The arrogance that was Joey filled his words, and she remembered a time when it was as much of a turn on as it was a turn off. Now she didn’t mind it a bit.
“I want you. I want Rachel. I want our family.”
Joey squeezed her closer and exhaled. “When Rachel’s a little older… maybe in six months or a year or so… I want to have a baby with you.”
Stunned he was still thinking about their future, Stacey sat straight up and looked into his eyes. It was dark on the coast, but she could still see his expression. Gone was the arrogance and now uncertainty filled his gaze.
“Are you sure? It means you’d be tied to me forever.”
“Aren’t we already?” His fingertips trailed her jaw and traced her lips as she watched him.
“I mean if you decide …”
“What’s it gonna take to make you understand I’m not going anywhere? I’m not going to decide to leave you. I love you.”
And there were those words again. The words she had no doubt he meant, but it was clear he didn’t understand. She kept hoping and praying she would be able to be the example of love to him to realize even when things weren’t perfect, she’d still be there. He was still hanging on to the newness of their relationship, the feeling. But what about when those feelings went away? It was inevitable that they would.
“Will you still love me if I gain eighty pounds when I’m pregnant?”
His smile was brilliant against the night. “I think I’d love you even more because it would be my baby inside you.”
“And when I get cranky and you can’t live with me anymore?”
“I’ll build a house next door.”
With a giggle, she slapped his arm playfully and settled her head on his chest again, listening to his strong and steady heartbeat.
“I mean it, Stace. I said I do, and I meant it. I want us to move past whatever this is between us and live our lives together.”
Stacey exhaled. “Lying to me is a pretty big deal, Joey. I’m still processing. I forgive you, but I still need time to process.”
“If you forgive me, what’s left to process?”
“The hurt. The anger. Convincing myself you didn’t do it to hurt me.”
“You know I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose!” He sat upright, taking her by the shoulders and looking her directly in the eye.
“Logically, no you wouldn’t. But I am female. I tend to be a little irrational sometimes.”
“I wish I could say if I could take it all back, I would. But I learned something important during those visits with Cameron.”
Again, Stacey waited for his epiphany.
“I never really loved her. Well, maybe in some small way I did, but the connection I had with her wasn’t what I thought it was. Mostly just a firewall to keep me off the trail of secrets. Just an illusion.”
“And that makes you sad.” Stacey could hear in his voice. He couldn’t deny it.
“Yeah, it does. And I’m sorry if it hurts you, but I don’t think anyone goes into a relationship with someone expecting it to end. And we conceived Rachel. I certainly didn’t expect it to end the way it did.”
“Do you wish things were different?”
“In some ways, sure. But all the ways I do are superficial and part of an illusion she created. Do I wish things were different with us? Absolutely. Only because I wish I could go back and start with you and never been in this whole mess to begin with.”
“It’s gonna get a lot harder before it gets better.”
“I know. Cameron won’t give up custody, and she’ll fight just to see me lose.”
“But I’ll be here the whole time, Joey. Even if a judge decides Cameron should have her all the time, I’ll be here to pick up the pieces. And we’ll make the best of the situation we have.”
Slowly, Joey’s hands slid down her arms, and he took her hands in his, looking out to the rolling ocean. The only thing they could see was the white foam of each new wave hitting the shore.
“Would you have married me if Rachel hadn’t been part of the bargain?”
Stacey grinned. “Probably not.”
Joey’s gaze darted to hers.
She laughed. “I would have married you if all you had to offer me was a cardboard box and an overpass. Rachel was just a bonus.”
“You’re a great mom. A great wife. It doesn’t get better than you. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you for my mistakes with Cameron.”
Stacey closed her eyes and brought her forehead to his. “We both have a lot of insecurities about this marriage,” she said with a sigh. “But we’ll work it out. If nothing else, we’re friends. And friends is more than most people have. A smart guy told me once.”
“He was a genius.”
“Let’s take Rachel down to the beach tomorrow and build a sandcastle. Go get some seafood by the dock. What do you say?”
“I think it sounds perfect.”
“You know what else sounds perfect?” Joey asked. He stood and brought her with him.
“What?”
“Holding you all night and waking up to you in the morning.”
“You’re a sap.”
“Guilty as charged.”
They slipped back into the room where Rachel was quietly sleeping in her crib and crawled into bed together. Despite the lies and all turmoil their eight month marriage had been through, one thing was clear as Joey fit his body against her back and looped his arm around her.
They fit together perfectly.
****
“No no! Rachel! You don’t eat the sand!” Stacey explained as she tried to stop the chubby fist from succeeding in its venture.
Joey laughed at the sight even as his heart warmed. Maybe he had turned into a sap, but he had a good reason. Who wouldn’t sap away with a beautiful wife and a kid so cute he couldn’t stand it? He was a blessed man, and he never wanted to forget it.
“Rachel!” Joey called, trying to get his daughter’s attention before more sand became the object of her attention. “Look! Let’s build a sandcastle!”
Her yellow bonnet blew in the ocean breeze, lifting at its ends. Her blue eyes looked up at him as she patted the bucket he overturned.
“Yes, baby girl, pat the bucket! We’ll get the sand out and build a castle for Daddy’s princess.”
When he lifted the bucket, the sand held its shape… for all of five seconds. Before he knew it, Rachel had dived in, destroying his eighth attempt to build a castle.
Maybe she was a bit young for this kind of escapade? Across from him, Stacey sat in her shorts and tank top, muffling her laugh.
“Go ahead. Get it out.”
Stacey threw her head back and laughed a loud, joyful laugh. “She’s impossible.”
“She’s eight months old,” he said, feeling the need to defend her.
“And you’re an amazing daddy. Pretty determined, too. I would have given up seven buckets ago.” Rachel let out an ear-piercing squeal and clapped her hands together. Joey flinched but scooped her up and planted a kiss on her sandy cheek.
“Love you, Itsy Bitsy,” he said. She promptly put a soggy, sandy hand on his cheek and smeared it across his skin. Then she leaned forward with open lips and gave him her typical baby kiss.
His heart melted. He’d build her a thousand sand castles to knock down if it was what she wanted.
The click of Stacey’s phone warned him he had been captured.
“I think I’ll frame this one.”
Joey put Rachel down and crawled over to Stacey and puckered his lips. She gave him a small peck and grinned. “What?”
“I love watching you with her.”
“Ditto. Guess we’re both pretty smitten with each other, huh?”
Stacey gave him a careless shrug. “Most days.”
“What happened to the cardboard box we could live in?”
“I just meant it would be less for me to clean up when you came home from work.”
“Oh yeah? I think y
ou’ll pay for that!”
He tackled his wife on the sand and tickled her. Stacey’s loud guffaws caused him to laugh and before he knew it, Rachel was squealing and laughing with them.
After a thorough kiss, Joey pulled Stacey up and helped her brush the sand out of her hair. “It’s been a perfect day, Mrs. McCrary. This vacation was just what we needed.”
For a moment, they simply stared at each other. Joey didn’t know what she was thinking, but he was grateful for every moment the three of them had together. He’d watched Rachel grow for eight months now, seen many of her firsts, and with all that threatened, he wanted to hold on even tighter.
“Love you,” he whispered.
“Love you, too,” she whispered back.
Her gaze snapped to Rachel just as his did. A big fistful of sand was headed straight for her mouth.
“NO!” they exclaimed in unison, diving toward her hand.
Chapter Nineteen
The night before the custody hearing, Joey couldn’t sleep. Stacey breathed heavily next to him. She wasn’t having the trouble he was. He hadn’t heard a peep out of Rachel, either, but her nights of waking every few hours were long past.
The vacation they’d taken together was certainly needed, but the second they’d arrived home, it was like there was a giant elephant in the room again. He wished he knew how to make Stacey trust him again, or at least talk things out with her. But she remained steadfast there was nothing for them to talk about. She forgave him.
But it wasn’t. She still needed something from him, but he didn’t have a clue what it could be. He’d already told her he would never leave her, and short of chaining himself to the house, he didn’t know what else to do to make her understand his heart was with her.
He’d admitted he wanted children with her. It was a fact. To see her round with his baby inside her, all glowing and happy… Joey sighed at the thought. He loved being a father and loved Stacey being his children’s mother.
He’d confessed his love over and over again. He didn’t have a whole lot to compare his feelings to, mainly because he’d never felt this way. Stacey was his friend, his lover, the mother of his child. They’d been intimate long before he knew what he felt for her was love, but he’d also loved her faith in God and how she prayed at night. He loved how she looked at him like he hung the moon. And he loved the person she brought out in him. A man who wanted to shuck off the old and welcome the new life he was foraging for them.
He didn’t think his love for her could go any deeper, but still she wasn’t one hundred percent happy. He saw it in the expectant, hopeful gaze as he told her how much he loved her every day. But he always fell short if her looks of disappointment at the end of the day were indicators.
Maybe he was destined to be punished for his actions thus far. But he found it hard to believe anyone, let alone God, could punish Stacey for his actions. No, he would figure it out. He would make her completely happy and wouldn’t stop until those expectations were met. Whatever they were.
Then there was the matter of his daughter. He hadn’t prayed in a long time, but it was time to get on his knees and pray the judge would deem him the appropriate parent. Even if he did, he knew Cameron could try for custody again down the road, but to know he had more time to show his baby girl how much he loved her and cared for her, he’d be able to at least relax some.
So Joey did what he hadn’t done in a long time. He prayed. He asked God to forgive him for all of his sins, to forgive him for hurting Stacey, to forgive him for giving Rachel a poor start to life. Joey sank to his knees, asking God for the judge to see he was a good father, trying to make the best of a bad situation and do right by his flesh and blood. And he prayed God would look into his heart and know Rachel was his joy, a true blessing no matter the circumstances with which she came to him.
When he was done, he felt immensely better. Stacey had certainly taught him to rely on God during the tough times, but she’d also shown him to stand up for what he believed. And tomorrow, in the courtroom, he’d fight tooth and nail for his little girl. The judge wouldn’t know what hit him.
****
Stacey watched Cameron walk into the courtroom. Funny how different she looked when she wasn’t in prison orange. Instead, she wore a black pencil skirt and a silk blouse. Very professional. Her hair was styled and glasses were perched on her nose. She looked ready to play the part of doting mother.
Stacey adjusted a sleeping Rachel in her arms and glanced at Joey. He was staring straight ahead, a sheen of sweat visible on his brow.
“No matter what, Joey, we’ll be fine. And so will Rachel.”
“We both know that’s a lie.”
His abrupt demeanor brought her up short. Perhaps it was better to keep quiet until the verdict was read.
A little while later, Joey went to sit with their lawyer and the judge entered to begin the proceedings. The defense presented their argument to the judge. Cameron had been drug-free during her prison sentence after the guard supplying the drugs had been fired, and she’d remained drugfree since her exit from jail. Cameron had been a model prisoner — whatever that was — and had proven she could be trusted… when someone wasn’t enabling her.
Then came the hard part. They began attacking Joey’s character. It was all she could do not to stand up and shake her finger at Cameron.
“Mr. McCrary spent many evenings at the State Prison with the defendant here, at her request. He never once told his wife and left her to take care of the infant Ms. Matheson bore. Until the day of her release from prison, Ms. Matheson hadn’t seen her daughter, or even held her since the day she was born. Eight months is a long time for a mother not to be with her child. I ask for Your Honor to consider these facts and grant Ms. Matheson sole custody of her daughter.”
It was all Stacey could do not to cry as she sat there holding Rachel. Her sweet, chubby body was so relaxed, so trusting that tears threatened to burst from her eyes. She was Rachel’s mother. Not Cameron.
“At this time, I’ll give Mr. McCrary a chance to voice his objections to Ms. Matheson’s custody request,” the judge said with a nod toward Joey. Slowly, Joey stood and straightened his dress coat, buttoning it as he slowly walked to the podium. She knew him well enough to know he was taking his time to gather his emotions and his thoughts.
With a deep breath, he began. “I’d like to stand here and say that Cameron would be a horrible mother. Or maybe even say she has no right to be a mother. But the truth is, I can’t tell you anything because I don’t know her. I don’t know Cameron Matheson at all.
“Cameron Matheson asked me a few months ago to come to the prison to visit her so we could talk about custody for my daughter. I was happy to oblige and hoped we could work something out for supervised visitation. Even so, I hesitated. What if she used drugs again and Rachel was with her? What if she couldn’t say no and drove with my helpless baby in the car with her?
Joey shook his head and frowned down at his paperwork.
What was he thinking? Stacey wondered. She held her breath.
****
“It all comes down to choice,” Joey finally said to the judge. In that moment, everything had come together for him like one of the last pieces of a puzzle slipping perfectly into place.
“We all have a choice to make. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve made some bad choices in my life, but I’ve also made some really good ones.” Joey glanced back at his wife with his sleeping baby in her arms and smiled. His relationship with Stacey had begun with a choice, too. To do right by his daughter or let her go into foster care.
“I wasn’t ready to be a father, but I wanted what was best for Rachel. I chose to give up late nights and carefree living. I chose to be a father. And I’m good at it.
“I chose to marry a woman who is not only my best friend, but a wife I never have to worry about misleading me in any way. And she has taken care of my daughter as if she’d given her life from her own body. She’s the only mother
Rachel knows because of Cameron’s bad choices.
“I’m not saying Cameron can’t change. I’m not saying she’ll be a user forever, but I’m asking for the opportunity to make sure she doesn’t slip into those bad habits again. I ask for supervised visitation until our next hearing and periodic drug tests.” He turned to Cameron and heaved a sigh.
“I’m asking you to make a choice, Cameron. I’m asking you to love her more than you love yourself. To put aside any hatred between us so we can do what’s right by her. This has nothing to do with you and me, and everything to do with what’s best. That’s all I want.”
With a solemn nod to Cameron and then the judge, Joey took a seat. It was a waiting game now. Joey was happy with what he’d said, and it was all in the hands of the judge now. Not just the judge’s hands, but God’s.
A ten-minute recess was called, and Joey sprang out of his chair and rushed to Stacey. She took his hand in hers and smiled wanly. “Your speech was perfect.”
He looked at her. Another piece of the puzzle took shape. “When we’re done here, we need to talk.”
Stacey’s eyes went round. She took a deep breath.
“I think you’ll be happy with what I have to say.”
“One thing at a time, Joey.”
He bent to kiss her.
“Joe?” he heard behind him. Cameron.
Joey turned and met Cameron’s sorrowful gaze. “I’ve had some time to think.”
Joey stood there, not sure what to do.
“And what you said… it’s true. I’ve made some really bad choices, like blackmailing you to come see me at the prison. I’m really sorry for that, and I’m sorry, Stacey, for any trouble it caused the two of you. He never waivered in how much he loved you.” She took a deep breath and smiled bravely. “But I like to think I can still do what’s right by her though. So I’m gonna make a choice.” Cameron’s face screwed up and tears fell down her cheeks. “I’m gonna choose to take myself out of the equation. Stacey, you’re all she’s ever known as a mother, and she loves you. She sees you as her mother. I’ll never forgive myself for not making the choices I should have made long before she was ever conceived. I’m choosing to give her to you, Joe. Maybe when she’s older and can protect herself a little more, we can talk again, but right now, I can’t interfere.”
The Unexpected Choice Page 16
