I shook my head tiredly.
"I have no desire to root out every ounce of ill will towards me. Any whisper of political dissent. Those who are actively plotting to end my life need to pay simply for the instability they could cause. But I cannot destroy all of those who oppose me. That would make me no better than Emberich." I meant it too. I didn't want blind followers alone. That way lay a different shade of danger. "Tell the chieftains that I will hear their concerns, but at a later date. If there are people that genuinely concern them, they are free to hold them until that point, or send them to us to hold and question."
But I thought from the feel of the attempt that this was no far-reaching conspiracy. It felt more like one born of desperation. But even sympathetic motives were not enough to excuse an assassination attempt.
Igna nodded.
"Of course."
After he turned down the hallway, I left the door open. I had something more important to do today before I entered any meetings.
But then somebody else arrived at my door. When I turned at the shadow blocking the light, I saw Blaise.
"My king, I apologize for intruding," he started, though he didn't look very contrite at the interruption.
"What is it, Blaise?" I asked, as I picked up the box again and turned towards him.
His eyes went down to my hands and looked away quickly when he saw what I was holding, uncomfortable.
"Uh, Adara's flock would like her remains," he said, obviously not thrilled at having to deliver that news.
"I know she has no living immediate family," I stated. "Tell them that I intend to have a full ceremony in the customary time period, but I will have her final rest be here, awarding her the full honors she is due."
Perhaps that was selfish, but I was willing to be selfish about this.
"Is that wise?" Blaise asked, looking unsure.
"If they have issue with it, I am willing to meet with them," I conceded, though I was quite certain they would not. It was a high honor to be kept so near the palace.
"I shall convey the message," he agreed, but he didn't leave.
"Is there something else you wish to speak to me about?" I asked, my patience wearing thin. I kept myself in check. This wasn't his fault.
"Yes." He drew himself up to his full height. "I...I understand that it this is very soon after you suffered a loss," he said carefully. "But Adara's position of liaison needs to be filled quickly. We cannot afford to slow down, not when we have so much work still to do."
Ah.
This was the main reason that he was here. Not that Adara's flock didn't request her remains, but that was not an urgent matter.
"And you would like to fill it," I finished for him, meeting his eyes steadily.
He flushed, looking away.
"I had considered it," he admitted. "I believe I am qualified, though perhaps not as qualified as Adara—"
"You do not have to act as though you liked Adara now," I interrupted impatiently, tired of the games. "The job is yours in the interim. We will discuss matters in more detail after...after."
Blaise nodded, appearing both please and unsure, likely because I said we would need to discuss it further, but that was all I was willing to give.
"Thank you, my king."
Then he hurried away, now that he had what he wanted. It wasn't that I that I didn't know the position would have to be filled. I knew that.
But...it felt like admitting Adara was well and truly gone. It hurt. And I knew it was only the first one of many little things that were bound to feel the same.
On top of that, I frankly didn't think Blaise was all that suited to the job, no matter how much he wanted the cachet that came with it. He had many strengths, but dealing with people was definitely not one of them. And the Internal Liaison to the Crown needed to be someone who was compassionate, good with people, and also fair and intelligent.
Adara...had been perfect.
I shook my head, walking down the hall now that my doorway was clear.
When I reached the public section of the palace, people murmured greetings to me, but most did not look directly in my eyes. As if afraid my emotions might be catching. Or perhaps they were just afraid to suffer my wrath because I was so obviously not in the mood for any bullshit. My performance last night might also have had something to do with it.
For whatever reason, I did not have to deal with anybody on my way out of the palace, which I really appreciated.
Unfortunately, that didn't last.
The chieftains who were being ushered away without getting a chance to meet with me were just on their way out, directly in front of the palace.
"King Sven!" Ray called out, walking over to me. "We are glad to see you whole and healthy after that terrible attack." It felt like a carefully formulated, manicured statement. It didn't mean it wasn't true, but it did lack that genuine feeling unrehearsed words had. "We were all also very sorry to hear of Adara's passing," he continued, his eyes wandering down to the box in my hands.
He froze.
"Yes, these are her ashes," I said helpfully. Maybe it would be enough to get him to leave. "Is there something I can help you with?" I asked politely.
"I..." He trailed off, looking back at the rest of his group with an almost desperate glance. "That is, I...the...we will speak in our next meeting," he finally fumbled out, stepping back.
I nodded.
"I look forward to it," I agreed solemnly.
And kept moving.
I was headed for the cemetery just behind the palace, on the side of the mountain that we had not built on as of yet. It was situated at the top of a flat summit, where previous kings and other people of note were laid to rest. As far as I was concerned, Adara was the most important person here. And I wanted her close to me. Even if we would open the box in a week and perform the Passing Ceremony, allow her ashes to drift as they would under the bright light of day.
We were of the sun and wind. It only made sense to return to them at the end of our physical bodies.
I walked over to an empty spot with a wonderful view and carefully set the clear box down on top of a flat stone, where she could soak in the sun even in death.
"I still have to get the commemorative plaque made," I murmured apologetically.
I set a hand down on top of the lid and looked out at the view of the desert, stretching out in an endless, sandy wave in front of us. It was stark and gorgeous.
And Adara would never see it ever again. My hand clenched on the box as I felt the knot form in my throat.
"I will miss you," I murmured, hoping she could hear me somewhere. "Who is going to drive me crazy now?" I asked. "How am I going to deal with those idiots who think they can pull the wool over my eyes? Who am I going to fly with?" My smile drifted away. "How am I going get through today? And through every day after that without you here?" I continued hoarsely.
The only answer was the brush of the strong breeze that lived up here. The only thing that did.
"I love you."
The words weren't enough to completely convey how I felt. How damaged she'd left my heart because she wasn't here.
Something wet fell down on the back of my hand.
I frowned at it.
Another drop joined it.
And then another.
And I realized I was crying. I stayed there for hours. Until the ache in my body finally had me rising.
"I will be back tomorrow," I murmured, smoothing my hand down the side of the box.
I knew this wasn't her, not really, but it was all I had left. Still, I didn't back away immediately. Somehow, leaving her out here...it felt like another admission of the truth. That she had died. That it was over. Well and truly finished. I still wasn't quite ready for that.
So I stood there a while longer, ignoring the fact that I had left my bed to take care of kingly responsibilities.
I stared out at the view that she couldn't see. And mourned. Mourned with everything that I was.
This...Adara...succeeded in breaking me where everything else in my life hadn't.
I would never be who I was again.
That man was gone with the woman whose ashes I watched over.
Chapter Twenty-Two
At first, all I knew was cold.
Then, all I knew was heat.
A steady, baking, familiar heat.
The heat of sunlight.
Though maybe that was too strong of a word for the sensation, at least at first. It was more like a faint glimmer of that heat I knew so well. A taste. A faint glimmer that grew and expanded with time.
Then there was the light.
And then... Then I felt even more. The sound of a strong breeze blowing nearby. The feel of something hard underneath me. Rock?
It was as if I was in a dream, everything more subdued, watered down. As if I was experiencing all of it through a veil. A thick veil, one that did more than just blur and separate. It was almost like a wall...but not quite.
And then...
It was as if someone turned the volume all the way to max. My eyes snapped open and I cried out involuntarily at the sudden bombardment of...everything.
I immediately closed my eyes again.
Everything was too much with that comforting veil ripped away. The feel of the sun beating down on me was hot, almost too hot, in a way I'd never felt. I was a creature of the sun. It could not burn me.
But even just the feeling of my hair slipping against my own skin felt like too much, the texture of the stone under me. The sounds and feel of the breeze was harsh. Like it had gone through some kind of nightmare modification, every noise amplified and discordant in some way.
I took a moment just to breathe. Even that simple physical movement felt too intense somehow.
All I could do was lie there and try to get through it, try to get my bearings.
What was going on? Why was a lying out here naked? Had I just changed? And why did it feel as if every inch of me, inside and out, was so raw and sensitive? After a few minutes, all of the signals calmed down a bit, enough so I felt as though I might actually brave the world around me.
Sitting up gingerly, I opened my eyes, half afraid of what I might see. The familiar desert landscape spread out before me. Expansive and beautiful in its stark glory. I took a moment simply to appreciate it, to let the beauty of home soothe me.
But then I got slowly to my feet, feeling a sense of vague urgency as I took a step on the hot stone, the heat warming the soles of my feet.
I frowned.
I knew I needed to do something...
I turned on the path I'd stepped down onto, my foot hitting something cool and slick that I hadn't noticed before. It was clear. A clear box of some kind, one side of it cracked. It looked like it had fallen...
I looked away from it, my eyes settling on a nearby plaque. A plaque with someone's name on it.
Feeling a vague sense of dread, I started down the path, noting more names. There was something significant about this place, about those names. It was right there at the edge of my mind. But when I tried to see it, I simply couldn't grasp it. It slipped away every time I tried to get a handle on the knowledge. Frustrated, I finally stopped trying, feeling a headache coming on.
Keeping my eyes on the path directly in front of me, I started down it. It felt wrong to go down for some reason, but I didn't see a path leading anywhere else. So I kept going.
It had to go somewhere, and somewhere was better than staying...wherever here was. Dubious logic, but it was all I had.
The path curved around, until the wall of rock on one side of me abruptly gave way and I saw the city spread out before me. A city built along the mountain's side with pretty roofs and narrow streets.
The capital. That piece of information rose up in my own mind, floating up from the murky depths that I couldn't navigate quite yet. This was the capital.
I stared at it, stared at the bustling activity going on in the streets. Perhaps there would be answers here. At least people to ask.
So I continued to follow the path, until it became an actual road instead of just sand under my feet. I was in the city. That was...good. It was progress, at any rate. But I needed to go up. I had a driving need to go in that direction. I frowned, trying to tease out why. There was...something... No, that wasn't right. There was...someone.
Yes.
Someone...
I kept walking. Straight to the center of the city, where I saw the first platform. I needed to go there. That would take me up to...
I heard someone let out a short scream and looked over, startled by the sharp sound. It was a woman with silky, straight dark hair and a wide-eyed child on her hip who burst into tears, staring at his mother. Her almond-shaped eyes were wide, her mouth still open in that scream that had me looking her way. Why was she afraid? I didn't see anyone attacking her as she stared at me.
Frowning, I continued walking. There didn't seem to be any danger nearby. I looked around again to make sure. And caught another set of frightened eyes, these ones belonging to an old man who quickly backed away from me, his eyes as wide as the woman's.
What was going on? After that, I kept my head down and hurried forward. I didn't know what was happening. But I didn't want to hear any more screams.
I made it to the platform, which was thankfully empty. I welcomed the quiet of the enclosed interior of the gondola, though I didn't sit down. I still didn't have clothes on. I looked down at my naked body. I needed clothes. Perhaps that was why everyone was reacting so strangely to me. Something didn't sound quite right about that, but again, it slipped away when I tried to hold on to the thought.
My mind wasn't working quite right. Some things came easily, others drifted away. Trying too hard seemed to almost make it more difficult see into those darker, muddled corners I wanted to understand.
That wasn't normal. Something I didn't need to be thinking clearly to understand.
At the next stop, a laughing group of schoolgirls stepped onto the car. But the one in front froze as soon as she saw me.
"Mira, what's wrong...?" The girl behind her trailed off as she caught sight of me as well.
And then all of them backed out of the gondola immediately, their faces frightened, though not one of them let out a sound louder than a gasp.
I frowned. Something was wrong. Very wrong. But I still couldn't dredge up what it could be by the time I made it to the very top, to the very last platform.
This was where I needed to go. To the top. I got out of the gondola and onto that platform.
I stared at the grand structure in front of me. Large and ornate and colorful. It was a lot to take in, But I needed to keep going. I knew that much.
So I walked over to the...palace. Yes, the palace. That was where I needed to be.
Someone stopped me before I could go in, a firm hand on my arm.
"Miss, you cannot just..."
I turned to look at the man. At the guard. He immediately let go of me as if burned, taking a large step back.
"You..."
He shook his head, staring at me. He, at least, looked more shocked than frightened.
"I need to go inside," I explained, gesturing.
He blinked at me. Deciding to take his silence as consent, I turned around and continued walking. There was some kind of commotion behind me, but I ignored it as I walked inside. I didn't want anyone to stop me now that I was close. I needed to go...
I wasn't sure. So I stopped trying to think. And let my feet guide me. Until someone stepped directly in my path.
"What are you...Adara?"
I looked up as the irritated voice trailed off into a soft question. My eyes colliding with stunned dark ones. I felt something burst in my mind as I met those eyes. A painful flash. Everything came back in a rush, my mind clarifying in a torturously brief second.
Sven.
The fire.
Nothingness.
"Sven," I gasped.
&nbs
p; And felt everything go dark around the edges.
I felt my body start to topple, my control over it wavering.
But then hard arms wrapped around me.
And I knew I was safe.
Chapter Twenty-Three
When I opened my eyes, I was in a bed with a blanket covering me. And someone bent over the side of the bed. I looked over just as Sven looked up at the small movement I made.
"Adara," he said in a hoarse voice, the hand he had wrapped around mine squeezing. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.
I sat up and reached over with my other hand to cover his, scanning his face. He looked like he'd been to hell and back. Heavy dark circles had taken up residence under his eyes and it looked like he hadn't shaved in days. I sighed, reaching up to cup the side of his face. A face I thought I'd never see again. Never touch again.
"Nobody was supposed to know," I murmured. "I was always told to keep it a secret. That it wasn't safe."
Sven shook his head, frowning.
"I thought the Original Bloodline was gone," he said in a wondering voice. "That only the weakest remnants still existed, mixed in with all the other lines."
"That's what you were supposed to think," I pointed out gently. "It was a concerted campaign to spread that rumor, with the help of King Narees, when the line was all but dead," I explained, mentioning the long-dead monarch that had made it possible. "History hasn't been kind to us. We were all but gone. Even with that false information...I might be the last. I don't know. I hope others simply keep it a secret as well."
Perhaps they'd been told to keep it a secret as well, like my grandfather had told me. The fewer who knew, the better.
At one point, humans had been known to imprison those like me for profit. To travel from city to city, burn them alive in traveling side shows. Only to leave the ashes out in the sun to regenerate, revealing the living phoenix to the shock and awe of the audience. I shuddered at the thought of going through this over and over. The pain of death. The agony of rebirth. All for humans’ amusement, for money. Another example of how terrible humans could be in their selfishness.
As if that wasn't enough, our own race betrayed us as well. One of the old stories—or myths, depending on who you asked—was that our blood could be mixed with the ashes of the recently deceased to bring people back. When left out in the sun, the concoction was rumored to bring those ashes back to life. To convey the gift of regeneration to the recently dead through artificial means.
From the Ashes_A Dragons & Phoenixes Novel Page 13
