Like Ashes We Scatter

by Bradon Nave

“Hey now, Mom. At least we weren’t skinny dipping.”

  “Indeed, Son. I’ll get you two some towels.”

  Constance and Monica went indoors, Bishop walked to Alex, smiling and reaching for her.

  “Holy shit, Bishop. Embarrassing. Your mom is going to hate me.”

  “Nah. You’re good. We’re good. I promise, everything is good.”

  Chapter

  Twenty-Two

  The morning sun found her alone with a smile. She’d left Bishop’s feeling mildly humiliated after the post-swim introduction to Bishop’s mother. However, Alex was confident that when the time came, she could explain everything to him and he’d understand exactly why she found him jogging that day.

  The next time they were alone she would simply explain her actions and tell the truth. Surely he would see there was nothing sinister there, only concern that led them to the current situation.

  Just as Bishop’s face settled comfortably in her mind…his smile, laugh and the way his eyes were half-pried while their lips were locked, Alex was treated to a most intrusive surprise.

  “I bet you want a bad bitch like this! Drop it low and pick it up just like this!” As Tyson burst through the door, Alex jumped, bringing the comforter to her chin as she stared at her brother in shock. Her initial anger diminished the second she noticed a plate of sloppy waffles drenched in syrup in his hand.

  “What the hell, Ty?”

  “I made you some breakfast.”

  His goofy smile and the way he proudly presented the poorly prepared meal had Alex grinning. She quickly reminded herself how lucky she was to have these silly moments. “Well. Thank you, Ty. Can I eat in the kitchen so I don’t get syrup on my bedding?”

  “Right next to me, big sis. You best believe this meal is A-class.”

  “Set the plate down…hugs.”

  As he set the plate down and wiped his hands on his maroon sweatpants he offered a condescending smirk. “Do you care to explain your actions as of late, young lady?”

  “What?”

  “What’s this dude’s name?”

  As if she’d been backhanded by the thick hand of reality, the multiple elements of the equations were suddenly realized. Even if Bishop were to recognize her actions as innocent with no mal-intent, if Alex were to pursue an actual relationship with Bishop she’d have to contend with Tyson and everyone else involved. Panic began brewing within her as she ignored Tyson’s question and flung the bedding from atop of her.

  “Or…the girl’s name. You know I’m pro-equality.”

  “Sshh, Ty.” She walked past him and out of her room to the restroom as her anxiety reached a level of toxicity that had her head pounding. So affected, she didn’t dare give herself a morning glance in the mirror, she walked immediately back to her room to her phone.

  The ‘good morning, are you awake?’ text message from Bishop only exacerbated the looming dread brewing in her gut. Tyson seemed taken aback by the sudden mood change as Alex walked briskly by and out the door once more.

  “Are…are you okay, Alex?”

  The concern in her brother’s voice, boyish and genuine, had her halting and turning heel. “I’m fine, Ty. I just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Oh. Well come eat with me.”

  As they made their way to the kitchen table, Alex felt her structure fracturing.

  “Alex, what the hell is going on? Sit down. Talk to me.”

  “I can’t, Tyson. You’re like…the only person I can talk to but I can’t talk to you about this.” As she pulled out the kitchen chair she felt his gaze piercing the back of her head.

  “Alex, you can talk to me about anything. Just tell me—”

  “No, Ty. I can’t. It’s like…finally something starts making sense but in reality it doesn’t make any sense at all. It’s the furthest thing from healthy or practical imaginable but I can’t see past it. I can’t let it go.” As Alex went down in the chair, her tears went down her face.

  “Alex, are you on drugs?” If not for the look of total concern plastered across her brother’s face, she’d be certain the comment was of a sarcastic nature. Regardless, it brought a smile to hers.

  “No you idiot. I’m not on drugs.”

  “You sound bat-shit crazy right now…talking about making sense but not and being unhealthy. You really do sound completely on crack.”

  “Tyson, you wouldn’t understand.”

  “Don’t give me that. The only thing I don’t understand is why my own sister would ever think she couldn’t talk to me. After everything, Alex…really? Whatever it is I’m sure we’ll get through it okay.”

  As he approached her, leaning over the table to become eye level, Alex gazed at the scar peering from her brother’s chest. The scar quickly reminded her of where they were at present…and where they could have been if not for their miracle. Every day with her brother was a miracle. That was all she actually needed, everything else was expendable…potentially selfish.

  “We are going to be okay, Tyson. I’m just having a moment I guess.”

  “Huh? Alex, you don’t have moments. Something’s going on.”

  “Nah, Ty. It’s just a weak spot.”

  “Like when your fingers break through the toilet paper? I hate that.”

  “You’re disgusting.”

  “Promise you’re okay, Alex?”

  Prior to her answer, Bishop’s name appeared on phone as it began ringing aloud. Her gazed bounced between the phone and her brother until finally she was reaching for it.

  “Um…hello?”

  “Alex?” His voice bordered on frantic.

  “Yes.”

  “Are you…are you at home right now? Are you at your apartment?” He sounded winded.

  “I am. Are you okay, Bishop?”

  “No. Which one.”

  “Which what? What is going on?”

  “Which apartment, Alex? I need you. I…I need to talk to you. I just…can you just tell me which apartment?” His emotions took his words as Alex blurted.

  “Two-two-four, when are you coming—”

  “I’m here. I couldn’t wait. I need to talk to you.”

  “Okay, Bishop. I’ll wait for you out front. We can take a drive—”

  “No, please, Alex. I need to sit and talk with you. It’s all gone to shit. My head…I just need to talk to you, please.”

  She listened to his voice, pained and pleading and strained with what she was all too familiar with. She couldn’t tell him no, she couldn’t turn him away. “Okay. I’m here.”

  “’K.”

  The second the call was disconnected she was looking toward her brother. “Tyson, I have a friend coming over. I need you to go to your room for just a little bit, okay.”

  His expression was a clear combination of confusion, concern and irritation. “Okay. Alex, I really wish you’d just tell me what the hell was going on.”

  With Tyson ushered securely off to his room, Alex waited patiently until finally, there was a quaint knock on the front door. Inhaling deeply, she reached for the handle, inviting in mayhem.

  His eyes were puffy, his face soaked and he appeared completely shaken.

  “Bishop, are you okay?” She instinctively hugged him as he began to sob.

  “No. I’m not. Not at all.”

  As they decoupled, he began pacing, his pupils bounced about the walls of the apartment.

  “Alex…I need to tell you something. If…if we’re going to do…whatever we’re doing, you need to know something.”

  “Okay.” She hesitated, knowing where this conversation would take them.

  “My head is completely…just crushed. It’s not right. It’s all scrambled and I’m working through a bunch of shit.”

  The way he worked through his tears for each breath, the way he appeared to be collapsing internally under his pain, had Alex going to him once more. Her embrace seemed to put him over the edge.

  “I can’t. Some days I can, but some days I just can’t.” Hi
s soft cries filled the house as he clung to her. “I didn’t know where else to go and it’s all just coming down on me.”

  “Okay…you’re okay. Talk to me.” She led him to the couch.

  As they sat next to each other, hand-in-hand, he took a moment to collect himself before be began telling the story that Alex was already familiar with.

  “He…he was my best friend. We were always best friends. I knew where he stashed his gummy bears in fourth grade. I knew…I knew his favorite basketball players and what he was scared of. I knew who he lost his virginity to…I knew everything about him but I didn’t know he was that sad, Alex. How could I have not known?” His eyes begged her for explanation—for some piece of clarity.

  “Bishop…I don’t—”

  “My baby brother, Nathan Holloway, took his life last December. I was on the phone with him and he just shot himself in the head.”

  “Shit…Bishop.”

  “I just can’t anymore, Alex. Everyone is moving on and I just can’t seem to figure the shit out. How? How the hell do I move on? I couldn’t save my own brother…my bubs…from himself. How am I supposed to move on? It doesn’t make sense to me and I don’t know how to make it make sense.”

  Bishop stood from Alex as he began to pace slowly. “I don’t know how to move on without leaving him behind. I can’t just go on about my life…and he’s not here anymore. And now…now there’s you, and I want this awesome thing I’m getting with you to…well…I want to see where it goes but I don’t know how to be happy…to wake up happy…without feeling guilty because he was so sad. My head is so screwed up. I’m so damaged right now—”

  “Stop talking like that, Bishop. Come and sit with me.” She patted the cushion next to her as she worked to ward off approaching tears. As soon as he was seated she grabbed his hand.

  “You’re anything but damaged, Bishop. If anything happened to my brother I wouldn’t be able to cope.”

  “This isn’t coping, Alex. I’m fine for a few days but then I’ll just wake up and it literally feels like my world is falling in…crashing. I couldn’t breathe this morning and all I could think about was getting here to you. I just had to see you. I’m…I just don’t want my issues to mess this up.” He squeezed her hands as his stare remained fixed to hers. “I think I can…I think I’ll work it out I just need time. But I’m scared it’s too much for you right now.”

  Pleading, his eyes begged her for some small piece of assurance. She couldn’t turn away from the man she was falling for, not now when he needed her most. She understood she’d basically be offering herself as a sacrificial lamb. Once the truth came out, and it would, the world would hate her—and he might hate her too. But she couldn’t turn from him.

  “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to, Bishop.”

  As he instantly embraced her, their dramatic encounter was interrupted by a most concerned Tyson, entering the living room from his bedroom. “Is everything okay in here?”

  “Tyson, I asked you to stay in your—”

  “Holy shit, You’re Ty? I didn’t know you were here.” Bishop was suddenly standing and extending a handshake as Alex witnessed firsthand the beginning of her downfall. She’d orchestrated this entire scenario by allowing curiosity to mount to the point it hindered her ability to think rationally. Her spineless failure to do what was right—turn and walk away—was now blossoming before her into something uncontrollably chaotic.

  As they shook hands and offered introductions, Alex noticed the deep concern on Tyson’s face. “I guess we haven’t met. How…how do you know Alex?”

  Seemingly dumbfounded, Bishop smiled and glanced toward Alex. “Oh. Guess she hasn’t mentioned me. Um…well, we’re friends.”

  “Friends? Well it’s nice to meet you.” Tyson remained friendly as he seated himself in the chair next to the couch.

  “Ty, we were talking. Do you mind?” Alex prodded her brother to exit as Bishop shook hand in protest.

  “No, please, stay. My drama is done for now…I promise.” Bishop smiled as he wiped his face off. “So, you two wanna grab some breakfast?”

  “I actually made us breakfast. You could convince your friend to eat it.” Tyson smiled as he motioned toward the plate on the table.

  “Tyson, I only have little while before I have to get ready. Please give us a few minutes.” As Alex pleaded, Bishop instantly looked toward her.

  “Get ready? For what?” Bishop’s gaze frantically searched her face for an answer.

  “I have to meet with Dr. Jones this morning for case review. I’ll need to leave here soon.”

  “What time will you be back?” Bishop appeared distraught.

  “It will probably be around five this evening. We can go to dinner tonight—”

  “Hey, dude. My buddy bailed on me. You any good with bats?” Tyson’s question had Alex’s throat tightening.

  “Like catching them?” Bishop clearly had no clue what Tyson was talking about.

  “Nah, man. I’m not talking about little, flying, rabid animals. Like I pitch a baseball toward you and you hit it…with a bat. You wanna go to the baseball field with me until your friend gets home?”

  “Tyson, that isn’t a good idea. Bishop, as soon as I get home we can—”

  “I think the baseball field sounds legit. I’m down.” Bishop propped himself forward as Alex watched the disaster develop right in front of her.

  “What? You two literally just met two seconds ago and now you’re going spend the day together?”

  “Yeah, Sis, at the baseball field, not engaging in romantic relations.” Tyson stood and headed for his room as Alex swallowed hard.

  “Bishop, I really don’t think this is a good idea—”

  “Come on, Alex. I think I need this.”

  “Have you ever played baseball in your life, Bishop?”

  “I mean I think I need to just hang out and do guy stuff all day. We…Nate and I used literally hang out every chance we had just doing mindless shit. I need this. And if I’m gonna be sticking around, I need to get to know this dude, right?”

  His eyes were bright and prodding. The case he pled was undebatable. Alex smiled, knowing there was a strong possibility this inescapable situation could produce a catastrophic outcome. “Okay. You boys have fun.”

  Chapter

  Twenty-Three

  The sweat entered his eyes as he stared toward Tyson on the mound in the center of the diamond. He nervously held the bat, anticipating the ball to come flying in his direction under the relentless sun. The drive to the field had been borderline awkward as neither young man seemed eager to engage in conversation.

  The glare in Tyson’s eye gave Bishop the impression there might be some resentment toward the relationship Bishop and Alex had developed. As Tyson released the ball and sent in sailing in Bishop’s direction, Bishop was relieved to find the baseball coming to him at a practical speed. Regardless, Bishop’s attempt to make contact was futile. Strike one.

  “Holy shit, dude. You really do suck.” Tyson walked from the mound, smiling largely.

  “Yeah, man, I told you.”

  “Here. Like this.” Tyson took the bat from Bishop and demonstrated once more how to properly hold it and stand. He returned to the mound and after about fifteen more attempts, Bishop had only clipped the ball a few times.

  Frustration mounting, Bishop threw the ball back once more and took his place. Never one to give up easily, he waited for the ball to come at him again. As he swung, sheer pain radiated up his shin as he idiotically made contact with his own leg.

  Dropping the bat, Bishop hopped on one leg. Unfortunately the leg he hit was opposite of the foot he’d pulled the thorn from a few days prior. It was still somewhat achy. He panted and attempted to walk it off and preserve some form of dignity as Tyson cautiously approached.

  “You okay, man?”

  “Good.” Bishop limped in circles—his hands resting behind his head.

  “That’s gotta sting.”<
br />
  “Yup.”

  “So…it’s hot as balls out here. You wanna hit up the pool at the apartment?”

  Still hobbling, Bishop shook his head. “Nah man…let’s…let’s just go to my place and swim.”

  “You have your own pool? You like a lawyer or some shit?”

  “Nope. I’m an indecisive dude that still lives with his folks.”

  “Aww. Cool. Let’s swing by the apartment so I can grab my trunks.”

  The drive from the field was more productive. Tyson continued to pry into the nature of his sister and Bishop’s friendship—continuously referring to them as just friends in a condescending tone. Finally, the conversation grew tiresome and Bishop decided to offer some genuine insight.

  Pulling into the apartment complex at a slow pace, Bishop turned to Tyson cautiously from the driver’s seat of his modest Civic. “Would you have an issue with your sister pursuing a relationship?”

  “Pursuing a relationship? What are you, fifty-five?” Tyson shook his head and smiled. His tone and expression gave Bishop the impression that he was irritated, like he’d painted a smile over anger.

  “Nah…twenty-three. I’m serious.”

  As the car rolled to the curb, Tyson stared at his knees. “Of course my sister can do whatever the hell she wants. She’s a grown-ass woman. It’s just…”

  Bishop impatiently awaited the reply.

  “It’s just that she hasn’t even mentioned you, dude. My sister tells me literally everything and she hasn’t said anything about you. Today’s tirade in the living room was the first I’d ever heard of you.”

  His words hurt, and they had Bishop’s mind assuming the worst. Is she ashamed of me? Is she having second thoughts about us?

  “How long have you two been going at it?”

  “What? Going…nah dude. We started as running buddies and it just—”

  “Running buddies? Alex…a runner? Okay. Look, man, if she’s happy then I’m good. I don’t know why she didn’t say anything but whatever…that’s her business. If you’re a good dude then I’m sure we’ll be buds. If not then I’ll be happy to help my sister kill you.” Tyson’s devious smile left Bishop’s mouth agape. Finally Tyson socked him in the shoulder. “Messing with you, man. I’ll be right back.”