“Mamamama!” Rachel squealed again, each syllable getting louder and louder. Then she laid her downy head on Stacey’s shoulder and said, “Mamama.”
Tears flooded Stacey’s eyes, and Joey stood. He wrapped his arms around his family, more humble than ever. Stacey was Rachel’s mother, and everything he’d gone through in the last year was suddenly worth it.
“I love you,” he said into Stacey’s ear. This seemed to make the tears flow faster. He kissed them each away and rubbed his daughter’s head.
“I love you, too,” she said with a wobbly smile. “And I love you, Rachel.”
“Mamama.”
They both laughed, and Stacey moved away from him, grabbing Rachel’s bottle and feeding her with one hand as she placed her palm on Joey’s cheek. The moment intensified when Stacey looked up to him, not a hint of shyness in her demeanor. He barely recognized the woman in front of him anymore. He knew the depth of her transformation went further than he could fathom, but in that moment, he realized he was truly clueless over how much she’d changed.
“Thank you, Joey. Thank you for everything.”
Joey captured her mouth in a quick kiss. “You’re thanking me? I’m the lucky one. Always remember that.”
A sense of foreboding fell over Joey as they sat down to eat their dinner. He’d make a deal with the devil to protect what was his. But what if he had already done just that?
****
Stacey was starting to worry. Every night for the last week, Joey was late coming home from work. By several hours. As he walked in after nine p.m. eight days later, she simply sent him a look that told him they needed to talk. Rachel was already in bed, and Stacey had some time to think.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he sat at the table for dinner.
“Nothing, why?”
“Have I done something to upset you? You haven’t been coming home until late.”
“No, everything’s fine. I just have a lot of stuff to do lately.”
Placing a kiss underneath his ear, she heard his harsh exhale and then he dug into his food with fervor.
Still, Stacey couldn’t place it, but she knew something was wrong. Joey had been evasive when she asked him questions about his workload, and suddenly it all made sense. Did he not want to be with her anymore? Was there someone else?
She plopped down in the chair and studied him closely. It was as if she wasn’t there. Days had passed since they’d last made love or they’d enjoyed a simple night together without any expectations. She knew as soon as he was finished eating, he’d announce he was tired and go to bed.
And she’d follow like a loyal puppy, waiting for a scrap of affection.
The thing was, just as Joey had said, being a mother to Rachel had changed her. It made her see life for what it was now. A fleeting blip on the map God had given her to make a difference in a little girl’s life. And possibly the man she’d always loved. But she could only do so much before frustration sat in, and she knew now that was the feeling in her chest.
She never wanted to go back to being the person she was before Joey came along. That person had been weak and lost and sad from her grandfather’s passing. She had direction now. That direction was for Rachel and Joey. Being a wife made her happy, and having someone who came home to her every night felt like warm cookies at Christmastime.
But what if all those fears she thought she’d conquered came racing back? What if, despite all his admissions to the contrary, Joey still loved Cameron and wanted her back? What if, the second she was granted parole, Stacey was served with divorce papers?
He’d made it no secret in the beginning their marriage was no love match. He needed her for Rachel and to help him look stable for the courts. Now that he’d been given temporary custody, did he really need her anymore? Even though the battle wasn’t over, he’d put up a respectable fight for his daughter.
If Stacey hadn’t already been seated, she might have sat straight on the floor. She worried her lip in an effort to stave off the helpless feeling taking root in her gut. The reality was she couldn’t make Joey love her. She couldn’t make him stay. And considering he’d been such a player his whole adult life, he’d settled down remarkably fast and furious for a man with so many notches on his bed post. She’d been foolish to let those fears slide by in the name of love.
Now, as he studiously avoided her gaze, she realized Rachel was probably next. She’d be gone, Stacey’s life would go right back to where she was when Joey knocked on her door months ago — lonely and scared. Only this time, she wouldn’t have her grandfather to help her pick up after the fall.
She missed her grandfather’s gentle assurances and his quiet smiles. For all intents and purposes, he’d been both her mother and her father when her parents died. What she wouldn’t give for some of his advice.
“I think I’ll go to bed,” Stacey said and rose on wobbly legs.
He gave her a strange look that spoke of confusion. “I’m not far behind you. I’m exhausted.”
“I know you are,” she said sadly. It meant there would be no physical affection tonight to keep her fears at bay. The insecurities were rearing their ugly faces again, and she was helpless to stop it. She felt rage consume her. Her hands shook as she grabbed the doorframe, looking back at Joey again.
“Hey, Stace?” he asked without looking up.
“Yeah?”
Finally he turned his expressionless gaze toward her and said, “I love you. You know that, right?”
“Yeah.”
But she didn’t know anything at all.
****
Joey was a liar. Plain and simple. Not even just once, but twice now. His visits to see Cameron were eating at him, knowing Stacey waited for him at home and took care of Rachel all so he could stop and feed some strange need Cameron had to see him.
Suddenly his perfect life wasn’t so perfect anymore.
He was angry with Cameron for putting him in this position. Even angrier with himself for letting her put him in this position. The only good that had come from his visits was how reassured he was doing the right thing. He’d ignored the times his ex entered the visitation room looking pretty and soft, reminding him of the first time they’d met, before the drugs had taken over her life.
He tried to ignore the feelings of doubt he had buried deep inside that told him he was cheating Stacey out of the truth. She would eventually find out what he was doing and she would be angry. Even more hurt. If he got what he deserved, she’d kick him out on his behind.
On the good days, when Cameron said and did everything right, he sometimes wondered what he was doing and how he’d found himself married before he’d worked out all his emotions. Cameron was the first woman he’d loved and wanted to settle down with. Truthfully, the only woman he’d loved and wanted to settle down with. Before he had time to blink, he was married to his friend, and it was a whole new set of feelings he had to deal with. He hadn’t loved Stacey in the beginning, and he certainly hadn’t wanted a homebody as a wife. He was the fraternity guy at college who hosted parties all the time, for crying out loud!
With Stacey, their love was quiet and assuring, steadfast and powerful. With Cameron, his feelings were wild and wreckless and didn’t make a whole lot of sense. Even knowing this didn’t stop him from wondering about the what-ifs.
What if she had never started drugs? Would they be somewhere different? Would they still be together? What if he’d worked harder to help her? What if Cameron straightened her life out after prison and never touched drugs again?
He honestly had no idea how he would feel, and it scared him. He liked to think maybe he’d shake off their relationship like water droplets from a shower. And the crazy thing was, if he compared Stacey and Cameron, Stacey always won, hands down. But there was still this pull with Cameron he couldn’t put his finger on, and it killed him. He wanted to give everything he had to Stacey, including his heart.
Cameron w
alked in the visitation room and sat down across from him. She smiled and took his hand in hers. It was something she did every day since he’d agreed to visit her. He let her, mainly because he didn’t know how to tell her no.
“I missed you,” she said, her eyes bright and alert.
To this, Joey said nothing.
“You seem unhappy. Is everything okay? Is Rachel okay?”
“Everything is fine.” Another lie. He was becoming a world-class jerk.
“How is Rachel?” Cameron’s eyes went soft, and she smiled.
“She’s good. She’s with Stacey.” It was the same comment he gave her every evening.
“Joe?”
He studied their hands, her delicate fingers with blunt nails and his larger ones. He’d once felt they fit together perfectly. “Yeah?”
“I love you. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I feel like since you’ve been visiting, we’ve been on a different level. Maybe it’s because I’ve been sober for so long, but it’s opened my eyes to what a great person you really are. And a great father. Not many men would have done what you did just to save your baby and give up all the fun you had in college to settle down.”
“I did what any man should have done. And Rachel isn’t a burden to me. She’s my daughter, and I love her.”
“And I know she loves you. I just wish I was the one you came home to every night.”
“You made your choice.”
“But it was a stupid one. And we’re all entitled to make mistakes, and this was mine.”
“What do you want me to say?” He found he was absently rubbing the pad of his thumb across her skin. Suddenly, he pulled his hand away from hers like he’d been burned. What was he doing?
“My lawyer says the judge is looking over my parole tomorrow. We should have an answer by the end of the day.”
Panic seized his chest. Did this mean she’d be out of prison and back in his life? Back in Rachel’s life?
“What do you think he will decide?”
“I think it will be granted. I’m still doing well here, and I’ve stopped making those phone calls you tattled on me about. Hard to do when you got the poor man fired.” Her smile lessened the sting of her words. “We need to talk about visitation rights with our daughter.”
He thought of his selfless wife sitting at home waiting on him, his dinner no doubt hot and ready, his daughter fed and bathed. What right did Cameron have to her? What had she done other than jeopardize her entire existence by her drug use?
Joey looked at her. “What do you suggest?”
“I suggest we split our time with her. She’s half mine anyway.”
He bit his tongue hard enough to taste blood. “I don’t think it makes for much stability in her life being shuffled between us half of the time.”
“I gave birth to her, Joe. Don’t forget it.”
“I haven’t. And this isn’t about who she belongs to. It’s not a personal attack on you. It’s about what’s good for Rachel and what she needs. And I don’t think splitting her life up into fifty percent increments is what’s best.”
“What do you think is best? For me to fade quietly into the background and let your little wife raise my kid?” Her back was straight and her chin was lifted, a telltale sign she was ready to rumble.
“I think it’s best for Rachel to be with the people she knows as her parents. And that’s Stacey and me.”
“You’re delusional if you think I’m going to let her go so easily.”
Joey sat up and took her hand in his, hoping against hope he could see the real Cameron when he asked his next question. “Can you honestly tell me you aren’t tempted to go back to your old lifestyle?”
“I haven’t been out of prison yet, so I can’t answer.”
“What if you go back to drugs? What if Rachel is with you and you make a big mistake and get behind the wheel of your car with her? How do you think I could live with myself knowing I allowed that?”
It was Cameron’s turn to look at their hands. With sad eyes, she shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe we could take it slow. Make sure I’m out of the woods or something. I know it’s going to be a temptation.”
“So you agree we should do supervised at first? Let Rachel get to know you a little at a time? Make sure you don’t relapse before we go full speed?”
Cameron seemed to think a moment. “Yes. I think I could agree to that. I want what’s best for her, too, you know. And even though I say it won’t happen, I know the reality of my situation. Addiction is addiction.”
Sounded like the counseling was working. Or maybe it was what her lawyer had suggested she say so visitation was even an option. Either way, he was on alert and wasn’t going to give in to her the way he had for so long.
Abruptly, Joey stood. “I’m glad we agree on something, Cam. I’ll be interested to see what happens next.”
“Joe!” she said, scrambling from her position and rounding the table. “I need to know there’s hope.”
“I told you we’ll take things slow with Rachel.”
“I mean for you and me. You were the only thing stable in my life, and I need to know we’re not over.”
“I’m married. What part of those words do you not understand?”
“C’mon, I know that was never a thing for you before. You hit on attached women all the time when you were with me.”
“No, I didn’t. I was always faithful to you. Always. If there’s one good thing I can say for my sordid past, I was always faithful to whoever I dated. I was brought up to believe in marriage as being sacred and irreversible. Stacey and I both feel same way. We were over a long time ago, Cameron, and you need to accept it.”
A chilly, stone-like gaze replaced Cameron’s pleading one. “It’s not smart to go against me right now, Joe. A mother never loses in court.”
A moment of dread filled him, but he pushed it back. He wouldn’t be intimidated.
“You know coming here to see me puts everything your attorney brings up in question, right?”
And just like that, Joey felt the ball drop. It was why she’d asked for visits from him. She was planning on manipulating him in court. It all made sense.
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…” he said sadly, shaking his head at his own stupidity.
“That’s just it, Joe. You’ve always been an easy target. I don’t like what I’ve had to do to get visitation, but I’m determined to spend time with my daughter. No matter what.”
Without a word, Joey backed up. The lump in his throat was more than he could take. He didn’t want her to see him break down and cry like a baby.
Now everything he held dear, his wife, his daughter and his own sanity was at risk because of one prisoner. He didn’t know what ever possessed him to love Cameron so deeply.
“Joe,” she said, her voice soft. “I didn’t want to hurt you…”
He held his hands up to silence her as he continued to the door.
“I still love you, Joe. Even if you don’t believe me. But it’s like you said, being a parent changed me. And I deserve to know my little girl.”
I, I, I, was all Joey heard. What about Rachel? Last time he checked, it wasn’t about him or Cameron, but about what stability Rachel should have.
Without a backward glance, Joey left the prison and told himself he wasn’t going to return. Whatever feelings he thought he’d felt for Cameron blew away like sand in a storm. And what a storm it was.
Chapter Sixteen
The moment Joey walked in that night, Stacey knew something was truly wrong. Anger was all over his face, more pronounced in his clenched jaw and furrowed brows.
“Is Rachel asleep?” he asked without a greeting, throwing his briefcase on the table.
“Y-yes,” Stacey said and took his plate out of the microwave.
“No. I can’t eat right now. We need to talk.”
Stacey slowly closed the microwave door, giving herself time to regroup. “Have I done somethin
g?”
“Stace, there’s nothing you could ever do to upset me like this.” He came up behind her and kissed her hair, his masculine scent surrounding her and making her feel cozy despite the seriousness of his situation.
“Let’s go sit in the living room. This might take a while.”
Again, Stacey took her time following Joey into the living room. She wasn’t sure what was about to happen. Would he tell her tonight he was having an affair? Wanted a divorce? Needed space?
“I need to tell you something,” he said, running his hands down his face.
With a deep breath and a thick swallow, she nodded. “Okay.”
It took Joey a minute to spit out the words and when he did, she was floored. “I’ve been going to the prison to see Cameron.”
The betrayal sank deep inside Stacey. Maybe it would have been easier with someone who didn’t have such a history, or easier because another woman was prettier or skinnier, but Cameron was the very woman who had given her a husband and a child. In a weird sort of way, she owed everything she had to her. But just as she’d always known in the back of her mind, her happiness was only temporary. She wasn’t cut out for a man like Joey. People like him wanted it all. They wanted the trophy wife and the flashy cars, not a childhood friend for a wife who drove a used vehicle.
“I think you should pack your things,” she said softly. Ironically, tears didn’t come. Just a sad acceptance.
“Stacey, let me explain.”
“You lied to me. Again. I asked you not to.”
“I was trying to protect what we have! She said if I came to see her, she’d work with me on visitation rights. I thought it would be easier on all of us!”
It was too much. Stacey shook her head and stood. “I can’t trust you. I’m not sure I ever have now.”
“Don’t do this.”
“You did it, not me. I got dragged into this and had stars in my eyes, Joey! I thought somehow you’d fall in love with me, and we’d live happily ever after. I wasn’t thinking!” Furious with herself now, she threw a pair of socks at him, not even stopping to consider how silly it was.
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