by Suzi Davis
“Grace?” his voice was surprised as he answered, uncertain even.
“We need to talk.” My voice sounded hard and flat, unfamiliar to even me. “You owe me that much at least. Meet me by the school fountain in half an hour,” I instructed. Clarke was silent for a long time but I knew he was still on the line, slowly contemplating.
“Fine,” he eventually agreed. I snapped my phone shut before he could say anymore.
Lisa came out into the hallway just as I was locking my door. I assumed she’d been keeping an eye on me. I quickly told her I was going for a walk and would be back soon. She smiled approvingly, agreeing that some fresh air would do me good.
I pulled up the hood on my sweatshirt as I stepped outside into the light drizzle. I didn’t need a coat; the rain only clung to the fabric of my clothes, barely soaking in. The air was chilly and damp, full of the light misting rain. Being outside was almost refreshing; I didn’t spare a thought to enjoy it. I barely noticed the people or buildings that I passed as I marched across campus, head down, eyes straight ahead, intently focused on my goal.
Clarke was already there when I approached, waiting by the fountain in front of the school library. He shifted nervously when he saw me, his expression anxious and upset. I walked straight up to him and without hesitation and before he could react, I punched him in the face as hard as I could. I released all of my pent up fury, outrage, frustration and resentment on him. The crunching sound that my fist made when it connected with his jaw was strangely satisfying, even though it felt as if it were my bones breaking and most likely they were – I’d never hit anyone before in my life. Even more satisfying though was the look in Clarke’s eyes as I hit him. He made no move to protect himself, made no effort to back away – he simply took the punch, his eyes wide with surprise, a slightly hurt and regretful expression on his face.
“Ow! Grace! What are you doing?” he demanded as he jumped back, rubbing his jaw as he spoke. His eyes were still full of hurt; good. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel pain.
“What did you expect? You tried to kill Sebastian – you nearly did,” I accused, angrily spitting the words at him through clenched teeth. My hand had instantly gone numb when it connected with his jaw but was now erupting with fiery, throbbing pain. I tried to ignore it, tried to welcome the burning pain. It was nothing compared with what I felt in my heart. I studied Clarke carefully as I waited for him to respond. His complexion had turned a sickly shade of gray, his skin sweaty as his mouth worked to speak but no sounds came out; his reaction confirmed what I already knew. “Why, Clarke? How could you do this? Why?” My hands began to shake uncontrollably, my voice began to break. I angrily scrubbed the tears from my eyes as soon as they formed – I didn’t want to cry anymore, especially not in front of him.
“It’s not what you think, Grace,” Clarke quickly denied, his expression full of panic and guilt as he took in my tears. I scowled back at him.
“It’s exactly what I think.”
“No, you don’t understand. Just hear me out,” Clarke begged. The earnest, desperate expression on his handsome face made me hesitate.
“Talk,” I commanded, my voice unfriendly and flat. I roughly wiped away my tears.
Clarke looked around nervously, ensuring no one was close enough to overhear. He raked his hands anxiously through his short, brown hair, sitting down heavily on the fountain’s edge, his broad back to the bubbling water.
“Graham, Adam and I were planning on jumping Sebastian,” he admitted without meeting my eye. Surprisingly, he almost sounded ashamed. “He sucker-punched me – so I was going to get him back, and then a bit more to teach him a lesson. Graham and Adam were going to hold him for me while I got a few shots in – but that’s it. That’s all that was supposed to happen, I swear.” He finally glanced up at me, his face pale but his expression honest. The edge of his mouth was starting to swell where I’d hit him. I felt fiendishly disappointed that I hadn’t drawn any blood. I kept my arms crossed tightly across my chest despite the throbbing pain in my hand. I glared mercilessly as I waited for him to continue. He took a deep yet shaky breath before going on.
“I met up with Graham and Adam near the gates to the school but they weren’t alone – Walter was with them. I don’t know how he knew what we were planning, but he said he was there to keep us out of trouble, to help out. He had some good ideas; where to ambush Sebastian, to cover his head with a sack so he wouldn’t be able to prove who jumped him… but somehow it all went wrong.” I noticed Clarke’s hands were trembling. I allowed my glare to soften into a hard stare – it was all the mercy I could afford him.
“Everything started out how we’d planned; we caught him off-guard, he didn’t have time to defend himself and the sack we put over his head made him cough, made him weaker.” Clarke paused uncertainly as he heard my sharp intake of breath. I squeezed my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms and using the pain to focus my thoughts. I struggled to keep my rage under control. “Graham and Adam held him while I got my shots in and then we were done but that’s when Walter started taunting us, encouraging us to hit him harder, to be more brutal… The others dragged him into the bushes. I tried to tell them we should stop but Walter was louder. He held Sebastian while Adam and Graham beat him. The sounds he made, the moaning gurgle coming from his throat… Adam wanted to stop then too but Walter encouraged Graham to keep going. Graham’s easy to lead on, he doesn’t think things through. He knocked Sebastian to the ground and started kicking him; the cracking sound when he kicked his head – it nearly made me puke. That’s when he stopped moving…”
“Enough,” I interrupted. I felt like I was going to throw up. Clarke’s words were painting a vivid picture in my mind that I knew would haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. I felt like I could hear Sebastian’s moans, like I could see the shadowed shape of his body hunched over, motionless on the dark, blood-stained ground.
“We were all scared – it wasn’t meant to happen that way,” Clarke whispered, swallowing hard. “Walter convinced us to leave him there. He assured us Sebastian wasn’t hurt that badly and someone would find him soon. We wanted to believe him, so we did. Grace, it was the biggest mistake of my life. I swear to you, I tried to stop them when I realized what was happening. We never meant for things to go so far… I’m so sorry. Please – can you ever forgive me?” He stared up at me with large, pleading eyes. I felt bitter acid rising up in my throat; he sickened me, disgusted me and yet still, a very small part of me pitied him.
“I can’t ever forgive you for this – I won’t ever forget it,” I told him, my voice deadly calm and icy cold. He looked shocked and deeply injured as I spoke; he was more upset than I’d ever seen him before, obviously on the verge of tears himself. I wanted my words to hurt him, I wanted for him to feel just a little of the pain I felt.
“Could you… will you apologize to Sebastian for me?” he asked quietly.
“Do it yourself,” I snapped back. The reminder that I would probably never speak to Sebastian again sent a deep stab of pain into my heart. My anger flared.
“Yes… I suppose I should,” he hesitantly agreed. I noticed that he hadn’t actually said he would though; perhaps Clarke was smarter than I’d given him credit for. “I heard he’s going to be okay…?”
“He’s made a miraculous recovery – he’s lucky,” I replied flatly, fixing Clarke with a level stare. He shifted uncomfortably beneath my fiery glare.
“I’m surprised you left the hospital at all.” There was another question in his voice. I continued to stare at him without answering. I briefly considered my response; I supposed the truth wouldn’t hurt – Clarke would hear it soon enough anyway.
“He’ll have an easier time recovering without me there. We broke up,” I replied, every word honest and true. The truth still hurt though but I did a good job of keeping my pain buried deep down inside. I focused on my anger, it was much easier to deal with than the clawing, heart-wrenching pain
and loss that lingered on the edges of my every thought.
“Really?” Clarke sounded shocked. I had to give him some credit for not looking pleased. He only appeared to be surprised, and confused. I noticed his eyes flickering quickly to my bare ring-finger as if seeking proof to my words.
“I have to go,” I announced, suddenly wanting to be alone again.
“Are you… are you going to call the police?” I could see the effort it took him to keep his voice even; he looked terrified.
“No,” I answered without hesitation. “Your fate’s in Sebastian’s hands.”
“Grace… I should warn you. I think Walter may try something else. He was at my house this morning and when your mother mentioned she thought Sebastian might recover… the look on his face scared me. I think he’s worried Sebastian will talk…”
“Sebastian can take care of himself,” I dismissed. It was true; Sebastian wouldn’t want to get hurt or for any more trouble to be caused.
Clarke stared at me incredulously. “He really hurt you, didn’t he?”
“Goodbye, Clarke,” I snapped angrily, spinning on my heel and marching quickly away from him. It wasn’t just that his words had hit too close to home that had upset me, it was the concern and pity in his voice.
I couldn’t fall asleep that night. At least I wasn’t kept awake by my grief this time but it was my thoughts that now allowed me no peace. Endless questions swirled around in my head.
I worried about Sebastian; had his abilities returned immediately as I’d assumed? Had he healed instantly – was that even possible? Even after months of spending nearly every possible minute at his side, there was still so much about him and his abilities that were a mystery to me. I wondered if his dreams would return now also. Would he keep remembering? Or did that only work when he was near me?
I desperately hoped that one of the Jensons would be able to call me soon and give me an update. It had barely been 24 hours though so I didn’t expect to hear from them for at least several more days. I was surprised and instantly concerned when my cell phone began buzzing on my bedside table, its blue light glowing eerily in the near darkness with Don Jenson Calling clearly visible on the phone’s display. I propped myself up on one arm, still in bed, and eagerly reached for my phone, trying not to hold my breath as I answered.
“Hello?”
“Gracelynn.” My name escaped his lips on a sigh of relief. I froze at the sound of his voice; I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. My heart skipped a beat and then resumed its rhythm double-time as it joyfully thumped in my chest. In the silence I could hear his breathing through the phone, raspy but steady. My brain slowly started to work again, miserably reminding me of reality, half-heartedly trying to squelch my joy.
“Say something,” he urged. His musical tones sent shivers down my spine. I couldn’t help my body’s reaction to him – it was automatic, instinctual, irresistible.
“How are you?” I whispered, forcing myself to speak. My voice came out quiet and afraid, pitiful even.
“I’m healing fast,” he answered carefully in a rough-sounding voice.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know.”
We were both silent, listening to the sounds of each others’ breathing through the phone.
“Are you angry with me?” I finally asked, unable to bear his silence any longer.
“No, never,” he quickly answered, he sounded like he meant it too. “All I want is for you to be happy, Gracelynn. I know this is what you wanted, you wouldn’t have been able to take off the ring if there were any doubt in your mind, therefore I accept your choice.” He spoke calmly, evenly. I knew it couldn’t be that simple. I knew he must be hurting near as badly as I was; he was just better at hiding it. I almost lost my resolve then. I nearly broke down and cried, professions of my eternal love for him lingering on my lips, pleas of forgiveness screaming at him from my soul. He was wrong – how could he ever believe that this is what I truly wanted? But I knew correcting him would do no good, it would only make things harder and hurt him more. For whether I wanted this or not, it was how things had to be.
“I’m glad you understand.” I managed to choke out the words but the lies burnt my lips. I wondered if he could hear the emotion I was trying to hide behind my brave words for he fell unusually silent once more.
“Clarke came to see me in the hospital this evening,” Sebastian suddenly commented, his voice too flat and casual still. “He explained what happened, told me everything – he even apologized.”
“He did?” I asked, distracted by my surprise. I had never thought Clarke would really face Sebastian, it went completely against his cowardly, prideful nature.
“I wanted to know the truth,” Sebastian stated simply. “It wasn’t much of an apology though; he seemed genuinely regretful that things had gotten out-of-hand and that I had nearly died but he was so angry at me – I think he was considering hitting me again.” A hint of Sebastian’s familiar amusement colored his words.
“What? Why would he be angry at you?”
“He told me he saw you today – he said you punched him,” Sebastian chuckled, a low, soft sound that seemed to hurt his raspy throat. He coughed before continuing. “He said you looked awful, Gracelynn, worse than me. He was under the impression that I had hurt you, that I had broken your heart, and he was furious. You know, I think he really does love you – in his own way,” he mused. He waited patiently for me to speak; I knew I had to say something, I just wasn’t sure how much I could safely admit.
“The past two days have been rough,” I slowly admitted. “The end of any relationship is sad, always difficult, even if it is what you want… But… it’s for the best, Sebastian.”
“I know,” he calmly agreed. I felt my eyes widen in surprise. Irrationally, I felt hurt by his easy acceptance. “I always knew I should stay away from others, that I shouldn’t allow myself to form any kind of attachment, especially not to this extent. I could never remember why though, but I suppose now I know. I’m still the monster I remember – I’ll never be good enough for you or anyone else. I’ve caused you so much pain, so much confusion – I should never have interrupted your life. I’m so sorry, Gracelynn. But I’ll fix things now; you can move on with your life and forget about me.” A measure of his sadness, a hint of the agony I was causing him leaked through into his last few words. I felt hot tears prickle my tired eyes.
“You’re leaving then?” Somehow I managed to keep my voice flat and neutral.
“Sort of. It may seem like that to you.”
“What do you mean?” I suddenly felt wary, a creeping sensation of dread trickling down my spine.
“You won’t remember me, not really. And you won’t really notice me either, though I’ll still be here, for a little while at least. It’ll be just like it was before we first met,” he told me, speaking softly and soothingly. “I won’t bother you much longer. I just want to stay a little while, to make certain you’re happy, to make sure you’re still aging. Then I’ll leave you alone forever; I promise.” I was shocked speechless. I desperately floundered for words.
“But I don’t want to forget you,” I argued. My voice came out frightened and small, like a child’s pitiful plea.
“It’s for the best,” he solemnly answered, his voice calm and even once more. “You’ll be happy; you’ll have your life back, your family, your friends, your future – all the things I took from you. Don’t worry; I won’t harm Clarke or the others. I don’t want them to ever hurt anyone else, and that’ll be enough,” he promised. I was flabbergasted; I’d been so certain he would want his revenge. His passive acceptance of their violence shocked me. I had to struggle to stay focused, to address the more important issue at hand.
“It won’t work – I don’t want this,” I desperately blurted. “You said before that it wouldn’t work unless I wanted to forget; you weren’t even sure if you could do it.”
“Your life will be eas
ier, you’ll be happier – you do want this,” he argued softly. “And I wasn’t sure that I could do it before because I couldn’t remember, but now I do.” I gasped, struck by sudden icy fear and dread.
“Sebastian, no. You don’t understand-”
“I’m sorry, Gracelynn. I love you more than the entire world, more than my own existence. This is the only gift that I can give you, though you deserve so much more. I’ll keep an eye on you from a distance, my love. I’ll make sure that you live a long and happy life, just like I want for you. And then eventually, when your life has run its full and natural course and you die, I think I’ll want to die enough that I may join you and we can finally be together,” he said wistfully. I found myself too stunned, too horrified to speak.
“Goodbye, Gracelynn. Until we meet again,” he whispered his last farewell. I didn’t even get to say goodbye, the line abruptly went dead.
I stared at the phone in my hand, tired and confused. My head ached and my eyes were sore and bleary like I’d been crying. I blinked hard, trying to clear my vision as I glanced at my radio alarm clock – it was 11:30 pm, I should be sleeping.
I placed my phone back on my nightstand and then flicked off my lamp. It took my eyes a moment to readjust to the sudden darkness. I settled back down under my warm blankets and tried to focus my sleepy, disoriented thoughts.
Had I just been talking to someone? I wondered. I was very tired, my brain foggy, and I couldn’t quite remember. I reached a hand out from under my blankets and groped around on my nightstand for my phone. Once I had it in hand, I flipped it open and quickly scrolled through the call log and saw that several minutes ago Mr. Jenson had called.
That made sense; I remembered asking him to let me know how Sebastian was doing, he must have called to give me an update. Mr. Jenson’s call probably woke me from my sleep, I decided. I must have been half-asleep still when I talked to him – I could barely remember what he’d said. The only thing that I was certain of was that Sebastian was recovering, that he was going to be okay. That was good – even though he was my ex-boyfriend, I’d still been a little worried. It was horrible what had happened to him; who would have thought such a violent, random crime would occur on the quiet streets of Victoria? I shuddered, quickly dismissing the thought so that it didn’t give me nightmares. My mind moved on to more pleasant subjects, like that of my other ex-boyfriend, Clarke. I could vaguely remember having an argument with him recently. I’d been so angry I thought I might even have hit him. That seemed strange; unlikely behavior for me. I was normally more passive, less confrontational. I’d have to apologize to him as soon as I saw him next, maybe I’d even go visit him tomorrow. Hopefully my mother wouldn’t hear about our argument, I didn’t want to upset her too. That was when I remembered that I’d had an argument with my mother the last time I’d seen her. It was difficult to remember the details but I was fairly certain it had something to do with Sebastian. Well that was over and behind me now, my mother would be pleased. I’d apologize to her tomorrow too, I decided.
