There was no point in getting herself all worked up about what Olivia might say because it was out of her control. She trusted Elizabeth implicitly anyway, and she believed that she could make Olivia understand.
They had shared a moment anyway, after their father’s funeral, and Iris hoped that Olivia remembered that when she passed her judgment on what she had done.
“Daisy?” Iris jumped as a soft voice broke through the dark silence. “Daisy, is that you?”
Iris could only make the outline of the man standing across from her in the hallway, but she knew who it was regardless. The way her heart leapt into her throat was enough to make her understand.
“Lord Oakley,” she gulped as she spoke. “I am terribly sorry. I have woken much too early. I am simply... reacquainting myself with the house. If I had known that you would still be awake, I never would have disturbed you...”
“You are not disturbing me.” Ewan moved closer to her. “It is lovely to see you up and about again. I must confess I was very worried about you on the journey home.”
“Yes, I think the carriage ride was harder on my body than I thought it would be. I am terribly glad to be back.”
“I am too.”
As Ewan moved even closer to Iris, she felt that illicit thrill racing through her once more. If he reached out his arms, they could be dancing together again in a heartbeat.
“What are you doing up so late, may I ask?” Iris felt more confident around Ewan now. She did not mind asking him such personal questions. “Is it your business?”
“Yes, I have lots to do and I am afraid I have had the opposite problem to you. I slept too much on the carriage ride home, so I have not been able to feel tired until now.”
"At least you managed to get some paperwork done," Iris grinned, although it was unlikely that Ewan could see it in the night. “I am sure that is a task you are glad to have behind you.”
“Oh yes, I am, it is terribly dull. If I went adventuring around the world, I would not have to worry about any of that.”
“Which of course is why you must go.”
Iris realized that there was a hollowness to her tone as she said that. There wasn’t any enthusiasm to her as she imagined the Lord on a wild adventure around the world. She would be pleased for him to finally be happy, he deserved it after all the hard work he had done for his entire life, but she did not want him to leave. She did not want him to go anywhere without her.
Tell him now, her brain suddenly thought. Tell him the truth while there is no one else around.
She even parted her lips to do so, but somehow the words did not come out. She did not want to ruin this sweet, tantalizing moment in the dark with the cold, hard to digest truth.
“Yes, maybe I will. We shall see.”
With the darkness of the night shrouding them, Ewan did not think twice about acting on instinct. He held out his hands and wrapped his fingers around Daisy’s. As he clung onto her, his heart raced, he chest swelled with warmth, and he could not wipe the smile from his face.
This was love, and Amy had been right. It truly was more simple than he made it out to be.
Iris did not know what to think as Ewan held onto her hands. The night time allowed her to feel like it was a dream, so it did not feel so wrong, but his grip and the sparks he sent through her body were more real than anything that had come before it.
“Does your new ship have a name?” she asked as normally as she could manage, just to keep something about this moment on the level.
“Not yet, but I shall give her one soon,” Ewan replied quietly.
“Her?”
“Of course. All ships are classed as female.”
“Is there a reason for that?” Iris knew that it was utterly bizarre to have such a normal conversation while their skin connected in such a life-changing way, but for her and Ewan in that moment it felt right.
“A ship is a ‘she’ because she takes a lot of paint for upkeep.”
Iris was so stunned for a moment that it took her longer than it should have done to realise that he was joking. Ewan was teasing her, which made her blush and grin in equal measures.
“Oh that is a terrible remark to make,” she replied smilingly. “I cannot believe that you would say such a horrible thing.”
Ewan chuckled lightly, enjoying the mirth in Daisy’s tone. He wanted to make her laugh forever more, the musical sound was so wonderful to listen to.
“I do not know the reason, but boats are always referred to as female. It is just the way that things are, so she will have to have a female name before she sets sail on her voyage.”
A pregnant pause filled the air, but neither of them wanted to do anything that would break the moment. Iris and Ewan both knew that the minute this magic shattered, everything would be different, and while they both had such important things to tell one another, they did not want to lose what they currently had.
Iris needed to tell Ewan who she really was, and Ewan had to tell this beautiful woman that he wanted her to be his wife. They both knew exactly what had to be said, but neither of them could find the words.
Ewan’s body pressed closely up to Iris’s without him even thinking about it, it was almost as if there was a powerful magnetic force between them, drawing them together. He loved the warmth of her svelte figure, it gave him the urge to wrap his arms around her. It was almost out of his control; Ewan could practically feel his body taking all control of him.
Iris had to do something to regain control of this situation. Things were spiralling madly, and instead of pulling back like she knew she should, she found her body leaning in and her head angling up towards him.
This was just like one of Iris’s endless fantasies, and she always ended up getting a kiss. She had a feeling that things were headed in that direction again, and it was very challenging for her to remember that everything happening right now was real...
“I am sorry that I tried to forget our dance,” Ewan muttered so quietly that it was almost a mere breath. “That was the best moment of my entire life.”
“Aside from this one,” Iris commented without really thinking about it. “This one is just as wonderful.”
And then it happened, without either of them really thinking about it. Ewan’s lips crashed into Iris’s and the entire world stopped around them. It only lasted a second or so, but that time seemed to last forever. Iris’s heart stopped, her head spun, she felt like her feet had been lifted from the ground.
It was all the proof that she could ever need to show her that she was in love. The feeling of being kissed by this wonderful man was the most wondrous sensation possible.
“Yes, I agree,” Ewan whispered as they finally pulled apart. “This is the best moment ever.”
Iris slipped backwards automatically, she needed to escape. Kissing a man that one was not married to, simply wasn’t done, particularly when you were being untruthful about who you were.
Ewan was surprised to have the woman he loved moving away from him, but he did not blame Daisy. He should have controlled himself better, it was not right for him to kiss her before their wedding day. That was the sort of thing that could damage a woman forever. It no longer mattered that Daisy was lowborn, he still wanted to think of her as a lady. He needed to treat her in the way that she so desperately deserved.
“I suppose I should probably get some sleep,” he told her quietly, giving her the opportunity to escape. “And I am sure that you have things to do yourself.”
“Oh... yes,” Iris stammered. “Do you know what, I think I am tired myself. I think I will head back to bed before I see Amy tomorrow.” She practically fell as she staggered backwards. “Maybe I shall see you in the morning too.”
“Yes, goodnight.”
With that, she gave Ewan one last lingering look, drinking in his beautiful silhouette in the shadows before she spun on her heels and she ran. She did not want to leave, she would have loved to remain with him to see what could happen next,
but it was not possible.
What would Amy think? She panicked. What would Elizabeth say? I cannot kiss a man who I am not married to, nor can I kiss a man who does not know me. It is not right, it is not done. Even if Iris had not acted exactly as she was supposed to, acting inappropriately with a man felt like too much for Iris.
Iris did not even consider how much noise she was making as she thundered back down the stairs, she was not concerned about waking anyone else up, she simply needed to be locked away by herself so she could work out what her next move was. Kissing Ewan was not a part of her plan. She did not mean for it to happen.
Luckily, Iris didn’t disturb anyone else as she crashed back into her room. The late hour, plus the hard work that they’d done throughout the day left all of them too exhausted to be concerned about one slightly crazed young maid. That left her as alone as she needed to be while she thought all of this through.
It was not until Iris had fallen onto her bed sheet that a delighted smile burst across her face. Yes, she had done something terribly wrong, but it felt so wonderful it was challenging to keep up the guilty feeling. The kiss felt incredible, aside from society’s expectations, what else could be wrong about that? Who could deny anyone this lovely feeling?
Ewan Oakley had proven his love by kissing her. He truly did love her, just as she did him. And it had felt wonderful to have his lips against hers. She did not know that it was possible to feel so good. Iris had not wanted the moment to end. In fact, now that she was lying in her bed, she wished that she had not run away. She knew that she had to, but it would have been much more fun.
In her head, Iris composed a letter to her sister because her need to share this news was just too compelling, even if it wasn’t something that she could ever share for real:
‘Dear Elizabeth,
You will never guess what happened to me today? I realized that I am loved back. The Lord kissed me, and I could feel the love coming from his lips. I think I want to marry him, even it if would not be easy...’
She sighed deeply and listened to the fluttering of her heart. Even if there were many reasons why she should not be happy with what had just happened, Iris felt it anyway and she relished the pleasant warmth that spread through her body.
If this was what love felt like, then she was glad that she had waited for it. It felt utterly wonderful.
Only moments before, when Ewan first left his office, he thought that he was tired enough to sleep where he stood, but after seeing Daisy wandering through the manor in the dead of night and accidentally kissing her, he did not think that he would ever be able to sleep again.
Of course he should have spoken to her then while they were alone, but actually, now he felt grateful that he had not because his brain had produced the most wonderful plan ever. He would ask Daisy to marry him, he would make her his wife, but he would introduce his sister to society first.
Amy had suggested that she did not mind not marrying a wealthy man, but Ewan could not shake off the sensation that it was his job to at least ensure that she had a comfortable life. If he found her a husband worthy of her affection, and one that she adored too, then he could sort out his own life afterwards.
That way everyone could be happy.
Chapter 30
It did not take Iris long to get back into her routine in the Oakley household. She felt glad to be back by Amy’s side, focusing more on what she needed rather than what Iris needed herself. As it turned out, she was so much better at dealing with the problems of other people than her own. That was much more her comfort zone.
Of course, she did felt a little jittery every now and again but she was sure that had much more to do with the strange moment she had shared in the hallway than anything else. Everything else she felt perfectly happy with. It was only that, and what she should do with it, that caused her even a scrap of trouble.
Still, she was waiting, because she had not yet decided what action was best to take.
"Have you see my brother?” Amy asked pointedly, for what felt the hundredth time. “I have not seen much of him since you returned.”
“I erm... I suppose he has a lot to take care of.” Iris tried to sound disinterested but she could feel her cheeks flaming, giving her away. “He brought a new ship, did he not?”
Amy pouted out her lips, feeling sulky. She would have thought that Ewan would have said something by now, she assumed that her little speech would have encouraged him to make a move when it came to Daisy, but it seemed not. She hoped desperately that he had not changed her mind because she really wanted them to get married, she could think of no one better suited.
“I suppose so.”
Iris spotted sadness in Amy’s eyes, which she mistook for something else. “Do you miss him? I am certain if you wanted to speak with him, he will make time for you.”
“Yes... maybe.”
“Daisy?” Mr. Shipman’s voice caught the attention of both of the girls. “A letter has been delivered for you this morning.”
A letter? Iris did some rapid mental calculations. It had been almost two weeks, which meant it was possible that this mail had come from her sister. Finally, she might be about to get the news that she had been waiting so desperately for.
There certainly was not anyone else that would write to her.
“Thank you,” she gasped as she took the letter from the butler’s hand. “I appreciate it very much.”
The paper burned between her fingers, but she could not open it just yet. There was a chance that sensitive information was written within the pages, so she would have to wait until she was alone.
"Who is that from?" Amy asked nosily. She leaned over, causing Iris to stuff the envelope into her apron pocket. "You can open it here if you like?"
“Oh, it is a letter from my sister, and it may regard our father’s health. I think that is information I would prefer to digest by myself... just in case it is bad news.” Iris felt terrible for using that same lie again, but it was essential. “I hope that you understand.”
“Yes, I suppose so,” Amy shrugged. “I am off to my lesson now anyway, so you may read the letter in peace.”
Iris walked Amy to her classroom, trying to remain composed the entire time. She nodded along as Amy made small talk with her, and she concentrated on breathing steadily, but inside her organs tied themselves up in knots. Elizabeth’s words could make or break everything and she could barely stand the wait.
“If this nice weather holds up, maybe we should go for a walk in the garden this afternoon?” Amy asked cautiously. She was a little afraid that her handmaiden was about to receive terrible news about her father, and she wanted to cheer her up. “Unless you are too busy of course.”
“No, I would like that,” Iris nodded and smiled. “Have a good day, Amy.”
“See you, Daisy.”
Iris stood in the doorway of Amy’s classroom for a moment, watching her friend sit attentively for her governess. In that way, she reminded Iris of Elizabeth. She was always so keen to learn, whereas Iris preferred to spend her time daydreaming. She smiled as the memory of her own childhood washed over her. During her times of bleak sadness, she had forgotten that there were wonderful times. She had enjoyed some of her time as a Warwick.
Right, time to read this letter before it burns a hole in my chest.
She left the tidying of Amy’s room for the time being while she raced down to her own bedroom to have a read, to see what was going on in her family’s lives...
“Daisy!” Alice’s voice made her jump. “How are you? I have not seen much of you since you returned. I miss you.”
“Oh, right.” Iris did not realise how shut off she had become. That was never her intention, it had just occurred naturally. It seemed that while she was trying to work out what she wanted her future identity to be she had closed herself off completely. “I am sorry, I have been very weary and it has been challenging to get back into things.”
“Oh, I see.” Alice looked a
little confused. “I assumed it might be because of your father’s sickness.”
Of course! That explanation was much better. Iris wished she had thought of it on the spot.
Actually, why not go with it anyway?
“Yes, it is that too. I am sure that you understand.”
Iris hung her head low and she allowed a deep sadness to cross her face.
"I am here for you if you need a friend," Alice insisted. "You do not need to suffer this pain alone. I have to get to work now, but I am around later on if you wish to talk then.”
“Of course, thank you, Alice.” Iris was touched by her friend’s kindness. In all her confusion, she had forgotten how well accepted she was here. “I appreciate it very much. I shall see you later on.”
As Alice walked up the stairs, Iris decided that she would make time to see her friends. It was not right that she had pushed them all away. She could not discuss her true issues with anyone, not without being honest about absolutely everything, but having warm, kind people around her would leave her much happier.
And then she was completely alone again, so she tugged the letter out from her pocket and she raced into her bedroom where she could finally see what Elizabeth had to say. She had been waiting for this moment ever since she left her sister’s home...
So why could she not go through with it?
She perched on the edge of her bed and she fingered the paper slowly. It was a high-quality paper, and the handwriting was absolutely beautiful. Elizabeth had clearly taken a very long time to write this. She had even taken care to ensure that there were no signs that this had come from a lady. She had done a fantastic job.
Just open it, Iris scorned herself. What on Earth is wrong with you? It surely cannot say anything too harmful... Elizabeth would have come if it was terrible news. She would want to protect you.
With that one decisive thought in her mind, Iris tore at the envelope and inside she finally received the news.
Dear Daisy,
I hope that you are well. I would love to hear more about your new position in the Oakley household, I hope that you are very happy there.
The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance) Page 23
