by Tim Bradford
We have made every attempt to find the copyright holders of quoted material, apologise for any omissions and are happy to receive emendations from copyright holders.
Pubs that appear in the text
italics – former pubs
Albert, the (Victoria) 162
Angel, the (Bermondsey Wall East) 339
Archway Tavern, the (Archway) 152
Arsenal Tavern, the (Highbury Vale) 15
Auld Shillelagh, the (Stoke Newington) 66
Balham Tup, the (Balham) 314
Bank of Friendship, the (Highbury) 31, 63
Banker, the (Dowgate Hill) 199
Bar Lorca (Brixton) 411
Bar Lorca (Stoke Newington) 68
Becket Bar, the (Old Kent Road) 352
Bedford Arms (Balham) 313
Beehive, the (Vauxhall) 415
Betsey Trotwood, the (Farringdon Road) 118, 126
Birdcage, the (Stamford Hill) 187
Blackstock Arms, the N4 64
Boston Arms, the (Tufnell Park) 183
Brady’s (Brixton) 409
Coach and Horses (Brixton) 411
Cock and Harp, the (Stoke Newington) 68
Coopers (Kings Cross Station) 112
Crown, the (Rotherhithe) 339
Daniel Gooch, the (Royal Oak) 211
Dove, the (Hammersmith) 252
Durham Arms, the (Vauxhall) 415
Eel Pie House (Stroud Green) 30
Evergreens 162–3
Falcon, the (Clapham Junction) 318, 320, 321
Flask, the (Hampstead) 107
Filthy McNasty’s (Amwell Street) 115
Freemasons Arms, the (Covent Garden) 182–3
Garden Gate (Hampstead) 108
George Robey, the (Finsbury Park) 27
Great North Railway Tavern, the (Hornsey) 144
Green Man, the (Riding House Street) 183
Green Man, the (Muswell Hill) 137–8
Gunners, the (Highbury Vale) 63
Gipsy Hill Tavern, the (Gipsy Hill) 402
Hamilton Arms, the (Herne Hill) 402
Hampshire Hog, the (Hammersmith) 250
Hanover Arms, the (Brixton) 419
Hare and Hounds, the (Walthamstow) 97
Highbury Barn, the (Highbury) 64
Hollybush, the (Hampstead) 261
Hope, the (Clerkenwell) 118
King’s Head, the (Blackstock Road) 63
London Spa, the (Exmouth Market) 106, 107, 118, 183
Lorne Arms, The E17 93, 94, 98, 396–7
Magpie and Stump, the (Fetter Lane) 233
Meyrick Arms, the (Battersea) 321
Narrow Boat, the (Kensal Green) 233
O’Hanlons (Tysoe Street) 118
Paradise (By Way of Kensal Green) 227
Park Tavern (Norwood) 404
Pembury Tavern, the (Hackney) 70
Penny Black, the (Farringdon Road) 268
Pindar of Wakefield, the (Gray’s Inn Road) 113
Prince Alfred, the (Pancras Way) 109
Prince Edward (Hackney) 71
Prince Regent Tavern (Brixton) 407
Punch Tavern (Fleet Street) 120
Raynes Park Tavern (Raynes Park) 295, 357
Shakespeare’s Head, the (Arlington Way) 117
Stanley Arms (Rotherhithe) 338
Stoke Tup, the (Stoke Newington) 424
Surrey Docks, the (Surrey Quays) 355
Swiss Village, the (Muswell Hill) 138
The Hope (Clerkenwell) 118
Torch, the (Wembley) 276
Three Crowns, the (Stoke Newington) 68
Truscott Arms, the (Kilburn) 209
Twelve Pins, the (Finsbury Park) 64
Union Tavern, the (Kings Cross Road) 114–5
Victoria, the (Hackney Wick) 72
Water Rats, the (Gray’s Inn Road) 113
Wells Tavern (Hampstead) 107–8
Wethered, Thomas the (Clerkenwell) 126
White House, the (Green Lanes) 32, 37
William Wallace, the (Marylebone) 160
Winchester Hall Tavern (Archway) 183
Woodbine, the (Highbury Vale) 63
Index
The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader’s search tools.
‘A Certain Ratio’ 348
Abbey Wood 369, 372, 378, 379
Abney Park Cemetery 67, 424
acoustic guitar 82
Action Man 273
Acton 243, 244, 245, 249
(bloody), 249 (East), 245, 249 (North), 249 (Station), 245
(Wells) 248, 249
(West), 249
actresses 140 (affairs with), 288
acupuncture 386
Adam and the Ants 207
Adverts, the 210
Aeronauts, the 157
aerosols 29
Aethelred, King of Mercia 321
afterlife, the 140
Agincourt, Battle of 327
aikido 19
‘Ain’t Love Good, Ain’t
Love Proud’ 231
Albanian Patrick Swayze
Lookalikes 26
alchemical 55 (secrets), 410
alcohol 123, 134, 230
(poisoning), 252, 323
Alder Brook 317
Alexandra Palace 131, 132, 137 (park), 147
Alfred the Great, King 83, 84, 92
algae 18, 28
aliens 110 (jellied eels from space), 100
(spacecraft), 182, 302
(at Wimbledon Centre Court)
all-day drinking 396
altered superbrew state 167
Americans 39, 87, 88
Amstrad computers 140
Amundsen, Roald 260
Amwell, Herts 25
anal retentiveness 7, 47
anarchists 67 (drinking habits of), 395
Anatomy of Melancholy, The 424
angels 238, 347
Anglo Saxon Chronicles 50, 318, 321
angry-faced blokes with ‘taches (photos of) 327
anti-global capitalism
protestors 191, 273
(assassination of by Action Man)
archaeologists 197
Archduke Franz Ferdinand 65
architects 131
Archway 152–3
Area 51 56
Armada, Spanish 39, 367
Arsenal FC 45, 47, 60, 63, 64, 65, 75, 77, 109, 394
Arsenal Fish Bar 64
art 139, 201, 399, 408
Art Beardy Socialists 252
Arts-and-Crafts 4, 148, 315
Ashcroft, Dame Peggy 341
Ashton, JE 444
asthma 81
Atlantis (lost city of) 93
‘Atmosphere’ 231
attractive English teachers 257
Austen, Jane 226
Austin Maxi 298
Baader Meinhof gang 159, 216
backtaping 24
Bader, Douglas 159, 327
bag-ladies 363
Bagnigge Wells 113, 114
Balham 315
balls of string 56
Baltic Quay 354
bandy grandads in slacks 247
Bangladeshis 361
bankers 133
Barbican 361
Barbie 273
Bardot, Brigitte 390
Barefoot Doctor 384
Barker, Sue 302
barmaids 109, 117, 356
Barnes 286, 299
Barney the Dinosaur 356
Barrow People, the 96
Barton, Nicholas 34, 47, 335, 412–3, 443
Bass, Alfie 319
bassists 403, 423
Bastard modernism 281, 342
Bastin, Cliff 48
Batman transfers 216
Battersea 309, 319, 377
Battersea Creek 322
Battersea Power Station 217, 322
Battersea Shield 309
Ba
ttle Bridge Brook (Fleet) 106
Baxendale, Helen 83
Bayswater Rivulet 206
Bazalgette, Sir Joseph 73, 360
Beatles, the 35, 58, 78, 79, 152, 151
Beauty and the Beast 275
Becket, Thomas a 167–8, 326, 352
bedroom computer shop in Hanwell 140
beefy gipsy woman 182
beer 35–6, 55 (rivers of), 71, 78 (swimming pools of), 101 (smell), 102, 107–21, 122, 135, 136, 137, 252, 260, 291, 312, 338, 339, 356–7, 371, 377, 424 as philosophy 139, 141
belly-button fluff (and a theory of the universe) 387
Belsize Park 157
Beltane 151, 190. 191
Beowulf 51, 52
Bergkamp, Dennis 109
Bermondsey Abbey 327, 336, 339
Beverley Brook 284–300, 414
big existential sigh 281
‘Big Maz in the Desert from the Trolley’ 208
big sky 60, 194, 209
bikes (in river) 4, 291
biography of a dead posh
person 139
birds 144, 263, 328, 374, 387
Birds, The 247
Bishopsgate 195
Black Ditch, the 358–64, 414
black hole machine 273
Black Mary’s Hole 114
Blackfriars 105
Blackmore, Richie 403–4
Blackpool FC 98
Blackstock Road, N4/N5 12, 30, 31, 38, 54, 63, 82, 417, 418, 425
Blair, Tony 33, 201, 354
Blake, William 211, 347, 348, 351
Blazing Saddles 395
bloated corpses of drunkards 27
blood 10, 110, 119, 180
(-stained cross) 189
(swimming in) 212, 265 (of an omniscient deity’s son) 270, 407
bloodstream (with tiny Raquel Welch clones in miniaturised submarines) 384
Bloomsday breakfast 111
Blue Peter 187
Boarded River, the 34, 38, 53, 65
boats 85 388, 394
Bob the Builder 83
‘body language’ 135, 162
Boer War 296
Bollo Brook 245
bombs 58 (bombsites), 363, 386
bondage trousers 216
Bonnie Prince Charlie 167
boring people at parties 405
Boswell, James 106
Boundary dispute
(between MOT garages) 172
Bow Bells 361
Bowie, David 267, 352
bra, taking off a 260–1
bra-less women 157
Bradford City FC 150
brain 143 (delta waves), 252 (-wave) 268
(cells), 293 (-cooking)
brass bands 67, 347–8
Brat Bride, the 263–4, 275
breasts 18 (huge), 273, 392
Brent Cross Shopping
Centre 270, 271, 272, 274
Brent, River 45, 256–80, 414, 423
Brentford FC 45, 279
breweries 55, 73
Bridgit 257, 267, 271, 276, 279
Brinks Mat robbery 8
Britain, Battle of 328
British Electric
Foundation 356
British Leyland 256
Britons, ancient (see Celts) 118, 192
Britpop summer 106
Brixton 400, 405, 410
Broadwater Farm Estate 148, 149
Brockwell Park 408
Brompton Cemetery 238
brown elastic band (as mourning accessory) 208
Brunel, Isambard
Kingdom 228, 277
bubblegum cards 97
Buckingham Palace 156, 169, 181
Buffalo Bill 238
buff-cheeked gibbons 89, 170, 365
bulldozers 341
bullet-proof glass 173
Bullshit Detector 5, 59, 92, 177, 191, 431
bull-worshipping 189, 199
Burden of Dreams 394
burial mounds 391
Burroughs, William 126
Bush, Tracey 264
buskers 429–31
butchers 118–9
butterflies 135, 268, 275, 328, 350, 388
Byrds, The 253
Byrne, Gabriel 315
Cabaret Voltaire 348
Caecilius 189, 190
Caligula 190
Camden Town 323, 361
Camus, Albert 98
canals 119–20
Canary Wharf 354, 362
Canonbury 38
Canute/Cnut, King 279, 400
capitalism 78, 139, 216, 272, 365–8
carnival 190, 233
cars 70, 73, 78, 149, 274, 278, 298 (smell of ham sandwiches in ), 353 (burnt out bits of), 394, 419
Cash, Pat 302
Castenada, Carlos 55
Celts/Celtic 6, 9, 12, 50, 73, 83, 199, 200, 238, 257, 309 (warrior), 310, 406
cemeteries 149, 226–31, 238, 299, 349
Chadwell, Herts 25
Chadwick, Edwin 313–4
chalybeate 107, 108, 115
Chapman, Herbert 47, 65, 77
chattering classes, the so-called 263
Cheam 286, 287, 288
Cheapside 361
Chelsea Creek 238
Chelsea FC 45, 62, 118, 238
Chessmen, the 134–5
Chevalier de Recci 336, 407
chi 384–91
chicken blood 405, 409
Chicken People, the 68
Children’s Film
Foundation 354
Chinatown 359–64
Ching, River 82, 85, 382–394, 415
Chingford 86, 383
Chingford Town FC 391
chips 102, 107
Chiswick 244, 245
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang 402
Christie, Julie 227, 263
churches 109–111, 177, 197, 249
Churchill, Winston 327
churned-up windpipe
burgers 273
City, the 94, 133, 134, 187–200, 335, 361, 365–6
Clapham Junction 315, 318
Clapton 98
Clarke, Allan ‘Sniffer’ 214
Clarke, Benjamin 55, 69, 70, 71, 444
Clash, the 210, 215, 218, 231
classical music 429–30
Cleckheaton (W. Yorks) 229
Cleethorpes Winter Gardens 213
Clerkenwell 34, 75, 105, 106, 118, 122, 126, 142
Clissold Park, N16 14, 20, 38, 40, 66, 425–36
clowns 87, 299
clubbing 356–7
cocaine 101
Cockneys 62, 68
(rhyming slang), 359–6
Coil 412–7
cold Northern crematoriums 230
Coltrane, John 190
communism 365
confessional writing 243
Connaught Water 391
consensus politics 266
Consolations of Philosophy (de Botton) 138
Cooper, Henry 352, 361
Corn Laws, the 139
cosmic druggy stardust 226
cosmic energy 165
Counter’s Creek 11
(Bridge Creek), 45, 224–239, 414, 423
Countess of Oxford 226, 239
country music 23, 401
Covent Garden 83
Crass 59, 177, (record label), 191, 281, 395
crazy old knife woman 222
Crecy, Battle of 328
cricket 20, 27, 81, 158, 338, 415
crocodiles 17, 21
Crossness Sewage Works 369–79
Crouch End 138, 142, 152
Crouch Hill 53
Crowe, Russell 100, 200
Croydon 355
Cruise, Tom 100, 221
culverting 370
Currie, Edwina 377
Curtis, Ian 208, 238
Dagenham Brook 45, 80–100, 413
Daleks 390
Dalton’s Peanut Factory 74
Damned, the 208
Danes 83, 92
Danish punk music
175–81, 310, 370
Daphne (from Scooby Doo) 232
Davies, Dave 150–1
Davies, Ray 132, 133, 136, 137, 141, 146, 151
Davis, Brad 134
De Vere, Edward 239
death 226
Deep Purple 403–5
Defoe, Daniel 31, 33
Denmark 5, 36, 59, 83, 92, 175–81
department store phobia 267–8
Derek from Coronation
Street 83
Detritus Velocity
Channel 375
‘Devil Rides Down to Georgia’ 202
devil worship 24
Dickens, Charles 57, 78, 106, 140, 246, 327, 331, 334, 361
Dillon, Matt 335
disembowelment 263
Dixon, Ken 400
DIY 245, 281–2, 336
‘Do They Owe Us A Living?’ 59, 191
Docklands melancholy 354
dogs 40–1, 84 (fierce), 92 (pitbulls), 101–2, 105 (dead), 108
(dead), 322, 350, 394
(shit)
Dome, Millennium 380
Domesday Book, the 105
Diana, Princess 222
dominoes 229
Don’t Look Now 227
Doreen’s Pet Shop, Hackney 71
‘Down in the Sewer’ 220
dowsing 37, 143, 187, 278, 325, 326, 424
Dr Who 326
dragons 90, 165
drains 148, 149
Drake, Nick 401
Drake, Sir Francis 367
dreams 3, 4, 13, 17, 20, 49, 137, 187, 225, 243, 399, 417, 420
drinking water 16–39
drinking fountains 109, 338
Driving Miss Daisy 341
drowning 4
drugs 356–7, 424
drug dealers 409
druids 62, 106, 151, 156, 168
drunkenness 7, 8, 198, 252, 330, 384, 396, 424
‘Duchess’ 219
Dudman’s Yard, Mr 354
Dulwich 406
Dun, Aidan 106
Drury, Ian 208
Earl’s Court 226, 238
Earl’s Sluice 45, 352–55
ear-popping white noise 201
East End 361, 383, 419
East Midlands 18, 85
(Magical Realist Bollocks), 177, 260
(feminisim), 288 (attitude to pornography), 407
East Sheen 299
Eco-friendly pooh
engines 376
ecstasy 356–7
Eddie and the Hot Rods 208
Edmonton 150
Edward VII, King 71, 76
Edward, Prince 71, 169, 425
Edwardians 12, 23, 265
Edward the Confessor 166
Edwards, Duncan 126
Eorcenwald of Barking 321
Effra, the 355, 398–415
Effra Farm Estate 409
Effra Redevelopment
Agency 408
eighteenth-century
bordellos 268
ejaculation 135 (in trousers), 140
Eleanor of Aquitaine 58
