by Suzi Davis
“Gracelynn,” he said my name with a sigh of relief, his hands quickly finding mine, our fingers linking together. “Where’ve you been hiding?”
“I’ve been entertaining – playing the good hostess, making sure everyone’s having a good time,” I admonished him teasingly. Sebastian snorted.
“Who cares about everyone else? I was thinking it’s time we send them all home anyway. It’s past midnight and I’m finished with distractions, now all I want is you,” he declared, his dark eyes sparkling even under the low lights. “Did I mention you look ravishing tonight?”
I blushed involuntarily under the intensity of Sebastian’s stare. He frequently complimented my wit, my intelligence, my sense of humor, my kindness, but he rarely complimented my physical appearance. He seemed to understand that I’d heard all the usual empty compliments and found little value in them. It was much more flattering to me that he appreciated so much more than just my looks; he loved the real me. Compliments from Sebastian about my appearance were infrequent and unexpected and therefore, much more meaningful. My blush was not from discomfort at his words but from a deep and penetrating pleasure.
“Thank you,” I answered, smiling almost shyly. “I’m glad you noticed.” And it was true. I’d put forth more effort than usual over my appearance tonight. My golden, chestnut hair was half twisted up, secured by delicate combs, leaving the rest of my hair to tumble in neat waves to my waist. I didn’t wear much makeup as I’d grown used to a more natural look, but I had spent some time selecting my outfit. I had wanted to convey an air of sophistication and there was a classic quality to my dark red, slinky dress that clung to my curves and hit my legs in the perfect spot, mid-calf. The neckline plummeted down lower than I usually wore, and I especially liked how it emphasized the amber necklace, the pendant almost reaching my cleavage. I knew my appearance had drawn many eyes tonight but there was only one pair that I cared about. And those dark, nearly black eyes bore down into mine now, reaching so far they seemed to see my very soul.
The sounds and sights around us faded away as we slowly moved closer to one another. My breath started coming fast and hard as his lips slowly came down to mine. My heart pounded wildly as I closed my eyes, oblivious to all around me as I eagerly anticipated his kiss.
“Ugh – get a room!” I heard a loud, slightly slurred voice yell from nearby. We quickly broke apart, both turning at the same time. “What the hell, Grace?” Graham Norton sneered, wobbling unsteadily on his feet. Clarke and Andy came stumbling up behind him. They all laughed, sneering contemptuously at Sebastian and I. The crowd started to back up, anticipation alight on many faces as someone turned down the music.
“What are you doing here, Clarke?” I demanded, ignoring the other two. “Given the state you’re in right now, you’re not welcome here.” Sebastian placed a cautioning hand on my arm, shifting his stance so that he was standing slightly in front of me. Clarke noticed, his sneer deepening as he lurched forward, the smell of alcohol heavy on his breath. Sebastian immediately reacted with another minute shift in his stance but suddenly I was aware of the tension within him, a wary and dangerous aura radiating from him. Though he barely moved, it was suddenly obvious that not only was he ready to physically defend me, but he also knew exactly how to do it.
“What? You gonna fight me, Caldwood?” Clarke taunted, he had taken a small step back. “Over this little tease? Trust me, she’s not worth it,” he pronounced coldly, his bleary eyes meeting mine as he spoke. The crowd around us seemed to lean in eagerly.
“You and your friends should leave – now. I don’t want any trouble.” Sebastian’s voice was low and steady, the normal musical quality absent, his tone dark and threatening.
“You don’t want any trouble,” Clarke echoed as he and his friends snickered. “Well, I’m sure you’re used to not getting what you want since you’re dating Grace.” His eyes narrowed contemptuously as he saw my ring. “There’s only one kind of ring that she’ll spread her legs –”
Clarke’s words were abruptly cut off. It happened so fast, no one had time to react, least of all Clarke. Sebastian movements were fast and deliberate, with a deadly control that could never be casually imitated. In one fluid motion he stepped forward and punched Clarke in the gut, folding him in half. Without pause he spun around, twisting Clarke’s arm as he moved and wrenched it up behind his back at an impossible angle. The whole while Sebastian’s expression was one of deadly calm, his cold control more frightening than any display of anger.
“Apologize,” Sebastian instructed, though his voice was even, he spoke through clenched teeth. I noticed his jaw was strained, his eyes black as a starless night. Graham and Adam started to stumble forward, matching menacing expressions on their faces. Sebastian twisted Clarke’s arm back a little further. He let out a short cry, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. The sound froze Graham and Adam in their tracks. It was then that I noticed several larger boys had moved forward to stand behind Sebastian, their glares challenging Clarke’s friends to take another step. Graham and Adam both hesitated; I’m sure they hadn’t anticipated anyone coming to Sebastian’s defense.
“S… sorry,” Clarke stammered out, he was beginning to shake from the pain, his face sweaty and gray. Sebastian immediately released his arm, thrusting him forward so that he crashed into the other two, nearly knocking them all down. Clarke staggered to regain his balance, rubbing his sore arm as he stood, slightly hunched over still from the pain in his gut. He looked back at Sebastian, his bleary eyes trying to focus, his mouth twisted in hate.
“You don’t even know – what you’ve just started,” Clarke wheezed threateningly, his eyes narrowed into a vicious glare.
“I’ve started nothing. Get out,” Sebastian answered coldly. This side of Sebastian was completely unfamiliar to me; so dark and menacing, deadly and alien – he barely seemed human. And I realized then that though he may not consciously remember his past, the memories were still alive within him; this was the Sebastian of his nightmares. I was suddenly deeply relieved that Sebastian’s wants were no longer instantly satisfied. I didn’t even want to imagine what might have happened to Clarke otherwise.
Clarke hesitated only a second longer. I could see the fear in his eyes that he was trying desperately to hide. All three boys were obviously uneasy under Sebastian’s hard gaze, suddenly unsure of themselves. Without another word, Clarke turned and led his friends out, the crowd backing away as they left.
The minute the front door was closed, the room broke out in cheers. Everyone seemed to want to congratulate Sebastian, to slap him on the back and celebrate his victory over Clarke. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized just how despised the popular group at Craigflower really was. Sebastian seemed in no mood to celebrate.
“I meant it; the party’s over. Everyone – get out,” he announced, quietly and coldly turning his black, deadly eyes on the rest of the room. Though he spoke softly, his voice clearly carried over the sounds of celebration. An uncomfortable silence settled. A few eyes turned to me questioningly as Sebastian walked through the crowd and out the room. I heard his heavy footsteps on the staircase.
I tried to force a smile on my face, attempting an apologetic shrug.
“Guess the party’s over,” I said, my attempted cheer obviously false and falling flat. Already people were filing towards the front door, their faces a mixture of disappointment and excitement. I knew people would be talking about this party for weeks. No one at Craigflower Academy was ever going to forget the night Sebastian Caldwood turned nineteen. I could only hope and pray that Clarke and his friends would forget it soon enough.
Chapter Fifteen - Messages
It didn’t take long for the party to clear out; Sebastian’s dismissal had been clear and inarguable, the mood of the party quickly collapsing into an uncomfortable shuffling of feet to the door. I closed and locked the door behind the last guest then leaned against the carved wood, soaking in the peaceful silence of the house for a
moment. With a reluctant sigh, I pushed away from the door and made my way upstairs.
I hesitated in the hallway outside Sebastian’s room. The door was closed, no light came from underneath it and no sounds could be heard within. I felt almost like I should knock, knowing that he would most likely be deeply absorbed in some complex, internal struggle after the violent encounter with Clarke. I gave myself a little shake, suddenly feeling foolish. Sebastian needed me and here I was afraid to go to him, uncertain of what to say. It was ridiculous really. Nothing had changed; he was still the same boy who I loved with every breath that passed through my lips and each individual beat of my heart. No matter what, nothing could change that, I reminded myself as I reached for the doorknob and stepped into the shadowy darkness of his room.
It took my eyes a second to adjust to the low light. I blinked, searching the shadows for his familiar silhouette. His bed was empty, perfectly made and untouched. Faint moonlight shone through the window, the curtains drawn back as always. Something moved in the darkness and I flinched involuntarily, my heart jumping, my breath catching unsteadily in my throat.
“Sebastian?” My voice sounded too high and nervous to belong to me. The shadow against the wall froze, a new tension hanging in the air.
“Who else?” he eventually replied, his tone dry and sarcastic. My eyes had adjusted more and I could now make out the faint paleness in the shadows where his skin glowed under the moon’s light. I moved toward his skin’s soft glow, following the sound of his rough breathing.
I bent down onto my knees, crawling to his side where he sat against the wall. I could see him more clearly now, his eyes were bright with anger, his mouth set in a tight line. He turned his face into the shadows as I came down beside him but I still saw the sparkling wet trail down his cheek. My heart broke wide open, the sudden empathetic pain in my chest a throbbing, raw wound.
“I’m sorry, Gracelynn,” he whispered, his face still turned away. “I’m sorry I ruined the party… I’m sorry I’m such a violent, selfish creature. I’m so sorry for all the terrible things I’ve done.” His voice caught at the end, and I knew that he spoke not just of the most recent events but that his regret and shame reached back hundreds and hundreds of years. “I’m not good enough for you.” His voice was bitter, his self-loathing clear.
“Shush,” I quickly chastised, reaching to gently touch his cheek. He jerked away from my hand, pulling back further into the darkness. Though the rejection instantly stung and scared me, I pushed on, refusing to let this self-destructive behavior continue.
“Don’t push me away.” I was surprised but pleased with the steadiness of my voice. “I’m here, Sebastian, and I’m not going anywhere. I need you,” I pronounced, my words a gentle plea. And as it so often was with Sebastian, suddenly I was the one being comforted. He hesitated a bare second longer before he turned back to me, his hands reaching out and pulling me into his arms, enfolding me in shadows alongside him. He lowered his head to mine, our foreheads pressing together as he rocked me against his chest. I tried desperately to draw the darkness out of him, to absorb some of his pain so that he might not have to bear it all alone. We sat in silence, comforting one another as the shadows from the moon slowly moved across his bedroom floor. Eventually, Sebastian spoke.
“It was like one of my nightmares,” he murmured, a strange, haunted quality to his voice. “I was so angry – it consumed me. I haven’t allowed myself to feel… the things I wanted to happen to him in that moment… I thought I wasn’t that person any longer. I didn’t know I was still capable of that.” The quiet pain in his voice and the fear that was causing his words to tremble pierced my heart. I clung to him tighter, my voice suddenly fierce.
“You wanted to protect me, to defend me, that’s all,” I argued. I could feel his head slowly shaking a denial above me but I pressed on. “Nobody always wants the right thing – that’s part of being human. It’s what we do that matters. It’s our actions and our choices that define us. Your actions were all driven by your love for me, and that’s not so wrong, is it?” I listened to his deep, even breathing as he considered my words. His sudden chuckle broke through the darkness like a beacon of light in the shadows. I felt my heart sigh, my body relaxing at the sound.
“When did you become so philosophic?” His voice, though tired, was lighter and softer, less angry than before. I wriggled closer to him, pressing my lips against his throat in a kiss.
“It was bound to rub off on me eventually,” I teased back. He chuckled again and I knew everything was going to be okay – for now, at least. Now that I was able to relax, I became aware of just how truly exhausted I was. I yawned, my warm breath tickling Sebastian’s neck.
“Let’s go to bed,” he suggested. He scooped me up in his arms as he spoke, easily lifting and carrying me across his room. I sighed happily as he gently placed me down on the cool sheets, quickly sliding in beside me, his arms around me once more.
“Happy birthday,” I whispered sleepily, half turning my cheek towards him. “I wish I’d gotten you a gift.”
“I have everything I want, right here,” he answered, his voice soft and musical, lulling me to sleep. “I’ve missed falling asleep with you in my arms. Dream, sweet dreams, my angel…” I thought I felt his lips press against my shoulder but the sensation was faint as I drifted away into warm, clouded dreams.
Sebastian seemed more like himself in the morning. He didn’t want to discuss the events of the night before, insisting that we “leave the past in the past where it belongs”. We both knew there would be repercussions from Sebastian’s actions. It was obviously on both of our minds as we worked to clean up the Jensons’ home. Every now and again I would catch a glimpse of something in his eyes – a brief expression that would cross his face as I knew he wondered what the cost would be for his mistakes. I frequently found myself frowning, my mood becoming increasingly bleak as I contemplated returning to school the next day and facing Clarke again.
It turned out I would have to deal with Clarke sooner than I had expected. It was late Sunday night and Sebastian and Mr. Jenson had just dropped me off at my dorm building. I was sitting alone in my room, trying in vain to concentrate on my homework that had been left untouched all weekend. My cell phone rang and I quickly answered it, happy for the distraction. I hesitated when I read the call display and saw that it was Clarke.
“What do you want?” I demanded as I answered my phone, not bothering with the usual pleasantries and small talk. It took Clarke a second to respond. I could guess that he was taken aback by my aggressive manner.
“I wanted to apologize, Gracie. I am so sorry about last night. I’d been drinking and some of those weird public school kids who were hanging around outside the Jensons’ place got us all fired up and convinced us to crash the party. Then when I saw you and Sebastian together, and you wearing that ring… I was just so jealous. You’ve gotta know that wasn’t me talking. If I was sober, I would never have –”
“But you did,” I interrupted, my voice cold. “If that’s all you called for, I’m sorry you wasted your time. Apology not accepted.” My pronouncement was met with stunned silence.
“Grace, come on. I thought we were friends. I messed up and I’m sorry. What more do you want?” he begged. He sounded surprisingly genuine as he spoke, it caught me off guard.
“I want you to be happy for me. I want you to leave me and Sebastian alone,” I answered in only a slightly softer voice. This time his response was immediate.
“I can’t do that. He doesn’t deserve you, Grace; I refuse to let him win. Besides, I have a score to settle with Sebastian…”
“If you hurt him –” I began, fiercely.
“It doesn’t concern you, Grace. It’s between me and him,” Clarke answered arrogantly. I clenched my teeth together.
“Everything that concerns Sebastian concerns me too,” I corrected him. “If you hurt him, you’ll only be hurting me, only be pushing me further away. I could never –
I would never – forgive you.”
“But you forgive him for hurting me? For sucker punching me and humiliating me in front of everyone,” he demanded, his voice rising angrily. “That’s hardly fair, Grace.”
“There’s nothing to forgive. You deserved what you got.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that; I know it’s not really you speaking. He’s got you brainwashed, Grace. One day, you’ll realize the truth and you’ll see what a huge mistake you’ve made by being with him. You better just hope that I’m still around when you do.”
“Goodbye, Clarke.” I snapped my phone shut and threw it angrily across my room. I could hardly believe his arrogance, his audacity. That was the worst apology I’d ever heard but what more could I expect from Clarke?
I didn’t tell Sebastian about the phone call, knowing it would only unnecessarily aggravate and worry him. I knew I needn’t tell him that Clarke was planning his revenge; after Sebastian’s birthday party, that much was obvious to everyone at Craigflower. Clarke glared whenever he saw Sebastian and I together, his eyes filled with bitter hatred. He tried once or twice to approach me in the infrequent moments when I was alone but I always gave him the cold shoulder, ignoring him until he left with a frustrated sigh. For the most part, Clarke left Sebastian alone too, except for the rare times when he was also without me. At these times, Clarke and his friends taunted Sebastian; they threatened him and tried endlessly to provoke him into fighting. It never went further than just words though; there were always other students around, witnesses and people who could possibly jump to Sebastian’s defense. Though Sebastian was by no means popular now, his popularity had grown substantially since his birthday party. People now saw him for more of who he truly was – a loner by choice, an interesting, mysterious individual, someone to be respected, possibly even admired. This only served to make Clarke more jealous, more bent on humiliating and knocking Sebastian down a peg.
