Paper Airplanes

by Monica Alexander

Saylor was right behind him.

  “Where’s your shirt?” I asked him.

  Saylor promptly wrapped her arms around his waist from behind and hugged him. “I like him like this,” she said, resting her cheek against his bare back.

  Dammit. This was not how I was planning to start my morning, but it was obvious just what kind of relationship Austin and Saylor were heading into, and I needed to make sure they didn’t do anything stupid. I couldn’t prevent them from having sex – they lived across the hall from each other after all – but I could make sure they were safe when they did it.

  “Pool house. Now,” I said to my brother.

  “Why?” he whined, having just turned on Sports Center. He’d pulled Saylor down onto his lap.

  “Because I need to talk to you,” I said curtly.

  “Fine,” Austin said, because he knew better than to argue with me. We’d made a pact when our parents left that we’d make life easy for each other, we’d stick together. Of course that was before Austin had turned seventeen and started sneaking around behind my back, but I knew he still respected me, so he wouldn’t argue. I’d stuck by him when neither of our parents had.

  Austin followed me wordlessly out to the pool house. When we got inside, I closed the door while he slumped down on the couch. I sat across from him on one of the chairs. He eyed me without saying anything, as if challenging me, but he didn’t scare me.

  “Are you sleeping with her?” I asked, not beating around the bush. That was another thing we’d vowed never to do.

  “No!” he said, as if appalled that I’d asked the question.

  “Austin,” I said, as if I didn’t believe him, and a part of me did, but he’d answered me so quickly that I wasn’t sure if his response was legit.

  “I’m not – not yet at least. She’s a virgin, and she wants to wait.”

  “Are you a virgin?” I asked him, because although we’d had the sex talk when he got into high school, I wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t had sex before.

  His shoulders slumped, giving me my answer. “Yeah.”

  “That’s not something to be ashamed of,” I told him. “You’re only seventeen.”

  “I guess,” he said sulkily.

  I knew what he was thinking. A lot of his friends had already lost their virginity, and he hated being the last one. I felt his pain.

  “Do you really love her?” I asked, taking a different tactic.

  I wasn’t there to tell him not to have sex with Saylor. I knew that wouldn’t do any good. I wasn’t stupid. I might not have ever been as confident with women as my brother was in high school, but it didn’t mean I hadn’t wanted to have sex when I was his age. I just hadn’t been presented with the opportunity.

  “Yeah, I do,” he said, and even though he was just a kid, I believed that he at least thought he was in love with her. When he was older I was sure he’d look back and think differently, but I wasn’t going to tell him that now.

  “And you are planning to sleep with her?”

  “Yes,” he said honestly. “She wants to wait, but we’ve talked about it. She wants me to be her first.”

  “Is she on the pill?”

  He shook his head. “She doesn’t want her parents to know, so she’s afraid to go to the doctor.”

  “Okay,” I said, scrubbing my hand over my face.

  Then I got up and walked into my bedroom. I retrieved the full box of condoms I’d bought on a whim the week before, simply because a part of me knew I’d eventually have sex with Cassie. Now I wasn’t so sure.

  “Here,” I said, thrusting the box at my brother. I could always buy more.

  He looked down at it for a few seconds. “What’s this?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “If you don’t even know what a condom is, then we have bigger problems.”

  “I know what a condom is,” he snapped, grabbing the box from my hand. “Why are you giving them to me?”

  “Because I want you to be safe. If you and Say decide to have sex, you have to be prepared, because chances are you won’t want to tell her no. Hell, your dick won’t let you tell her no, and I don’t want you to be stupid enough to use the pull and pray method.”

  “Okay,” he said, suddenly not meeting my gaze. We’d treaded into awkward territory, and we both knew it.

  “Austin, Chris and Diana have been kind enough to let us live with them for three years. They’ve paid for tons of things for us, they’ve fed us and clothed us and have been the parents we were never graced with growing up. They’re amazing people. Trust me, the last thing you want to do is repay them by knocking up their daughter. Hell, I’m not even sure Chris won’t kick us out if he finds out your dating Saylor.”

  “Diana knows,” he said, still looking down at the box of condoms in his hand.

  “Good. She should know, but you also need to make sure that you respect the fact that this is their house and Saylor is their daughter. I’m not kidding. We can’t afford to live on our own right now. I wish we could, but I can’t swing it. We need them.”

  “I know,” he said softly, recognizing the gravity of the situation.

  Our dad had initially sent the Larsons a stipend each month to cover any expenses for Austin and me, but then the money had stopped coming all of a sudden. I’d heard from Evan that our dad had gotten laid off from his job and he was still drinking heavily.

  It wasn’t like they needed the money. The Larsons were loaded, but it was a pride thing for me, and if my dad wasn’t going to pay for us, then I was going to pick up the slack. It was why I’d started working at Dawson’s. And even though she’d tried to refuse me, Diana let me give her a few hundred dollars each month because she knew it made me feel better to contribute. I was pretty sure she turned around and used it to buy things for Austin and me, since she was forever leaving ‘gifts’ for us – clothes, books she knew I’d like, a new iPod for Austin – but I figured that was her choice. I didn’t need to know what she did with the money I gave her. But I also didn’t make nearly enough to pay for an apartment and all that went with it.

  “Listen,” I said, taking the seat across from my brother again. “If you seriously love Saylor, and if you want to be her boyfriend, you need to be a man about it and tell Chris. You need to hear him out without arguing or getting defensive. He’s probably going to be upset, or at the very least, he’ll be protective. But he cares about you, and I know he likes you, so he’ll probably end up being okay with you dating Say. However, you will fuck things up if you don’t sit there and take whatever he throws at you, including threats about what he’ll do to you if you hurt her in any way.”

  “I won’t hurt her,” he grumbled.

  “I know, but Chris doesn’t know that. Respect how he feels. Then you’ll have to respect the fact that you might not be able to have a normal relationship with Saylor – at least while you’re living at home. He’s going to be watching you like a hawk to make sure your hands aren’t anywhere near her. And you’ll have to be okay with that. Trust me when I tell you that if he catches you having sex in his house, he’ll make you regret it. If you end up taking things to the next level, you can’t do it here.”

  “Fine,” he said, his shoulders slumping.

  I knew I’d completely killed his mood, but I wasn’t going to let him screw us out of the good thing we had going for us. And I wouldn’t let him do anything to piss off Chris and Diana. They were the only parents we had.

  “Do you want to talk about anything?” I asked him.

  He shook his head. It was times like this that I remembered how young he still was. Three years separated us, but I’d had to grow up too fast. I’d made sure Austin didn’t have to do that, and because of it, he still processed things like a seventeen year-old guy should. I knew that, so I let him sulk and get over what he was feeling.

  “Do you want to stay here and think about things for a few minutes?”

  He nodded, his hands still wrapped around the box of condoms.

  “O
kay. I’m going to grab breakfast. Do you want me to send Say out to talk to you?”

  He shrugged, but I knew he wanted to talk to her.

  “I’ll send her out, but just know that this place is off-limits too. No having sex in my bed, you got that?” I asked, aiming for playful.

  He looked up at me. “You had sex with Brooke out here.”

  “How did you know that?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

  “Because I’m not a dumbass.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m an adult. I can do what I want. And it’s my bed,” I said, never having sounded less like an adult in my life.

  “Whatever,” he said, obviously not in the mood to be playful.

  I figured I’d leave him alone with his thoughts. I needed to eat and get to the gym anyway if I wanted to work out before my shift started, and the last thing I felt like doing was talking about my sex life with my ex-girlfriend with my younger brother.

  * * *

  “Are you dating Cassie?” Brooke asked me when I went to put in an order at the computer.

  She was serving that day instead of bartending, which she’d done more of as of late. It had been nice not to have to interact with her very often, especially since she’d been trying to talk to me since I’d walked in the door five hours earlier. I’d forgotten what a pain in the ass she could be.

  “No,” I said, not giving her the satisfaction of an actual conversation.

  “She likes you, you know.”

  I looked up at her. “Oh, yeah? How do you know that?” I asked, feigning disbelief.

  There was no way Cassie had talked to Brooke about me. No way in hell. She didn’t know anything. She was just jealous. Six months ago that would have made me ecstatic, but now it was just annoying.

  “I can tell, but I also know a girl like her isn’t right for you.”

  A girl like her?

  “Why not?” I asked warily as she played into the fears that had been plaguing me since I’d met Cassie’s friend the night before.

  “Because she’s slumming this summer, obviously.”

  Ouch.

  Both of my eyebrows rose involuntarily. “Excuse me?”

  “Oh, come on. It’s not like you guys could have something long lasting. She’s the Homecoming Queen, and you’re a geek underneath that hot body. A girl like her can’t see how great you really are. She’ll always see who you used to be.”

  Would it be wrong for me to hit a girl? I couldn’t believe she’d actually called me a geek. She was really hitting below the belt.

  Unfortunately she knew where to hit me where it would hurt the most, and her words landed a little too close to home. Brooke and I had talked too many times while we’d been dating about what it had been like living on the outside. We’d gone to the same high school, and even though she was a grade older, she knew who Cassie and her friends were. Everyone did. Brooke hadn’t been popular in high school either, and although she hadn’t been bullied like I had, she still knew what it was like to watch the popular, beautiful people shine while you were stuck in the shadows.

  No one would know that if they met her today, because she’d completely revamped her image a few years back, but at her core were layers and layers of insecurity and low self-esteem. And that was what had initially drawn me to her. We had that in common. Two people who looked one way on the outside but were still the same people we’d always been on the inside – not quite as cool and together as everyone thought we were. Of course Brooke overcompensated for her past insecurities by being a total bitch and a little bit of a slut if we’re being honest, but it didn’t mean we didn’t understand each other.

  “Cassie’s not like that,” I told Brooke. “She’s different. You don’t know her.”

  “I know enough. Hale’s told me stories about her, and they’re enough for me to know that she’s not the right girl for you.”

  And you think you are? Please.

  “And why is that?”

  “Because she’d chew you up and spit you out, Jare. You’re too nice for her. She’s totally taking advantage of you. I can see it.”

  “Kind of like you did?”

  That made Brooke pout. “I told you I was sorry about breaking up with you. I thought I wanted something different, but I didn’t. I want you, Jare.”

  “Don’t forget that you also cheated on me, and don’t call me Jare,” I told her. I hated when she did that.

  She reached up and cupped my face with her hand, so I pushed it away. “Baby, don’t be like that,” she cooed.

  I sighed. “Brooke, if you wanted to be with me so bad, you shouldn’t have slept with someone else. Plain and simple. I’m not interested, and you need to get that through your head. Now please, get out of my way. I have to bring drinks to my table.”

  I pushed past her and moved over to the drink machine. She glared at me for a few seconds before she turned on her heel and stormed off in a huff. But I knew she’d be back. She didn’t get off until six. I’d have two more hours of dealing with her, and I knew once she got over her hissy fit she’d be back to bother me some more.

  But on the bright side I’d get to see Cassie in just a few seconds. I was hoping the insecure feelings that had washed over me the night before, and that Brooke had so kindly echoed just a few seconds earlier, would go away when I saw her. I wanted her to hug me like she always did and smile at me and force me to see that she didn’t see me like Brooke had described.

  Cassie had barely said goodbye to me the night before, but things had been disjointed. Her friend had shown up out of the blue, it had been an emotional night, and there was a weirdness between us after we kissed. I couldn’t hold that against her. And a part of me really needed to know that everything was okay with us, that I hadn’t lost my chance with her completely. I needed to tell her how I felt.

  I looked up at that moment to see her walk through the door, her friend from the night before trailing behind her wearing a tiny sundress that barely hit her mid-thighs. She tossed her long brown hair over one shoulder and smiled as Cassie introduced her to Rick who was practically drooling. Then he gestured for them both to go into his office, so they followed him.

  I looked back at the three drinks I’d set on my tray, ready to pick it up to take it to my lone table. It was kind of dead with only four tables filled in the whole restaurant, but in an hour or so we’d be slammed with the dinner rush. I figured I should relish in the lull before it got nuts again.

  “Dude!” Scott said, coming up behind me. “Did you see that girl with Cassie?”

  “Yeah, that’s her friend, Marley,” I said, not needing to turn around to see the wide-eyed, goofy-ass expression on his face.

  “She’s so hot! I think I’m in love, like seriously.”

  I picked up my tray as I looked over my shoulder at him. “No, you’re not. You don’t even know her.”

  “I don’t have to. She’s so pretty and sexy,” he said as he followed me to my table. “What’s not to love?”

  I set the drinks down in front of the three teenagers while Scott stood quietly behind me, thankfully having the good grace not to wax on about Cassie’s hot friend in front of customers. As I walked back to the servers’ station, he was close on my heels.

  “You have to introduce me,” he begged.

  “I don’t even know her.”

  “You met her last night, right? Right?” he asked, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. “Please, Jared.”

  The last thing I wanted was for Scott to get his heart broken, and just seeing that girl today confirmed for me that she was so far out of his league it wasn’t even funny. It wasn’t that she was so good looking that he couldn’t date her, but more like she seemed experienced, and Scott just wasn’t. He’d likely throw himself at her, and she’d think he was too over-the-top, and she’d hurt him. I wasn’t about to let that happen.

  I sighed. Between my lack of sleep, the doubts filling my head, Brooke’s lingering presence and Scott’s exuberance
, I realized I was in a shitty mood. And seeing Cassie hadn’t helped. It only made me realize how much I wanted her. But for some reason it felt like she was out of reach now. I tried to tell myself that it was all in my head, but the tugging I felt in my gut told me differently.

  “There she is!” Scott hissed when I didn’t answer his request for an introduction.

  I looked up to see Cassie and Marley walking toward us, but they were intercepted by Hale who pulled Marley up into a hug, almost swinging her around.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, as she laughed.

  He set her on the ground and shot her one of his smiles that made girls’ heads turn.

  “I’m staying with Cassie for the summer,” she announced, and my heart sank.

  I’d been under the impression that she was just staying for a visit. If she was there for the whole summer, I knew my days with Cassie were numbered. Brooke was right. She’d just been hanging out with Scott and me because it was convenient. Now that she had a friend in town, she wouldn’t want to watch us play video games and talk about Scott’s lighting techniques or the latest sci-fi movie we wanted to see. And I realized I’d known this all along. I just hadn’t wanted to admit it, but we were too different.

  “That’s so cool!” Hale gushed. “We have to hang out. I’m so psyched to see you.”

  “Well, you’ll be seeing a lot of me,” Marley said, beaming at him. “I’m the new hostess here.”

  “That’s awesome,” he said, hugging her again. “This is a great crew. You’ll love it.”

  Marley smiled. “I know. Cass has told me all about everyone. Are you working tonight?”

  “Yeah, I’m closing with Cassie.”

  “Cool,” Marley said brightly. “I’m training with Anna, so we’ll all be working together. Maybe afterward we can go out?”

  “Love it,” Hale said, and I just shook my head.

  It was only a matter of time.

  I looked up to see that I’d been double-sat, so I headed out to the floor to greet my new tables and take their drink orders. I’d have to wait to talk to Cassie it seemed, to feel out where her head was at. That sucked. The gnawing feeling in my stomach was starting to eat away at me.