Take Me Out

by Dawn Robertson

  Whoa. A baby. A kid. I’d never been a fan of children. I never really thought about having a family, in fact the entire thought of pregnancy in general scared the shit out of me. Apparently, it had the exact same impact on Bentley since he was engaged in a repeat performance of my own dramatics from earlier in the evening.

  Nausea washed over me once again and soon I was emptying the contents of my stomach all over my father’s expensive Italian shoes. He pulled my hair back and rubbed my back while the nurses tended to Bentley.

  I had no idea how I should have reacted to it all. I just assumed women were supposed to be happy and overjoyed by that kind of news but I was far from it. Instead, I felt a panic attack coming on-- something I hadn’t experienced since I was in high school.

  Realizing my father was still watching this all unfold, my worst fear played in my mind. My mother was going to find out. She would disown me completely. We already had such a rocky relationship because I was everything she thought a woman shouldn’t be. Independent, brash and a free-thinker. She wanted me to be June Cleaver and I wanted to be Gloria Steinem.

  “Please, don’t tell Mom,” I begged my father. “I don’t... I mean, this wasn’t supposed to happen. I just don’t want to tell her, yet.”

  “I don’t plan on telling her. Because I know nothing is truly wrong, I am going home, now. I will make up an excuse for your mother, like you didn’t eat enough or something. But remember, you need to come clean with her eventually, kiddo.”

  “I know, I just need to figure things out in my own life before involving anyone else.”

  He nodded, gave me a big hug, then left. His hug made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I guess it’s what fathers are supposed to do for their little girl.

  Bentley was fine, though just as shocked, confused and famished as I was.

  “What are we going to do?” I asked him with tears in my eyes. He stood over my hospital bed holding my hand. The thought of abortion sat firmly in my mind, but the idea made me sick to my stomach once again.

  “We’re going to be parents, babe. Nothing is going to change. We’ll be a family. Nothing will change Charlie. Nothing at all. I’m not going anywhere.” When he finished speaking he touched his lips to my hand to reassure me. All I could think of was brushing my teeth since the recent vomit episode. Poor Bentley.

  “Do you want this baby?” His question hit me hard. I had no idea what I wanted. A baby was a big deal. It wasn’t like a puppy or a goldfish. It was a person-- a person we would be responsible for not hurting. My face must have given me away.

  “You don’t,” he stated with a look of sadness on his face. I had hurt him, I knew it.

  “I never planned on having children so young. I never thought I would ever find someone to settle down with until you came along. This is all just so unexpected. Everything has happened so fast. It’s a lot to take in.” I placed my hand on my stomach, almost like I hoped to feel something moving around in there, although ninth-grade biology class had taught me it was too early.

  Dr. Borgeo knocked gently on the door and came back in pushing a large computer looking machine. “One last test and I will let you bust out of this joint. I’m going to do a quick ultrasound so we can see how far along your pregnancy is.” She started typing something out on the machine’s keyboard. My name appeared on the screen. “Do you know the date of your last period?”

  “I have no idea. It’s something I rarely kept track of.”

  “That’s okay, we’ll just need you to get naked from the waist down then.”

  The waist down? What the hell was she going to do? I thought those fancy ultrasound machines waved right over the belly! Horror set in once again.

  “Um, why?”

  “Since you aren’t that far along, we won’t be able to get a good look over your stomach, we need to do something called a trans-vaginal ultrasound. It’s the closest look we can get of the baby.”

  The day just kept getting better and better! I rolled my eyes and shimmied out of my underwear.

  Bentley looked like he was about to pass out again. “So this thing will show us the baby?” He asked while he helped me finish taking my panties off. They’d put me in one of those extremely ugly hospital gowns when running all the tests.

  “You okay, honey?” He asked me. He could tell I wasn’t, but continued to try and be sweet and supportive as best he could, given the brick wall I’d built in the matter of a few hours. It was sky high!

  Dr. Borgeo rolled what looked like a condom down over this long probe and squirted an obscene amount of lube onto the end of it. As if my fear wasn’t bad enough, I had to try not to laugh at this giant medical dildo coming my way.

  I think, at this point, I lost a little bit of my sanity and burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, I just... I’m sorry; go ahead.”

  I laid back in the bed and they put my legs up in the air like the usual OB/GYN visit. If I said it was comfortable or anything compared to sex, I would be a giant liar. It was probably the most uncomfortable thing ever.

  She turned the screen to the side, so all of us could view it. She moved the probe around and toyed with the buttons on the ultrasound machine. “You see that right there?” She pointed at a little dark spot on the screen with something flashing.

  “Yeah...” we both replied in unison.

  “That flicker is your baby’s heartbeat. Going rather strong, too.”

  I looked over at Bentley and he had tears forming in the corners of his eyes. That was all I needed for my own water works to start. Tears flowed down my cheeks and dripped onto the ugly hospital gown. There was our baby on the screen. The tiny little gummy bear was our child.

  “Our baby...” I said, holding onto his hand and squeezing.

  That moment confirmed everything I ever needed to know. This was everything I wanted. It was perfect, our baby was perfect and I was officially in love with this tiny gummy bear looking child residing inside my uterus.

  “I shall call it gummy bear-- because tell me it doesn’t look like one!” I blurted out and everyone started laughing.

  “It kinda does,” Bentley said while leaning in to give me a kiss on the forehead.

  With a few more clicks, pictures printed out and Dr. Borgeo continued, “It looks like you’re about seven weeks pregnant, give or take a day. While these things aren’t very accurate these days, it looks like your due date is going to be around March seventeenth. A St. Patrick’s Day baby.”

  “March seventeenth,” I said to myself while letting the reality of it all settle into place.

  “Here are a couple sample packets of prenatal vitamins. Don’t take them on an empty stomach. You’ll be doing two per day, every day from now on. I’ll see you in my office in a month. If you have any problems, cramping or start to bleed, call me right away.” She handed me a small bag with her card and tons of vitamin samples. “The nurse will be in shortly with your discharge papers and you’ll be free to go.”

  With that, she pushed her little computer cart ultrasound machine out of the room and I tried desperately to relax. This was real and it wasn’t going away. Unlike most guys, Bentley was happy and not bolting out of the room right behind the Doctor.

  After I’d been released, Bentley insisted on carrying me into the apartment. He wouldn’t let me walk at all. It was ridiculous. I wasn’t handicapped, just pregnant. There was no way I could deal with this for nine months!

  “I’m fine Bentley, let me walk,” I argued as we made our way into the apartment. Shay and Drew were both sitting on the couch waiting for some kind of official report from us. Shay was clearly worried.

  “I’m fine, I just didn’t eat enough. With all the Molly and Jake drama, my body kind of just shut down because of my antics,” I lied and headed towards my bedroom. I just wanted to go to sleep. But I knew Bentley wanted to sit down for a long conversation.

  “You guys need anything?” Drew asked Bentley as I headed into the bedroom and closed the door. I nee
ded sleep, lots of sleep and to be left alone.

  “Can you order some takeout? Whatever is still open this time of night? We still haven’t eaten,” he requested while following me down the hall.

  Bentley walked in behind me, quiet and slow. “You okay?”

  I was on the bed curled up in a ball. “I’m fine, it’s just a lot to take in. If you want to go, it’s okay.” Go ahead Bentley, run.

  (Bentley)

  “Where else would I go, Charlie?” I asked.

  “I don’t know; anywhere but here. This is your opportunity to walk away. I’m giving you a free pass to have an uncomplicated life without some bitch trapping you into fatherhood. Take it!” Her words stung. I suffered the pain of remembering what my childhood was like, one where I had no father.

  “Trapping me? What are you talking about Charlotte? You didn’t trap me. There is no place on Earth I’d rather be! I’ve dreamed of you pregnant with my baby, more than once. I wanted this more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life. I’m not trapped, I’m exactly where I want to be, Charlotte. You’re my world and now... now we’re going to be a family. Don’t push me away! Please, don’t push me away. I love you and our baby!”

  (Charlotte)

  He wasn’t running. He wanted to be here with me and the baby. And he’d dreamt of it. What the hell? A million different emotions flooded through my mind.

  “Babe, relax. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. Get some rest, Drew is ordering us something to eat. You need to eat before you can go to sleep. I am going to go throw some water on my face and I will join you in bed.” Bentley leaned in and kissed me with all the passion we always had between us. Nothing was missing and it was all the reassurance I needed to know he wasn’t lying.

  I pulled the covers up to my chin and was asleep before he got back from the bathroom. I woke up to Bentley walking in with a couple containers of Chinese takeout that smelled delicious. I filled my belly as quick as I could and once I was finally content, I drifted back off to sleep. I woke up a few times during the night to find myself in Bentley’s arms, one time finding his hand spread out on my belly. Knowing he was there, holding me, was all I needed to sleep deeply.

  I woke up and was thrown into a panic. Bentley was gone. I looked at the clock and it was almost ten in the morning. I had really overslept, but it had felt so good.

  I walked out into the kitchen and continued searching all over the house, but there was no sign of Bentley anywhere. I should’ve known once he came down to reality, he would run as far as he could and he did.

  I picked up my phone and sent him a text:

  Had to run while I was asleep? Have a nice life.

  I threw the phone on the counter and started making something to eat. If there was one thing this baby was doing, it was starving me to death. I felt like a food garbage disposal. I poured a bowl of cereal and sliced up two strawberries to throw on top and sat down at the breakfast bar to stuff my face. I felt tears in my eyes.

  The front door opened and in came Bentley with three huge shopping bags. He strolled past, kissing me on the forehead and continued down the hallway to the bedroom.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I shouted, following him down the hallway to my bedroom.

  “Putting down these bags before I break my arm, this shit is heavy,” he said with a smile.

  “You didn’t get my text message?” I asked him wondering why the hell he was standing in my room with bags of God knew what.

  “I heard my phone go off but I didn’t check to see what it was, I had my arms full and just wanted to get back up here.”

  He was out shopping. Here I was overreacting and he was out shopping. Yup, I was losing my mind for sure! I immediately felt relieved.

  “Check this stuff out!”

  He started unloading all the bags and every last thing was either light pink or baby blue. He had gone shopping for the baby. He woke up at the crack of dawn and spent God knows how much money on baby stuff.

  “This is an ERGO Carrier, you wear the baby in it. How fucking cool is that?” He said, continuing to add things to the pile. “This blanket was so soft, I had to grab it. Babies love soft stuff, right?”

  Next thing I knew my entire bed was covered in infant toys and clothes. Red Sox bibs, blankets, gadgets and then the doorbell rang. “Oh that must be your pillow!” He exclaimed, making a beeline for the front door. “My pillow?”

  Bentley signed a small paper and the delivery man went on his way. He headed towards the bedroom with a giant pillow that was almost as tall as me.

  “What in the hell is that?”

  “It’s one of those fancy pregnancy pillows. It’s supposed to help you sleep better.”

  “You’ve lost your mind. Where are we supposed to hide all of this? Everyone is going to see what you’ve bought!”

  “We have to tell them sometime right? The sooner the better, because I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep it to myself.”

  The man was beyond excited. It was supposed to be the other way around. I was supposed to be over the moon and he was supposed to be scared shitless.

  It was hard to admit to myself even. When I saw the ultrasound, it changed my thoughts about everything. Maybe I would start to warm up to the idea once I felt human again.

  Chapter 17

  The Firestorm

  (Bentley)

  The email alert went off on my phone. I didn’t recognize the sender’s email address. But it gave me time to catch up on messages I had missed in the past couple days. Charlie apparently had a text meltdown yesterday. What else is new?

  To: BE.Young@BU.edu

  Subject: Catching Up

  Date: August 11th 09:45

  From: LayTay1288@yahoo.com

  Bentley,

  I hope you don’t mind me contacting you like this, but I found your email address on the internet after searching to find you for some time. I know we didn’t leave off on the best of terms, but I’m in Boston and would like to see you. I really messed up all those years ago and want to try and make things right.

  I still love you Bentley and I always will.

  -Your Layla.

  After five years my high school girlfriend had reappeared out of thin air. Not only was there no fucking way I was going to see her, but my blood boiled thinking about her at all. I felt beyond disgusted.

  I had no desire to reply, but I knew if I didn’t she would hound me. She was like that, always annoying and fucking pushy. But little did she know, I wasn’t a pushover anymore.

  To: LayTay1288@yahoo.com

  Subject: Re:Catching Up

  Date: August 11th 09:49

  From: BEYoung@BU.edu

  Not interested.

  I have nothing to say to you all these years later. I have a good life, an amazing girlfriend and a baby on the way. I closed that chapter of my life a long time ago. I hope you have a good time while in Boston.

  -B

  I hoped that would be enough for her to get the message.

  I shot Charlie a text message to say good morning. She was sleeping when I left. Charlie was perfect, like an angel all bundled up in the pink comforter surrounded by mountains of pillows with a small smile on her face. I could only hope she was thinking about our baby. Alas, that morning I had to make it to a business meeting with Drew and a new web designer we had hired.

  Good morning love. Miss you. See you around noon. xoxo Love you.

  Whether she was sleeping still or not, I knew it would make her smile the moment she picked her phone up. We were just cheesy like that. A moment later my phone pinged, alerting me to an incoming message.

  Love you too baby. I miss you, don’t forget... big dinner tonight with the family. Don’t be too late.

  Our big news would finally be center stage for all to see. We knew there were going to be a lot of negative reactions, but thankfully Charlie was finally starting to come around to it all. Her biggest concern now was weight-gain. She proclaimed s
he would not turn into a fat-ass because of the pregnancy. Apparently, most of her clothes weren’t baby bump friendly at all.

  “Stop drooling over your phone dude, she’ll still be there when you get home. Damn!” Drew was giving me shit once again. “Can you keep a secret bro?” I still hadn’t told him about the baby. We hadn’t told anyone. At all. I knew I could tell Drew though. We’d be telling the entire family in a couple of hours and he could keep his mouth shut that long.

  “I’m the king of secrets dude! Just fucking spill it already!”

  “You can’t even tell Shay, she doesn’t know yet.”

  “Just tell me! I won’t tell her!”

  “Charlie’s pregnant. It’s why she fainted that night outside of Beer Works, but we decided to wait a bit before we told anyone. We’re telling the whole family tonight.”

  “Dude. What. The. Fuck-- were you thinking?”

  Drew was pale with horror. He flailed his arms around and I was getting the impression he wanted to punch something-- or send for a lifeboat. I guess it would have been my typical response for this kind of news too. Well, maybe in the past. I couldn’t help but smile though.

  “It just kind of happened, we didn’t plan it or anything. And she was totally on birth control so don’t give me any shit.”

  I picked up my mug of coffee and sipped like nothing was wrong while I just shrugged at him. What is done is done and even though it was all a little sudden, we are happy.

  “Your life is fucking over, dude!” Drew was totally disgusted.

  Over? It was just beginning with the woman who made me insanely happy. There was no way I could ever look at this as a bad thing. No way.

  “Over? Dude! I’m fucking thrilled!”

  “Well if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you dude. Cheers.” Drew held up his half full glass of apple juice and I toasted him with my mug of coffee.