Our Broken Pieces

by Sarah White

  “Everyone is talking about spirit week and the senior games,” Mandy says. “I tried to check out what you guys have planned for this year, but there was such a big crowd around the sign-up sheets, I couldn’t even get close enough to see the events. Whatever they are, looks like a ton of kids want to participate.”

  “We are doing a few traditional events since kids really look forward to those. The powderpuff game will be on Friday, like always, and we will have a quad-decorating contest where each class will compete against the others. But we are also doing a cool tricycle race and a senior dress-up day where we can all dress up like senior citizens.” Talking about spirit week and the senior games is getting me excited about it. I’m finally looking forward to being a part of that week, even if it might not be the way I thought it would be when I ran for this office.

  Angie’s phone chimes and she reminds Lisa and Mandy they all have a meeting for the school paper that they need to attend. They each give me a hug and then head off to their meeting.

  I make my way over to my locker bay and trade out a few things from my locker. I know Rosie was joking when she suggested it, but I do want to go watch Gabe swim. I only have to make it past Brady and Elle and then I can slip into the pool building and be away from the curious eyes of that group. I focus my gaze straight ahead, keeping up a quick pace that silently expresses I’m in a rush. I can see Brady sitting on one of the old wooden benches out of the corner of my eye. A small stab of pain hits my heart when Elle sits down beside him and swings her legs together over his lap. I don’t stop to catch my breath or turn to run the other way. Today I just keep putting one foot in front of the other so they don’t stop me from getting to where I want to be.

  There are a few kids sitting in the bleachers, eating, playing cards, or texting. I sneak up into the back and tuck my backpack at my feet. I watch Gabe as he swims laps, his strokes steady and sure. He reaches the far end of the pool and his coach leans down to tell him something. I study his broad shoulders as he hangs on to the edge, intently listening to the instructions. He nods his head and then climbs out, positioning himself to dive back in.

  I admire his dedication to his sport, giving up his lunch hour to practice. Just before the whistle blows, his eyes move up to mine as if he has sensed me there and I see his lips curl slightly. The loud shriek of the whistle snaps him back to the moment and he cuts through the water as if he is but a drop of it himself. I watch him, unable to look away as he pushes forward, focused and determined, until he emerges to talk to the coach again.

  I lean back against the bench behind me and watch him as he disappears into the locker room. I only have about ten minutes until my next class, so I decide to stay here and avoid the walk back through the quad. I pull my paperback out of my bag and find my place. I’m lost in the story when I feel him beside me. He moves closer to me and playfully bumps my shoulder with his own. “You’re coming tomorrow, right?” he asks.

  “Yes. Should I bring anything?” I close my book and turn my head toward him. It’s amazing but every time I look at him I am struck anew by how incredible his eyes are.

  He moves his foot a little closer to mine, causing his muscular thigh to rest against my leg. In a seemingly innocent move he stretches his arms across the bench behind us and leans back, essentially wrapping his arm around me. “Not a thing. We’ve got it covered.”

  The bell rings and the few kids who have been watching practice start filing down the steps. He offers me his hand and pulls me from my seat. Maybe it’s because we are late and the halls are empty as we walk to class that I don’t worry about running into Brady and Elle, or maybe it’s because when I’m with Gabe nothing else seems to matter. I want to spend more time with him. “What are you doing later?” I ask as we stop just outside an empty classroom.

  He smiles and shakes his head. “I don’t have any plans yet.”

  “All the talk about prom has made me want to watch Pretty in Pink. I was wondering if you’d want to come over and watch it with me.” I hope he can’t see how anxious I am about inviting him over. I just can’t stand the thought of not seeing him again until the barbecue.

  “You know I wouldn’t pass up an invite like that. What time should I come over?”

  “How about seven?”

  “Text me your address and I’ll see you then.” We stand there for a second in the hall as kids push past. It feels like something is changing between us, and I’m not sure how to feel about that. Finally, when the bell rings the last warning to get to class, he takes a step away from me. With a huge grin he says, “Next we can watch Say Anything, just to see a guy with a boom box do it right.” When my lips curl up he lifts his brows and then turns and heads to his class.

  Gabe pulls up at my house just before seven. My parents are out for the evening at the local hospital fund raiser, and I purposely didn’t mention inviting Gabe over to Rosie because I want her to keep her plans of going out with Dawn so I can have some time to get to know Gabe. Mom agreed to not mention it, but warned me that they could be home at any time. I laughed and told her it wasn’t like that with him, but I could see in her expression that she didn’t quite believe me.

  I feel nervous suddenly, which is a totally different feeling than I’ve had with him before. It isn’t the typical jittery I feel when I am getting to know someone new. It’s more like the anxiety of anticipation. I can’t wait to spend time with him. I don’t totally understand the feeling—it’s not how I was with Brady, but if I’m being honest it isn’t how I ever felt with people who were just my friends either. Rosie’s advice about how the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else flashes through my head, and I quickly push the thought away. Gabe is just a friend and I’m pretty sure that’s all he sees me as too. I hear a knock on the door and practically jump even though I’m expecting it. I take in a big breath and hope he can’t see how rattled I am.

  “Hey,” I say, and step to the side so he can come in.

  “Hi.” He runs his hand over his head and that small movement gives away that he’s a little nervous too.

  “Do you like popcorn?” I shut the door and motion for him to follow me into the living room.

  “Yeah.” He’s checking out all the family pictures my mom has hanging on our walls. I leave him by the couch and retrieve the popcorn and two waters. When I get back, he’s sitting in the corner of the sofa. I set everything down on the coffee table and grab the remote. I sit down on the other side and get the movie set up. I can feel him watching me as I press the buttons and try to get our old DVD player to cooperate.

  After a few minutes of no success, he laughs and scoots closer to me. “Want me to try?” he asks, holding out his hand for the remote. I hand it to him without a fight.

  “Usually that’s my dad’s job,” I explain. He looks over the remote and then taps a few of the buttons. And like magic, the previews begin to play. Only now we’re closer than we were before and I can feel his leg pressed up against mine. I wonder if he’s going to move away, but he doesn’t. He leans back and gets comfy. I follow his lead and do the same.

  I’m supposed to be watching what’s happening on the screen, but my mind is running a million miles per hour. I like him. I knew he was attractive, but over the last few days my interest in him has been changing. I didn’t know it until tonight, but now it seems so obvious. I just don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know if he feels the same way, and even if he does, do I really want to start something when I’m still trying to recover from the last mistake I made?

  He turns his head, and I can tell he’s surprised to see me looking at him. I quickly turn back to the movie, hoping he will think I’ve only been looking at him for a second. His arm stretches out across the back of the couch and all I can do is try to relax as his warmth and fresh scent surrounds me. I can’t even tell you what’s happening in the story because I can’t get my thoughts to quiet down. I stare straight ahead, pretending to watch.

  Gabe
reaches for some popcorn and I feel a piece hit my cheek. I turn to him and he laughs. “Where are you? Because I know you aren’t here watching this movie with me. You look like you’re a million miles away in there.” He taps my head and tosses a piece of the popcorn into his mouth.

  “I’m watching,” I protest weakly, and he gives me a knowing smile. He turns his eyes back to the movie and I try to relax again. After a few minutes I finally get into the story. “Are you cold?” I ask when my body temperature cools down. He shakes his head as he looks at me.

  “No. Here.” He leans forward and pulls his hoodie over his head. He opens the bottom and holds it up so I can tuck my head inside. Every ounce of calm I had managed to project gets thrown out the window when his warmth surrounds me. God, I love this sweatshirt. When I peek out from beneath the hood, our eyes meet. His fingers tug a little on the hood strings. I feel myself moving closer as he pulls me steadily to him. I put my hand on his as he wraps the strings a little tighter, pulling me even closer. His eyes burn into mine. He closes the distance between our lips and I close my eyes as his mouth meets mine. The heat from our contact spreads through me like wildfire, burning up my heart and sending butterflies into flight inside my chest.

  His hand releases the strings and slides up to my cheek. His fingers move into my hair and he holds me close. It’s amazing and hot, exciting and terrifying, all at the same time. My mind goes fuzzy and my skin heats, my breath racing in and out and mingling with his. He guides me so that I’m flat on my back and he is above me on his side.

  His thumb strokes my cheek, sending little flames along my nerves, waking up every part of my body. I finally give into temptation and let my palm lightly brush his face. His skin feels even better than I could have imagined, smooth and then scratchy, strong and yet yielding to my own. I part my lips, inviting his tongue inside, and as it lightly floats across my own, I feel the desire for him building in my stomach and low in my core.

  It occurs to me that I might pass out. My heart is pounding and my breathing is rapid, but I ignore my worries and let my fingers run through his hair, loving the way it feels soft in one direction and prickly in the other. He pulls back for a minute to look at my face and I silently beg him to kiss me again. I can already feel the slight bite on my skin where his stubble has scraped against my chin. He rubs his thumb gently across my bottom lip, his chest heaving, and I feel the heat rising off his skin. I thought he was handsome before, but now I want to crawl inside him or, at the very least, kiss every inch of his face and neck.

  “Everly,” he says on a whisper, and I instantly fall in love with the sound of my name on his lips. “You’re always beautiful, but you really should see the way you look right now. I’ve wondered what it would be like to kiss you, but it’s more incredible than I could have ever guessed.”

  “Then why did you stop?” I lift my chin a little, bringing my lips slightly closer to his. His eyes are burning with passion, and I run my tongue along my lips, wetting them before pulling my bottom lip between my teeth.

  “Now that I can, I’m having trouble taking my eyes off you long enough to do it.” I move so that my nose barely brushes next to his as we breathe each other in and out. His eyes close a second before mine, and I think this is what it must feel like to be high when our lips press together again.

  His hand moves down to grip my hip and his leg carefully moves over mine until we are tangled together on the couch. In the distance I hear the movie playing, but everything fades into the background when I’m in his arms. I’m not sure when the energy of our friendship shifted into something more, but I know it feels right, even if my experience in this gray area is very limited.

  I’m not sure what this means for us, if it means anything. All I know is that I needed this.

  seventeen

  I HAD A few hours to kill before Gabe’s barbecue, so I decided to go to the retirement home. After an hour reading to a few of the women and watching game show reruns with the men, I feel like my old self again. Sitting in my car on Gabe’s street, I look down at my phone for the tenth time, checking to make sure I’m at the right address. Finally I climb out, following a few girls up to the front door. They knock and Gabe answers, letting them inside with a hug for each of them. When he turns back around and sees me, my heart jumps a little in my chest as his bright smile stretches across his face. He pulls me into his arms for a brief hug before motioning for me to come inside.

  “Come on,” he says over his shoulder as he walks through the living room and toward the back of the house. “I want you to meet Maggie.” We step outside and the sound of music fills the cooling air. There are about ten girls on the patio, laughing and snacking on chips and veggies. Their eyes follow us as Gabe puts his hand on the small of my back and guides me toward a beautiful redhead curled up in a wooden deck chair.

  I immediately see that they share the same eyes. She stands and takes a step toward me. “You must be Everly.” She gives me a small hug. “I’m Maggie.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I reply, and it is. She has a warmth about her that puts me at ease. “Thanks for letting me come.” Her eyes leave mine to quickly glance at her brother.

  “I needed to put a face to the name.” It gives me a bit of a buzz, knowing he’s been talking to his family about me. “Help yourself to a drink if you’d like and then get my brother going on that grill. We’re starving.”

  Gabe laughs behind me and I turn to see his hands up in surrender. “I’m on it,” he says. I grab a soda from the ice chest nearby and then sit down in an empty chair, making sure I’ve got a good view of him as he puts the hamburgers on the grill. Maggie stands beside him, laughing at something he’s said and then poking him in the side as he tries to flip a burger. It’s clear how close they are.

  The backyard is huge, beautifully landscaped with pavers and green grass. There is a bistro table with two chairs off in one corner and a fire pit surrounded by Adirondack chairs just outside the back sliding doors. I kick off my flip-flops and tuck my feet up underneath me.

  “They were still mooing last time,” Maggie yells to me with a playful scowl. Gabe rolls his eyes and shuts the lid of the grill.

  “Well, maybe I like raw burgers with undercooked potato salad.” He puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her in so he can ruffle her hair. She shrieks and tries to escape, but he is laughing, and by the time he releases her she can barely catch her breath through the giggles.

  “You’re mean,” she scolds, but her smile shows she doesn’t mind his teasing. After giving him a playful poke in the ribs she cuts across the grass to head in my direction. The seat beside me is empty so she sits down on it and pulls her cardigan a little tighter as a cool breeze drifts past us. “You know he talks a lot about you,” she says, still watching him at the grill.

  “All good things, I hope.”

  Maggie nods and Gabe glances at us, pointing his two fingers at his eyes and then to us as if to say he was watching us. Maggie and I both stick our tongues out at him and then laugh when we realize the other did it too.

  “He told me you’re a runner,” she says, leaning her head back against the chair.

  “Not as serious as you. Berkeley is impressive. I don’t think I could ever do it competitively.”

  “Thanks. Maybe we could go together sometime. I didn’t think I could run competitively either, but you might be surprised. I have a great soundtrack that helps. It’s a blend of a bunch of different types of music. A friend of mine who was a music major told me that listening to songs with a certain number of beats per minute would help me to pace myself.” She turns her head toward me and continues, “I could send it to you if you’re interested.”

  “I’d love that! I’ve been looking for new songs.” I take a sip of my drink. “So what are you studying at Berkeley?”

  “I was a history major, but I think when I go back I want to switch to psychology. What about you? Have you decided what you’re going to do after you graduate?”


  “I’m staying local. I was accepted as a liberal arts major at UCLA.”

  “Well, isn’t that convenient?” She sits up in the chair and twists her body so that she’s perched on the edge of her seat. “Gabe is going to UCLA too. Swimming for their team in the fall.” She shrugs her shoulders and flashes a beautiful smile. A friend calls to her from the other side of the fire. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

  I nod my head and watch as she bounces over to hug a new arrival to the barbecue. I turn back around to look at Gabe. He gestures to me from across the yard to ask if I’m okay. I smile and give him the thumbs-up, my heart thudding in my chest from the news his sister just delivered. For the past few weeks I’d been dreading that I agreed to follow Brady to college. Now I know that I’ll at least have a friend there . . . or whatever Gabe is to me now.

  I expect to see his parents, but I learn from the scattered conversations that they are out of town until tomorrow morning. When the burgers are ready, Maggie retrieves a platter of buns and a bucket full of condiments from the kitchen. Her friends all jump up and fill their plates, then return to their seats to resume their conversations. It becomes clear to me that this has happened many times before. The girls are all comfortable here as they settle in and talk about anything and everything while they prepare their plates. I feel a little envious that these girls stay in touch and make an effort to get together for Maggie when they most likely work or attend one of the many colleges in the area.

  I make my plate and wait as Gabe does the same. We sit with the group and join in their quick conversation. These girls are fast talkers and nothing seems to be off-limits. I hear all about their college adventures, new boyfriends, and dates that went badly. Maggie tells us about her worst date ever and has everyone laughing by the time she’s through. “I didn’t think that date could get any worse, but then Gabe caught me sneaking in past my curfew and had dirt on me,” Maggie says on a sigh.