a boy, then we’d add a ton of blue.
Who was I kidding? Pea wouldn’t see this room.
But still I’d continue painting these walls. I’d buy a crib, and whatever other shit a baby needed because I’ll always be his dad. Even if he doesn’t know it. Even if this is just for me to feel like I’m someone’s dad.
I walked out of the room, wiping my hands on my t-shirt before I pulled open the door to find Bones leaning against the doorjamb. I stepped aside as he kicked off the wall and walked into the apartment.
“Painting?” he asked, as he sniffed the fumes.
“Yeah,” I said, as I grabbed two beers from the fridge and popped the tops off them, offering him one. “Thanks for coming,” I added.
He nodded, taking the beer I offered him and placed it on the counter.
“I figured you wanted to talk about last night,” he started.
“Why would I want to talk about what went down last night?” I asked, narrowing my eyes in confusion.
“Dude, you snapped that guy’s neck,” he reminded me as he widened his eyes.
I shrugged my shoulders, taking another guzzle of the beer.
“One less motherfucker roaming the streets, one less man looking to kill us. He had to go. They all have to go. It shouldn’t matter how I killed him, whether it be a bullet or my hands, he’s dead. Job’s done.”
“The goal wasn’t to partake in a massacre on the docks.”
“There is no goal, Bones. Don’t you realize that? Jack’s big plan to intercept their shipment was a pussy move, so was Wu’s when he cut me loose, roughing me up with a haircut. It’s just prolonging death because that’s the only way this ends, one side dies.”
He studied me for a moment before he nodded in agreement.
“Is that why you asked me to come here?”
“No, but I’ll get to that.”
I placed my beer on the counter and braced the edge of it, collecting my thoughts before I whipped around and pinned him with a gaze.
“I’m going to kill Sun Wu,” I declared.
“What?”
“You just agreed that this won’t end until either our club goes up in smoke or theirs does. I’m making the choice and I chose them,” I hissed.
“You can’t do that Riggs, and you know that. Nothing goes down without a vote,” he scolded.
“I don’t give a fuck about democracy anymore. You weren’t there, you didn’t hear his threats, every time he promised me and mine would be first, all I could picture was Lauren’s face and the face of a kid I hadn’t even meet yet but dream about all the time.”
“You go after Wu on your own you might as well commit suicide,” Bones shouted.
“Feels like I did that already,” I muttered, glancing around the empty apartment. “Look, I’m not asking for your help, your permission or even your opinion. I asked you here for a favor,” I said, walking around the counter and opening a drawer and pulling out a check.
“Here’s a blank check,” I said, extending it over the counter to him. “I need you to go to the hospital and settle up Lauren’s medical bills. I wrote the account number on the memo of the check, it should be the same account as in the beginning but I haven’t received a bill since she moved out.”
“She still staying with Anthony?”
“No, he told me she moved in with her mother,” I said, watching as he folded the check and shoved it into his back pocket.
“You sure this is what you want?”
“I don’t want any of this but as long as Wu is out there, Lauren isn’t safe with me.”
“Let’s talk hypothetical’s and say this whole war ends, Wu gets what he has coming to him and we walk away the winners, then what?”
“Then I go get my Kitten and my Pea and beg her to let me be in their lives,” I said automatically.
“You love her,” He stated.
“Yeah, I do. Go figure,” I said, huskily. There was no point in denying it. I loved Lauren Bianci more than I ever imagined possible. I loved her for the woman she was, the crazy
bat swinging girl next door who stormed into my life, turning it upside down as she gave me everything I never knew I wanted. When I first met her I kept telling her to take detours, to go with the flow and see where she wound up, not expecting she’d take me on my own detour.
Greatest fucking detour ever.
“I’ll make sure I go to the hospital first thing in the morning.”
“Thank you,” I said, with a nod.
“No problem,” he said, turning around and heading toward the door. He paused mid stride, glancing over his shoulder at me. “Please, don’t do anything stupid. Don’t make me be the guy who tells her you’re dead. Just hang on and we’ll figure it out.”
He waited for my response but it never came. I’d make no promises other than the one I made to myself to protect my family.
Whatever it takes.
Whatever it costs.
Even if it’s my life for theirs.
It’s worth it.
They’re worth it.
I hurried down the corridor of the hospital where my OBGYN, Dr. Goodwin, was located. I was already late for my appointment and smacked into a hard wall of a person. I placed one protective hand over my belly as I lifted my eyes to apologize to my poor victim and to my surprise the poor bastard I body slammed, or bump slammed rather, was Bones.
“Lauren…are you, all right?” he asked, his eyes instantly dropping to my belly before lifting to mine.
“I’m fine, sorry. I’m late for my appointment and I wasn’t paying attention. What are you doing in the gynecology wing of the hospital?”
Talk about a fish out of water.
“Shit,” he hissed, looking up at the sign that read Obstetrics and Gynecology. “Is that where I am? I must’ve made a wrong turn somewhere. Jack sent me to check on Jimmy Gold’s status and somehow I wound up here,” he explained.
I raised an eyebrow questioning him but then my eye caught the clock on the wall.
“Dammit,” I said.
“I’ll walk with you,” he offered. “At least I won’t look like a moron if I’m accompanying someone who belongs in this part of the hospital.”
“Okay,” I said, standing there for a moment before pointing behind him. “My doctor is down the hall.”
He fell into stride beside me as we walked down the corridor.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“Pretty good,” I said. “The baby kicks a lot now, keeps me up most of the night,” I added with a smile. “I keep thinking to myself I can’t wait for him or her to be here and then I stop myself because it’ll be over before I know it and then I’ll probably miss feeling her inside of me.”
He smiled.
“You sound pretty confident it’s a girl,” he commented. “Do you have any names picked out?”
“No names yet,” I admitted but left out the reason I hadn’t chosen any names. I hated that Riggs wouldn’t be a part of choosing Pea’s real name. As silly as it sounded, I sort of hoped I was having a girl because then I could really name her Pea, something Riggs and I both called her. If it was a boy, well I didn’t want my kid growing up with a permanent “kick me” sign on his back so Pea would be out of the question.
We reached Dr. Goodwin’s office and I looked through the glass door, spotting the three couples in the waiting room, the women just as far as long as me, if not more. There were a few other women in the waiting room but they were probably there for routine check-ups. I glanced back at Bones.
“It’ll probably be a few minutes before they’re ready for me…would you keep me company while I wait?”
He rocked back on his heels for a moment before nodding slightly and reached around to pull the door open for me.
“After you,” he insisted.
I smiled and walked into the office, checking in with the receptionist as Bones slipped into one of the seats and immediately buried his face into a Parenting magazine. I laughed slightly as I made my way toward him, taking the seat beside him.
“Preparing yourself Uncle Bones?” I asked, taking the magazine from him.
“Uncle Bones,” he repeated thoughtfully before smiling. “I never thought I’d be anyone’s uncle,” he said, more to himself than me but when he turned his gaze to mine he explained. “I’m an only child.”
“Is it okay then if Pea calls you Uncle Bones?”
“It’s more than okay,” he winked.
“So how is everyone else doing? You know, Jack, Pipe, and the rest of the crew?” I asked nonchalantly as I smoothed my shirt over my bump. “Any wild and crazy clubhouse parties?”
“You want to know how Jack and Pipe are?” he questioned, and I heard the amusement in his voice.
I didn’t say anything, pleading the fifth, knowing very well Bones knew I was fishing for information on Riggs.
“He’s miserable,” he said finally.
I snapped my eyes to his and stared at him as he blew out an exasperated breath.
“He’s not staying at the clubhouse either, goes home every night to the apartment,” he revealed.
I was torn on how I felt about that, knowing he wasn’t staying at the Dog Pound but choosing to go home, our home, gave me that false hope I’ve come to associate with Riggs. Then I wondered if he was bringing other girls to our home and that shit didn’t fly with me.
“Lauren, he thinks he’s protecting you and the baby. He thinks if stays away from you then no one will ever look to hurt you guys. Jack wanted to put a prospect on you until this club business blew over but that wasn’t enough for Riggs. He asked Anthony to watch out for you because he knows he’s your brother, that baby’s uncle, and he wouldn’t think twice about stepping in front of a bullet for you.”
I glanced down at my lap as tears welled in my eyes.
Hope.
Don’t fall for it again.
Hope.
Stay strong.
“He should be the one protecting me,” I whispered, lifting my eyes to Bones, fighting to hold back my tears. “I know he wouldn’t let anything happen to me or Pea. I know he wants to keep us safe, that he wanted to do the right thing, but he lost his way somewhere. He lost that self confidence that he could do right by his family and instead he gave up on us. I saw past the club, I saw the man behind the patch and I wanted him so much more. It was beautiful to watch him go from a man with raw uncertainty of his ability to be a good dad to learning he wanted to be one, and he wouldn’t let his fear dictate the type of father he was to Pea. He changed Bones, I saw it with my own eyes. He wanted Pea, but he gave up the minute things got messy, the minute life threw him a detour. I don’t know what’s going on with your club and I don’t care but I’m mad as hell he chose that club over us. He should have spat in the face of his enemy and fought ten times harder for what he was hanging on to but he didn’t. He gave up.”
Bones said nothing. He probably didn’t know how to respond but his silence also was a sign of his loyalty to his brother.
“Miss Bianci? Dr. Goodwin will see you now,” the receptionist called.
I gripped the arms of the chair and rose to my feet.
“Lauren, I know you’re mad and you have every right to be,” he said, standing as he spoke. “And I also know he probably doesn’t deserve it but I’m going to ask you anyway…”
“Ask me what?”
“Not to give up on him.”
“Too late for that Bones,” I answered. “Do you see him here? Where his place is? No you don’t. Look around the room,” I whispered. “I’m the only one alone here,” I added, my voice cracking with emotion.
I continued to walk toward the receptionist when she smiled over my shoulder at Bones.
“You too, Dad,” she said, cheerfully.
Bones opened his mouth to correct her and then I followed his eyes as they roamed around the room, pausing to stare at the couples I had pointed out.
“I wouldn’t mind not being alone,” I croaked.
He bit the inside of his cheek, shoving his hands into
his pocket before he nodded.
“Uncle Bones is happy to help,” he said, winking at me and following me into the exam room.
He took a seat in the corner of the room, fidgeting about as the nurse weighed me and took my blood pressure. I stepped onto the exam table and lifted my shirt, exposing my round belly and waited for the doctor to join us.
I turned to Bones, watched as he stared a hole into the wall beside me and giggled. The big bad biker was uncomfortable, but I relished in his company, the support of another human being beside me.
“Do you want kids, Bones?” I asked, forcing him to look at me.
“Yeah,” he said automatically. “Someday.”
The door opened and Dr. Goodwin stepped inside, smiling at me before looking back at Bones with a confused look.
“Dad couldn’t join us again?” she asked.
“No, so Uncle…Eric, is stepping in just for today,” he offered, looking back at me and winking.
“How nice,” Dr. Goodwin replied as she looked over my chart.
I stared at Bones wide-eyed.
“Uncle Eric?”
“Figured it was better than explaining why the kid had an uncle named Bones?” he explained, in a hushed tone.
I smiled at him before Dr. Goodwin squirted the cold gel like substance onto my belly. Bones’ eyes diverted to the screen as the doctor moved the wand around my belly, until Pea appeared on the screen.
My perfect little baby.
That image would never get old.
I listened as Pea’s heartbeat sounded, strong and healthy and I couldn’t wait to hold her in my arms.
I couldn’t wait to meet the love of my life.
Bones looked amazed by it all and smiled when Dr. Goodwin pointed out Pea’s features, freezing the image of her perfect profile. After the sonogram was over, the doctor printed out several photos of the baby and handed them to me. She instructed me to make another appointment for next month and informed me that Pea was progressing wonderfully and was right on track.
I wiped the gel from my belly and pulled my shirt down, turning toward Bones.
“Thanks for getting lost and sticking around with me. It was nice not to be alone,” I said, as he walked with me to the door. “Eric,” I mused.
The Tempted Series: Collectors Edition Page 114
