“What he was doing was illegal right?”
“I wouldn’t say illegal. I couldn’t prove that he was doing it because I broke his poor daughter’s heart. But he could do a lot of damage before an investigation would prove that Jason and I have never done anything wrong. That was two by the way.”
I started to argue but realized he was right. I had to play much smarter if I wanted the most bang for my question buck.
“My turn, tell me the truth about this annoying James fellow. We have not agreed to my question limit and I do not wish to enter into that agreement.”
“Let me preface that question with a question, and you’ve got to promise me it doesn’t count against me.”
“I promise,” he said. This time I was the one who stopped walking. I held out my hand but with only my pinkie finger up. He stopped and gave me a look.
“You have to pinkie promise otherwise I don’t believe you won’t count it against me. This is how the rest of the world promises, no handshake needed.” He wrapped his pinkie around mine with a sigh.
“How long were you there last night?” He gave a deep breath and another sigh.
“Long enough to want to wring his neck.”
“No, really, how long?”
“I watched you conspicuously watch him from down the bar. I watched you approach him. I watched him put his fucking hands all over your body. Then I watched you two try to eat each other’s faces off. I watched him invite you back to his room and I watched you agree.” His voice was quiet by the end. The hint of amusement and playfulness was gone.
“Then you know the whole truth,” I said feeling slightly embarrassed.
“You had just met him that evening? It seemed as if you two had seen each other before.”
“No, you watched me meet him.” He took a deep breath and closed his mouth again as if hesitating.
“Go on, ask it,” I said. I was kind of nervous about what was coming next.
“Were you really going to sleep with him?” He asked. His voice was still quiet.
“Probably.” I suddenly felt disgusted and upset with myself.
“Why?”
“Why not? What did I have to lose? I came here to have fun, to finally face my thoughts of you back in the place where they started.”
“Is that your new way of having fun? Sleeping with random men?”
“Is that your way of asking me if I’ve been with anyone since you?”
“Perhaps.”
“Then no, it’s not my idea of fun.”
“Since me? That makes me feel wistful. I feel like we have so much history in so little time. Like we are these storybook characters who think about our long written history. I find it extremely impossible that I have known you for so little time, but we are here in this uncertainty in our relationship.”
I watched his expression turn utterly serious and his focus shifted to his feet rather than the space in front of us.
“I know this doesn’t begin to make any part of it easier, but it was never about you. It was never on purpose, to hurt you, or to prove anything. It was to make our lives easier until I got myself out of that mess.” His voice was softer now, he didn’t speak with the same matter-of-fact cadence he usually did.
“It doesn’t help, it doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel sick. Think about how you felt, watching us dance, watching him touch me. Times that by a thousand.”
“I really was thankful that he was going to bring you back to your room. Otherwise I would have had to find him. I was so angry Olivia. I had no right to be, but my goodness, I wanted to kill him. I thought about that, I’m not lying to you. I thought about how angry I was just seeing you dance. I wouldn’t have survived the thought if you had left without seeing me there. I wouldn’t be able to live with the thought that I had watched you leave with a man who intended to defile you.”
“Is that what you did, defile me?” I asked, giving him a little smile.
“I already loved you by then, I already knew that I had found pure happiness in you. He just wanted to get laid. I just wanted it because it was you.”
His honesty took me aback. The tone of his voice was emotional and powerful. I felt my heart pull as I thought about him sitting there, watching it all happen. On one hand I was mortified and embarrassed. On the other he knew it ended in nothing, and I had to live with the thought that his story ended in a much different way.
“Ok, question number three.”
“Or question four, but continue. I’m feeling generous today.”
“What was the moment that tore you up the most? Like, what event or moment or thing did your mind always take you back to torture you?”
“That is a really good question actually. I’m not sure I guess. Let me think about it. What is yours?”
“The boat. That is when I realized that I could really love you. I watched you be yourself and charm everyone there. It shocked me that everyone was there for you. I’ll never forget the look on your face when I first got onboard,” I said.
“I was blown away. I had always thought you were beautiful, but in that moment I swear you glowed like an angel. A scandalous angel of course in that dress, but you were truly heavenly. You literally took my breath away. I loved you before that, but it was that moment that I knew I would do anything to protect you and love you.”
“I’d never been looked at like the way you looked at me. Nobody ever treated me like I was precious and breakable like you did later that night. It went so far beyond how you are naturally. You are always so in control and not a sugar coated bone in your body. But that night you made me feel cherished and precious and breakable.”
“That is how I see you Olivia. You are strong-willed and stubborn as hell, but to me you are to be admired. You are cherished by me and you should be treated like a queen.”
I smiled at him and kept walking. It seemed like we had walked miles. I had been so caught up in talking to him that I hadn’t even thought about what was going on around us.
“That night on the beach. When we spent the night just laying, I think that was my favorite. I could see your face outlined in the soft light from the stars, and you looked so beautiful that it hurt my heart. It was that night and that look on your face that haunted me. It was quite unfortunate considering stars come out every night, so I was reminded of it frequently,” he said.
I smiled to myself. There were so many moments that I treasured with him. I could add today to that list as well.
“Come on, we’re almost there, see the tent?” He said, pointing a ways down the beach to a white tent.
“What is it?” I asked.
“You’re over your question limit, sorry,” he said with a smile.
Chapter 25
“Jet skis?” I asked when we had gotten close to the tent.
“Yes ma’am. They rent them here,” He said.
“I don’t know if you know this about me or not, but I’m not terribly coordinated or good at this kind of stuff,” I said starting to get nervous.
“Stop worrying, I’ll handle it. I just want you to give me a little faith.”
I stood back as Cole talked to the man in the tent. They spoke amiably for a few minutes, money exchanged hands, as usual, and Cole came walking back to me smiling.
“We’re ready to go. I don’t imagine you are already wearing your bathing suit?” He asked. I shook my head no.
“Ok, well we’ll make due with what we have. Ours is down a little bit further. If you have anything that cannot get wet I suggest you leave it in the tent with Damian. I trust him implicitly so it will be ok there.” I handed Cole my bag that had very few things in it and he brought it to the tent. I walked with him and we headed a little further down the beach.
“This is it. Just stay there. I’m going to get on, start it up and then I’ll have you climb on. Just be careful, it will be fine.” He climbed on the jet ski and the engine roared to life. He adjusted a few things before he waved me over. I sto
od next to him on the beach even more nervous than before.
“Just step down, throw one leg over and sit, it won’t move much, don’t worry,” he said over the noise from the engine. I did as he said and was firmly planted behind him.
“It’s going to be like it’s sinking in the back, it’s not. Just hold on and you won’t go anywhere,” he called back to me. I wrapped my arms around him and held on.
We left the shore and I had dug my chin into his back and my hands were locked together ridiculously tightly around his stomach. I slowly started to weaken my grip and actually opened my eyes to look around. We were going much faster than I had anticipated. I glanced back at the shore and I couldn’t even see it. We had gone a long way.
“Where are we going?” I yelled to him.
“No more questions,” he replied and carried on driving us forward.
About ten minutes later I felt us start to slow down. His foot wasn’t on the accelerator anymore, we were simply coasting forward.
“You’re going to feel a bump when we hit land, just hold on,” he called back. Sure enough I felt the bump and he quickly turned the motor off.
“Stay put, just a minute,” he said. He unhinged my hands from around him and jumped off. The water came up above his knees and the bottoms of his shorts were getting wet. He pulled and pushed the jet ski until it wasn’t going to budge from the shore.
“Just put either of your legs on this side. I’ll help you off,” he said. He held out his hands to me and I did as he asked. I scooted to the edge of the seat and he took me by the waist and lifted me up, carrying me until I stepped only on sand.
“Thank you,” I said as I straightened my clothing. “Where are we?” I asked.
“Somewhere we won’t be bothered,” he said as he walked a little bit ahead of me.
“That’s clear. We’re like fifty miles from the beach,” I said.
“Not quite that far, come here,” he hurried me and we came into a clearing where there were no palms or greenery around. There was however a blanket and a cooler.
“Did you do this?” I asked.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask another question.” He kicked off his sandals and plopped down on the blanket. I followed his lead and sat on the other side of the blanket.
“I didn’t anticipate instituting a question rule, thank goodness I did. However, I figured we could use some time alone, far from any distractions to talk.”
I gave him a small smile. He was good. I had to give him that.
“I figured we might need these too,” he gave a small smile as he pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of soda. I couldn’t help but laugh, he was certainly prepared. He poured me a glass and handed it to me.
The sun was still bright but had started its decent to the water. I sat crossed-legged and sipped my drink. I shook my head, disbelieving that this was real.
“Is something wrong?” He asked seriously.
“This is just too much,” I said looking off in the distance.
“I’m sorry? How do you mean?” He looked confused, almost sad.
“I’m sitting here, literally on a deserted island with you. Hours after I was crazy about having seen you. I was so just, shocked I guess, about seeing you.”
“I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing Olivia.”
“Me either. That is part of the problem. I’ve spent so much time trying to forget about you and move on, yet here I am, taken right back into your grasp.”
“I told you earlier, there are no obligations. I don’t expect that everything is ok. Please understand that,” he said. He had pushed his sunglasses up to rest on the top of his head.
“I believe you, but I don’t know any better. How I feel about you doesn’t know that this doesn’t fix it completely. I almost feel like I’m fighting myself. If I let myself feel the way I do about you I’m betraying the part of me that feels hurt still and angry. But this is literally perfect. Being here, in your presence, feeling like I did a year ago, it’s too much.” I looked up at the sky, hoping to keep my tears at bay.
“I didn’t bring you here to make it hard for you to say no. I brought you here because I want you to say what you need to say without interruption,” he had put his drink on the top of the cooler and was concentrating on me. I could feel his stare and it was overwhelming. I knew he was concentrated on me and it stressed me out.
“It never stopped Cole. Never. My mind was on a constant replay of you. Every day I ached, my heart, my chest, everything ached because of you. At night you ran through all of my dreams. I saw your face, I heard your voice. It’s like you never stopped. It was 24 hours a day that I had to live with the thought that you existed. I had to live with the look on your face when I left. I walked away from the only person I ever loved. I blamed myself for so long. Maybe if I hadn’t left we could have worked it out. I was so hurt that night. I was so angry at you. It took me a long time to blame you. You deserved the blame. I laid it on me for so long, but it didn’t matter. Then when I finally could get out of bed, I would go about my regular life and I would feel you there. I would look around as I walked somewhere and think that I saw you. I realized no matter where I was I would look for you, like you’d show up. You never called, you never came, you sent one e-mail and that was it. I never heard from you.” By now there were tears streaming down my face and Cole was sitting with his knees bent towards his chest, leaning on them. He shook his head.
“I came Olivia. I came twice. I came with Jason the first time. I stayed in the hotel he stayed at. I saw you. I saw you walk and you were not yourself. I saw you walking down the street with your arms wrapped around you. You looked like you were holding yourself together. You looked so, beat down. Jason told me not to see you, that he didn’t think it would be a good idea. I left that same night. I flew in one morning, about three months ago. I knew that your friends were gone, I would always ask Jason to keep me updated. I knew Adrian was coming to California, I knew your other friend would be out of town. I planned to come speak to you. To just tell you that I was waiting for you. I was too scared, I was too frightened to have you turn me away. You always have had all the power Olivia. I am but your humble servant.” He looked down at the ground and took a sip from his drink.
“You were there?” I asked. I hadn’t expected that.
“Twice. Twice I came within yards of you, but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I couldn’t let you know that I had disobeyed your only request. I couldn’t not see you, I had to know you were ok.”
“I can’t believe you came,” I said.
“Is that a good or a bad can’t believe?”
“It’s good I think. I swear, I felt you there at times. That is so cliche and so stupid, but I swear. There were days you just felt, closer. I don’t know if they were one in the same, but it felt different.”
“What would you have done if I would have came to see you?” He asked.
“I have no idea. I guess I’d like to think it would have been like this, where we could be normal, but I have no idea.”
We sat in silence and sipped our drinks.
“You know that Jason is quite fond of you. I don’t think there was a time that I heard him on the phone with Adrian that he didn’t ask about you.”
I smiled. “We’ve made our peace I think.”
“I heard shit from him for months. I knew I had done things terribly wrong, but he reminded me everyday. He said said that I was so stupid for hurting you. He explained to me that he told you simply because he thought that the sooner you knew, the sooner we’d be able to move on. Obviously he also believed you deserved to know. He’s always had faith that you’d take me for what I was. He believed in your love for me more than I did. All I could think was that I had lost you, he just kept telling me to give you time.”
He poured us both another drink.
“The worst part was, I could see so much in the future. There was so much that I wanted to have for us. You had come
into my life like a whirlwind and I had to constantly adjust. You were smart, and funny and you made me try harder to keep up. I knew early on that you were extremely special to me. It was as if I was in a Catch 22. In order to keep you, I had to hurt you by ending things in what I considered my old life. If I didn’t change my life then I would have lost you for sure. I’m sure I had more choices, but at that point all I could see was damage control. It blew up. I didn’t care about the money or the business for awhile. I had lost you. I meant it when I said none of that has any significance without you. Luckily Jason had plans of his own for he and Adrian and kicked me in the ass to pull it together.”
“What plans did you have?” I asked. I had become extremely curious. He smiled and I was relieved to see his face lift from his look of dread and worry.
“You’ve run out for the day. Sorry,” he said. His smile made me smile bigger. The sky was now deep pink and dark. The sun had mere inches before it would fully emerge itself seemingly in the water.
“When do we need to go back?” I asked, hugging my knees to my chin.
Cole shrugged. “Damian knows I’m good for it. As long as we’re back tomorrow when he opens he won’t make a fuss.”
I yawned and rested my head on my knees.
“Are you ready now?” He asked.
I shook my head. “No, not yet.” Cole moved the cooler onto the sand and stretched out. He laid on the blanket, putting his head closer to my end of the blanket.
“For what it’s worth, you saved me you know,” he said. Looking up at the sky.
“What do you mean?”
“You saved me from a life that would have killed me, or got me into trouble. Before you I was so focused on things and work. I worked at least seventy-five hour weeks, sometimes one hundred hour weeks. I really enjoyed it, I still do. But I was keeping up a pace that was unrealistic. I didn’t need to spend that much time there, but I did. I did it because I knew I was hiding from what the rest of my life had become. My only real friends I worked with all day. I was unhappy at home, I was happy going out with clients nightly, getting drunk, showing them a good time. A happy client was a profitable one, and I was more than happy to take the out on the town. I would sometimes wake up with a hangover and cure it with drinks. I was escaping. I don’t think I’m some inherent alcoholic. I just think I used it as a crutch. You saved me from working or drinking myself to an early death.”
The Rules In Paradise (Playing By The Rules) Page 20
