Damage Me (Crystal Gulf Book 2)

by Shana Vanterpool

  My fist shot out so fast I wasn’t even aware I’d made the move. But Bach and I grew up together. We fought together. I rarely saw him get knocked out. He moved out of the way just in time and stared at me, bored, unaffected, calm and cool like he always was.

  “Don’t sit there and pretend you know what I’m going through, you son of bitch.” I pulled at my hair, ripping at my scalp, wanting to hurt something, someone, myself. “Why Harley, Bach? Why my only chance at good? Why?” I screamed, losing my cool once and for all.

  “Because,” he said simply. “I wanted her good too. I won’t feel bad for that.”

  I sagged down onto my bed and stared at the ketchup trail sliding down the wall. “Go home.”

  “What are you going to do by yourself? I have no problem staying home and helping you. I’ll commute to Houston every day if that’s what you want me to do. But I’m not going to stay because that’s what I want. There’s no point if you’re going to act like this. If you want me there, tell me.”

  “I don’t.” From the corner of my eye, I saw his head turn away. “In fact, why don’t we get this out of the way now?”

  “What?” he asked, still looking away, his tone low, as if he knew what was coming.

  “We had a long friendship. You were there for me, and I was there for you. It was tough growing up. I probably wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you.” My eyes burned, but I forced myself to get this out. “But we’re not kids anymore, and I don’t need you. I can’t forgive you. I won’t. So why don’t we stop this bullshit now and cut ties. You live your perfect life with Harley, and I’ll do what we used to do. Survive the only way I know how.”

  “No,” he murmured, still not looking at me.

  I knew why. Tears had been in my eyes since he mentioned Harley’s name. But when I started talking about losing Bach they’d began to stream down my face. Losing him meant I’d be completely and utterly on my own. We’d been through hell and back. I’d been there when his old man used to beat the snot out of him, and he’d been there for me when mine used to do the same. We saw each other’s pain. Hell, we shared the same bed until we were teenagers. But when Bach stole my good, he stole my future. That was something I couldn’t forgive.

  “It’s going to happen anyway. You’re already leaving. You’re in Houston. The only reason you haven’t sold the beach house is because I won’t have a place to go. Tell me the truth. You and Harley are already living in Houston, aren’t you?”

  He stood up suddenly and walked over to the tissues by the sink. Pulling out two, he returned, finally meeting my eyes. “We’re staying at her mom’s place, but we haven’t made any solid plans,” he admitted.

  I snatched the tissues from his hand and dropped them on the floor. Using my shirt, I wiped my face off. My tears, my problem. “I’ve known you since we were three. I’ll be twenty-two in a couple months.”

  “Days,” he interrupted.

  “What?” I dropped my shirt to look at him.

  “Your birthday is in a few days, dipshit.” He frowned at me. “It’s October.”

  Oh. Already? “Like I was saying,” I continued, uncaring about my birthday. “That was long enough.”

  He ran a hand through his hair and sat back down, eyes grave. “I’m not leaving. I’m saving money on gas; that’s it. It’s easier to live in Houston. And since we’re not paying rent I can still get the other half of the beach house until you figure out what you’re going to do. Stop trying to push me away. You can hate my guts, Dylan. I even understand why. But I’m not going to ditch out on you the way you did me. That’s why I’m better.” He grinned, but his eyes weren’t feeling it.

  He wasn’t getting it. We were done. “Give me another damn burger,” I relented. He’d figure it out soon enough.

  He picked up the fast food bag and handed it to me. I snatched it from him and looked inside. Along with the burgers, there were fries, hot dogs, and pies. I took one out, but his hand shot out to grab it from me.

  “The apple pie’s mine, bro.” His grin was dark. “There’s a peach one in there for you.”

  I shrugged, preferring peach. Apples were too boring. They were never sweet enough. Peaches were juicy and sweet, dripping juice down your chin and flavor bursting in your mouth … damn, maybe I was hungry. I ripped the package off the fried pie and ate it in two bites. Next went a burger, half the fries, and then I realized how dry my mouth was. I stared longingly at the pitcher of water across the room. Swallowing down the thirst, I started in on the remaining food. It was the first time in weeks I’d eaten anything, and the salt and fat coated my tongue in the best way.

  “Where’s my daughter?” I asked, knowing Bach and Aubrey spent a lot of time together. It was one thing I didn’t mind. I trusted him around her more than I trusted anyone else.

  “It’s after eight. It’s her bedtime.” He finished his apple pie and licked his fingers. “I love apple pie. Never going to get sick of eating this shit. Ever,” he added, grinning again.

  I ignored him. “Where’s Whitney staying?”

  He looked down. “I brought some soda. You want one?”

  “Bach,” I warned. “Where is she staying?” Last I heard she was in the beach house, but after the blow up Whitney and I had I knew she’d taken off.

  “It’s what’s best for Aubrey. Plus, I sleep better at night knowing where she is. Knowing she’s fed and safe. It’s what’s best,” he repeated, eyes daring me to defy him.

  That’s why I trusted Bach around my baby. He loved her too. And as much as I despised the bastard, Aubrey needed someone like this in her life right now. I couldn’t be the guy she deserved. Whitney wouldn’t even let me see my own damn kid. But I was still pissed. “She’s living in Harley’s mom’s house?”

  “Aubrey loves it there. She’s got her own room and Nena fixed it up for her. Whitney’s got a job at Froy’s dealership too. She’s his assistant. She’s got medical, a steady job. Aubrey spends all day with Nena and Harley’s little cousins. She’s good. I promise.” His eyes bored into me, making sure I knew my kid was taken care of.

  This time when he handed me some tissue I took it. Tears trailed down my face. I couldn’t be what my daughter needed. I was half a man with no idea how I was going to face my future. She needed strength, stability—Bach could give her that. The bastard even stole my daughter.

  “Thank you.” I sighed sadly and stared once again at the ketchup trail.

  “I didn’t do it for you.” He cleared his throat and reached over to grab the remote. The television came on. “Houston’s playing.”

  For the next hour, Bach and I watched football in silence. My thirst intensified, but I didn’t want to ask him for help. I’d be on my own soon. I’d have to figure out how to do it. My tears continued, unable to stop as my chest burned. I yearned for that space between boredom and emptiness, where nothing existed, and emotions were nonexistent.

  But when Bach’s phone chimed and he smiled at the screen I knew in my heart this relationship had to end. I couldn’t live knowing that smile, a smile I’d never even known Bach could give, existed because of the woman I loved. It was soft and gentle. Every second it was on his face killed me.

  I drifted into my gray area out of necessity. I was awash in it, because if I lived outside of it right now, I might kill my best friend.

  I wasn’t aware when he left, or when someone turned the lights off, or when I fell asleep.

  I was nothing.

  The way I preferred.

  ***

  Hillary

  Piper hung upside down from the jungle gym.

  Her wavy black hair fell, catching in the tanbark as she precariously balanced on the rail. The sky was gray today, but the air wasn’t cold. Winter would be in Crystal Gulf soon. For the time being, we were safe in our summer clothes.

  I crossed my legs in the sand and continued to scribble down notes in the margins, searching through my backpack for my highlighter. Dragging it over a particu
lar paragraph, I took my time, making sure to keep the color green within the text. I created a perfectly highlighted paragraph. After I was done, I stared at it, wondering what it would feel like to scribble my highlighter across the page, to highlight unimportant facts to watch the important one’s cringe.

  “It’s Friday,” Piper said, swinging back and forth.

  “I’m aware.” I set my highlighter down.

  “And you’re doing homework.” Her thighs squeaked against the bar as she swung, making me cringe. “I’m not sure, of course, but we might be the lamest people in Crystal Gulf.”

  I pushed my hair out my face and looked around. We were at the park near the university. College kids ran around the basketball courts, shouting insults, and the smell of corn dogs from the cart a ways down drifted on the breeze. I hadn’t wanted to go home after class, and since Piper and I hadn’t spent much time together since classes started, we’d stopped at the park to hang out. “We’re not lame. We’re responsible.”

  She blew a raspberry. “Only lame people say that.”

  I could predict where this conversation was going. “Just get it out, Piper.”

  “Party tonight. My friend’s Emery and Jasmine know this guy. He’s throwing a crazy party, and he said she could bring some friends, but there’s a cover charge. We should go.”

  Emery and Jasmine were Piper’s other friends. The ones she ran around with when she wanted a walk on the wild side. Piper pushed the boundaries just enough to flirt with danger. I didn’t flirt with anyone, and definitely not with anyone named danger. “I don’t think—”

  “Oh, Hillary, don’t you ever get tired of doing the right thing all the time? Your mom won’t find out you went to a party. She’s working all weekend, isn’t she?” I nodded warily. “Then what’s one weekend? You can go back to being lame on Monday. I’ll join you. But my dad’s been riding me, and I need to blow off some steam.” Her eyes leaked something before she could hide it.

  Mom was overprotective of me, but that’s because she loved me. She hadn’t exactly been “lame” when she was young, and I think deep down she feared the same path for me. I didn’t doubt that Piper’s dad loved her either, he simply took it to another level. He controlled her every single second. Mom worked many hours, which left me unattended most times. Piper’s dad worked from home. He breathed down her back every chance he got.

  “Is he being hard on you?” I guessed, biting my lip worriedly.

  She looked away and then reached up to grab the bar and flipped over onto her feet. Winding around the jungle gym, she came and plopped down in the sand beside me. As she talked, she pushed her fingers beneath the beige granules. “Hard,” she agreed, talking to the sand. “Him and mom have been fighting a lot also. She’s screaming at me. He’s screaming at me. They’re always screaming. I just want to go out and get away.”

  I’d never felt the desire to escape my reality. My future maybe, but that hadn’t happened yet. I stared down at my notes and swallowed hard. “We can go out. My mom doesn’t have to know everything I do.”

  I was in her arms suddenly. She was squeezing me. “Thank you. If you want, we can do something you like on Saturday night? Maybe we can go get a cup of tea and talk about wallpaper. Whatever you want.” She shrugged, grinning knowingly at me.

  I rolled my eyes and pushed her off. “I’m not drinking. I’ll drive.” And take care of you. And watch our backs. And have no fun. But Piper needed this and I would endure it the way I’d endured the other parties she dragged me to. The last party I went to I crushed on my half-brother. I could only imagine how this one would go.

  “We can get ready at your place. I’ll call the girls. Do you want to invite your friends?” She gave me a heavy look.

  Summer and Ginny would rather talk about wallpaper. “No. I’ll join your group tonight.”

  She tried to hide her relief, but it showed through anyway. “It’s still early. Want to go get something to eat? Just us two.”

  I had this nagging feeling Piper was trying to avoid home and that maybe she wasn’t telling me everything that was going on. At the same time, I promised mom I’d do some laundry and go grocery shopping. I felt torn. But one look in Piper’s eyes, and I knew what I had to do.

  “Sure. But I want tea. And there’s this new wallpaper with little cats I can’t wait to talk about.”

  She snickered and stood, dusting sand off her backside. “That’s where you’re headed, you know? A virgin with cats.”

  I snorted. “We’re both virgins. Since when are you less of one than me?”

  “Simple. I made out with Zane Eastwood last weekend, and he’s kind of touchy.” She winked.

  I gasped and jumped to my feet, textbooks forgotten. “No.”

  “Yes.” She grinned proudly.

  “Wait. Touchy how?”

  Piper rolled her eyes and bent down to grab her backpack. “Virgins.” She shook her head as if she had all the answers. “They’re so … how do you say? Lame.”

  My head exploded. “You’re not a virgin anymore?”

  She paused to stare at my face. I wondered what I looked like. Blond hair flying in the wind. Pale green eyes widened in horror and shock. Lips parted in much the same way. Pink in my cheeks because I could feel the heat of my flush everywhere. Piper and I were best friends. But as I stared at her in return I had to admit we’d been distant lately. Emery and Jasmine were … not virgins, I’d leave it at that. Mom had kept me busy all summer with chores, and I worked on the pier part time. I hadn’t had much time for Piper, and then school started and our time had shrunk further. If her home life hadn’t been pleasant and she’s kissing boys like Zane Freaking Eastwood, then something was more wrong here than I’d thought.

  “No. Not really.”

  I didn’t know what to say. I pushed my hair back and then let it fall, allowing it to blow in my face. It was better than seeing the look in her eyes. The I regret it now, but I didn’t then look. “Yes or no?”

  “No,” she admitted, chewing no her thumbnail. “I wanted to tell you, but you always have something to do, or you’re hanging out with the cat lady twins.”

  Well … “With Zane?”

  “With Zane.”

  “But he’s so—”

  “I know!” she snapped. “I know, okay. I don’t know why he slept with me either. I guess he was drunk.” Her eyes darkened, and she shook her head slightly, as if shaking something from her mind. Then she plastered that smile back on her face. A too-wide, proud smile that made me think she wasn’t all that proud.

  Zane was a senior at the university. A handsome star quarter back for the Crystal Gulf Gators, he was above most. I made sure I avoided him at all costs when he traipsed across campus like he was untouchable. I avoided all men, but especially those that made me uneasy. Men rarely got a reaction out of me. Most of the time I could exist around them without losing my common sense. Without that, I feared who I’d be. Losing myself around a man felt dangerous. I had a feeling if you did they’d figure out who you were on their own. And their summation might be damaging.

  My stomach fell. “Piper,” I said softly. “Is he ignoring you now?”

  She sniffed and shook her head. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t want him. It was just sex. Just meaningless sex. I’m fine,” she assured me. “Fine. Can we go now? I’m hungry.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” I gathered my things and then followed her out of the parking lot, genuinely concerned for her.

  I worked my bottom lip as we paused at the corner and waited to cross the street. My car was at the university; it was easier to walk. Piper was clearly not herself. I felt like a horrible friend for only now realizing it. After she’d lost her virginity to someone like Zane. When we were granted access, we crossed the street. I wasn’t paying attention to where we were going, choosing to follow her rather than worry. I wasn’t hungry anyway. I couldn’t get the look in her eyes out of my head.

  That look made the air cold.

  “C
upcakes cool?”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  She sighed and opened the door to Wave Sweets Bakery. “Stop it, Hillary. It isn’t that big of a deal, all right? It had to happen.” When I opened my mouth to respond, she glared. “Stop it,” she repeated. “Don’t cat lady this for me.”

  “Fine, Piper.” If she wanted to forget it, I’d forget it. And by forget it I meant think about it incessantly in private.

  Wave Sweets Bakery was my favorite place to splurge in downtown Crystal Gulf. Piper and I pressed our faces to the glass, admiring the cupcakes and cookies. When it was our turn to buy we both got the same thing. Red velvet cheesecake bars with cream cheese frosting and a large coffee with cream in the shapes of leaves. We settled in the back near the windows on the comfy couches and dug in, ripping apart the paper and taking large bites that were followed by moaning and groaning.

  “Want to know a secret?” she said, licking her lips.

  “Lay it on me.”

  “This is better than sex.”

  I took a sip of my coffee and spluttered at her comment. “Was it bad?”

  “Not bad. It was just really not good; you know?” She looked down and dabbed her finger in the frosting. “He was drunk, and I was drunk. It was fuzzy. I wanted to be cool. I mean Zane Eastwood was talking to me. How do you say no to that?”

  “Easy. Like this.” My lips formed the words easily. I had no problem with this word. Mom had been saying it to me my whole life. “No.”

  “You weren’t there. Zane’s so hot he was making me confused. And he kept looking at me and making me laugh.” She smiled a little. “It wasn’t all bad. He was a really good kisser. Like really good.” Her cheeks blazed when she looked up and met my eyes briefly. “I guess if I had an orgasm it would have been more fun, but it was over too soon.” Her gaze tightened infinitesimally.

  “You’d think Zane would be more successful.” I licked my lips and winked.