Next to Die

by Neil White

  ‘I didn’t know any of these people,’ Joe said, and pointed towards Monica’s brother, her old university friends, her parents trying to support each other. ‘She had a whole other life, and then for a short time she crossed over into mine, and look how it ended. All so pointless. A waste.’

  ‘Have you spoken to anyone?’ Sam asked. ‘A counsellor, or a doctor?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘For the stress of what happened. We have people in the force who can help us, but for you there’ll be nothing.’

  Joe shook his head. ‘I’ll deal with it, the same way I deal with everything.’

  ‘By keeping it bottled up.’

  ‘That’s right. The only thing I have to worry about is the bottle cracking. If I go see someone, the whole lot comes out and I have to learn how to deal with it. My way, it’s all locked away where it can’t hurt anyone.’

  ‘I went to see Ben Grant,’ Sam said.

  ‘Why did you do that?’ Joe said, surprised.

  ‘To make sure that he knew it was over. He is nothing now. Carrie is dead. Ronnie Bagley will go to prison. Ben Grant will probably never get out.’

  ‘Should I take any solace from that? It’s hard to see anything good in this as I look at Monica’s parents right now.’

  ‘I did it for me, and Ruby, and maybe in part for Ellie, because it was someone just like Ben Grant who took her away.’

  ‘I can understand that,’ Joe said. ‘I know I should feel something good, because Ruby’s still alive, but it’s too hard. And there’s that poor little girl, Grace. Her mother is dead and her father in prison.’

  ‘She’ll be brought up in a good home,’ Sam said. ‘Foster care for now, but wherever she ends up, she will be better there than she would have been in that poisonous environment.’

  ‘It’s not the same as being with parents.’

  ‘Doesn’t that depend on who your parents are?’

  Joe didn’t answer that, and instead said, ‘How did Grant respond?’

  ‘He didn’t. He just stared at me, but I could see from the glare in his eyes that he knew the same as I did, that he had nothing left except a small cell and a lot of contempt. There are no more games for him to play.’

  ‘So what now?’ Joe said.

  ‘Nothing. It’s over.’

  They both stood in silence for a few moments, until Joe said, ‘We’re going to pay for a bench in the gardens opposite the office. Monica used to sit there sometimes. It will be a way of remembering her.’

  ‘But then life just goes on,’ Sam said.

  ‘That’s the way it is. The memories stay with us though. We remember Ellie. We will remember how we nearly lost Ruby. It’s just more weight to carry with us.’

  ‘Come with me,’ Sam said.

  ‘Where?’

  ‘You know where,’ Sam said, and set off walking.

  Joe caught up with him and together they walked along a tarmac path, past neat rows of black granite decorated by gold letters. The child graves were furthest away, marked out by plastic windmills and toys that hung from the branches of the trees. The council had tried to take them down, complained that they were spoiling the visual tranquillity, but how can you interfere with the grief of a parent?

  Ellie’s grave was at the end of a row. As they got closer, Joe saw the fresh white roses in the flower holder – Ellie’s favourite flower.

  Joe stood over her grave and took a deep breath. Black granite, like most of the rest, but it was the words in gold that hit him. Eleanor Parker. Much loved daughter and sister. Died 19 May 1998. That was all it said, but what else could it say?

  Flashes came back to him, of Ellie walking towards a woodland path, her college bag on her shoulder, her headphones on her head, the wires from her Walkman trailing out of her bag. And then he saw the man further along, loitering, his hands thrust into the pockets of a grey hooded sweatshirt, the hood tight around his face, even though it had been a hot day. He should have shouted, because he had sensed the danger, but he hadn’t. He had stalled, scared, and watched as Ellie disappeared into the trees. She had looked up briefly as she went past him, and then as she carried on, he had followed her.

  Tears welled up in his eyes. He reached out to touch the stone.

  ‘I’m sorry, Ellie,’ he said. It was what he always said.

  He let the sun dry his tears. Sam didn’t say anything to him as Joe tried to stop them, but when he wiped them away more tears replaced them, along with memories of Ellie, her golden hair flying in the breeze on those summer walks they had taken, the family complete, he and Sam wrestling on the grass, Ellie all laughs and shouts.

  He stayed like that for a few minutes. He looked to the ground. She was down there, a few feet under, and he had to force himself not to think like that. That would not be how he thought of her.

  It was getting harder to remember Ellie though, because her face was being replaced by Ruby’s. When he remembered Ellie, he started to see Ruby.

  He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes.

  He felt Sam’s hand on his shoulder. ‘When you told me about Ellie’s murderer, that you look for him every day – is that true?’

  Joe nodded.

  ‘And you are going to kill him?’

  Joe nodded again.

  ‘Then we’ll lose you too, because you’ll end up in prison, with people like Ben Grant. Why not channel your efforts into it the right way? Become a prosecutor?’

  Joe shook his head. ‘I do what I do. This is the way it’s always going to be.’

  ‘And us? Me and you? Having a detective for a brother?’

  ‘You’re not thinking of leaving the force, are you?’

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘So we’ll be fine,’ Joe said, and he smiled. ‘We’re brothers. It should mean something.’

  Sam returned the smile and started the walk back to the huddled group at Monica’s grave.

  Before Joe turned to join him, he touched Ellie’s gravestone. ‘I won’t forget,’ he whispered. ‘I’ll make it right.’

  Table of Contents

  About the Author

  Also by Neil White

  COPYRIGHT

  Acknowledgements

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty-One

  Twenty-Two

  Twenty-Three

  Twenty-Four

  Twenty-Five

  Twenty-Six

  Twenty-Seven

  Twenty-Eight

  Twenty-Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty-One

  Thirty-Two

  Thirty-Three

  Thirty-Four

  Thirty-Five

  Thirty-Six

  Thirty-Seven

  Thirty-Eight

  Thirty-Nine

  Forty

  Forty-One

  Forty-Two

  Forty-Three

  Forty-Four

  Forty-Five

  Forty-Six

  Forty-Seven

  Forty-Eight

  Forty-Nine

  Fifty

  Fifty-One

  Fifty-Two

  Fifty-Three

  Fifty-Four

  Fifty-Five

  Fifty-Six

  Fifty-Seven

  Fifty-Eight

  Fifty-Nine

  Sixty

  Sixty-One

  Sixty-Two

  Sixty-Three

  Sixty-Four

  Sixty-Five

  Sixty-Six

  Sixty-Seven

  Sixty-Eight

  Sixty-Nine

  Seventy

/>   Seventy-One

  Seventy-Two

  Seventy-Three

  Seventy-Four