Silver Player: The Silver Foxes of Blue Ridge

by L. B. Dunbar

  “You’re my kid,” I state without thought.

  “Tell anybody that yet?” Sadie has me pinned, and the question bowls me over because she knows I haven’t. My facial expression gives it away, and it must have been what she saw before she didn’t expose me to Kristy.

  “I want to tell my family first,” I remind her, but Sadie tips her chin like she doesn’t believe me. “Thanksgiving actually. I’d like to invite you and Roxie to dinner at my parents’ house.”

  The words tumble out before I realize what I’m saying, and I watch as Sadie’s face morphs from disbelief to concern. “Are you sure that will be a good time to expose us?”

  It’s not exposure. She isn’t a dirty little secret. I just want to do the right thing at the right time and be surrounded by family. So my dad won’t go apeshit. So my mom won’t overreact. They can save their responses for the day after.

  “It will be perfect.” However, I already know it won’t. I can already picture the disappointment on my father’s face and the questioning glare from my mother. How could something like this happen? Elaina’s voice grates through my thoughts although she doesn’t want the semantics of sex.

  How could you divorce that sweet girl? Did you fool around with someone else?

  Always my fault.

  They’ll never accept that I didn’t know about Sadie, and I’m just as upset that it took sixteen years and a few months to discover the truth myself.

  “Have you asked Roxie?” Sadie questions, her voice dropping.

  “I thought I’d ask you first. Want to come to Thanksgiving dinner and meet the rest of your family?”

  Family, I watch the word silently form on Sadie’s lip.

  “Sure.” She shrugs as she chews her lip.

  “Now, I have a question. Who is he?” I tip my head back, insinuating the kid who walked past us. “Hi…Christian,” I imitate her and add a giggle for emphasis. “Is he your type?”

  Sadie smacks my shoulder. “Nooooo,” she drags out, but her eyes search over my head. He’s back there, and he better fucking notice her.

  Wait.

  Halt.

  Rewind.

  He better not fucking notice her. She’s too young to date, and I don’t want her dating any Christian Grady character. It sounds like that dude from those hot books made into movies and…

  “Oh, hell no,” I mutter aloud. “Bear Grady’s son?” I twist in my seat to look over my shoulder, and sure enough, Bear Grady is sitting at the bar while his kid picks up a tray of drinks. He’s way too young to serve alcohol, but this place doesn’t exactly follow the rules, especially as his dad is the owner and a member of Rebel’s Edge. “No way, Sadie. Roxie will freak out.”

  For a moment, I’m almost excited at the possibility, but then I turn back to Sadie, her face horrified.

  “I mean, I don’t think Roxie will approve.” I lower my voice and tamper my enthusiasm because deep down inside, I’m the one disapproving. No dating. Not at sixteen. Not Christian Grady. Not any boy who will ever do anything to you like I’ve done to women. I shudder with the thought.

  Oh God, I won’t survive fatherhood.

  22

  Panic…and other modes of anxiety.

  [Roxanne]

  “Where the hell have you been?” I screech, standing from the kitchen table where I’ve been sitting for the last hour calling everyone I know who might know Sadie. Hospitals were next on my list as my thoughts raced to a car crash during her driving lesson.

  Sadie looks up at Billy, who stands behind her, and he has the decency to look chagrined. It’s been hours since he took her for a driving lesson, and neither one of them has answered their phones during that time.

  “We lost track of time,” Billy offers, but my eyes leap to Sadie.

  “Are you okay? Did something happen?” I scan her body for evidence of anything amiss. I’m overreacting, especially when I see Billy’s hand come to Sadie’s shoulder.

  “It was amazing,” Sadie says to me, and the moment her face lights up, relief should wash through me. Instead, I’m filled with jealousy and additional anger.

  “And neither of you thought to call and tell me about your amazing time? Or the fact it would take amazingly long? I thought you had plans,” I snap at Billy, recalling my earlier thoughts of him having a date. Did he take Sadie to meet someone? Did he take her on a date with his date? Has he told someone about her, how he’s her father?

  “I was driving,” Sadie says, lowering her voice and her eyes. “And I shouldn’t be on the phone and driving, right?”

  She’s not telling me something. They couldn’t have possibly driven for five fucking hours!

  “Do you have homework?” I bark. Sadie’s eyes narrow at me a moment.

  “I’m going to take a shower.” She turns to Billy. “Thank you for tonight.”

  She doesn’t say for what before she stalks off down the hall to her room.

  “What’s this about?” Billy asks, stepping up to me and reaching for my shoulders, but I shrug him off.

  “Five hours, William. Five. Hours. No call. If you wanted to take her on a date with your date, couldn’t you have at least told me, so I’d be prepared for her not to come home. I mean, I made dinner.” I wave at the meal still sitting on the stove. “And then, I closed the store, thinking you might have kidnapped her or worse, and I—”

  “You what?” Billy barks, and then adds, “Lower your voice.” His eyes drift to the hallway, and then he reaches for my shoulders once again.

  “Don’t touch me. If you just spent the evening with another woman, you do not get to touch me.”

  Billy’s eyes widen in shock as his hands drop to his side. Then he brushes his palm up his throat and over the scruff on his chin.

  “You’re a piece of work, Roxie.” He steps back, turns for the door, and then opens it.

  “You do not get to walk away,” I snap, taking a step after him. “I need an explanation.”

  Billy stops, turns back to me, and grabs my wrist, tugging me to the door. “I’m not arguing with you inside where Sadie can hear your crazy.”

  I willingly follow him, hit by the sudden coolness of the night. It’s the middle of November, and the air smells of winter. I wrap my arms around myself.

  “First of all...” I begin, but Billy turns to me, raising a finger in my face.

  “First of all, I would never, ever kidnap Sadie. That’s low, even for you, Roxanne. Of all the things to say to me, that’s the worst accusation.” Calling me by my full name pulls me up short, and I open my mouth to speak. He’s right. Accusing him of kidnapping is overboard.

  “Secondly, assuming I went on a date, and took my kid, is another low blow.” This one I have to disagree with, and my mouth pops open again.

  “And finally, I’ll have you know, your niece in there played gossip fairy tonight and told one of the biggest mouths in this town that I’m dating you.”

  “She…” My mouth falls open and then clamps shut. She what?

  “So before you accuse me of dating, let it be known, you and I are apparently dating. And since that’s established, I’m going to assume…because assumptions seem to be your thing…that you’re jealous I might have gone on a date that I didn’t go on, and I fucking hate how that makes me feel a little smug and little like hey, Billy, she might actually like you after all.” He isn’t actually wrong in his thought process. I do like him. And I’m all kinds of twisted up about that.

  Billy stands straighter, removing his pointing finger from my face and crossing his arms. His eyes drift down my body and then widen. He shrugs off his jacket and slips it over my shoulders, pulling the front tight over my chest.

  “Where’s your coat?” he mutters, knowing he’s the one who pulled me out here on the landing.

  “Where have you been?”

  Billy tilts his head to the side, and those bark-brown eyes sparkle. “What’s this really about, darlin’?” The endearment makes my stomach flip, and I wish it
would stop flipping every time he speaks to me in that tone.

  “I…I thought something happened. To both of you. I envisioned an accident, and you were both…and she’s all I have…and I can’t lose her…” I hiccup, fighting back the sob. Suddenly, I’m in Billy’s arms, my own crushed between us.

  “Nothing happened, baby. We went bowling. I’m sorry you worried, and I’m sorry we didn’t call. We were having so much fun, and I didn’t think.”

  “You didn’t think,” I repeat, confirming my upset. Billy inhales a deep breath and then exhales, and I follow suit, drawing in the scent of him and blowing it back out to melt a little more against him.

  “Hold onto me, Roxie,” he murmurs near my ear, reminiscent of last night after the robbery. I slip my arms free of his jacket and slip them around his waist. He kisses my neck and then rubs his nose around the shell of my ear.

  “Do you really think I’d kidnap her?” Billy whispers, not pulling back from me or allowing me to lean away.

  “No. I’m sorry I said that. I’m…I’m a little worked up.”

  Billy chuckles against my skin, and he skims my ear again before kissing my jaw.

  “Would you be jealous if I went on a date?”

  “You said you didn’t go on a date.” Suddenly, I’m trying to tug out of his hold, but he holds me tighter.

  “What is this obsession of yours with me and dates and women and brick walls?” He chuckles at the list, and my mouth pops open, but he continues.

  “Let me be clear, again. I didn’t go on a date. I don’t do dates or multiple women and not some woman against a wall. Assumptions, Roxie. You’re making them, a lot of them, about me, and it’s getting tiresome.”

  “But your reputation…” My voice drifts as I realize what I’m saying, accusing him of having a bad reputation.

  “People believe what they want to believe, but I’m being straight with you, so can we just temper the attitude down a bit. I’m not dating someone, marrying someone, or anything else with anyone else but you.” He takes a deep breath. “Is there something more here I’m missing?”

  I don’t answer him—because how do I explain myself. My curiosity as to why I wasn’t good enough for him sounds silly even to me. I’m more than enough, but still wonder why I was the only one he didn’t hit on before, and if we’re only in this position now because of Sadie.

  “When I was married to Rachel, one of the issues we had was I didn’t see the bigger picture, and she wasn’t always honest with me.” His voice drops quiet and sad. “And I don’t want to ever be in that position again, where I’m not seeing what I should have seen, where I don’t know someone’s feelings.”

  I’m about to retort then why do you sleep around when it hits me—if he does sleep around, he doesn’t have to understand someone’s feelings. He can keep one night separate from something deeper, something emotional.

  I still haven’t responded, so he takes another deep breath, and says, “So for shits and giggles, let’s say I did go on a date. Would you be jealous?”

  Yes. “No. You can do what you want,” I say, struggling in his arms again. Just because he did what he did to me last night and made me think of him as an us all day doesn’t mean I have a right to him. It also means he doesn’t have a right to me and my heart if he wants to sleep around.

  “Really?” Billy pulls back and stares at my eyes. “Because I’d be jealous if you went on a date.” He holds my gaze for a long minute, letting those words settle between us. Then he adds, “Sadie and I were talking while she drove, and once we’d gone far enough out of town, I didn’t want to come back. She was opening up to me, and I didn’t want to disrupt the moment.”

  I sigh, my shoulders falling. “I’m sorry I overreacted. I want you to get to know one another. It’s important to spend time together. I just…I worried, and my mind went to the extreme. Billy, I can’t lose anyone else important to me. There aren’t many people left.”

  His eyes widen. “Are you saying I’m important to you?” The corner of his lip crooks upward, but when I don’t answer, he adds, “You thought we were dead.” His statement rings like a fact, concern filling his voice as he waits for confirmation of my wayward thoughts.

  “I just…I can’t lose Sadie. And the way her mother died.” My breath heaves. I leave the unsaid hanging between us. “She’s all I have, Billy. She’s the only family I have left.” I look up at him, pleading for him to understand. I’m essentially an orphan, like my niece, and I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be the one left behind

  “She’s not going anywhere. She’s safe with me,” Billy states, tugging me back to him. “And so are you. Quit this crazy notion of me dating or marrying or whatevering with other women. You’re important to me.” He pauses as his eyes widen, and he quickly clarifies. “Because of Sadie. You’re just as important to her as she is to you. I would never separate the two of you.”

  I nod, a silent show of gratitude and relief.

  “Now, let’s get back to those plans you questioned me about. See, I was really hoping to spend more time kissing you.” His voice drops, and his face lowers. His forehead coming to mine. “Maybe repeating a few things from last night and adding a few more things to the mix.” He’s teasing me with his suggestion.

  “Is that your best pick-up line?” I ask, snuggling against him as my bare arms are cold. He slips my arms from his waist and tucks them back into his jacket, tugging the material to wrap around me.

  “Is it working?” His arms return around my body as he leans against the railing of the landing. I stand between his spread thighs with my arms inside his warm jacket. It smells like him. Cloves and spice and everything manly nice. I shrug at his question, and he chuckles, the tension and seriousness gone for a second.

  “Seeing as I’m officially dating you, according to my daughter, I’d say more kissing is a start.”

  “And how does it end?” I whisper, concerned that more kissing might lead to a point of no return, at least for me. He wants me to give up my notion of him being a player, but I’m struggling to let go of what I’ve seen even if I know I can’t change the past.

  “How do you want it to end?” Billy whispers, but I can’t tell him I don’t want it to end. Whatever we’re doing, I don’t want it to stop because that means it will end, and I don’t think my heart can handle it. My body certainly doesn’t want it to end. My engine is revving, ready to start the race, but not looking to speed across any finish line because once we do, once we stop, it’s going to be crash and burn for me.

  My thoughts scatter when his hand wraps around the nape of my neck and his mouth takes mine, slow and tender. He draws out the kiss, tugging at my bottom lip and quickly returning to full coverage. He moves over mine as he’s meant to kiss me like this. As if this is the start and the finish all rolled into one. He pulls back after a lingering press.

  “I’m sorry we worried you tonight. I’m sorry I made you worry.” His head tips back, gazing up at the sky. “I understand a little of your concern. It’s like I have opposite-fear or fear of missing out or something.” He chuckles, realizing he isn’t explaining himself well, and I smile up at him. His voice lowers again. “I’ve already missed out on so much of her life.”

  “You’ll have the rest of her life, Billy. Theresa won’t.” It’s difficult to say as well as accept, but the truth is, Theresa will never see Sadie graduate, go to college, fall in love, get married, work a job, or any other thing. While Billy missed the first sixteen years, he’ll have the next fifty-six plus. Theresa will have nothing.

  “I’m sorry she died,” Billy whispers into the night. “But I’m angry with her. Angry that she never told me I’m a father to an amazing kid.”

  Amazing mutters through my head.

  “So, you took her bowling?” I question to lighten the mood.

  “She says she’s never been. What kind of sacrilege is that? Who hasn’t been bowling as a kid?”

  “I’ve told you. There
sa had schedules and timelines, and fun wasn’t on the list.”

  “You know, I hate to say it, Roxie, but Sadie sounds like she’s better off with you.”

  My heart aches. I loved my sister. She was a wonderful mother in her own way, but Billy’s sentiment has crossed my mind a time or two. When has Sadie been a child?

  “Where is there a bowling alley near here?” I ask, hoping to bring the subject back to something simple. I haven’t been bowling in years myself.

  “Just outside of town. Bing-Bowl.” Billy cringes as he says the name, and I somehow know it might not have been the most reputable place. “I don’t want you to worry. She never left my sight.”

  “You can’t watch her every second. I understand that. Besides, she’s not a toddler. She’s a teen.”

  “Speaking of going places,” Billy starts, his knuckles scratching up his throat and his hand cupping under his chin. “I invited Sadie to Thanksgiving at my parents’. Sadie and you. A real Harrington tradition. It’s going to be swell,” he mocks. I’m surprised by the invitation, which includes me, and I realize this will be the moment. The big reveal.

  “Don’t you think you should introduce Sadie to your family without me? They’ll have questions and…” She’s family, and you’ll want to show her off to your family.

  “I don’t think I can do it without you, Roxanne.” The honesty in his voice nearly floors me. “I need you to be there for me. For her.” He clarifies again, and my head tips.

  “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” I whisper, my eyes lowering for the collar of his shirt. I don’t want to intrude although I also don’t want to spend the holiday alone. It will be Sadie’s and my first without Theresa.

  “It’s going to be amazing,” he whispers, his voice deepening as he lowers his face to mine, forcing me to look up at him. There’s a gleam to his eye as though he’s teasing me, and then I recall Sadie saying she had an amazing time with him tonight.