He caught them easily and stared at her.
“Get out.”
“I promised you I wouldn’t leave you. I don’t want this to be over.” His eyes shone bright, and Stacey felt the anger boiling to a full roll.
“Don’t men like you make promises just to prove you can break them? Then you call up all your friends and laugh about it?”
“I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“No, but you’d sneak around behind my back and see your ex girlfriend who is in prison! I’m not sure what’s worse, you lying to me or that I’m not any better than a drug-addicted convict.”
Stacey tried to avoid him, but he backed her into the same corner of the living room where they’d shared their very first adult kiss.
“I did it because I thought she would make it easier on us to keep our family together.”
“You’re a fool for her, Joey. And I’m a fool for thinking anything would be different. I need some space. I can’t sleep next to you tonight knowing you’ve lied to me and taken away my faith in you.”
“I’m not leaving you. I don’t care how mad you are at me. We’re going to work through this. I promised you I wouldn’t leave you, and I’m going to prove to you I won’t. If I don’t do anything else right, I can do this.”
“Suit yourself. But you won’t be sleeping in my bed.”
“Tomorrow is the hearing for Cameron’s parole. I don’t expect you to come, but I have to be there by eight. She’s expecting to walk out of there afterward.”
Stacey turned and looked at him, sadness emanating throughout her body. “Maybe you guys can have your happily ever after after all. Count me out.”
Without warning, Joey pinned her against the wall, his hands gating her in with no chance of escape. “You’re my wife, Stacey. I need you there. No one has ever been there for me like you have. What am I going to do when the judge sees you’re not there? How do you think it will effect visitation? If you don’t do it for me, do it for Rachel. She deserves being with someone she knows. Not a stranger who could kill her if she makes a bad decision.”
Numbness made her next words come out colder than she ever wanted to be about the little girl she’d come to love as her own. “You made the choice to lie to me. You made the choice to do something without consulting me. Rachel is an innocent bystander in all this, and I’m really sad you’ve made the wrong decisions so far in your life. But you’ve made your bed, and now you have to sleep in it.”
The soft thud of the door closing behind her as she entered their bedroom was like a gunshot echoing through the night. Or maybe it was the dam that held back her tears crumbling into dust.
****
The next morning, it was clear Joey hadn’t slept well. Stacey hadn’t either, but she’d refused to help him when Rachel cried during the night. Despite the urgent calls she kept hearing. “Mamamamama!” She refused to go to her. It was best to make the transition a clean one. They were both way too attached, it seemed.
As she entered the kitchen, she didn’t even bother to look their way, but from her peripheral vision she saw Joey was feeding Rachel baby food, and Rachel was pouting and shoving the food away.
“You’ve got to eat, baby,” he cooed, spooning another bite toward her. Stacey looked and saw he was trying to feed her peas. She hated peas, and if he wasn’t careful, she’d throw up on him. The only thing that stopped her from letting him figure it out on his own was knowing how uncomfortable Rachel would be getting sick.
“She hates peas,” she stated simply and handed him a jar of applesauce. “Especially for breakfast.”
Joey looked relieved and gave her a weak smile. “Good to know. Listen, Stace…”
She held up her hand, effectively silencing him. “That wasn’t an invitation to speak to me. The more I think about this, the angrier I get. The only reason I’m speaking to you is because of Rachel.”
A few moments of silence reigned peacefully as Rachel ate and Joey spooned. She fixed herself some fruit for breakfast and kept her back to Joey. She was a marshmallow when it came to him, and if she wasn’t careful, she’d be right back where she started, shy, embarrassed, and willing to do anything for him, no matter what the cost to her own heart.
Heat surrounded her as Joey’s hands urged her to turn around.
“No,” she issued.
“Yes. We need to talk.” His hands were insistent, but she held on to the counter.
“You’re not going to make me any less angry by trying to sweet talk your way out of this. You hurt me, Joey.”
“Will you look at me?”
“No.”
“Please?”
Slowly, she turned. It wasn’t smart but then again, she’d never made good grades in school.
“I’m sorry I made you cry,” he said softly. “It was all I could do not to take down the door and hold you. The only thing stopping me was knowing it might hurt you even more.”
Stacey kept her gaze trained on a piece of lint on his shirt. Sometimes saying nothing at all was easiest.
“I’m sorry I lied to you. I promise you I never intended to hurt you or make you feel like less than the wonderful wife and friend you are to me. I knew in my heart it was wrong the whole time, but I reasoned the end would justify the means. If I could get Cameron to back down on visitation, maybe I could live with my choice.”
Again, she said nothing. Everything he said was an excuse. A justification of what he’d done to cut her so deeply.
“What else do you want me to say?” he asked after a moment of her silence.
“I shouldn’t have to tell you what to apologize for, Joey.”
“I don’t want you to, but I am curious if there’s anything else I’ve done that maybe I haven’t realized. I am a man, you know.”
“How about loving Cameron more than me?”
“Do you really believe that?” He pulled back and looked in her eyes. Stacey met his gaze square on, showing him how serious she was.
“Do you feel like you should apologize for it, Joey? For loving another woman more than your wife?”
“But I haven’t! I don’t!”
“No? Every choice you’ve made has been for her.” She moved away from him, his heat leaving her cold in its wake. “I can’t live like this. I fooled myself into thinking I could love you enough for the both of us. But it was just a simpleton’s dream. You and I both know this won’t work until you’ve settled your feelings with Cameron.”
“But I have, Stacey! These visits with her proved to me what I knew all along!”
Stacey shook her head. “No, they didn’t. The fact you can’t see that tells me everything I need to know.”
“What do you want from me?”
Stacey startled a little at his raised voice, but she squared her shoulders and cocked an eyebrow at him. “I want you to love me.”
“I do love you! I’ve told you a million times!”
“I don’t want a feeling, Joey. Love isn’t always mushy smiles and hugs and kisses and great sex. Those things fade with time. It’s gritty. It’s hard. And it’s a choice.”
“What are you talking about?”
Why did it surprise her so that he didn’t understand? Back when her faith was stronger, before her duties as a wife had caused her to slip with her daily Bible readings, she’d loved one particular passage. It gave her hope one day she’d find the kind of love Jesus spoke of in regard to her husband:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Could she say she was being the kind of spouse he wanted? Certainly she was justified in being angry at his lies about Cameron. And she was right to feel betrayed. But that didn’t mean she could negate their marriage on a lie. Marrying him was her choice, right or wrong. She
wasn’t perfect either.
But she wasn’t ready to admit anything to him yet. And now was as good a time as any to demonstrate what she wanted from him.
“If you’ll give me ten minutes, I’ll get ready to go to the courthouse with you.”
“You’re going?”
She looked at him with a frown. “You said you needed me to go, didn’t you?”
He swallowed so hard she saw his Adam’s apple bob with the effort. “I do need you.”
“Ten minutes.”
And she walked into the bathroom, a prayer on her lips.
Chapter Seventeen
The courtroom was cold and sterile, much like Stacey found the hospital room to be where Rachel had been born. Cameron still hadn’t come in yet, and Joey sat next to her bouncing his leg so fast she was getting annoyed.
Rachel squirmed in her arms, and she fought to keep her happy.
“I think I’ll take her outside. She’s getting restless,” Stacey said, feeling a bit overwhelmed. They went out to dinner sometimes with Rachel, but it had never been necessary to keep her quiet.
“I’ll take her,” Ms. McCrary said behind her in a hushed whisper. Stacey hadn’t been sure if her mother-in-law would come, but she was glad she had. It was nice to have a friendly face there.
When Rachel was out of the courtroom, Joey gently took Stacey’s hand and kissed her fingertips. “Thank you for coming, Stace. It means the world to me.”
“I did what any decent wife should do.”
“Maybe so, but it doesn’t mean I appreciate it any less.”
Stacey nodded silently and squeezed his hand. “It’s what love is, Joey. And I’ve meant it every time I’ve said I love you.”
Only for her, the feelings also came with the choice.
Joey didn’t say anything and before long, Cameron was ushered in. Her blue eyes honed in on Joey immediately, looking sad and a bit lost. Then, her gaze landed squarely on Stacey’s.
At first, Stacey wasn’t sure what to do. She almost pulled her grip away from Joey, but he tightened his hold, and she sensed he needed her touch then. Whether it was a touch he wanted from a friend or his wife, she might never know, but she did know she couldn’t deny him.
Cameron offered her a wan smile, void of any emotions and sat down, keeping her back to them.
Joey rubbed his fingers across the back of her hands. When she looked at him, she saw his gaze was centered across the room, at nothing in particular. What was he thinking? What she wouldn’t give to know right then.
“Mamamamama!” Rachel’s voice called out just before the hearing was about to start.
Stacey turned and smiled as Ms. McCrary brought Rachel in. The second she took her baby girl, it hit her like a punch to the gut. Cameron had just witnessed everything. And not only that, the first time she’d seen her daughter since the day she was born, she was calling another woman her mother. Stacey’s heart hurt for her. But she didn’t feel guilty.
Turning slowly, she saw Cameron watching them with huge tears in her eyes. Not knowing what to do, she sat down next to Joey again. Rachel laid her head on her chest and shoved her thumb in her mouth. Stacey wasn’t up to speed on how she should behave, so she decided not to act any different with Rachel than she had since day one. She wanted Cameron to see Rachel was in good hands.
Stacey just didn’t want Cameron to think she’d been replaced, even if Rachel didn’t know the difference.
As the judge came in and the hearing started, Stacey frowned at Cameron, huddled with her lawyer. Something in her gut told her it wasn’t good, especially when they both turned and looked at her holding Rachel.
She and Joey exchanged looks, but eventually he shrugged and turned his attention to the judge.
They soon learned Cameron’s parole had been granted, and she would be released from prison immediately. The judge then set the custody hearing for the following week. Until then, she wasn’t allowed to see Rachel.
It all happened so fast, Stacey wasn’t sure what to make of it. She did have enough presence of mind to realize they had one week to make sure Cameron couldn’t hurt Rachel. One week. After so many months with the baby she’d come to know as her daughter, it came down to the next seven days to prepare her for an introduction to her biological mother.
When Stacey was honest with herself, there was no way a judge wouldn’t grant some sort of visitation for Cameron. And even worse, she wasn’t sure what would be best for her little girl. Should she know the woman who gave birth to her? Stacey needed to think on all this and pray. God would give her the peace of mind she needed to get through the next few days and coming months.
“Well, I guess that’s that,” Joey said, standing and watching Cameron exit the room. She didn’t even look back as the door clicked behind her.
“A week, Joey. In one week, it’ll be over, and we can quit wondering. We’ll have answers then. And we can learn how to deal with them.”
Despite the fact she felt worlds apart from her husband since he’d revealed his lies, she still leaned into him when he wrapped his arms around her. “We’ll deal with it together, no matter what, Stace. I love you.”
Stacey’s world crumbled all over again.
****
Would Stacey leave him? Joey wanted to believe she wouldn’t. Needed to believe she wouldn’t. But when push came to shove, he just didn’t know what their outcome would be once Cameron was in their lives again. She’d always been the pink elephant in the room with them, but he was determined to make the next seven days the best he’d spent with his family yet.
“Let’s go away together, Stace,” he said the next evening. “Just you, me and Rachel. Let’s go to the beach and spend our days playing in the sand and eating seafood. I want us to be together as a family.”
“We’ve been together as a family for a while now, Joey,” she said as she folded a onesie.
“I know. But I also know we’re both feeling the pressure of next week’s custody hearing. We need a few days away.”
“I’m game for anything you’d like to do,” she said with a small smile.
He still didn’t feel like they were back on even ground. It was all his fault, like he hadn’t apologized enough or done enough to make her understand how much he regretted his bad decisions. And not only had he made poor decisions, they’d also had very little time together as a couple since they’d gotten married. After all, Rachel had been born only a few days after they’d said their I do’s.
“I’ve made reservations for us. Will you come with me?” He stood and walked over to her, taking the onesie and putting it in the right pile.
“Yes.”
“Look at me, Stace.”
She did as he commanded but said nothing.
“I love you so much. You’ve done a lot for Rachel and me. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever known.”
“There were some selfish motivators in there, too. I got to have the family I’ve always wanted.”
“Either way, there’s very little I could do to ever repay you.”
Stacey studied his chest for a moment and then smiled. “I don’t want you to repay me. Just love me.”
With a smile, Joey kissed her nose. “I do.”
“Love me even when things get tough.”
“I will.”
“Love me enough to always tell me the truth.”
“Deal.”
Joey took her face in his palms and ran his thumb along her cheekbone. His wife was the most beautiful woman to him. Not just physically, although there was plenty of physical attraction, but her beautiful heart was enough to challenge Mother Teresa for Woman of the Year. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but he’d come to discover he needed Stacey in a way he’d never needed Cameron, or his mother, or any of his friends.
Stacey balanced him in a way he couldn’t describe. She gave his life purpose and made him want to be a better person. Along the way somehow he’d screwed up and hurt her deeply, but through i
t all, his heart had never waivered. She was the woman he wanted to be with.
Slowly, giving her time to pull away, he lowered his mouth to hers and claimed her lips in a kiss meant to show her how much he truly loved her. Their lovemaking had never been wild or reckless, but this kiss surpassed anything they’d ever experienced together.
Finally, they were getting somewhere.
Chapter Eighteen
The cool spring evening brought back memories of Stacey’s childhood with Joey and the evenings they spent together in their early teens. She remembered on nights like this how they’d sat behind his parent’s barn and talked about anything and everything. One night stood out in particular.
“What do you want in a wife one day, Joey?” she’d asked him, hoping against hope she might be the one to win his heart.
“I want her to be beautiful. To love life. For me to be the only man that’ll ever be in her life. Big boobs. Those are a must.”
Stacey grinned as the balcony door slid open and Joey’s arms came around her. He pressed a soft kiss against her temple. His fingers brushed her hair to the other side despite the ocean breeze.
“I’m glad we got away for a few days,” Joey mumbled, placing hot, open-mouth kisses on her neck.
She didn’t realize she’d groaned out loud until Joey chuckled in her ear. “I’ll never get enough of you.”
“I hope not,” she whispered. She let Joey have his way with her right there on the balcony, overlooking the Gulf of Mexico. Afterward, he settled her in his lap and ran his hands up and down her arms, warding away the chill.
“There’s something about you lately…” he began, seeming to need a moment to think of what he was trying to put a finger on.
She stayed quiet and waited. He didn’t disappoint.
“You’ve changed since we got married. Even more than I realized, I think.”
Stacey smiled against his warm chest. “I know what I want in life now.”
“Tell me.”
The Unexpected Choice Page 15
