Hero's Curse

by Jack J. Lee

  I was a samurai contemplating hari-kari. It was time to wimp out or slit my belly. “You guys want to hear a joke that’s in the same vein—not so funny?”

  Two sets of scary blue eyes turned my way. “I found out recently that your parents set up trust funds for all of you. I don’t know the exact amount, but there’s enough to pay for your living expenses while you go to school.”

  Frowning, my true love asked warily, “Why is that a bad joke?’

  “That’s not the joke. You know how the White House works? It’s the President’s home but it’s owned by the Government, not by the man. A paladin’s house works the same way. It was your Dad’s home while he was a paladin. Now it’s mine.”

  Mina sat in stunned silence. Andi replied, “Oh boy Vic, you’re right, that’s a really bad joke.”

  Mina jumped off the bed, stalked to the door, and held it open. “Vic, I know the part about the house isn't your fault, but the part about keeping secrets from me after you promised, sure the hell is. I can’t stand to look at you right now. Please leave, and take your self-serving compliments and my poor Dad's journal with you.”

  She slammed the door behind me when I left. Well, that had gone about as well as I’d expected. I dropped Paul Swenson’s journal back in my room. I knew eventually one of the Swensons would want it. I then went out to the back yard. All the guys were in the shed.

  “Drew!” I tilted my head toward my truck.

  He made a vague ‘I’m busy’ motion in my direction.

  “Drew!” This time he gave me a ‘Jesus! Really, now?’ look.

  I pointed toward my truck and started walking that direction. He reluctantly headed my way. After he climbed in the passenger seat, I drove to a strip mall few miles away. It had an Irish Pub I’d been wanting to try.

  We got seated right away. We ordered a pitcher of Guinness. When we got it, he poured himself a glass and took a long swallow and set it down. “Vic, how long has it been since we last saw each other?”

  “It was almost eight years exactly this month, in Columbia.”

  “Yeah, that’s right. Did I ever thank you for helping me out?”

  “No.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “A lot of things have changed since then.”

  “They have.”

  “Like, when did you start menstruating?”

  I blew beer out my nose as I started laughing. Drew was exactly right. I was acting like a girl. I’d gotten into a fight with my girlfriend and wanted to talk about it with my best—my only friend. After I got control of myself, I answered, “I think it comes with being a paladin. Every paladin comes with a true love. You can’t help but fall in love with a woman who’s genetically designed to match all your desires. It gives you a different set of priorities.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that falling in love turns you into a girly man?”

  “Well, I only have a sample size of one, so I can’t make any general conclusions.”

  “But it’s been your personal experience…” Drew gestured for me to finish the sentence.

  I paused to think about my answer. “I think I prefer the term ‘sensitive’ over ‘girly man’, but yes, it’s been my experience that falling in love makes you more sensitive. I’m in a bit of a low right now, but if I had to be honest, the highs that come with being in love make up for the lows.”

  My buddy rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Remember Sam Turkel? He was our pilot in the Philippines. You’re starting to remind me of him.”

  “In what way?”

  “After he got diagnosed with leprosy, he kept going on about how it wasn’t so bad.”

  We both began to laugh.

  Drew rubbed his eyes. “You feel better now?”

  I actually did. It had been surprisingly helpful to talk to Drew about my problems. It helps to put things in perspective. Given the choice and depending on the situation, I was pretty sure that nineteen times out of twenty, I’d pick Mina over leprosy. I nodded. “So, how’s it going with the combustible bullets?”

  “Buying metallic sodium wasn’t a big deal. We bought a four hundred and eighty gram ingot for four hundred dollars. Then we spent about twice that on a progressive reloading press and four or five sets of dies and a couple of hundred hollow point bullets. It took Aidan and Tim about three hours to modify a couple of dies to flare the hollow point open, make a fitting for another die that’ll extrude exactly the same amount of sodium into each hollow point, and another die that swages the hollow point back to its original configuration.”

  “Does it work?”

  “It’s a giant pain in the ass. We ruined a bunch of bullets before Aidan figured out how much to anneal the copper jackets, and you have to watch the press at every station, every step of the way. The metallic sodium requires very careful handling, and we’re only getting maybe one perfect bullet out of five or six. Aidan thinks it might stop the Jotunn from easily healing from their wounds but he’s not sure. When the hollow point penetrates flesh, the jacket peels back and the lead mushrooms and then tumbles. The metallic sodium gets smeared along the wound and then ignites. It doesn’t take long for the ambient oxygen in the wound to get used up and then the flame peters out.

  The sodium sears flesh but the end result looks more like a chemical burn; the damage doesn’t go very deep. I can see why no one else uses sodium bullets; there’s not enough increased lethality to justify all the trouble. It’s a waste of time.”

  “How did you test the bullets?”

  “I bought a whole pig carcass and took it out to the desert west of the City and fired rounds into it from four hundred meters. Tim and Aidan were bummed they couldn’t go out there with me.”

  “If you already made sodium bullets and tested them, what are you doing in the shed?”

  “Me and Tim were making flaming bullets the old fashioned way with magic. Tim bought a stock Remington 700. Aidan is helping him duplicate my rifle, using the laws of similarity combined with an amazing ability to shape and mold metal, wood, and plastic. I can’t believe what Aidan can do. He put a magic suppressor on my rifle. The only thing you can hear now is the sonic boom from the bullet traveling through the air. He turned the sound energy into heat and then sank it into the bullet. And…” Drew thumped the table twice to make his point, “he’s cast a spell on my M24 so when a bullet passes through the barrel, all of the friction heat goes into the bullet!”

  I understood why Drew was so excited. Consistency is everything to a sniper. When a bullet passes through a barrel, there’s friction which creates heat. Heat causes metal to expand which in turn slightly warps the barrel and changes the point of impact. For most people, this wouldn’t mean a whole lot of difference, but at the distances Drew worked, it could mean the difference between a kill and a clean miss. With a few exceptions, snipers use bolt action rifles. Bolt action rifle technology is old; not much has changed since the German Government adopted the Mauser Gewehr in 1898. Every sniper in the world has access to the same basic tools. Aidan had given Drew a new and unique advantage he never imagined he’d have.

  “Drew, why are you taking this so well? Growing up, you were the biggest atheist skeptic I knew. I thought you’d be freaking when you found out God and magic existed.”

  He shrugged, “If this had happened to me when I was younger, I probably would be freaking. Back then, I got personally offended when life proved me wrong. I’m older now. I’ve been too wrong too often and I’m too tired to get that pissed. What can I say? I’m not stupid enough to ignore a fact if it’s staring me in the face. And magic is interesting. If it was just hocus pocus—wave your hands and all sorts of strange and wonderful things happen—it probably would offend me. Magic has consistent rules and obeys the laws of thermodynamics. Arthur C. Clarke was right. Magic is just technology you don’t understand. You know what really would have offended me?”

  “What?”

  “If I didn’t have enough angel
genes to do magic.”

  “Be careful. You do too much. You’re an automatic member of the Oath Brotherhood.”

  He shook his head. “You really don’t get it do you?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You have no idea how much it sucks to be old and injured.”

  I thought about it. “No, I guess I don’t.”

  “Well, it sucks.” His face was expressionless as he said, “My back really hurts and my knees are almost as bad. If it wasn’t for the wonders of modern pharmacology, I wouldn’t be the happy guy you see in front of you.”

  “Does it affect your shooting?”

  “That’s the problem. When I’m on the pain meds, the muscle relaxers, and the anti-depressants, I can’t hit an elephant in a fat suit. I haven’t been on a job since I hurt my back. I can go for a day, maybe two without the meds, but not long enough for most real jobs. I just took a handful of happy pills an hour ago after not taking any for a full day. I can feel the difference just one beer makes when I’ve got that shit in my system.”

  “So, what have you been doing?”

  When Drew said, “Not much” he told me everything I needed to know. I’ve known Drew since we were kids. We hadn’t spent that much time together these last few decades, but when we did, someone was always trying to kill us. Under that kind of stress, you get to know someone real well. His job was everything to him. Earlier today, he’d said ‘The day I can’t hit a head size target from under one thousand meters is the day I retire.’ If Drew had any kind of predisposition toward suicide, he’d be dead by now. When he got my message I needed help, he ignored the pain and showed up out of loyalty and friendship, but there also had to be a part of him that wanted to check out weapon in hand.

  “You’re okay not spanking the monkey, or no sex outside of marriage?”

  He gave a quick laugh, “I’m not giving up much. For the last few years, I haven’t had the energy to do much more than look.”

  “How about not telling a lie and following orders?”

  “I’ll have you know, I never lie and I’ve been in the military. I know how to follow orders in my own very special way.”

  “You’d be under my command.”

  “I’ve had bigger idiots than you give me orders.”

  “Nice. Did anyone tell you how it works? How you become an Oath Brother?”

  “Well, I could learn how to do magic—which I’m doing—and then wait a few years until the curse takes effect, or I can have a paladin or Oath Brother cast a spell of major healing on me which will have the effect of making me a new person, who just happens to be an Oath Brother.”

  “So when is Aidan going to heal you?”

  “That’s the thing. I like Aidan a lot and Tim…is Tim gay?”

  “Why, you interested?” It was Drew’s turn to snort beer.

  “He’s an Oath Brother. He can only have sex in marriage. I got a feeling that the Jehovah I know is not up for same sex marriage. Get over it. There’s no chance of wedded bliss for the two of you.”

  Drew gave me the finger slowly, and with great emphasis. He held it up for a few seconds then got back on topic. “It’s complicated. It involves reading my DNA. But the main problem is that I can only be healed by someone I trust.”

  I smiled, “Okay that makes sense. So, what’d I have to do?”

  “Aidan said he’ll talk you through the spell tomorrow.”

  I drank down the rest of my beer and poured myself another. “What kind of magic are you doing?”

  “Magic is like anything else. You don’t get something for nothing. Everything needs to be paid for. If Aidan had made my magic suppressor and barrel cooling system self powered, it would have taken weeks. He cast a quick and dirty spell that needs to be powered by the rifle’s user. He’s done all the hard work. I just need to be the spell’s battery.”

  “Didn’t you say you were making magic bullets?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How’s that work?”

  “It’s similar to how a magic flaming arrow works. A regular non-magical flaming arrow has a piece of rag or absorbent material fastened just behind the head. Soak the rag in oil or pitch, light it, and you got arrow flambe. Cast a flaming arrow spell on that regular arrow and it will light up on demand. The flames won’t burn with any heat or use up the oil or pitch until it strikes the target, and then all of the fuel is consumed at once and burns at a much higher temperature than at the ordinary, non-magical arrow. It takes a lot of soul energy to make a magical igniter and to make the flame run hotter. It takes a couple hours to make each arrow and a guy like me can, at most, safely make one or two arrows a day. Tim can make about five. We’re basically doing the same thing for the bullet except we’re using magic just as an igniter. The fuel burns hot enough on its own.”

  What Drew was saying wasn’t consistent with my own experience. I thought up a spell that would make a magic flaming arrow. According to my spell bar, it would take about one percent of my soul to cast it. Tim and Aidan said I was unusually powerful. I was starting to get a sense of what that meant.

  “So what’s the fuel—magnesium, white phosphorous?”

  “We’re using lead oxide mixed with aluminum power in a brass shell.”

  “So you are making a thermite bullet. When were you going to tell me?”

  “You wanted to use aluminum and ferric oxide inside a hollow point with metallic sodium as an igniter. We’re using aluminum and lead oxide in a brass shell with a magic igniter; no hollow point required. This isn’t your idea at all.”

  “BULLSHIT!”

  Drew grinned, “Well, maybe just a little.”

  The conversation deteriorated from there. It had been a long time since I’d just sat around shooting the shit. We weren’t dumb enough to stay out past dark or get drunk enough for it to be too dangerous. It helped that the sun didn’t set until 9 PM. Mina was still in her room when we got back. I considered knocking on her door but decided it best to let her calm down on her own. I went up to my room, finished off my journal entry for the day, and went to sleep.

  Chapter 28: Oathbreaker

  I woke up with to the smell of Mina’s herbal shampoo. My face was buried in her hair. During the night she’d come to bed and I hadn’t noticed. I had mixed feelings about her being able to come into my room and into my bed without me knowing, but I was grateful that she had.

  Mina woke up and turned to face me, smiling sleepily. “I’m still mad at you.”

  “Good morning. I fucked up.”

  “You really believe that?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay then, just don’t do it again. Please.”

  I kissed her and then pulled back. “I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’m a total noob. I promise you, I’m going to try my best not to screw up in the future—but like all beginners, I’ll probably make idiot mistakes. I swear they won’t be intentional.”

  She quietly responded, “I know what you mean. I’ve been in relationships before, but never in one I thought would be forever. You should have told me about the house as soon as you found out, but I shouldn't have kicked you out when you were just trying to tell me the facts. I was thinking about it last night. We’re a team—we won’t keep secrets from each other and we make decisions together. Any mistakes after that,” Mina shrugged, “we just deal.”

  “I like that.” I hugged her tight. A thought occurred to me. “How do you feel about the three of you becoming Oath Brothers?”

  “Why are you asking?”

  “If you become Oath Brothers, Jehovah will force you to follow a bunch of commands you may not like. Also, I’ll become your liege—this means, if I give you a command, you’ll have to obey. I’m worried that might not be good for our relationship.”

  Mina laughed out loud. She’d been running her fingers through my hair, lightly massaging my scalp as we talked. Now she tugged gently. “See, you may not be a complete idiot after all.” then her eyes grew col
d. “The Jotunn who killed my parents need to be exterminated. If that means I become an Oath Brother, that’s what it means.”

  “Can you talk to Aidan about what it means to be an Oath Brother? I don’t know enough to give you good advice.”

  “Believe me, I am making a list of all the things I want to talk to Aidan about.”

  “Hey, I’ve never had anyone massage my head like this before. It feels good. Can you rub the back of my neck next?”

  She elbowed me away with a grin. “Oh my Liege, YOU are good. Ask me again sometime when you deserve it.”

  After a little while, Mina went back to her room to get ready for the day. I spent a few minutes in the bathroom. It didn’t take long to get dressed. Mina and I had slept in for once. I could hear everyone else up and moving in the house. Ben and Andi were in their rooms. Aidan was in the basement. Tim and Drew were eating cereal when I walked in the kitchen.

  “Hey Drew, I forgot to ask yesterday. Were you able to find the airsoft guns I wanted?”

  “Yeah. They’re on a shelf in the new shed.”

  “Good.”

  I was heating a couple bags of oatmeal at the stove when Ben, Andi, and Mina came in. Tim scarfed his food down and stood up to make room. Drew kept on eating.

  I called out to Ben, “Don’t eat too big of a breakfast. After we eat, we’re going to test our bet. You’re going to take on your sisters, handgun versus shotguns.”

  He gave his sisters a superior look, “When I beat you guys down and you start crying, remember you asked for it.”

  Mina came up to me, and gave me a quick peck on my cheek, and then retorted to Ben. “Ha, big little Bro! We’ll see who ends up crying.” She peered around me into the pan to see what I was cooking. “So Vic, are we going to the outdoor range for the shoot out?”

  Tim spoke up, “Vic had us buy toy shotguns and handguns yesterday.”

  I put an arm around her waist and explained. “We’ve got airsoft guns. The shotguns are spring powered. You cock them like a real pump shotgun. They shoot blue plastic BBs with every trigger pull. If you get hit by one they feel like wasp stings and they’ll leave a red mark. If you get hit through clothes it shouldn’t be too bad. If you get hit in the face it’ll hurt. I’m going to have you guys duke it out with these guns.”