Burning Barriers (Barriers Series Book 3)

by Shirley, Sara

  I need to leave Breckenridge.

  The water in the fire hose continues to drip and drain as everyone sits around the spot where the barn once stood. My eyes burn from the smoke and the tears that continue to stream down my face. While Mom talks to the police chief, I run my blackened hands over my face and stare at what’s left of my dad’s legacy. He built that barn with his own two hands, and it’s all gone. All the memories. All the laughs. All the good times growing up. They’re all gone. Even with the unpleasant memories in that barn, it was still a part of who I am now.

  I watch as the EMTs roll the gurney out of the barn with the remains of a life that was cut too short despite how much I hated her. Laurel might have been a bitch, but I never wanted her dead. I see SJ sitting on the lowered tailgate of his truck. His head drops as he watches the EMTs remove her body. I can see the grief etched across his face. He tried to save her, but she wouldn’t listen to him.

  From what I’ve been told from the chief, SJ and Laurel got into a huge fight in the barn after I left earlier. SJ said some things that led to Laurel throwing something across the barn at him. This ultimately knocked the oil lantern hanging on the hook to the ground. With the dry hay bales everywhere, it was only a matter of seconds before half of the barn was overcome in flames.

  SJ went into panic mode and began unlatching all the horses’ pens, leading each horse out individually. He kept yelling at Laurel to get out of the barn, but she was too distraught and worried about what she had done that she stayed in the barn until SJ pushed her out of his way. He didn’t know where she went as the smoke and flames tripled in size.

  When he finally got the last horse, Pumpkin Pie, out of the stall, he doubled over outside the barn and coughed, trying to inhale clean air into his lungs. Once he finally came to his senses, he looked around for Laurel outside the barn, but he couldn’t see her. He heard wood crumpling and falling, and then he heard her scream.

  He ran back to the barn, but it was too engulfed in flames to enter. He could hear Laurel screaming for help, but he couldn’t see her through the thick smoke and flames. SJ dropped to the ground and tried crawling, but so much of the dry hay was already smoldering that even crawling along the ground wasn’t an option to find her.

  I listened as he recounted the final moments before we arrived. SJ drew back away from the barn shouting Laurel’s name. She called back only a couple of more times to him, but he knew there wasn’t anything he could do to save her by himself.

  When the trucks rolled up quickly on the property, my eyes couldn’t fathom the sight. I felt nothing at the moment. I only knew I had a job to do. The barn was consumed in flames, but at least it hadn’t spread beyond that. At that point, we could only contain it from moving beyond the barn. There was no way I was letting Mom’s house go up as well. I wouldn’t let it.

  I double-checked to make sure I had my full bunker gear in order just as we unloaded frantically from the fire truck. As I ran around the truck, I grabbed the hose Regan was already pulling out and did my job as the other guys hooked up to the tanker truck. The moment I turned around with the hose in my hands I watched as even more of the structure collapsed and cinders rose into the sky. I knew then nothing left in the barn could be salvaged.

  After all the flames were doused and all that was left were plumes of smoke rising from the incinerated wood, I searched the barn for her body, tearing through a number of fallen beams that ultimately pinned her and prevented her from getting out alive. What I found was something I could never fully understand. Laurel lay lifeless in the corner of a stall huddled in a ball, clutching Lucy’s leather cowboy hat. Her body was covered in black soot, but not a burn on her led me to believe she died from smoke asphyxiation.

  I crouched down to her body, running my leather-like work fire glove over her cheek and leaving a smudge line across her face. My other hand pulled the hat from her hands. My eyes welled up with tears as I thought about her final moments and what it had to have been like for her. “You never could do anything the easy way. Could you, Laurel?” I whispered as I ran my gloves over the brim of the hat. “You always gave Lucy a hard time and then you go and do this. A hat was replaceable… a life is not.”

  When I heard the paramedics file in behind me, I left the burned structure that used to be the barn. I made my way over to SJ who stood with my mom and the police chief. I saw his eyes go from sad to angry within seconds when he saw the hat.

  “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” SJ shouted. “She died going back in for her hat?”

  “I’m sorry, man. I don’t know what else to say. You know she would never have listened, even if you told not to go in there for it.”

  “You know what’s amazing, Jake? I loved that woman in there like she was my everything, and all you ever did was give her shit all these years. What killed me the most was she hated my guts because I wasn’t you. She loved you with every breath she took. Never me. You were what we fought about before the fire started, and in the end, she died to get a hat for the girl you love. Ain’t that the shit?”

  Those were the last words SJ spoke to me before he went walking off into the pasture to look for the loose horses. As I sit here still watching him on the back of the truck, I can tell our relationship may never be the same, but I will make sure he knows that Laurel’s life will never have been taken in vain. I might have argued and fired her before I left because she could be a bitch, but she still was a valuable asset to the ranch all these years.

  While all medical personnel, firemen, and police officers prepare to leave the ranch, I see Mom off on the other side of the ranch facing in the direction of downtown Breckenridge. The sun is setting off in the distance, and the sky is a purplish and pink blaze above the mountain range. Her body is braced as she holds on to the old wooden fence at the edge of the property.

  Her head turns slightly as she hears my rubber boots crunching the ground behind her. I can see she’s been crying, and I know that I need to make sure getting the ranch back up and operating after we handle Laurel’s funeral arrangements has to be my top priority.

  Mom returns her attention to the town and the sunset. “I called Laurel’s parents. They’re heading to the medical examiner’s office now. I said we’d help handle the arrangements if they needed us.”

  “Mom, if you need me to do anything, let me know. I know without Laurel you’ll be shorthanded in the office. I can get some time off from the station if I have to.”

  “Jake, don’t be silly. I’ve called Lucy’s parents already, and Ellen has already offered to help when she’s not working the bar.”

  “What do you mean ‘Ellen has already offered to help’?”

  “Well, I was going to ask Lucy, but since she is heading back East in a few days, I thought I’d ask Ellen instead.”

  My mind stops to process the words that just left my mother’s mouth. Just this morning, Lucy and I were in bed together at my house talking about our future and how much we loved each other. Never once did she mention anything about leaving in a few days. I know I didn’t exactly have much time to talk to her at the fire station, but she didn’t look like she was about to tell me she was leaving.

  Mom’s hands fix my twisted suspenders holding up my turnout pants. My hands reach up and grab her frail fingers. “Who told you Lucy was leaving in a few days?”

  “Well, Lucy’s mom told me a few minutes ago. I thought you knew. That’s why I said something. Oh, Jake, I had no idea you didn’t know yet. This day really couldn’t get any worse for you. Could it?”

  Mom leans into my side and wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me into her gentle embrace. My eyes focus on the lights illuminating the downtown area where Lucy surely is packing her stuff at the moment.

  “Like hell she’s leaving,” I say as I pull away from my mom and rush back to the fire truck. “Mom, I’ll call you in a little bit!” I shout over my shoulder and hop into the fire department’s SUV. I yell out to Regan that I need to take care of someth
ing in town, and he waves at me, letting me know he heard me. I speed down the driveway and rush to the Wyatts’ house before it’s too late and Lucy never comes back again.

  The decision to leave has not been an easy one. The minute my car drives past the sign that reads, “You are now leaving Breckenridge,” I want to turn around and head back. Jake wants me to stay with him, but Sam needs me to come back there. Never in my dreams did I assume anything like this would happen in my life.

  Just when I think everything has been going well, things have an odd way of crashing down. Three weeks have passed here at home, and I thought I could handle the idea of leaving again. I never expected Sam to call me a couple of nights ago and tell me she needed me to return home for something important. She was vague, to say the least, but she said she wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t a matter of utmost importance. I tried to explain that I would need a better reason to leave here, even though I already knew I’d drop everything for my best friend.

  I wanted to see Jake before I finally left town. I had every intention of doing so. After I left my parents’ house with my VW all packed, I drove through town. I passed all the places that had quickly become home again to me. My hands clammed up as I gripped the steering wheel at the same traffic corner I first saw Jake nearly a month ago.

  I instantly turned my car onto the street that took me up the road to Jake’s house. I owed him an apology, at least for abruptly leaving like this, especially after everything that had just happened with the ranch. My tires crunched against the driveway as I pulled in front of the house.

  When I rang the doorbell and Andrea opened the door, I was instantly saddened when she said Jake was with SJ handling the new investment out of town and that SJ was still having a hard time dealing with Laurel’s death.

  Even with Jake’s absence, Andrea invited me inside anyway. I sat there with her, explaining what I had endured with Stone and how Jake was the one to help me work through my issues. Andrea told me that even though Laurel might have been a jealous bitch to me, in the end she proved she had a caring heart deep down. Apparently, Laurel knew my old cowboy hat meant more to Jake than anything. What Andrea and Laurel knew that I didn’t was the fact that the hat belonged to Jake’s dad. It didn’t even dawn on me when I got the hat until I heard her retell the story about the first day I came to the ranch, and Jake’s dad placed the hat upon my small head. He looked at Jake and me and said, “This hat was made for you, kid. Whenever you come out to ride the horses here, you wear this hat, and it will bring you all the luck in the world.” As the tears rolled down our faces, I knew my time was growing short for waiting around for Jake to come home. Andrea even tried calling him, but his phone was turned off.

  With a long embrace and tear-filled eyes, I parted ways with Andrea. I told her to explain the best she could to Jake that I needed to do this for myself, but that I still loved him more than anything. He would always be my heart and soul. I knew I couldn’t stay, and yet I knew he couldn’t and shouldn’t leave. Andrea needed him more than I could ever imagine right now.

  The tears finally stop falling as I pass through Denver and see the mountains in my rearview mirror. I know now I have made the wrong choice. I know I shouldn’t have chosen at all. I should have told Jake something, anything. Not just ‘I’m sorry; I can’t stay’. I mean, what could I say to make him truly understand the level of honest to goodness love I have for him?

  He has two jobs in Breckenridge, one of which I could never ask him to leave. His mother relies on him to help run the ranch, and after the whole ordeal with Laurel and SJ, even more burden will be on Jake’s shoulders.

  Knowing my leaving is only going to cause more weight on his shoulders has been digging into my heart since the minute I saw the disappointment behind his eyes before I even left town. Standing there broken and unsure of what went wrong between us, neither of us said a word. I could only turn around and walk away from the man who loves me more than his own life.

  What’s even worse is that I truly saw my entire future with him beside me. I know that when I turned my back on him in my house, the future I had envisioned was gone. I ran from the living room and packed my bags. I might not have the most extravagant life to live with my roller derby sisters, but I still had unfinished business to handle.

  If Sam called and said it was urgent for me to return, I know if she never told me the reason for coming home, it had to be important. I only hope that in time the hurt I’ve caused Jake will subside. I never even said goodbye to him. I couldn’t. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone or even if I plan on coming back to Breckenridge any time soon. He needs to focus on the bigger picture right now. Helping rebuild the ranch will allow him time to forgive me for leaving… I hope.

  That’s at least what is helping me continue driving back East. Jake’s future lies with the ranch in Breckenridge. My future is still in shambles. I might have spent the last few weeks mending my past, but I still have to figure out where my future is heading. After talking to Sam, it appears that life with the C-Naughtie Roller Derby team might never be the same. Now that she’s engaged, she and Josh are talking about buying a house and starting a family. Rose and Kim, albeit a little crazy sometimes, are still more settled and have a career already in place. I might work at the salon and enjoy every minute with my clients, but who am I kidding? Working four days a week doesn’t allow me to live on my own for very long.

  I let out a deep breath as my eyes begin to water again from thinking about what lies ahead for me. I will not cry again. I have to deal with everything life throws at me and take the highs with the lows, even if that means taking a few punches here and there. I will stand on my own two feet and move my life in the right direction. I just don’t know if east is the right direction.

  I pull down my sunglasses from the top of my head as the sun begins to creep over the horizon of the flat highway in front of me. The silence in the car begins to play games with my mind as my thoughts start to go in a million different directions. I reach over to plug my phone into the radio and pull up my media player. As I unlock the screen, I notice the number of missed phone calls and text messages glaring back at me. I knew it was only a matter of time before Jake found out I left. I deliberately kept my phone on silent because of it. Now, as I see the words in front of me, I clear the screen and hit the Play button for my music, not thinking about what he must be going through.

  Luce…where are you? Let’s talk. Please?

  YOU LEFT?!?! WTF LUCE!

  ANSWER YOUR FUCKIN’ PHONE!!!

  While pushing the buttons to turn off my screen, I accidentally hit something that prompts my voicemail to play because Jake’s very pissed-off voice fills my car.

  Luce! What the fuck? You just up and leave, and now you don’t even say goodbye again? I know asking you to stay with me was unexpected, but I thought with our history and the past few weeks together, we could have talked about where things were headed with us. Now, you won’t even answer your phone or respond to my texts, so I’ll assume things with us were just never really meant to be, huh? Funny… because I thought you and I were truly meant to be. Well, you know where to reach me if you decide to ever come back home or need to talk, I guess. But, Luce, know this… when I said I loved you and only you… I meant it. You’ve only ever been the one for me. I love you, and I miss you already. I guess I’ll talk to you later. Bye, Luce.

  A stray tear falls down my cheek, and I quickly wipe it away. I remind myself that I need to keep heading forward. If and when I ever to return to Breckenridge, I can only hope that Jake understands why I left. I know he’ll talk to Ellen, and she’ll explain it to him the best she can. I never expected to stay too long when I went back home, but I also never expected to fall in love with Jake even more than I ever had before.

  As if right on cue, the lyrics from James Blunt’s “Goodbye My Lover” seep through the speakers in my car, and it’s all I need to feel the welling of tears again. Quickly hitting the Forward butto
n on my phone, I move on to another playlist that doesn’t make me want to cry or put this car in reverse. Nickelback’s “S.E.X.” comes up quickly, and I check the screen on the phone again to double check what I’m listening to. The corners of my lips curl up at the playlist name, ‘Derby Date Night Songs’.

  I continue driving toward the sun, thinking about how much my life has changed in a short amount of time. Well, maybe not short amount of time. All these years have passed since I’ve returned home, and they’ve all been a learning curve for me. I always compared every guy I slept with to Jake. I will most likely still do that. But perhaps, after all of this, I won’t use men like I did in the past. The past is the past, and my future is still up in the air. I wonder if anything will be the same again. Sam has Josh, and the C-Naughtie house won’t be complete anymore. No more Derby Date Night, no more mornings around the kitchen planning girls’ nights out, and the thing that I’ll miss the most… the sassy banter between Sam and me.

  She and I will always be thicker than blood. We’ve spent the last month supporting each other and opening up about how we’ve handled the recovery process after Stone’s attack. Once I finally explained my history with Jake, I think she understood me more than I ever could. I never knew why I didn’t talk about him to my roommates. It was almost as though talking about him would have made staying away that much harder, like the minute his name passed over my lips, I’d return to Breckenridge for him.

  It’s funny how life plays tricks on you.

  I pull into the driveway of an old Victorian house not too far from where Sam’s wine bar is located in downtown North Andover, Massachusetts. I double-check the GPS and the address on my phone that Sam texted me last night. Shrugging my shoulders and grabbing my purse from the passenger seat, I open the car door and slowly stretch my legs as I get out of my Beetle. I push my sunglasses to the top of my head as my Chucks make the trek up the stone walkway to the front wraparound porch.