by Suzi Davis
A tap on my door broke me from my thoughts. I hopped up, aware of the muted pain in my back still as I hurried across the room. I knew it would be Sebastian and was eager to see him, knowing he’d be able to help me to better sort through my thoughts than I could alone.
I pulled the door open and froze in surprise. The person who stood waiting impatiently in the hall was not who I had expected.
“Grace, your boyfriend is waiting downstairs to see you,” Lisa announced sourly. She wore sweat pants and an old t-shirt, half her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail. She most definitely did not look happy to be up this early on a Saturday morning. “I should have thrown him out of the building and called campus security for him trying to sneak in to see you like that. He was quite persuasive that he speak with you at once. This better be important, Grace. You owe me,” she finished, her eyes narrowing grumpily.
“You caught him sneaking in?” I echoed in surprise.
“Oh please, as if you didn’t know he was coming,” she grumbled. “Now I’m going back to bed. I only let him wait in the common room because of the snow but once you get down there, the two of you take off and go somewhere else. I’m not staying up to supervise you.”
“No, no, of course not,” I assured her. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” Lisa reluctantly replied. She shook her head slightly at me before turning and trudging back down the hall towards her room at the end.
I quickly grabbed my thick winter coat and bag and hurried from the room. I walked down the hall in a daze, still stunned by the news that Lisa had caught Sebastian trying to sneak in. What did it mean?
I anxiously skipped down the stairs two at a time in a rush to see Sebastian. I came bursting out the door at the bottom of the stairwell and collided straight into Sebastian himself. We both fell to the floor as I crashed into him, his arms instantly forming a protective hold around me, absorbing the impact of my fall with his own body. I heard his breath being driven out of him as he slammed against the hard floor beneath me.
“Sebastian! I’m sorry, I–” my breathless apology was interrupted by his sudden laughter.
“Ouch!” he wheezed. “I’m happy to see you too Gracelynn, but did you have to tackle me?” I snorted indignantly as I rolled off him. He immediately sprung to his feet, holding out his hand to me as I still sat on the floor.
“You obviously wanted to be attacked,” I pointed out. He shrugged, smiling mischievously as he was unable to deny it. He quickly tugged me to my feet, enthusiastically pulling me back into his arms.
“I had no idea I wanted to experience internal bleeding though,” he complained, wincing as I hugged myself against him. “That actually hurt.”
“Really?”
He grinned. “Well, not that much really – but a little. I didn’t realize I was feeling so masochistic this morning.”
“Actually, you seem quite chipper for someone who very nearly got arrested by campus security and expelled before breakfast. I thought you didn’t want to get caught sneaking in?”
“I don’t want either of us to get into trouble,” he corrected. “And we didn’t, though apparently I did want a little excitement today. I told you before, sometimes I don’t even realize what I want until it happens.”
“Speaking of which…” I pulled back so I could look him in the eye and clearly read his expression. “Did you realize you wanted me to start aging again?” I asked carefully. I watched the emotions flit across his face and in his eyes – surprise, relief, uncertainty.
“You’re sure?”
I nodded. He hesitated then, his expression suddenly guarded. “Are you happy?” he asked quietly. “Is this what you wanted?” He waited tersely for my reaction; it felt like he might be holding his breath.
“I’m always happy when I’m with you,” I answered honestly. “And… yes, I think I did want to start aging again. But I also want to be with you.”
“I always want you to be happy. And I’ll always be with you,” he promised solemnly. “You never need to worry about that. You’re my everything.” He stroked my cheek affectionately as he spoke, a sad smile on his lips. Before I could ask about the strange tone to his voice, his expression suddenly changed. His eyes brightened with excitement, a cheeky, dimpled smile spreading across his face. “Do you want to go for a walk? It snowed last night!”
“I saw that,” I replied, my answering smile automatic. “And I did promise Lisa we would take off. She doesn’t like you being in the girls’ dormitory.”
Sebastian chuckled. “Not much of a morning person, is she?”
“No, not like us,” I agreed, with a teasing smile. It seemed like I was always up early these days, barely able to wait until a decent hour before seeing Sebastian again. Sebastian grinned back at me brilliantly. My heart hammered almost painfully in my chest as he leaned in close to carefully zip up my jacket and tuck my hair into its hood.
“I love the way that sounds on your lips – ‘us’,” he repeated. “It’s an honor to be half of your us.” I rolled my eyes and took his hand, tugging him along behind me towards the wide double doors.
“Come on, let’s go,” I encouraged, giving him a playful shove. He lightly pushed me back and then jumped out of the way when I tried to grab him. We burst out the doors and into the beautiful, silently-waiting, winter wonderland laughing and chasing one another. I froze after a few steps, awed by the magical, snow-covered world.
Though the air was bitingly cold and our breath misted up before us, the sun still shone down warmly through the bare trees. The morning sky was already a brilliant blue, broken only by a few thick, fluffy white clouds. The golden sunlight reflected off the bright, white snow, making me squint at the smooth, pristine landscape before me. The snow had fallen thick and evenly across the ground. Everything looked cleaner, brighter, pure and untouched. The sunlight seemed to make each snowflake that had fallen sparkle and twinkle individually. It felt like the world had become a new and magical place overnight, where anything and everything seemed possible.
“It’s beautiful,” I gasped, staring around me in wonder. I’d seen snow in Victoria before but never this much – there was close to two feet of snow on the ground – and it had never seemed as beautiful as this. It felt like Sebastian’s magic was spreading to color every aspect of my life, to make every moment more memorable, every sight fresher, each experience breath-taking and new. “It’s you,” I accused, turning to him. Even though I wasn’t quite sure what I meant, he seemed to understand. The look in his eyes made my knees feel weak. My stomach erupted with sudden butterflies.
“It’s you,” he argued softly. His slow smile warmed my heart, a faint blush reaching my cheeks. “The most magical and beautiful part of my world, the only thing I want and ever will; it’s you,” he repeated. His solemn mood abruptly vanished, a joyful smile lighting up his face. “Do you want to go to the park or did you want to stand around staring at the snow all day?”
“Let’s go,” I answered, happily taking his offered hand. It was warm and fit around mine perfectly, his grip strong and firm.
It didn’t take us very long to walk from Craigflower to Beacon Hill Park. Though we were up earlier than most of the world on this snow-covered Saturday, someone had already shoveled clear most of the sidewalks and paths, and the main roads were also plowed clear of snow. The dirty slush on the roads and increasing noise and traffic as we made our way closer to downtown Victoria was starting to mar the image of my perfect, snow-globe world. I felt much happier once we entered the quiet sanctity of the park. The snow here lay mostly untouched, a brilliant virgin white. The forest was dense enough that only small pools of sunlight managed to break through to the ground, leaving the snow crisp and frozen with slowly dripping icicles dangling from the tree branches overhead.
I had assumed once we were in the park that Sebastian would want to go to our tree. We often would come here to sit up in its lofty boughs and gaze out over the world below. It was a priva
te, sacred place where we had some of our best conversations and some of our most intimate silences. But Sebastian did not take the turn on the trail that led towards our tree, instead he led me around the side of the park, past the petting zoo and towards the duck ponds. When I asked him where we were going, he didn’t answer. He merely smiled mysteriously, a happy twinkle in his eye.
He led me straight to the duck ponds, grinning excitedly as we neared the largest, frozen pond. I started to follow the trail towards the picturesque stone bridge that arched over its center but Sebastian tugged me to a stop by the pond’s edge. There was little shade from the trees here and the sunlight shone down brightly, sparkling off the glassy surface of the ice. I squinted at Sebastian suspiciously in the brightness, wondering what he could be up to.
“I want to show you something,” he announced. He stepped down onto the hard, frozen surface, holding his hand out to help me down. I hesitated, feeling anxious. This was different than when we had gone skating on the frozen pond at Christmas; there had been other people there then, other skaters and possibly rescuers in case the ice did happen to break.
“Sebastian… this doesn’t look very safe,” I argued, not moving. He rolled his eyes at me impatiently.
“I don’t want either of us to get hurt. It’ll be fine, Gracelynn. Don’t you trust me?”
I snorted at the ridiculousness of the question. He knew I trusted him more than anyone or anything else. But still, something just didn’t feel right. I realized my amber necklace felt strange, almost like it was vibrating slightly against my chest.
“I don’t think we should. What if we get caught? I’m sure we’re not supposed to…” I let my voice trail off pathetically. Sebastian was giving me a questioning look. Not only was there absolutely no one else around, there was no chance of us getting caught for the same reason that we would undoubtably be safe. I sighed, reluctantly giving in.
“Fine, but I don’t want to stay out there too long – it makes me nervous,” I grumbled as I took his hand and carefully stepped down onto the ice beside him. I held my breath for a moment, expecting to hear a loud cracking sound. The ice actually felt surprisingly solid and sturdy beneath my feet. Sebastian eyed me speculatively as if he could guess at my thoughts. He appeared to be fighting a smile.
“I just want to show you something, it won’t take long,” he promised, gently coaxing me out further onto the ice. I shuffled along beside him, feeling a little better but still half-holding my breath, my whole body tense and wary as we slowly walked across the frozen surface, towards the bridge that crossed the pond’s center.
“I really wanted to be able to show you this,” he began excitedly as we neared the bridge. “It’s another one of my secret spots but, of course, you can only get out here when it’s cold enough for the pond to freeze-over. The ice has to be thick to get out here safely.” He stamped on the hard ice beneath us for emphasis as he spoke. I winced, flinching closer to him. He laughed at my reaction. “Relax. We’re here.” He smiled encouragingly as he gently guided me under the bridge.
The bridge was high enough that we could both stand under its center and it still cleared our heads by several feet. The bright sunlight reflecting off the icy surface of the pond was enough to light the underbelly of the structure. I wondered if this were all a part of Sebastian’s plans, all a result of his wants. Whatever the reason, the underside of the bridge was lit up brightly enough for me to clearly see the reason Sebastian had brought me here. I gasped, struck speechless by the breath-taking beauty before me. Impossibly, it was even more impressive and magical than the perfect, pristine day. It was worth the nerve-wracking walk out onto the ice; it would have been worth swimming out in the mucky, icy pond water just to see this.
The underside of the bridge was covered by one large, beautiful, spray-painted mural. The images were bright and colorful, some familiar, some unknown. The colors blended and twisted into one another, merging and mingling in an intricate pattern that stole my breath away. The longer I looked, the more I saw. There were parts of faces, foreign plants, unknown characters and symbols, and familiar designs that echoed those of Sebastian’s tattoos.
“You did this,” I gasped as the realization hit me. Sebastian stood silently by my side. He smiled, a hint of pride in his eyes as he took my hand.
“I did,” he admitted. “Do you like it?”
“It’s amazing,” I breathed, tipping my head back again so I could examine the mural further. I knew I’d be able to stare at it for hours and still find new details and twists that would capture my interest for hours more. Looking at Sebastian’s painting reminded me of the first day we had spent together, when I’d heard him playing music down at the inner harbor. There was a similar passionate, animalistic calling from his artwork that compelled me, that reached out and connected with my very soul. I was so caught up in my admiration that I was almost in a trance. I didn’t even notice Sebastian move to stand right in front of me until I felt his warm hands on my face, softly tilting my head back down until I was looking directly into his eyes. His eyes were a deep, impossible shade of dark grayish-blue and there was an emotion burning in them that made my heart trill excitedly in response.
“This was me,” he said softly, gesturing to the amazing artwork above us as he spoke. “My tattoos, my dreams, all the confusion and emotion that was inside of me – this is it.”
“This was you?” I asked curiously, picking up on the key word. He nodded, a small smile of pleasure on his lips for my observation. He liked how well I knew him; how I was starting to understand his strange phrasings, his obscure references and innuendos.
“This was me before I met you, or I should say, before today. I’ve never loved anyone else this way before, Gracelynn, with my whole being and soul. I’ve never loved anyone enough to be able to truly put all their wants, all their happiness before mine without hesitation or even momentary regret.” He cupped my face with his hands, their warmth making my cheeks glow. I felt like my heart was pounding so hard that he should be able to hear it. “I knew I was making you unhappy – you were afraid of the future. Your fears and sadness were more unbearable to me than any pain I’ve ever felt myself. I came to the realization last night that all I truly want or need is your happiness, regardless of my own. This is my life now – you. You are my happiness, my love, my soul. You are all that matters to me.” His words came out a hushed vow but his eyes burned with a passionate intensity, a solemnity radiating from him that made it impossible to doubt the depth of his sincerity. I was trapped speechless in his gaze, his words reaching right down to my very core. Impossibly, I loved him more than before.
He accepted my silence as only Sebastian ever could. He knew me, he understood me. He heard my response in the pounding of my heart, the rush of my breath between my trembling lips, the love and passion that flared in my soul, smoldering in my eyes. The silent communication passed between us like magic in the air.
“I want to give you this.” His sudden words broke the spell between us. I blinked and licked my chapped lips, my brain scrambling to find something coherent to say, something that could even come close to describing the immensity of my emotions right then. I couldn’t find the words; I merely watched, wide-eyed as Sebastian lifted his hand to slide one of his rings off his fingers. It was obviously ancient, perhaps as old as Sebastian himself. The metal was tarnished and had faded to a dull gray. I’d never paid much notice to Sebastian’s rings before, it was often hard to focus on anything other than trying to keep up with his complex and intriguing thoughts. I studied the ring curiously as he held it up, noticing for the first time that the metal twisted round and in on itself to form a complicated Celtic knot, a strikingly familiar design that mirrored the strange tattoo over his heart. There were differences though; this Celtic knot was formed only through the twists and bends in the metal, there was no writing in an unknown or forgotten language. Also, in the center of this knot rested a small drop of amber in the shape of a tiny
heart. I automatically recognized it, the knowledge so certain in my mind, I didn’t even think to question how I knew.
“It’s a Celtic love knot,” he confirmed, “a symbol of eternal love. The amber came from the tip of your pendant – the ring is its matching piece.” He shrugged, looking almost embarrassed. I’d never seen him so hesitant, so uncertain of himself. He shifted almost nervously before taking a deep breath, his voice coming out a low, musical lilt.
“I love you, Gracelynn Stevenson. I want to marry you –” he paused, hearing my breath catch, watching my eyes widen in shock. He grinned at my reaction, his adorable dimple appearing. “But there’s no rush for us to do so. You’re young still and I’m patient,” he assured me, touching my cheek affectionately as he spoke. He looked deep into my eyes, his nerves apparently vanishing as the words flowed from his lips. “Will you accept this ring as a symbol of my promise? My promise to love you forever, to never leave your side, to always want your happiness above all else. And when you’re ready, my promise to marry you, to be with you for all eternity – if you want it – or for your whole lifetime at the least.”
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he waited for my answer. Though he looked amused, I could see a flicker of nervousness return to his eyes. He stood before me completely vulnerable, his heart exposed. I couldn’t help but be aware that he had worn the ring on the fourth finger of his left hand, though until that moment, that fact had never seemed significant to me. It mattered now. Surprisingly, I felt no hesitation at all as I wordlessly lifted my shaking hand; I knew where the ring belonged.
I didn’t speak as I slowly offered him my left hand. I wasn’t certain that I could speak just then, but I certainly didn’t want to ruin this perfect moment by fumbling for adequate words. As I moved, the smile his lips had been hinting at erupted into a broad grin. His eyes twinkled at me magically, lovingly, as he slid his ring over my fourth finger. I remembered hearing that it had once been believed that the ring finger of the left hand connected straight to one’s heart. My heart swelled now with pride and satisfaction as I looked down at my hand, at the promise ring. Though my fingers were noticeably smaller and more delicate than his, the ring still nestled in under my knuckle like it had been made for me; I supposed Sebastian had wanted it to fit, and so it did. Also, like the necklace he had given me at Christmas, the ring felt strangely warm though, perhaps it was because it had just come off Sebastian’s hand.
