Star Wars - Episode I Adventures 010 - Festival of Warriors

by Ryder Windham

  Table of Contents

  COPYRIGHT

  INTRODUCTION

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  In the underwater city of Otoh Gunga, Jar Jar Binks was considered a public nuisance. After Jar Jar accidentally released dozens of rare creatures from the Otoh Gunga Research Facility, he was sentenced to hard labor in the Quarry, a subterranean prison. Boss Nass, the ruler of Otoh Gunga, also put Jar Jar on probation: if Jar Jar caused any accidents within one year, he would be banished from Otoh Gunga.

  After the journey to the Quarry was interrupted by a seismic storm, Jar Jar wound up rescuing Boss Nass, Commander Wollod, Rep Teers, and Boss Nass’s niece, Major Fassa. Boss Nass decided not to send Jar Jar to prison, but kept him on probation. Much to Boss Nass’s dismay, Fassa declared that she owed a life debt to Jar Jar.

  Everyone in Otoh Gunga soon turned their attention to the Festival of Warriors, the annual competition that united Gungans from all over Naboo. Jar Jar convinced Boss Nass to let him work at the new festival arena at the bottom of Lake Umberbool. While Boss Nass wondered how he could convince Fassa that Jar Jar Binks was unworthy of a life debt, Jar Jar began his new job.

  “Jar Jar Binks isa doin WHAT?!” Boss Nass bellowed at Private Tattogg, a young soldier. Boss Nass and Private Tattogg stood near the Boss’s docked heyblibber — a luxury submarine — in a sub pen near the High Tower Board Room bubble. Boss Nass had just returned from the Gungans’ sacred place, where he’d inspected the preservation of ancient statues. He’d fully recovered from his recent misadventure with Jar Jar, and shouted so loudly at Tattogg that he nearly fell into the heyblibber pool.

  “Binks isa worken ina kitchen at da new festival arena,” Private Tattogg repeated as he braced himself for Boss Nass to shout again. The message about Jar Jar Binks had come from Rep Teers, who was overseeing the arena construction.

  Ever since the incident at the research facility, Boss Nass had done his best to keep track of Jar Jar. Even though Jar Jar helped return the creatures, Boss Nass knew that he would get into trouble if he wasn’t properly supervised. Since Boss Nass made clear that Jar Jar should not be allowed near any machinery, the Gungan leader could not conceal his displeasure about the message from Rep Teers about Jar Jar’s new job.

  “But Binks isa suppos-ed to be on cleanen detail, pushen a broom, un sweepen up after da workers!” he hollered.

  “Da workers isa probably afraid of Binks,” Private Tattogg suggested. “Everybody tink hisen bad bombin, and nobody wants him around. Da bubble-buildin foreman musta had to find him an-nutter job.”

  “But why da foreman stick Binks ina kitchen?!” Boss Nass fumed.

  “Accordin toda message,” Private Tattogg explained, “Binks says yous approov-ed dat he could be worken ina kitchen.”

  Enraged, Boss Nass squeezed his hooded eyes shut. He couldn’t believe the bubble-buildin foreman would allow Jar Jar Binks to work in the arena kitchen. There was only one day left before the Festival of Warriors, and a lot could happen in one day, especially with Jar Jar Binks involved. When Boss Nass opened his eyes, Private Tattogg was still standing before him, trying not to look nervous. Boss Nass took a deep breath, then said, “My spake nutten about approoven Binks to worken any kitchen. Da only ting mesa say isa ‘Binks no good at nutten but munchen up food.’”

  Just then, Captain Tarpals stepped out of the Boss’s heyblibber and onto the dock. “Isa sumptin wrong, Boss?” Tarpals asked.

  Boss Nass grimaced. The arena bubble was surrounded by four large habitat bubbles, each containing dozens of kitchens to accommodate the expected number of spectators. Boss Nass wondered how much chaos Jar Jar could cause in just one kitchen.

  Then he remembered what had happened at the research facility.

  “Get back inda heyblibber, un set course for da speedest way to Lake Umberbool,” Boss Nass commanded Captain Tarpals. “Wesa goen tooda new arena and stop dat Jar Jar before he causen some maxibig dizz-aster!”

  At the bottom of Lake Umberbool, the festival arena’s construction was complete. Gungan laborers had worked overtime to repair the bubbles that had been damaged by the seismic storm, and the bubbles were ready to receive the many contestants and spectators. One habitat bubble’s lights attracted a school of three dozen faa fish, drawing them toward the structure’s convex exterior. As the faa neared one of the arched portal zones that lined the bubble, a long and lean arm with mottled pink skin poked through the portal and reached out into the cool water. The portal’s hydrostatic membrane shimmered, rippling around the arm, preventing the fish from getting a clear view of the figure inside. With their limited intelligence, the faa might have recognized that the arm belonged to a Gungan, but they were more interested in what the arm offered. The unidentified four fingers gripped a thick, food-covered spoon, tempting the hungry fish to swim even closer to the portal zone.

  Just as the fish swam toward the spoon, another hand shot out through the bubble’s membrane and snatched a full-grown faa. The fish scattered as the captured faa and the spoon were yanked back through the portal and into the bubble.

  Standing inside, a very happy Jar Jar Binks gripped the spoon and the squirming faa fish. Water dripped from his arms and spattered on the tiled kitchen floor.

  “Mouie mouie!” Jar Jar gasped as he looked at the plump faa. “Yousa ganna make one tasty treat for mesa empty stomach.”

  In all his excitement, Jar Jar did not hear the approach of Brass Marshoo’s footsteps. Brass Marshoo, a retired Gungan Grand Army general, was in charge of the bubble’s organically engineered kitchen, and he kept a watchful eye on Jar Jar. As the general entered the kitchen, carrying a heavy supply of globular pots and deep-dish pans, he saw immediately that Jar Jar was away from his work station. “Jar Jar Binks!” he yelled. “What yousa doin by dat portal?”

  While Brass Marshoo placed the pots and pans on top of a wide oval work table, Jar Jar quickly hid the floundering faa behind his back. “What’s it look like mesa doin’?” Jar Jar asked as he held out the wet wooden spoon with his left hand. “Mesa just rinsin’ dis food-scooper in da lake.”

  Brass Marshoo scowled. “Yousa bean ordered to keepaway from da portal zones. Yousa suppos-ed to putter da food-scoopers in da recyclopper tank.” Brass Marshoo pointed to a wide, open-topped cylindrical aquarium on the other side of the kitchen. Inside the aquarium was a recyclopper — a bloated, spike-covered one-eyed fish used by the Gungans as a sort of garbage disposal.

  Jar Jar aimed the spoon at the portal. “Sorry, Brass. Dat recyclopper was lookin mighty overstuff-ed, and my was afraid hisen whole body might go ker-plooie iffen hisen gobbelup any more leftovers. Den my notice-ed a skoola hungry-lookin lettal bitty fish swimmin by da portal. My just stick me arm out da portal so dem little fish can hep demselves to leftovers.”

  “Rilly?” asked the suspicious Brass Marshoo. “So yousa say in dat yousa just feeden da hungry fish as dey passen by?”

  “Dat’s correct, it tis,” Jar Jar grinned. Inside the nearby tank, the recyclopper belched.

  “Berry berry intrestink,” Brass Marshoo said. “Den mesa supposen yousa no mind showin my what yousa grippen ina yousa udder hand.”

  “Say what?” Jar Jar’s eyestalks angled toward the spoon clasped in his left hand. “Mesa just grippen dis foo
d-scooper.”

  “Mesa say yousa udder hand,” Brass Marshoo repeated. “Da hand yous got hiden behind yousa back.”

  Jar Jar brought his right hand out from behind his back to reveal the faa fish. At the sight of the struggling fish, Jar Jar’s eyes went wide. “Hey, where dis fishy come from?” Jar Jar asked, trying his best to sound surprised. He held the fish close to his face to examine it. “Why... while mesa feedin’ da fishes, dis big sticky one musta ax-adently swimm-ed smack inta mesa fingers!”

  Brass Marshoo shook his head. “Metinks no ax-adent, Binks. You know dares no munchen on da job. Return dat fish tada lake pronto, den get back to worken.”

  Sadly, Jar Jar stuck the fish through the portal and released it back to the lake. As he watched the faa swim away, Jar Jar saw a submersible speeding toward the bubble. He recognized the sub and felt his stomach tie into a knot.

  “Oie boie,” Jar Jar mumbled.

  “Hey, lookie dare!” Brass Marshoo yelled as he peered over Jar Jar’s shoulder. “Iss Boss Nass’ heyblibber comen. Boss Nass ganna be heppy knowen yous gotta kitchen duty, right?”

  As the heyblibber docked with the bubble, Jar Jar tried to force a smile. “Yousa knowen good of Boss Nass,” he said. “Hisen always heppy.”

  Brass Marshoo stepped aside as Boss Nass swept into the kitchen, followed by Captain Tarpals. Boss Nass was not a young warrior anymore, so Jar Jar Binks couldn’t help but be impressed when the ruler of Otoh Gunga grabbed him by the collar and hoisted him off the floor with one hand.

  “What’s da big idea, Binks?” Boss Nass snarled. “Mesa sayin nutten about yousa worken in any kitchen! What you ganna do? Boom da gasser un set da arena on fire? Poison da food? Mix up da salad stickers wit da desert stickers?”

  “Mesa ex-splain, Boss!” Jar Jar gasped, feeling himself grow dizzy. “Mesa inna kitchen... cause-a... Major Fassa!”

  Boss Nass released Jar Jar, letting the hapless Gungan fall to the floor. “What’s Major Fassa gotta do wit dis?” Boss Nass demanded.

  Jar Jar sat up and rubbed his neck. “Well...” he said, not certain where to begin. “Yousa might say mesa... uh... hiden from her.”

  Boss Nass had been alarmed enough when his niece Fassa declared that she owed a life debt to Jar Jar Binks, but now Fassa had driven Jar Jar into hiding. Boss Nass suspected the situation was a personal matter, so he turned to Captain Tarpals and Brass Marshoo and ordered them to leave the room.

  Brass Marshoo ducked out of the kitchen, but Captain Tarpals cleared his throat and asked, “Yousa sur yousa no wantin my to stay, Boss?”

  “GO!” Boss Nass growled. Captain Tarpals slipped out of the doorway faster than a greased see fish. Boss Nass looked down at Jar Jar and said, “Get up, Binks. Yousa telling my why yousa hiden from Fassa.”

  Jar Jar sighed as he rose from the floor. “Mesa tellen her dat she no owe mesa a live-debett, boot she no lissen,” Jar Jar explained. “She keep followen mesa everywhere my go. No leaven my alone. Mesa remind-ed her dat my on probay-shun, but she still no leaven my alone. Anyhoo, mesa figger dat da kitchen isa good place to hide, so mesa tell da foreman dat yousa probably would no mind if mesa work-ed inna kitchen wit Brass Marshoo.”

  Boss Nass was stunned. “So... yousa sayen yous no tryen to make Fassa keep da live-debett?”

  “Dat’s right,” Jar Jar said with a nod.

  “Un yousa tryen to stay outta trouble?” Boss Nass added.

  “No mure axedentes, Boss,” Jar Jar said. “Mesa turn-ed a page, un now mesa whole new leaf.”

  Boss Nass smiled and gave Jar Jar a pat on the cheek. “Yousa getten smarty, Jar Jar. Yousa make mesa berry heppy.” In truth, Boss Nass was more relieved than happy. After all, Fassa was a Major in the Gungan Grand Army, and Boss Nass didn’t want her to waste any more time with the bungling Jar Jar Binks.

  Just then, from the kitchen doorway, a female voice called, “Master Binks?”

  Both Jar Jar and Boss Nass looked to the doorway and saw Fassa, who ducked as she entered the kitchen. She was dressed in her neat leather uniform, and she carried a basket full of freshly washed and folded clothes. Fassa gave a polite nod to Boss Nass and said, “Good day, Uncle,” then turned to Jar Jar and said with an adoring smile, “Mesa done wit yousa laundry, Master Binks. Anyting else yousa wantin my tado?”

  Boss Nass fired an angry gaze at Jar Jar, whose mouth dropped open in astonishment. Still gaping. Jar Jar faced Boss Nass and stammered, “My no ask Major Fassa tado mesa laundry!”

  It was clear from Boss Nass’s glowering expression that he didn’t believe Jar Jar. “Yous swimmin in shallow water, Binks.”

  “No, rilly!” Jar Jar protested. He turned to Fassa and pleaded, “Major Fassa, please tell da Boss dat my no asken yousa ta wash mesa clothes.”

  Major Fassa set her gaze on her uncle. “Boss Nass, Master Binks no ask-ed my to scrubben his laundry, or hang-dry da clothes over a warm atmospheric purifier, or steam press hissen pants so da cuffs maxicrisp.”

  Jar Jar smiled and said, “Hear dat, Boss? Mesa no ask da Major tado any of dat stuff.”

  Through gritted teeth. Boss Nass responded, “Metinks Fassa just sayen what yousa commanden her to say, Binks. Un how come she know where to find yous if-n yous suppose-ed tabe hiden from her?”

  “Master Binks no hiden from me,” Fassa said pleasantly. “Mesa keep-n me peepers on him.”

  Jar Jar looked at Fassa, but the Major just smiled. Jar Jar hadn't been entirely honest when he told Boss Nass about why he was hiding from Fassa, but he really had told Fassa that he didn’t want her to pledge a life debt to him. Now Jar Jar didn’t know what to say. If he asked Fassa to convince Boss Nass that he was telling the truth, Boss Nass would think Fassa was just obeying Jar Jar’s commands.

  With an angry Boss Nass looking on, Jar Jar broke the awkward silence and asked, “Why yousa doen dis to mesa, Major Fassa? Why yousa washen me clothes un no leaven mesa lone?”

  Fassa placed the laundry basket on a kitchen counter. “Mesa yous humbule servaunt, mesa tryen to help. Mesa clean yousa clothes cause-n tomorrow isa Festival of Warriors, un yousa need to be looken yousa best when yousa enter da Big Nasty Free-For-All.”

  “What?!” Jar Jar yelped. The Big Nasty Free-For-All was the most physically demanding event of the festival. Only the strongest Gungans entered. “Mesa no competen inda festival! Mesa just a spectator kinda guy!”

  “Boot yousa must compete,” Fassa said. “Yousa warrior. Tis a matter of honor.”

  Boss Nass chuckled. Fassa might have thought Jar Jar was a brave warrior, but Boss Nass knew better. It was doubtful that Jar Jar would survive the Big Nasty without taking quite a beating. “Come along, Fassa,” Boss Nass said. “Yousa may tink yous owen Binks yous life, but yousa still a Major ina da Gungan Grand Army, un mesa da Boss. Mesa wanten a tour of da new arena.”

  Major Fassa smiled again at Jar Jar, then left the kitchen with Boss Nass. As they exited, Jar Jar peered through the doorway and saw Captain Tarpals waiting outside. Tarpals whispered, “Remember what mesa warned yous, Binks,” then turned to follow Boss Nass and Major Fassa.

  “My remember,” Jar Jar muttered sadly. He could hardly forget Tarpals’s cautionary words. After Major Fassa proclaimed her life debt to Jar Jar, while Boss Nass was recovering in the infirmary, Tarpals had taken Jar Jar aside and told him that he’d better be very careful around Fassa. She was Boss Nass’s only niece, and Boss Nass was extremely protective. The way Tarpals had said it, Jar Jar was afraid that Boss Nass would be angry if he found Jar Jar standing in the same room as her. It was this fear of Boss Nass that had driven Jar Jar into hiding.

  But hiding hadn’t worked, and not just because Fassa had found him. No matter where Jar Jar might hide, he couldn’t escape thinking about her. Ever since Jar Jar had first seen Fassa, he was smitten by the way she looked directly at him when she spoke with her confident voice. Her yellow eyes on the top of her freckled head sparkled like gems. When Jar Jar was in Fassa’s presence, he
felt like the luckiest Gungan on Naboo.

  Yet Jar Jar felt entirely unworthy of Fassa’s attention. Granted, when Fassa had been trapped inside Rep Teer’s endangered heyblibber, Jar Jar had rescued her from the jaws of a sando aqua monster. But since Jar Jar had been frightened out of his wits during the rescue, he didn’t think of himself as brave. The only reason he’d attempted to rescue anyone in the first place was because he’d hoped such a good deed might convince Boss Nass not to imprison him in the Quarry. He never imagined the rescue would lead to anyone declaring a life debt to him. Jar Jar had also saved Boss Nass, Commander Wollod, and Rep Teers, but they hadn’t been compelled to proclaim a life debt, probably because they didn’t take him very seriously. For Jar Jar’s entire life, nearly everyone had told him he wouldn’t amount to anything. Only Fassa seemed to think Jar Jar was a hero.

  Jar Jar was far from being pleased with the predicament. He didn’t want Fassa to feel that she owed him anything. He just wished she might like him for who he was.

  “Who mesa kiddin,” Jar Jar mumbled to himself. “Mesa nobody.”

  Then Jar Jar looked at the laundry basket on the kitchen counter. He picked up one of his green vests. It was cleaner than he’d ever seen it before, and it was still warm from the drying.

  Brass Marshoo came in to find Jar Jar pulling on the vest. “What yousa doen?” Brass Marshoo asked. “Dis isa no changin room!”

  “Major Fassa clean-ed me clothes. Shesa tinken mesa tough,” Jar Jar said as he gathered up the laundry basket. “Mesa done wit hiden ina kitchen. Mesa gonna enter da Big Nasty Free-For-All. Un mesa gonna win!”

  It was the first day of the Festival of Warriors, and the grand opening of the new arena. Over twenty thousand Gungans had journeyed to Lake Umberbool for the event, and the arena was filled to capacity. The arena’s interior was ringed with comfortable bleachers, offering a spectacular view of the central grass-covered playing field from every seat. Spectators in the uppermost bleachers could also gaze through the hydrostatic dome to see schools of excited fish swimming outside the immense bubble.