by Lin Stepp
“Couldn’t you consider Scott’s feelings for a while?” Ellen got out another mold for the soap. “This must be tearing him up, too, being caught in the middle. It’s not totally unreasonable of him to want to start off a new marriage without a ready-made family.”
“I know, but I can’t help what has happened between Sarah and myself, Ellen. It’s a strong love, too. I believe it’s meant to be. Sarah is meant to belong to me. I’m totally sure of that.”
“And Scott?” Ellen looked up at her with surprise. “Don’t you think your love with him is meant to be any more? That you belong with him?”
“How can you even ask me that, Ellen?” Vivian paced around in agitation. “ I love him so much I ache inside. Even not seeing him this week has made me almost sick. I can’t sleep. I’ve had trouble working. It’s just the worst time ever. But I don’t know what else I can do. I love Scott desperately, but I love Sarah, too.”
Ellen shook her head. “You’ve got a real problem,” she conceded. “But only you and Scott can work it through and decide what to do.”
Ellen, finished with the soap, wiped her hands on a rag, and came over to wrap her arms around Vivian. “Lord, I’ll miss you if you go. We all will. And I worry what this break-up will do to both you and Scott. And what it will do to Sarah if she figures out that she came between the two of you.”
“Don’t tell her!” Vivian backed away, upset at this set of new worries.
“Do I look stupid?” Ellen frowned and went back over to check the soap a last time. “The child has just started to get over her first grief of losing her mother this summer. I worry that you and Scott might inadvertently bring her more sorrow through this fight over her.”
“That’s one of the reasons I’m thinking about going back to California.” Vivian sat down on the folding chair again. “It would be a new start for us both.”
“It sounds like running away to me,” Ellen put in. “And it might not work. I could run to Timbuktu and still not get Quint Greene out of my heart and mind. I hope you know what you’re doing, Vivian. I really believe you and Scott are right for each other. It’s a big loss you’re considering.”
On the plane to California the next morning, Vivian kept hearing those last words over and over again. “I hope you know what you’re doing. … It’s a big loss. It’s a big loss ….”
“But what else can I do?” she whispered to herself. “I can’t let Sarah go to someone else. Maybe someone wrong for her. I need her, and she needs me.”
She looked out the window into the clouds.
“But I need Scott, too. How can I never see him again? Hold him again?” She buried her face in her hands.
“Oh, God,” she prayed. “What am I going to do?”
Chapter 25
Scott walked around the camp doing his morning rounds. Breakfast was over and the camp units were dispersed out over the campground in scheduled activities. Scott strolled around randomly, checking to see how the different camp activities were working out and interacting with the staff and the kids. Being a cheerful and positive camp director had not been easy this last week. There were days when Scott felt his smile was plastic. When just focusing on his work was an effort. He could not recall a more difficult week in his life than this last one had been.
He stopped to stand by the lake to watch the canoeing lessons. A few of the younger campers still struggled to get the rhythm of the oars but, overall, they were doing well now that their camp session was nearing a close. Scott had one final two-week camp block coming to Buckeye in mid August, and then the camp was finished for another year. He tried to keep a pleasant look on his face as he watched the kids. A little girl looked up to wave at him, and he found himself frowning at her before he realized it. She looked almost like Sarah Taylor in an older version.
Scott caught himself scowling and quickly sent a smile back toward the child and waved at her. He hated it when he allowed his personal emotions to color his work. It was unprofessional. And it was unlike him. He realized this was one of the reasons he had never allowed himself to get emotionally involved with women. They were irrational creatures. They tore you apart. Wasn’t he seeing that happening right now?
He stalked back to the office, mulling over all that had happened this week. Scott found he was still stunned that Vivian would hold fast to this notion of fostering a child above her commitment to marriage. Scott liked kids. Wasn’t he a camp director because of that love for kids? Didn’t he participate in all sorts of philanthropic and civic activities related to kids? He just wasn’t ready for his own family yet.
It wasn’t right for Vivian to pressure him in this area, either. He kicked open the screened door of the camp office, letting it slam behind him as he walked in.
“Well, I gather you haven’t made up with Vivian yet,” Nancy remarked from her desk across the room.
“And what would you know about that?” Scott snapped at her, without thinking.
“More than I care to, since you and Vivian had your last spat right outside on the front porch where I couldn’t help but hear every word,” Nancy countered back.
Scott slumped into a chair and heaved a sigh. “Sorry, Nancy. This has been a bad week for me. And I regret you had to be a witness to my problems.”
“I’m not sorry. It’s helped me to know why you’ve been so moody and short-tempered this last week.”
Nancy paused and looked at Scott with a smile then. “Want to talk, cousin?” she asked him.
Scott shrugged. “You know the deal, Nancy. Vivian’s got this notion she wants to foster and adopt Sarah Taylor, whether I want it or not. She’s basically given me an ultimatum, her and the kid or I don’t get her at all. It’s like the old movie theme – love me, love my dog.”
“Sarah’s hardly a dog.” Nancy scowled.
Scott smarted back. “No kidding. I’d have given in to a dog. You can put them outside when they get on your nerves or when you want some privacy.”
Scott flipped a pile of brochures off the table in annoyance.
Nancy watched him. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot, Scott. And I believe that what you’re really worried about here is sharing Vivian’s love.”
“I don’t think that’s it at all, Nancy,” he started to argue, but she held up a hand and interrupted.
“Just listen a minute,” she insisted. “And don’t be so quick to get mad. You may not know it, but I’ve been seeing a lot of Walker Bailey, the park ranger that lives up on Falls Road behind the camp.”
“I didn’t know that.” Scott lifted a brow, momentarily distracted. “When have you been out with him?”
“Well, that’s just it,” Nancy explained. “We aren’t officially going out yet. But I know he likes me. He’s been coming by the office more and more on different excuses. We’re comfortable together. But there’s more than that going on, too – a little flirtation. You know.” She smiled and flushed. “Plus Walker is great with kids. He does all those talks for you at the camp and to kids at the visitors’ center. And my boys like him.”
“Yeah, Walker’s a good guy.” Scott gave Nancy a puzzled look. “But what does that have to do with Vivian and I?”
“I have baggage, too, Scott.” Nancy dropped her eyes. “I have two little boys that come with me from my first marriage. I know it makes a man think twice.”
“Yeah, but Martin and Jordan are both great kids,” Scott put in defensively. “Any guy would be blessed to have those kids. Maybe I need to have a talk with Walker …”
Nancy shook her head at him. “Scott, you’re missing the point here. Sarah’s a great kid, too. And you’re having a problem thinking about taking her with Vivian in almost the same way.”
“It’s not the same thing at all.” Scott stood up in irritation, frowning at Nancy. “You were married before. It’s not like you have a choice in being a mother.”
“From what I heard Vivian tell you, she doesn’t feel like she has a choice either.” Nancy caught
Scott’s eyes with hers. “I’ve seen Vivian with Sarah, Scott. I’ve listened to her talk about Sarah. I’ve watched their faces when they look at each other. There is love, devotion, and commitment there between them. I think it would just about tear them apart not to be together.”
“Well, what about me?” Scott complained, kicking at the pile of brochures still on the floor.
“Did you hear your voice and attitude, Scott?” Nancy’s voice had a chiding tone. “That sounds like pure jealousy to me. I think maybe you need to analyze more closely what you’re really feeling about Sarah. Maybe you’re experiencing some rivalry about Vivian and Sarah’s love for each other. Maybe you just want to be the only love in Vivian’s life.”
“So, what’s so wrong with that?” He paced the room in annoyance. “That’s what a man is supposed to feel before he gets married.”
“I don’t think loving Sarah will change Vivian’s love for you, Scott. She has a big heart. And so do you,” Nancy confided. “Before this problem came up between you and Vivian, I observed that the three of you made a very happy, loving team. Sarah adores you as much as Vivian does, Scott. Maybe you haven’t stopped to realize that. I’ve seen real warmth and affection in your eyes when you’re with Sarah, too. Are you sure you couldn’t make room for her in your heart? Loving Sarah won’t mean that Vivian and you will love each other less.”
Scott leaned over to pick up the brochures he’d dumped on the floor.
Nancy got up to help him and put a hand on Scott’s arm. “I’m starting to fall for Walker,” she confided to him. “I wouldn’t have told you if it wasn’t for this situation. But I wanted you to see the similarities. I see Walker struggling with the idea of taking on not only me, but also my boys. I know he would have made a move on me already if I wasn’t a mother, if I didn’t have the boys. But he holds himself back because of it.”
“Maybe I should talk to him.” Scott studied Nancy’s serious face. “Help move things along.”
“And maybe you shouldn’t,” Nancy challenged. “Seeing as how you seem to feel the same way about taking on Sarah along with Vivian. It might not help my case.”
Scott looked at Nancy with hurt eyes. “You know I only want your happiness, Nancy.”
“And I want yours, Scott. What would you think of Walker if he confessed his love for me but shared with me his reluctance to take on the boys?”
“He hasn’t said that to you, has he?” Scott clinched a fist at the thought.
“No, and I hope he never does,” Nancy assured him. “ But what I want you to think about here are the similarities in our situations. Vivian didn’t mean to fall in love with Sarah, Scott. She didn’t do it to hurt you. But now she loves you both and she’s torn in two with it.”
“And you think I’m not?” Scott kicked at a trash can and started to pace angrily around the office again. “You think I’ve had a good week with all this crap going on in my life. Do you know she’s threatening to take Sarah off to California with her? She’s out there now looking into options while she’s meeting with her producers and her editor. How do you think that makes me feel, Nancy? It’s ripping my heart out!”
He turned back to her with a scowl. “I really thought you’d be on my side in this, Nancy.”
She sat back down at her desk wearily. “There aren’t sides here, Scott. Just different ways of thinking about the situation. I was trying to get you to look at things in another way.”
“Yeah, Vivian’s way,” he scoffed. “You talk about this just like Vivian does. You’re not seeing the logic at all from my side. You’re going with emotions.”
Nancy shook her head. “Scott, love is emotions. It isn’t logical.”
“You can say that again.” He looked at his watch, his anger just barely in check. “I’ve got to get back out to camp.”
He headed out the door, hearing Nancy sigh heavily as he walked off down the steps.
“Women,” he muttered to himself, as he started up the loop road toward the dining hall and the center of the camp. “They’re all the same.”
He’d just gotten to the steps of Spruce Hall, ready to go in and check the lunchroom before the campers started lunch, when he saw Ellen hurrying up the drive behind him.
Expecting another lecture, Scott considered whether he could duck around the building and avoid her. But she had already seen him.
“Scott!” she cried out. “Wait! I’ve been looking for you!”
Resigned now, Scott turned around to greet her with a smile.
“Well, now you’ve found me.” He made an effort to respond cheerfully. “What can I do for you, Ellen?”
“It’s Sarah,” she said, sitting down on the steps, out of breath. “She’s missing.”
“What do you mean, she’s missing?” Scott felt a thread of alarm.
“Well, we’re beginning to think she’s run away.” Ellen took a deep breath, putting a hand to her heart. “I wasn’t that worried this morning, but now we’re getting frantic. Quint is coming home as soon as he can get away from his patient load. He’s already called Sheriff Fields, and he’s coming over from Sevierville now. He’s been in court. Quint also called the ranger, Walker Bailey, and he’s putting a search team together. And your Uncle Leo is gathering a group of locals to start looking for Sarah, too. Scott, I’m really getting upset.”
“Where’s Chelsey?” Scott asked anxiously. “Is she with Sarah?”
“No, she’s fine. Mary’s keeping her while I’m looking.” Ellen dropped her face into her hands wearily. “I came over to see if you could get some people to search the camp, Scott. Maybe she came over here, mixed in with the kids or is hiding out somewhere.”
Scott had seldom seen Ellen as distraught as this. She usually took life’s upsets more in stride. Scott sat down on the porch stairs beside her.
“What’s going on here, Ellen?” he asked suspiciously. “You’re awfully upset about a kid just wandering off from home. You know Sarah is fantasy prone and that she sometimes flies off on some fairy mission or other. She may turn up a little later, not even realizing she’s worried everyone. You know how she is.”
“This is different.” Ellen dropped her eyes. “I didn’t want to worry you with it because of that, but now I have to.”
“How is this different?” Scott asked testily. “Tell me what’s going on.”
Ellen sighed. “Yesterday, Vivian was over at the barn visiting with me while I was doing soap. She told me all about the problems you and she were having.”
Scott’s face darkened and he scowled at Ellen, despite himself.
“Listen, I pinned her into a corner and made her tell me everything,” Ellen explained to him. “She didn’t really want to confide in me. But that’s not the point here, Scott. Evidently, Sarah came out of the house looking for me and heard us talking. Chelsey said Sarah told her that she hid beside the door and listened once she realized that we were talking about her.”
Ellen twisted her shirt nervously. “I swear, Scott, we had no idea the child was there. And we were pretty candid in our discussion. Vivian said a lot of things Sarah didn’t need to hear. How she was being put into the position to have to make a choice between you or Sarah. How it was tearing her apart. She cried a lot. She was upset and let her hair down to me. And Sarah heard it all.”
Scott said an expletive under his breath.
Ellen ignored it. “I should have realized she might come out there. It should have dawned on me that she might have overheard something. She was really quiet all that night. Said her stomach was hurting. Didn’t want to eat much at dinner.”
“What else did Chelsey tell you about this?” Scott quizzed.
“Chelsey said Sarah cried a lot last night after they went to bed. And Sarah told Chelsey that she thought she needed to run away.” Ellen said these last words with anguished eyes. “That you hated her. That Vivian was sad because of her. That you wouldn’t marry Vivian unless she went away.”
Scott groaned.
“I’m so sorry, Scott. We didn’t even know the child was there.”
“Have you called Vivian?”
“No,” Ellen told him. “We hated to worry either of you if we could find her first. Quint and I thought we could talk to Sarah. Help her understand. Without getting either of you involved. Without any more unnecessary emotion.”
“That poor kid,” Scott said. “She didn’t really need this right now after losing her mother and not having any real family anymore.”
“I know.” Ellen lowered her voice. “I just feel terrible. And I can’t think where else to look for her, Scott. I’ve searched every area of the yard, house, and the woods behind us. I’ve looked over at the farmhouse. Your Uncle Leo let me in and helped me. We searched the grounds there and the barn and the sheds, too. We’ve called all the neighbors we know, and no one has even seen the child, Scott. I just have no idea where she might have gone.”
Scott stopped to think. “What did she take with her?”
“The little school backpack I bought her when we all went school shopping last week.” Ellen smiled sadly. “She was so proud of that. A few pieces of her clothes were missing, not much. Her fairy stuff and a picture of her mother. There was a water bottle on her backpack, and I think she may have taken a few snack food items from the kitchen. I’m not sure. She’s only five, Scott. She didn’t pack like a Girl Scout would.”
“Did you check in Gatlinburg where she and her mother lived? Check with their old friends or call the store her mother used to own? Maybe she tried to go back there.”
“We’ve called everyone there that we could think of. Alice has been checking all those ties for us. God, I hated calling and telling Alice about this.”
Ellen put her head into her hands again. “I don’t know where else to look, Scott. She’s so little. I’m scared for her. Anything could happen.”
“Well, talking is not helping,” Scott said, standing up. “I’ll free up some older counselors and CITs and we’ll start a search of the camp grounds. There are a lot of places to hide here, and Sarah knows the camp. Go to Nancy’s office and tell her to start calling every business up the highway, every neighbor in the area. She has a list, and she knows everybody around here. Tell her to call buses and trolleys in the area, in case she walked or got a ride farther into town. Also tell her to call Mother and Dad and my brothers, too. We need to get people looking farther abroad, just in case. Get outlying authorities involved if the sheriff hasn’t already started that. We’ll find her, Ellen.”
