Like Ashes We Scatter

by Bradon Nave

  Tyson smiled as his tears streamed. “I can’t accurately describe what it’s like to wake up in the morning without that fear. To wake up and the biggest worry on my mind is my biology test…not if today is going to be my last…that’s so beautiful. I can’t tell you how beautiful that is. So I’m here to say thank you to my sister, Alex. You’ve been my rock for so long. You’re seriously the best person I know. I’m here to say thank you to the registered donors in the room. Your decision to donate makes you a silent hero; I could literally hug each and every one of you. I’m here to ask those of you that are not registered donors to consider it and have those open conversations with your loved ones. And lastly…I’m here to say thank you to a young man that I will never have the pleasure of meeting. I’m here to say thank you for saving my life. To his family, and his friends, thank you. I promise to kick so much butt at this thing called life. I won’t take this opportunity for granted…thank you.”

  Looking over the room, Bishop noticed several of the seated guests were wiping their eyes. The knot in Bishop’s throat was solid and steadfast. And then his gaze fell on Alex. Seeing her cry uncontrollably from behind evoked something within him. A strong desire to comfort her had Bishop nearly standing from his seat. A few seconds later, Pam was addressing the crowd again as Tyson walked to Alex. The siblings hugged, Alex kissed her brother’s face twice and then excused herself from the room. It was too much—the entirety of the situation and the core of Tyson’s message had Bishop following Alex into the hall.

  The hallway was nearly empty and echoed as Bishop trailed behind a distraught Alex from about twenty feet. Finally, her name tore from his throat. “Alex.”

  Completely startled, she turned suddenly, wiping her face as she stared in disbelief. “B…Bishop?”

  He cautiously approached her, his hands snug in his slacks—mouth dry as if he were the one that had just given the nerve-wracking speech. “I just…I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

  Her expression communicated her skepticism effectively. “I appreciate that, Bishop. I’m okay. I’m just running behind today.”

  “Oh. Okay. Um…you have such an awesome brother. He’s going to go far”

  “Yes. Yes he is. I’m lucky to have him in my life.”

  “He’s lucky to have you as well, Alex.”

  Her smile was soft—yet she remained taken aback by the interaction.

  “I need to get back to my mom. I actually think she’s going to invite your brother to dinner.”

  “That’s sweet, he’ll enjoy that. I need to get going too.”

  “Be safe.”

  “Take care of yourself, Bishop.” As she turned to leave, Bishop found the anger he’d been harboring had all but diminished.

  He returned to his mother with a smile. She was standing, as was the rest of the crowd, and talking to Tyson.

  “Bish…Tyson has agreed to let us treat him to supper this evening.”

  “Awesome. Your speech got me in the feelers, bud.”

  Tyson and Becca stood arm in arm; Becca dabbed her eyes with a Kleenex. “Sorry, dude. I meant every word.”

  “I know you did, that’s why ya got me. Where are we taking you to eat?”

  “It’s whatever. Becca here has plans tonight and Alex is going to be out so it actually is a welcome invitation. I appreciate it.”

  “I’ll come by and get you if you want, Ty. Just text when you’re ready.”

  “Thanks, Bishop.”

  ***

  An awkward feeling lurked as Bishop pulled up to Alex and Tyson’s apartment. Seeing Alex earlier had his mind off track. Luckily a grinning Tyson was walking to the vehicle almost as soon as Bishop placed the car in park.

  Tyson’s attire ensured the group would not be dining at a fancy eatery. He wore basketball shorts, sneakers, a t-shirt and ball-cap.

  “What’s up, dude?” Tyson crawled in, clicking his seatbelt.

  “Not much. What are you hungry for? I could go for a burger or—”

  “So you talked to Alex today?”

  Tyson’s inquiry was coupled with a large smile.

  “Um…yeah. We talked for a little bit.”

  “Cool. That’s pretty spiffy.”

  “I don’t hate her, Tyson.”

  “Yeah…I would hope not. She’s a great person.”

  “So, what do you want to eat? My mom’s pretty excited about this little dinner-date.”

  “A cheeseburger is fine, man. And thank you.”

  “For what?” Bishop began driving from the complex.

  “For being cool to Alex. That meant a lot to her, dude. It’s got to suck to know you messed up but not be given the opportunity to apologize.”

  Tyson’s comment had Bishop biting the inside of his cheek.

  “A lot about the situation sucks, Tyson.”

  “Talk to me about it, big fella. Tell brother Tyson what’s got you in all twisted up.”

  Bishop shook his head and chuckled. “You really are a dork, Tyson.”

  “We’re bros, you can talk to me.”

  “I can’t help but think that there might be a conflict of interest, Tyson. This whole situation is entirely out of my league and just…awkward because of what happened…the way it happened.”

  “You think being around me is awkward?”

  “Nah, Ty…not at all. I actually like hanging out with you. I wish that we would have met…I don’t know…organically through our situation and backgrounds.”

  “We would have, Bishop. You and I would have met through Pam just as we were supposed to. You would have met Alex, and I’m sure everything would have worked out fantastically but—”

  “But she rushed fate.”

  “What? What do you mean?”

  “Just something she said.” Bishop gripped the wheel tightly as he turned.

  “She went looking for you because she was worried about you, Bishop. She was curious and wanted to see if you were okay. She wasn’t planning on actually meeting you.”

  “But she did, Tyson. And now…now it is what it is. The situation is too messed up to make sense of.”

  “So stop trying to make sense of the situation and take comfort in the fact that Alex, the guilty party, is a genuinely good person. She’s the best person.”

  Bishop said nothing as he pulled into a convenience store parking lot. He stared out over the steering wheel.

  “Only the best person would have done what she’s done for me, dude. She’s given me everything and seen me at my absolute most undignified, despicably fragile and helpless state…and she didn’t abandon me. She stayed right there with me through thick and—”

  “I don’t know how.” Bishop’s forceful words caught Tyson off guard.

  “Don’t know how? How to do what?”

  “At first…I was so angry I genuinely thought I never wanted to see her again. Then I had some time to think on it. And…and then the reality set in that I might actually not ever see her again and it hurt. And then I did see her…crying…and all I wanted to do was hold her, but I don’t know how to get from here to there. I don’t know how to forgive her for this.”

  Bishop felt Tyson’s hand on his shoulder. “Introductions aren’t the only thing that can come naturally or organically. Just let it happen, you don’t have to force forgiveness, Bishop.”

  Bishop nodded slightly. “Everything you said today, Tyson, was so undeniably true. It’s too short…much too short.”

  “It’s too short? I can’t help you there, B…but I think your personality will overcompensate for any anatomical deficits.”

  Chuckling, Bishop shook his head. “I meant what you said about life being too short—”

  “I know what you meant, Bishop. We’re young…right now…we have what so many are paying and fighting for. We have time. You have time. Use your time to be happy. Find out what makes you smile and chase it until you catch it, dude. One day you’re going to wake up and you’re not going to be young anymore. Trust me that
day will be here sooner than you think.”

  Bishop turned to Tyson and rested the side of his head on the steering wheel. “Thank you, Tyson. I’m glad I know you.”

  “Duh. I’m a cool dude.”

  “Yes…you really are.”

  “You’re a cool dude too, B.”

  “Nate used to call me that.”

  “Cool dude?”

  “Ha…nah. He used to call me B.”

  “You’ll have to tell me more about him sometime.”

  “Like you said, we’re young, we got time.”

  Tyson smiled largely as he reached for the door handle. “What are we getting here?”

  “Oh…nothing. I just suck at talking and driving. Let’s go, my mom’s waiting.”

  Inside the Holloway residence, Bishop and Tyson were met by Constance in the living area. Still wearing the attire she’d sported to Tyson’s speaking event, she approached with a smile.

  Tyson grinned shyly. “Sorry guys. I should have dressed nicer. I just couldn’t wear those slacks anymore.”

  “Oh no, sweet boy. You’re fine, Tyson. You look charming as you are.” Constance walked to Tyson and offered him a brief hug. “I was so proud of you today. Your speech was absolutely inspiring.”

  “You didn’t think I was a hot mess? I was pretty nervous.”

  “Absolutely not, Tyson. You were perfect. You are the perfect ambassador for the cause. I am proud to know such a courageous young man.”

  “Thank you, Constance. I’m glad I know you all too.”

  “So, Mom…Tyson and I both were thinking burgers. Is that okay with you?”

  “I will go wherever you boys want to go.”

  Tyson perked up, his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels. “I know a little place that makes really great burgers. They make really great everything.”

  ***

  Bishop followed his mother and Tyson into a shabby-looking diner. Bishop’s mother was boasting an optimistic smile but Bishop could tell by her body language that she was questioning Tyson’s destination.

  “Hey, Mom, this place kind of looks like our steakhouse.”

  Constance nodded in agreement as she glanced around. “It certainly does.”

  Once they were seated and their drinks were ordered, the small talk and casual comments gradually gave way to deeper content.

  “Tyson…the bond you share with your sister is remarkable. Have you two always been so close?” Constance sat her drink down and awaited his answer.

  “Oh yeah. We’ve always been super close. It’s only us two kids now but we were close growing up.”

  “What was that like?” Her kind voice seemed to keep Tyson at ease, yet Bishop was uncomfortable with the conversational shift.

  “Growing up? It was good…normal I guess. My dad died when I was little. My mom was out a lot so it was usually Alex and me. She was really cool about helping me with homework and laundry and stuff. She pretty much made sure I had everything I needed…she still does, really.”

  “So Alex was your primary provider growing up?”

  “Mom.” Bishop’s interruption was met with Tyson’s smile of approval.

  “Nah, B, it’s okay. Alex was what I would call my provider in the way that…” Tyson searched for his words. “Alex made sure I went to school with clean clothes, my lunch packed, homework completed and when we were older she was there for other stuff too.”

  “Other stuff?”

  “Yes ma’am. She made sure I made it to my appointments and she made it possible to stay involved in sports.”

  “Oh my, that is quite the responsibility for such a young woman. Your sister is not much older than you.”

  “Nope. She’s not. That’s why I say she’s literally the best person I know. I love my sister more than anyone will ever know.”

  “She sounds like a wonderful person.”

  “She is.”

  Just then a slender waiter appeared for their order. Bishop was grateful for the distraction.

  Skin-deep conversation ensued as their meals were ordered and consumed.

  Leaving the establishment, the three found the sun had left them and the temperature was already uncomfortably contrasting from when they entered.

  “You okay there, Tyson? Looks like you got the chills.”

  “It’s freakin’ cold out here.”

  “I have just the thing.” Constance hastily made her way to her Buick Enclave and retrieved a thick sweat jacket from the hatchback. “Here you go.” She presented the garment with a smile.

  Bishop could only smile too as he watched his mother handing Nathan’s sweatshirt to Tyson. Tyson eagerly accepted and was quick to put it on.

  “So boys…what is next? Tyson, do you need to go home or…”

  “Actually,” Tyson swallowed hard, “I was going to ask you two something.”

  Bishop studied Tyson’s body language, slightly tense.

  “Anything at all, Tyson. Bishop and I do not have anything other than this planned for this evening.”

  “I want to know more about him…I want to know more about Nathan. Is there any way we could possibly, I don’t know, just go talk about him?”

  “Of course, sweet boy. We can go start a fire in the fireplace, prepare cider, and you can ask whatever questions you have. Does that sound okay?”

  “That sounds perfect actually. I’ve never had cider before.”

  Orange and glowing, Tyson’s face reflected the large flames as they danced within the fireplace and the darks of his eyes. Like a curious child, he sat cross-legged in front of the blaze while Bishop waited for his mother to produce the cider and photo albums.

  “You look mesmerized.” Bishop stood near Tyson, peering down to him.

  “Yeah.” Tyson’s jaw remained agape, his stare heavy on the flames.

  “I bet you’re not much for conversations on camping trips.”

  Tyson finally broke his gaze from the flames to look toward Bishop. “Camping? Never been. Mom would never allow that. This is the first time I’ve ever been in front of an actual fireplace fire. It’s amazing, dude.”

  “You’ve never seen a fireplace going?”

  “Nope. Our fireplace had dusty cement logs in it. Mom said it would jack up my lungs even worse. Funny thing is I remember my dad smoking inside the house up until his dumbass died.”

  “Oh wow. Well you can check that one off. I need to take you camping sometime too.”

  “Really? You’d take me camping with you?”

  “For sure, man. We can go in the spring time if you want.”

  “Holy shit, hell yeah.”

  Constance appeared, toting a tray of cider atop a photo-album. “We’ll all sit in front of the fire.”

  Graceful with complete poise, she sat herself and dispersed the coffee mugs of steaming cider. “Careful, these are very hot.”

  “Thank you, Constance. This is so cool.”

  “I do love the fireplace. I love to read by it in the winter.” Constance positioned herself and opened the album as Bishop sat next to her.

  “So what did Nathan like? Was he pretty outgoing or…”

  “My brother was popular with almost every group of kids at school. One of his best friends in high school was a varsity football player, and another of his good friends was a member of the chess team.”

  “Yes…my sweet boy was also very involved with the student’s equal rights group at his school. He had several friends from the LGBT community.”

  Tyson smiled as his gaze fell on the open album. “That’s a white butt, Bishop.”

  “Ha. We never wore trunks when we were little.”

  “That pool is massive…it looks really weird there.”

  Constance chuckled. “That’s in Johannesburg, South Africa at Bishop and Nathan’s aunt and uncle’s house.”

  “Oh. It looks like a resort or something.”

  The next page produced a smiling Nathan, shaking his father’s hand.

  “This
was at Nathan’s eighth grade graduation. My sweet boy was so happy this day.”

  “Mom, you remember when you walked in on Nathan and Courtney? That was amazing.”