Dying to Live

by Roxy De Winter

  Shaking herself from this thought, she dashed to the car where the porter was holding the door open for her.

  “Thank you,” she said quickly to him. He smiled graciously and wished her a safe journey.

  The car pulled away from the building and made its way into a busy but fast flowing lane of traffic. The driver had already been informed that the airport was her destination and she did not wish to engage in chitchat. Not whilst her mind was awash with the possibilities of what she could be facing pretty soon. For now, she pushed this from her mind and pulled out her phone. Xin scrolled through her call history, searching for the number of Heathrow airport, which she had dialled only yesterday to check the plane times for today. She had selected a later flight, anticipating that she would need the lie in. However, it was only 7.30am and she did not have six hours to spare waiting for the flight she had booked. Her only hope was that there was a space on an earlier flight.

  Xin pressed a button to connect the call. It did not ring for long before she was greeted by a nasal voice.

  “Good morning, Heathrow Airport. How can I help you today?”

  “Good morning. I hope you can help me, please. I am booked onto a flight today, leaving from terminal five at 1.30pm to Las Vegas. Unfortunately, my grandmother has been taken seriously ill and I need to get there sooner than I had planned. Could you tell me if there are any other flights available?” Xin asked. Her voice was laced with the concern that she felt, but it was not for an imagined grandmother in Vegas. It was for her limited window of opportunity.

  She did not know if the story she had made up was convincing enough or would even help her, but the tone of concern in the woman’s voice could only help her situation.

  “Oh dear, I am sorry. Let me see what I can do for you, madam.” There was a pause and Xin was asked for some more details. Then there was another pause, during which Xin could hear the tap, tap, tap of a keyboard. “Okay then, Madam. What I can do, if it suits you, is squeeze you onto a flight leaving in thirty minutes time. It will be leaving from the same terminal as the later flight and I’ve made a note of it on the system so that your ticket should be accepted without any problems. We can do this for you today, free of charge, given your circumstances. We pride ourselves on helping a customer in need.”

  “That sounds wonderful, thank you so much,” Xin said with relief and gratitude. She nervously glanced at the dashboard clock. Xin felt a pang of guilt at having tricked this unsuspecting woman. The truth was that, given the danger she was putting herself in, Xin felt that the two cancelled each other out.

  Besides, this woman would never know.

  “No problem, madam. I want to send you and your grandmother the best wishes, from all of us here at Heathrow. Please remember to choose us next time you fly. Good day.”

  Miraculously, an hour later, everything had fallen into place. Xin had boarded the ten and a half hour flight. She had taken her seat on the plane and fallen asleep almost immediately after take-off. This was good, as it prevented her mind from over working and reminding her that a lot could change in ten hours’ time. When she arrived the situation could be over altogether, or it could be a whole lot worse. Not to mention, she needed the sleep anyway.

  Xin didn’t wake up until the pilot’s announcement. The metallic sounding voice clawed into her consciousness and told her that they would be arriving in approximately one hour. She stretched out and, momentarily forgetting about the state of affairs that had her here in the first place, contemplated how good she felt after finally getting some sleep. She opened her eyes slowly and was greeted by the magnificent view from her window. Fluffy clouds and a brilliantly blue sky encased the plane. However, far below she could see sprawling fields and towns that looked so small. As she looked, she thought that in the distance something was burning, that she could see smoke. Looking away, she told herself that it was just her imagination playing tricks on her. Needing something to soothe her parched throat, Xin pushed the call button to her left before realising that the man sat next to her was watching her.

  “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to stare,” he said, his face embarrassed upon realising he’d been caught.

  “It’s okay. I imagine I’m quite a sight for sore eyes at the moment,” Xin replied, managing a weak smile.

  “Oh, no, not at all,” he said hastily. “It’s just that, looking out of the window just now, you suddenly looked so... troubled.” His face was sympathetic and his eyes glinted a fascinating blue. Something about him seemed different, trustworthy. Not that Xin trusted anyone on a whim. Trust was earned and not freely given. None the less, she was inclined to believe that, had she wanted to share a secret with this man, then that is what it would have remained. A secret.

  “Let’s just say that I have a few things on my mind at the moment,” Xin said, looking back to the window where she was still sure she could see smoke. When she looked back, the man was still looking at her. His gaze was thoughtful and curious.

  “I’m Pete,” he said, offering his hand.

  “I’m Xin. It’s nice to meet you,” She replied, accepting the handshake.

  At that moment, Xin noticed the air hostess pushing a trolley up the aisle towards them and remembered the drink she was going to order.

  “I was going to get a drink, would you like to join me?” She asked, gesturing at the hostess trolley, which was now almost level with their seats.

  “That would be lovely, Xin. Thank you.” He smiled and turned his attention to the hostess, who had halted her trolley beside them. “I’ll have a coffee, please.”

  Xin suddenly felt a slight embarrassment at her intention to order a whiskey with ice. It was, after all, still morning when taking into account the time difference.

  “I’ll have coffee too, please,” she said, hurriedly. The hostess smoothed out her pencil skirt and busied herself with the preparation of their beverages. She enquired as to whether they took milk and sugar. Xin answered yes to both and Pete answered no to both. A minute later, they were sipping at the drinks as the hostess sashayed her way back down the aisle.

  For a while they sat in companionable silence, as they enjoyed the warm drink. Xin looked at Pete. It was a long time since she’d had the experience of meeting a new man. Of course, she did meet new men every day, but not on a friendship forming level. Usually it was just work related. It was a pleasant sensation to be sitting next to this man, who she didn’t know, but feeling that she would like to. He had blonde hair that was messy and a little wavy. His smile showed off dimples and gave the impression of a charming and cheeky character. He was a slim man but not without muscles, and she imagined that if he stood up he would be quite tall. There was, however, an unmistakable sense about him. A sense that there was much more to him than you could see: wisdom and intelligence, goodness, self-sacrifice and chivalry. Xin could not put her finger on how she knew it, she just did.

  “So, what brings you to Vegas?” Pete enquired.

  “Oh, just work, you know,” Xin answered, taking a grateful sip of her coffee. It had been a much better choice than whiskey. “What about you?”

  “I threw a dart at a map, this is where it took me.” Seeing Xin’s raised eyebrows he chuckled, “I’m serious.”

  She laughed with him.

  “What about your work? And your family?”

  “I don’t have a wife or any children, not now anyway, and the rest of my family understand me. They know that I want to see places and do things. I can still keep in touch with them while I do it.” There was a pause whilst he drank and then he continued. “As for my work, I’m fortunate enough that I can do that anywhere.”

  This seemed to create more questions than it answered. Xin had picked up on his choice of words. ‘Not now anyway’. It felt insensitive and nosey to ask a perfect stranger what they could have meant by that. She instead opted for the safer question that came to mind.

  “What does your job entail?”

  “I’m an artist.” Pete must ha
ve realised how vague his reply was, because he went on to explain. “I draw and paint, mainly. My subject matter is mostly people and places. Just different things that I see, but people seem to like them. I’ve painted things from all around the world.”

  Xin sat in awe for a few moments. It sounded like such a perfect thing, yet was completely unexpected. “What will you paint in Vegas?” She asked.

  “I’m not sure yet, but I never am until I get there. I like to just wait and see what I notice and experience. Not just the physical things I see, but the things I detect about a place that I’m not supposed to.” Xin didn’t understand what he meant at first. “Places always have secrets. I like to poke at the darker underbelly and the goings on that they don’t promote. They’re things that anyone can see but most don’t, things like addiction, homelessness, poverty and violence.”

  “Your work must be quite dark, especially for someone who seems so full of light. I fear that you’ll have a lot to paint in Nevada.” Xin said this, knowing the truth to his words even more than he did. Pete looked at her questioningly but didn’t ask her to expand on the comment. “Could I see some of it?”

  “My art?” Pete asked, seeming slightly surprised. “Oh, yeah, sure.” He shrugged and got up to retrieve his carry-on from the overhead compartment. He rooted through the bag briefly, before pulling out a tatty, battered looking sketchbook. Pete thumbed through the pages before settling on one. “There’s this one. I did it in India,” He said, passing her it.

  Xin looked down at the picture and her eyes widened. It was haunting and breath-taking. Pete had used a watercolour paints and pencil to capture, what was quite clearly, a wedding. The Asian bride was faceless but beautiful, and the only subject to be depicted in colour. She was chained to two towering, faceless, black and white figures behind her. The restraints were black shadowy wisps that wrapped around her. A faceless, black and white groom stood beside her. He was holding the keys that would release her from the shackles and also a fresh shining set of restraints.

  “It’s incredible,” Xin told him, still staring down at the piece.

  “It was an arranged marriage,” Pete explained. “There was a great big celebration going on. I saw her and just had to draw it. It was just like she was a prisoner to her parents, and the whole day was all about her becoming a prisoner to someone else. I didn’t see her smile even once.”

  “That’s so sad,” Xin said, looking back at him. She passed him the sketchbook back. “How do you create art like that, yet still seem like such a cheerful person?”

  “Art is all about expression,” Pete shrugged, closing the book. “I convey the negativity on paper and get it out of my system, which makes it easier to express the positive in day to day life.”

  Xin pondered on this while Pete replaced his bag.

  Their conversation continued until they were interrupted by the pilot requesting them to put on their seatbelts as they were now coming in to land.

  From the window, there was now a view of the entire Las Vegas strip. Some of the buildings were even bigger than Xin could have imagined. There were so many different types of architecture that she could see: usual looking tower blocks, tower blocks that seemed to curve, buildings that looked like needles, one that looked like the Eiffel Tower and even a pyramid in the distance.

  Xin felt the plane gently slope beneath her. She was not a nervous flyer but always found that landing was the most uncomfortable part. Taking deep breaths and trying to stay calm was hard enough, but then, as the planes wheels touched down, there came an announcement that made it even harder.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. We ask that you stay calm. I have just been informed that we will all need to remain on the plane for a short time whilst an incident is dealt with inside. Please be assured that they are working to resolve this as soon as possible and we appreciate your patience.”

  There was a moment of silence before hushed whispers broke out amongst the passengers. Xin could feel general unease creeping up and down the rows of seats. It wasn’t too bad until a woman began screaming.

  “TERRORISTS! I BET IT’S A BOMB! LET ME OFF THE PLANE!”

  Xin looked at Pete and he looked back at her. In a moment of fear, she reached out and took his hand, which was rested on the armrest. She clutched it tightly and tried not to panic. She knew that it wasn’t terrorists, but she did know what it could be. Pete gave her hand a quick squeeze and looked over to where two hostesses were now clustered beside the screaming lady trying to calm her down.

  “Don’t worry, Xin. I’m pretty sure that it’s not terrorists or bombs or anything of the kind. You know how people are since 9/11.” Pete’s attempt to calm her down was sweet and well-intentioned, but he misunderstood her fear.

  “I know. It’s not terrorists,” she gulped. “It’s just, I think I know what it is.”

  “What?” Pete quizzed.

  “I can’t tell you here but if you stick with me until we’re out of here and clear of the airport then I will. It’s something you... Well probably everybody actually, should know.”

  Pete looked totally thrown by this but regained his composure and nodded.

  “Okay,” he said simply.

  It seemed like a long time after that, longer than it probably really was, before they were allowed to depart the plane. Passengers were shown into the airport by harassed looking stewards. Pete, still holding onto Xin’s hand, approached one young steward, pulling her behind him.

  “Excuse me, friend. We were just wondering, what happened? We had to wait on the plane. Someone was shouting about a bomb and terrorists?” Xin could tell that Pete was playing stupid in order to get an answer, but it worked.

  “Look, man, don’t worry. Between you and me...” He looked beyond Pete and saw Xin, who played along and looked as scared as she could. “And her I guess, we just had some crazy bastard in here take a bite outta one of the receptionist’s necks. They did a nasty job on her too, straight out in an ambulance, but yeah, that’s why you had to wait. We didn’t wanna scare people.”

  “Oh no, that’s awful,” Pete said genuinely. The steward nodded sombrely.

  Xin pulled on Pete’s hand and guided him over to a less crowded area. She turned and looked him straight in the face.

  “Pete, I need you to trust me for the next few minutes, okay?” She said earnestly. He didn’t reply but nodded. “We need to get out of here, NOW. I told you I’d explain and I will. I know at the moment I sound crazy but please...”

  “Alright, Xin,” he cut her off. “You’re right about it sounding crazy but isn’t that how it goes in all the films?” He let out a short laugh and then said, “Right, let’s grab our bags and get the hell out of here.”

  It was impossible to leave the airport as quickly as Xin would have liked. There were so many rushing people and the slow procedures for passing through security and onto baggage claim, meant that Pete and Xin were forced to wait a while for their luggage to be unloaded and then to eventually claim it from the conveyor belts. They clasped hands the whole time so as not to risk being bustled away from each other and separated. The plus side of it all was that if there did happen to be any police sent out to find her, they had now been distracted from that by the violent outburst that had left a woman with a hole in her throat.

  It took them a while but eventually they were heading out of the main doors of the airport and into the glorious midday sun. They stepped out of the air conditioned building and were hit by a wall of heat which made Xin roll up her long sleeves. Amidst the turmoil she felt, Xin registered that it felt like a small piece of freedom to be outside after the claustrophobia of the plane and the airport.

  Her next thought was Bao. Dr Yuan would we waiting to hear from her. It was 11.30am in Las Vegas if Xin trusted her phone, which was supposed to update itself to different time zones. Calculating the time difference of roughly fifteen hours between Nevada and China, meant it was now roughly 02.30am the next day in China
. Surely Bao would be asleep. She would give it a few hours before calling him.

  “Okay, where to now?” Pete asked Xin. She looked around. Things were obviously not too bad here at the moment. If she was truthful with herself, she felt like she had overreacted. Had she been expecting to see zombies staggering around the streets? In all honesty, confronted with this relative calm she had no idea what her next move should be.

  “We need to find somewhere quiet. A place where I can watch the news, get my bearings and talk to you without people listening in. Do you have any ideas?”

  “I guess a bar will probably be playing the news,” he said with a shrug.

  “That wouldn’t be quiet enough. I can’t risk other people hearing what I’m going to tell you,” Xin stood quiet, lost in her own thoughts for a few minutes.

  “Are you... some kind of... I don’t know... agent?” Pete asked, studying her carefully. Xin didn’t hear him, she had reached her conclusion.

  “I think we need to check into a hotel. It’s all that I can come up with.” Catching Pete’s raised eyebrows, she quickly added, “Separate rooms, of course. It’s just the easiest way. Plus, until we both know what we’re doing, we need somewhere to rest.”

  Neither her nor Pete knew their way around, or knew the area. So they took their best chance and hopped into one of the waiting taxis. Xin asked the driver if he could take them to the nearest hotel. She hoped that the journey would be a quick one. Although being in America should have been an exciting experience, she found her grim work detracted from her enjoyment. Her choice of clothing had been practical in England but after five minutes in the taxi, even with all of the windows rolled down, Xin was feeling uncomfortably hot and stressed. The journey didn’t take long though, and watching the signs and billboards whizz by calmed her system a little.