The Tour

by Jean Grainger

  ‘She looks just like Judge Judy!’ Anna whispered to Juliet. The clerk spoke loudly: ‘First case on the list, the Director of Public Prosecutions versus Dorothy Crane’

  Conor and the others watched as Dorothy was led out. Juliet and Anna exchanged glances. In the twenty-four hours since they had last laid eyes on Dorothy Crane, incredibly, the woman seemed to have shrunk in height.

  Detective O’Keeffe was sworn in and began his testimony, detailing the events leading up to, and following, Dorothy’s arrest.

  Juliet was called next. As she was being sworn in, she could feel Dorothy’s eyes boring into her.

  ‘Please state you name,’ ordered the official. ‘Juliet Steele.’

  The judge took off her glasses. ‘Now Mrs Steele, could you please tell the court in your own words what happened at eleven-thirty on the morning of the twenty-seventh of July in the Hotel Killarney’.

  She had made a decision. Her life was going to be bearable for the first time since Larry died. Clearing her throat, she began: ‘Dorothy and I had a row. We are friends but it was about something silly. I wanted to go shopping and she wanted to go hiking. I went to Mrs Heller’s room…to ask her to come shopping with me. While we were standing in the doorway of Mrs Heller’s room, Dorothy came down the corridor. We had words and I said I was going to spend the day with Anna. I must have been in a bit of a temper because I wasn’t looking where I was going, and I slipped and fell. I banged my head off the side of the bath. It was an accident.’

  The judge consulted the papers on her desk.

  ‘I’m looking at the Garda report and it states that Mrs Anna Heller said to the Gardai who were called to the scene that Dorothy Crane pushed you. Is that not true?’

  Juliet looked over at Anna. ‘No, that’s what it looked like from where Anna was standing because she was in the bedroom while Dorothy and I were in the bathroom. Dorothy had her back to Anna you see. Anna saw Dorothy with her hands outstretched and, from where she was standing, it could well have looked like she pushed me, but, in fact, she saw I was falling and tried to grab me I think.’

  The judge nodded. ‘Thank you Mrs Steele. I wish you a speedy recovery. Now can we have Mrs Anna Heller to the stand please.’

  Anna passed Juliet and gave her a barely discernible nod. After Anna was sworn in the judge said: ‘Mrs Heller, in your opinion, did Dorothy Crane push Mrs Steele, causing her to injure herself?’

  Anna stared directly at Dorothy. ‘Initially, that is what I thought I saw but, as Juliet stated, I could only see Dorothy’s back and I couldn’t see Juliet at all as I was in the bedroom and Juliet in the bathroom. Dorothy was standing in the bathroom doorway, so my view of the bathroom was blocked. It was only when I heard the crash and saw Juliet on the floor with blood pumping out of her head, I assumed she had been pushed. So no, to answer your question, I did not see what happened before Juliet fell.’

  ‘Thank you Mrs Heller, you may step down. Now I understand that there is a second element to this case. Ms Crane is also charged with attempting to pervert the course of justice and with bribing a member of the Garda Siochána. Is that correct?’ the judge said, looking directly at Dorothy.

  ‘That is correct, Judge,’ the court clerk responded.

  Dorothy felt nauseous. Half an hour had passed since she had first taken the stand. During this time her solicitor had presented her defence speaking eloquently and persuasively in favour of dropping the charges. The judge seemed to be wavering and eventually asked Dorothy if she had anything to say. Dorothy Crane had never felt so out of control of anything in her entire life. Looking around the court, she could see familiar faces in the gallery. Giving them a weak smile, which she hoped would indicate that she appreciated their support, she began addressing the court. ‘I wish to take this opportunity to apologise most sincerely to my friend Juliet Steele and to the court.’

  A look of relief spread across Conor’s face.

  ‘As regards the matter of the bribe I offered Detective O’Keeffe, I would like to say how incredibly sorry I am. The detective was at all times courteous and professional in his dealings with me, and he certainly never gave me any indication whatsoever that such a possibility for corruption existed. I admit to having had an ignorant attitude in terms of my dealings with the law enforcement services in Ireland and, for that, I am embarrassed and truly ashamed of myself. I would like to take this opportunity to personally apologise to Detective O’Keeffe.’

  The detective gave her a slight nod, indicating that her apology had been accepted. Juliet couldn’t believe her ears. Was this the same Dorothy who looked down on everyone and everything? If it was, the transformation was nothing short of miraculous.

  When Dorothy had finished speaking the judge removed her glasses and gazed directly at her. ‘Ms Crane, I understand from your file that you are an academic professor of Applied Physics…,’ she checked her file, ‘a prestigious university in the United States which should, one would assume, mean that you are not an unintelligent woman. Yet, your behaviour is not that of an intelligent rational woman, or indeed that of a friend. However, I do accept both your and Mrs Steele’s version of events. I think if Mrs Steele can let it go, then so should we, given that the nature of her injuries is relatively minor. However, I would caution you to keep your temper in check, as next time the consequences of your intemperate behaviour could be much more serious. If, in the future, a friend expresses a wish to go shopping, I suggest you comply with their wishes.’

  A ripple of laughter spread around the courtroom. Dorothy’s eyes remained fixed on the judge’s face.

  ‘In relation to the bribe, I regard this as altogether more serious because it indicates to me that you regard Ireland as in some way backward and corrupt. Ms Crane, may I remind you that this country is a very ancient and cultured one. Indeed, it predates your own civilisation by several millennia. Prior to English rule, Ireland had its own system of law dating from Celtic times, the Brehon Laws, a system that survived until the seventeenth century. The members of an Garda Síochana in this country are exemplary in carrying out their duties, and your ill-judged offer to Detective O’Keeffe showed not only an extraordinary level of ignorance but also a considerable measure of arrogance.’

  The judge paused, consulted her notes for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, she raised her head and said: ‘I do, however, believe your protestations of regret and I believe that you have learned a valuable lesson. If you travel abroad in the future, I suggest you leave aside your attitude of superiority and try to read up in advance on the country you are visiting. You never know Ms Crane, you might actually learn something. Now, I don’t believe a criminal conviction would serve anybody well at this juncture, so I’m sure Ms Crane you would like to express your regret by making a donation to the court poor box? This fund is donated to a variety of registered charities at Christmas. Shall we say five hundred euro?’

  The judge looked at Dorothy with raised eyebrows and waited. Realising that she should respond appropriately, and quickly, Dorothy said: ‘Of course, Judge. I would be happy to agree to that.’

  ‘Fine Ms Crane. Go speak to my clerk now and make arrangements straight away. ‘Case dismissed,’ she said, banging her gavel.

  Dorothy couldn’t believe her ears. It was all over! She could go back to the group and forget that this nightmare had ever happened. As she emerged in front of the courthouse, she caught sight of Lucinda McAuliffe in conversation with a barrister. She stood some distance away, waiting for them to finish.

  ‘Well done in there,’ Lucinda said pleasantly. You sounded as if you meant it anyway, so congratulations, you are free to go.’

  ‘I would like to say something to you, if I may,’ Dorothy said awkwardly.’ ‘Firstly, I would like firstly to thank you most sincerely for your help. I have no doubt that had it not been for your eloquent argument, I would now be in a very worrying situation indeed. Secondly, I want to apologise for how I behaved towards you and towards the Irish
people generally. The past twenty-four hours have given me ample opportunity to reflect on many things. I came to this country with a preconceived idea of what it would be like, and I refused to waver from that position, despite seeing significant evidence to the contrary. I realise now that Judge Condon was right. I was arrogant and I felt that I, and indeed my country, was in some way superior to yours. I have been treated with a courtesy and professionalism in Ireland that was far beyond what I deserved or expected, and for that I will remain eternally grateful. Because I will be returning to the US in a few days, thanks to your powers of persuasion, I would like to settle my bill with you now.’

  Lucinda considered herself a good judge of character, and though not in any way cynical, she was sceptical about how much a person could really change in a short space of time. Perhaps Dorothy Crane was putting on an act, but her instincts told her otherwise.

  ‘Thank you for saying that,’ she began. ‘I appreciate it. On the subject of the bill, I wonder would you mind calling in to my office. It’s just down the street there, a few minutes’ walk at the most. Sarah, my secretary, will be there and she’ll be able to prepare a bill for you. I have to stay in court to meet with another client. Otherwise, I would walk down with you.’

  Dorothy extended her hand. ‘Of course I will, and thank you again.’

  As she turned, she noticed the small group from the tour standing inside the courthouse door. They seemed unsure whether or not they should approach her. Juliet, in particular, looked worried. Dorothy gathered her backpack and belongings from the clerk’s office and walked over to them.

  ‘Thank you all for coming this morning,’ Dorothy began. The group seemed to heave a collective sigh of relief. Thank God she wasn’t going to make a scene or say something acerbic. ‘I assumed you would continue with the tour. I can’t tell you how pleased I am that you didn’t, not least because it gave me a great boost to see a few friendly faces in the gallery.’

  She turned to Juliet and Anna who had now rejoined the group, ‘Juliet, I am so sorry. Thank you for what you said in there just now. I know I don’t deserve your friendship but I hugely appreciate what you did for me.’

  Juliet smiled. ‘A long time ago someone showed me kindness when I really didn’t deserve it, so I guess the wheel is always turning.’

  Conor was the first to recover his composure at the sight of this new and definitely improved Dorothy.

  ‘Well Dorothy,’ he said, ‘we had arranged to leave Killarney at lunchtime but it’s still only eleven, so we have plenty of time to get organised before we set off.’

  Dorothy smiled. A genuine smile, the first the group had seen since the tour began. ‘OK then,’ she said, ‘but first I must go up the street to settle my account with my law…I mean my solicitor. ‘Since we have a bit of time to spare, how about we all have coffee and cake in that nice café across the street? I promised myself that if things went well today, I would treat myself, and of course treat all of you too. How about we head there now?’

  Patrick glanced at Anna and Juliet. Dorothy offering to pay for something? What? This tour really was turning out to be an amazing experience. Taking a risk he wouldn’t have even considered a few days earlier, Patrick put his big arm around Dorothy’s shoulder. Instead of flinching or looking like she’d just caught fleas she beamed up at the enormous cop.

  ‘That sounds like a really good plan to me Dorothy,’ Patrick said gallantly, ‘I’m starving. And can I add that we’re all glad this has ended well for you.’

  While the group took their seats and ordered a selection of coffees and cakes, Dorothy spoke quietly to the waitress. ‘I’ll be paying for everything. Can you please give my friends whatever they would like? Would this cover it?’ she asked, proffering a fifty euro note.

  ‘Of course,’ laughed the young waitress, ‘crikey things are dear, but they’re not that dear! Twenty would be fine I’d say.’

  ‘Well, keep the change,’ Dorothy whispered conspiratorially, shaking her head at the girl’s protestations. ‘Please take it.’

  Approaching the table where the group were seated, she announced: ‘I must just pop out and pay my bill. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Please order whatever you would like. The lady at the desk knows it’s all covered.’

  She walked out of the café, the stunned group gaping at her departing back.

  Dorothy entered the solicitor’s office and approached the receptionist.

  ‘Good morning, I would like to speak to Sarah. I want to settle my account with Ms McAuliffe. She defended me in court this morning.’

  ‘No problem Ms Crane. I’m Sarah. She phoned to tell me you might pop in, so I have it all ready for you here.’

  Dorothy glanced at the amount on the invoice and began peeling off a wad of notes. Handing them to the receptionist, she said: ‘I wonder if you would be kind enough to help me with something?’ ‘Certainly…if I can.’

  ‘I would like to make a donation to a charity connected with the Garda Síochána. Could you suggest one?’

  Sarah thought for a moment. ‘Well I know the Gardaí do lots of charity things, and I think they have a few different charities that they support all around the country. So, any of the big ones, the Irish Cancer Society, the Irish Heart Foundation, that kind of thing, they’d have had support from the Gardaí over the years. On the other hand, there’s something going on here this weekend that you might be interested in. The local Gardaí and some friends are doing a charity cycle to raise money for the children’s oncology ward in Our Lady’s Children’s Hospital in Dublin. I’m actually taking part myself because one of our local detectives here, his little daughter has leukaemia. It’s being heavily supported locally. They need fifty thousand to upgrade one of the wards, so they’re hoping to get the ball rolling with the charity cycle. John O’Keeffe, that’s the detective, was a school friend of my husband’s.’

  Dorothy nodded. ‘Well, that certainly sounds like a great cause. If I send you a donation of fifty thousand dollars, will you see that it gets to the right people? I would, if possible, like to remain anonymous,’ she added.

  Sarah looked at her gobsmacked and eventually squeaked: ‘Of course I will, I’d be happy to and I won’t say a word to anyone about the source.’

  ‘Thank you. I’ll make the necessary arrangements when I contact my lawyers in Des Moines today,’ Dorothy said, gathering up her backpack.

  Chapter 31

  Conor watched in despair as Patrick once again loaded the cases into the boot of the coach in a haphazard fashion. He had given up trying to dissuade him, so now he just resigned himself to rearranging them once he had managed to get Patrick on board and out of the way. In the meantime, he decided to use this gift of time to check his BlackBerry for emails. Sinead was due to fly in that morning. He had already told her he wouldn’t be able to collect her as he was still in Kerry with the group and they had arranged to meet in the bar of Dunshane Castle later that afternoon.

  While Patrick continued his packing efforts, the remaining members of the group loitered in the sunshine outside the hotel. Ellen was deep in conversation with Anna, Juliet and Dorothy, describing the incredible events in Inchigeela. Dylan was telling Bert all about the music course and how he was going to get a job back in the States to fund his studies. Cynthia and Corlene stood slightly apart from the rest.

  ‘I say,’ Cynthia addressed Corlene, ‘I hope you don’t think me frightfully rude, but your hair really is a most wonderful colour. Is it natural?’

  Corlene chuckled, ‘No Cynthia, there ain’t nothing natural about me. I’m fake, head to toe. Bleach, tan, make- up, boobs, it’s all an illusion.’

  Cynthia gushed, ‘Well you look simply marvellous nonetheless. I don’t really wear make-up. Well, I did try some years ago for a hunt ball but I ended up looking rather like a dog’s dinner. I never had any sisters you see, and Mummy only wears powder and rouge, which does make her somewhat cadaver-like,’ she added, giving her trademark tinkly laugh. />
  Corlene had never in her life met anyone like Cynthia. The woman dressed like a hobo and never brushed her hair. In normal circumstances, Corlene would have felt nothing but bewilderment and revulsion at such neglect and lack of femininity but, for some reason that she didn’t quite understand, these sentiments did not apply in the case of Cynthia. She heard herself say: ‘Hey! How about a makeover? You’re staying with the group now right? How about when we get to the next hotel, you come to my room and I’ll do your hair and make-up. I’ll tell ya, Patrick won’t know what hit him!’

  Cynthia gazed at her in amazement. ‘Well Corlene, I don’t know what to say. I would love it. I feel so dowdy sometimes and while I absolutely love colourful clothes and so on, sometimes I’m not really sure I’m quite “á la mode”. Mind you, I do admit to loving this,’ she added, indicating her blouse. ‘And, it’s really the only thing I have that goes with this skirt.’

  Corlene scrutinised the collection of garments that made up what Cynthia claimed was her favourite ensemble. Her assessment began at Cynthia’s feet, which were clad in a pair of wide, flat sandals that may at some time in the past have been a kind of khaki colour. It was hard to tell. Under the sandals, she wore purple woollen socks of the kind mainly favoured by hill walkers. The exposed expanse of white hairy legs between the end of her skirt and the top of her socks almost caused Corlene to convulse. Both the band of the denim encircling Cynthia’s waist and the hem of the skirt were embroidered with daisy-like flowers. The skirt itself seemed to billow around her like a sail, making her seem far wider than she actually was. The peach polyester blouse featuring floppy bow at the neck was, however, undoubtedly the worst aspect of this horrendous outfit. Combined with the bird’s nest of hair held together with an assortment of pins, it served to make Cynthia look mentally unhinged and possibly homeless.

  ‘Hmm,’ Corlene said, wearing the most inscrutable expression she could manage.