I am writing to you to share some news about some people than I feel certain you wish to know about.
Iris’s heart pounded noisily, a thick ball of emotion lodged into her throat, she had to lay the paper down to stop it from shaking violently along with her fingers.
My friend, Iris, is extremely happy in her new marriage. I visited her in the week and she is very pleased with her new life. She feels that her father chose very well for her. She even believes that she might be with child.
Wow! That was more than Iris was expecting, but at least Daisy was happy. She had feared that she might discover that her friend felt trapped in her marriage to the brutish Duke Pembroke and that she thought it was a mistake.
Her sister, Olivia, is also happy to learn that her sister is doing well.
Iris blew out a deep breath of air, she felt her lungs slacken. She needed to know that Olivia was on board. A lot of the plan had hinged on that.
She would like to visit soon though, as I am sure you can imagine. She wants to see her happy sister. I think that we should make it a meeting of all of us, then we can really catch up. The next time you are in the city you should let me know, so we can plan it.
I miss you a lot, but I am glad to hear that you are doing well. I would love to receive a reply from you, even if it is simply an acknowledgement that you have read my correspondence.
Love,
Elizabeth
Iris rolled over and she chuckled to herself. This was perfect, everyone was happy. She could not have received better news! If Daisy loved her marriage and she had a baby in her belly that would get the life he or she deserved, then it was all worth it.
Yes, it made her mind up for her when it came to her identity, she could not tell anyone now that there was an innocent unborn child in the mix, but it did not truly matter. Everyone had gotten what they wanted, everything was right with the world.
With an eagerness overwhelming her, Iris grabbed the pen and paper that she had used to write Daisy a million and one letters during her time here, and she set about writing her reply to Elizabeth.
She just needed to be just as cautious as her sister, on the small chance that the letter might be intercepted.
Dear Elizabeth,
It is wonderful to hear from you; I was very excited to get your letter. I am very pleased to hear how well everyone is doing. It is lovely that Iris is so happy in her marriage, and that she is having a baby. It is what she has always wanted, after all.
I love the idea of meeting up with you, Iris, and Olivia. It has been a very long time since all of us have been together, I am certain that we have much to discuss. I will see when I can make it to the city next so we can arrange this.
As for my job, I am still very happy working in the Oakley household. I enjoy working with Amy, and my chores are fulfilling. I have no issues to complain of.
Iris paused for a moment, wondering if she should write anything about the events with Ewan, but she rapidly decided against it. That was more of a face to face topic if it had to be spoken of at all. Maybe it would become like the dance in the hallway, the sort of thing that would be forgotten because they barely ever spoke of it.
If that was the case, then there was no point in making a fuss. If she told Elizabeth that the Lord had kissed her, she would likely be in a carriage in a heartbeat to see her, to create some unnecessary drama.
No, she would leave it out for now.
I will be in touch soon.,
Daisy.
Iris folded the letter up carefully, before taking it up the stairs to find an envelope to send it in. As she moved through the house, she did so with a happy smile playing on her lips. She could now picture Daisy much more clearly, enjoying her existence in a large mansion, such as this one, being waited on hand and foot, in the way that she deserved. She could see her friend rubbing her pregnant belly, in the same way that Elizabeth did as she confessed the truth, grinning brightly as she looked around at everything she had earned.
It was a lovely image, and Iris was so glad that it was the truth.
“Mr. Shipman, I would like to send out a letter. Can you help me with this?”
As he turned to her and he smiled, Iris recalled a time when this man was her worst nightmare. He made her life hell and she feared him greatly. Maybe he was not her friend, but they had a mutual respect for one another now.
“Yes, Daisy, I will help you. Please, come with me. Is it a reply to the one that you received today?”
“As a matter of fact, it is,” Iris grinned. She wanted to share just a little bit of the good news, so she chose to one subject that she could “I have to congratulate my sister, she is having a baby.”
Chapter 31
Iris could not escape Ewan forever, he was extremely keen to speak with her and in the end, his persistence won out. She couldn't exactly ignore him since he was the lord of the house anyway. When he eventually found her in Amy’s room alone and he requested a moment of her time, she felt compelled to agree.
As she followed him down the hallway to his office she wondered if he would mention the midnight kiss that he stole from her, and if he did she had no idea what she was going to say.
“So, Miss Daisy.” He smiled and perched on the edge of his desk. Iris’s heart instantly sunk, calling her by the name that didn’t really belong to her was a huge reminder that this could never work. “I have been trying to meet with you ever since we returned from the city. I think we need to have a discussion, don’t you?”
“Erm.” Iris fiddled impatiently with the waistband on her apron, cursing herself for allowing things to get so far. “I am not sure; do you really think this is something we need to talk about?” It wasn’t the right thing to do, but it would have been easier for everyone if they could carry on as normal.
Maybe.
“Oh, I think we have much to discuss.” Nothing was going to put Ewan off, he’d wanted to speak with the woman that he loved for far too long. “I would like to start planning our life together.”
Iris's breath balled up in her throat. Ice cold panic shot through her as she tried to work out exactly what this loaded statement meant. Their life together... was he really thinking that they could get married?
Of course, Iris felt touched, how could she not? This Lord had just told her that he’d be willing to give up so many things for her. If Iris truly was Daisy she knew that she’d be very over excited about this happening... but how could she make this man sacrifice his privileges when she wasn’t even being honest about who she was? It just wasn’t right.
“I do not know what you are talking about.” Iris staggered backwards slightly, but she did her best to keep her tone firm. “I think that this is madness. You cannot truly mean what you say.”
Ewan took her shock for pleasant surprise, so he stepped closer to her and he took hold of her delicate, sweet hands. "Daisy, I love you. Of course, I am serious about starting our life together. I want nothing more than to make you my wife."
Tears curled up in the corner of Iris’s eyes. This was too lovely, it felt utterly overwhelming. All she wanted to do was fall into his embrace, she needed him to circle his arms around her and tell her that everything would be alright... but she couldn’t.
She was not Daisy, and there was no getting around it.
“I am sorry, Lord Oakley, but you must forget about me,” she gasped sadly. “I know that we had our moment of attraction, and maybe things went a step too far, but it is not uncommon for young Lords to want to kiss the staff.” Or so she had heard. Iris wasn’t totally sure that was the truth. “I cannot marry you for I am a maid and you are a Lord.”
“That does not matter to me,” Ewan chuckled gleefully. “I do not mind. This is why I worked hard, to marry for love.”
“But what about Amy...?”
“Amy is more than happy for us to get married, I have spoken with her about it.”
Iris tried to picture Ewan and Amy having that conversation she wanted to
imagine how it would go, but her brain had completely shut off and she couldn’t think of anything.
“Yes, but does she understand? Does she know it will affect her too?”
“She knows,” Ewan reassured her warmly. “She knows and she is still happy for us to wed. In fact, she was very enthusiastic about the idea.”
Amy thought that if Iris married Ewan she would be around forever. Iris felt certain that affected her decision more than anything else. Amy assumed that meant she could be her handmaiden even if she was married to her brother, that was all. It was nothing for Iris to get emotional about.
So why were the tears now streaming down her face?
“What if we have children?” Iris found herself clutching at straws. Somehow she needed to put Ewan off the idea of being with her, no matter what it took. “They would be affected by our choices too. It would not be fair to them; they would not be allowed all the privileges that they should get.”
Ewan threw his hands above his head in a carefree, joyful manner. “But they would grow up in a house of love. What could be better than that? I have worked hard enough so they will not go without. Maybe they won’t want to grow up in a world where every move they make is dictated anyway.”
“It does not matter what they want,” Iris replied wryly, knowing all too well. “We all have to do what is expected of us.”
“Not all of us.”
Iris snapped her eyes up to meet Ewan’s as he said that, and for a panicked moment she wondered if that meant he already knew. It would be challenging, but not impossible, for him to find out the truth.
But there wasn’t any accusation behind his eyes, he thought that he’d unravelled all the complications in their complex love story.
How little he knew.
“Is this why you have been avoiding me?” All of a sudden Ewan’s face fell as he got the distinct impression that Daisy did not want him. Had he become so wrapped up in his own feelings that he hadn’t noticed her pulling back? “Is this not what you want?”
Iris paused for just a beat too long, letting Ewan know the truth. She did love him too, she did want all of this, she was just afraid.
Fear, he could cope with. He could easily negotiate that.
"I have not..." At first, Iris was going to deny avoiding Ewan, but then she sighed deeply as she realized there wasn’t any point. He knew, and so did she. “I just do not think this will work.”
“But I love you.” Ewan furrowed his eyebrows at her. “And I believe that you love me. What more is there to worry about?”
I am not who you think, Iris thought in a panic. I am a liar, I switched with the real Daisy and now she is married to the Duke as me.
Oh, how she wanted to say it. She wished that she could find the courage deep within herself to tell him, but she couldn’t stand to see that disappointment on his face.
Nor could she start her love on a lie.
“I am sorry, Lord Oakley.” She shimmied towards the door frame creating a gaping distance between them. “There is just no way. There are too many blocks in the way, too many obstacles to overcome. It would be too much for the both of us. I do not believe that you are anticipating how challenging this will be.”
“Oh, I understand completely.” Ewan did not like the finality in Daisy’s tone. It seemed that she really was about to turn her back on him. In all the outcomes he had pictured in his mind, Daisy saying no to him never even occurred. “I know what we will face, but I do not mind. I am in love with you. I have loved you ever since I first saw you in the Warwick home.”
Warwick. Just another reminder that Iris was a liar. The blocks started weighing so heavily on her shoulders she feared she might crumble under the heaviness of them. Her feet scurried backwards as she tried to make an escape.
“I... I...” she stammered. “I’m sorry, Ewan, I have to...”
With that, she turned and ran. Tears flowed out behind her as she realized that this truly was goodbye. There wasn't any way that she could remain in the Oakley household now, everything that she feared was about to come true.
She could get to Elizabeth for help, but she did not want to. She couldn’t put that pressure on her when she was expecting a child. Maybe she could go to Olivia too, but she knew her sister would find her a burden. Maybe Daisy would help her out, but that left her at far too much of a risk.
No, she would have to go far. Far away from here. Some place where no one would recognize her. She had some wages, it wouldn’t last long but if she used it wisely maybe she could keep herself off the streets. It wouldn’t be easy, but she had to try...
“Daisy,” Amy’s shocked voice called after her as she spotted her friend in a terrible state. “What is going on?”
“I’m sorry.” Iris could barely stand to look at her. After all her promises she was going to let her down anyway. She paused for a moment, but she kept her gaze fixed on the ground. “I did not mean for this to happen. I never wanted to leave you.”
“You’re going?” Amy’s chest tightened. This was not the way that things were supposed to go at all. “But... my brother...”
No, Iris couldn’t hear it again. “I have spoken with your brother, but I cannot stay.”
Amy’s heart stopped beating. She had been planning the most wonderful wedding between Daisy and Ewan, she’d been so excited for her brother to finally tell the woman he loved how he felt about her – even though he’d promised to warm Amy first. She did not for one second think that it would tear everything apart.
“You are leaving?” she gasped in shock. “But why? Where will you go? Why... why do you not want to stay?”
Iris could see the intense plea within Amy’s eyes, but there wasn’t anything that she could do to placate that. There wasn’t any answer she could give that would make this any better.
“I am truly sorry, Amy, I wish that things could be different. I also wish I could explain to you why it has to be this way but I cannot. It is too deep and too tragic. Just know that if there was any other way I would not choose this."
“But I love you,” Amy half wept. “I want you to stay here, even if you won’t marry Ewan. Why can you not remain as my handmaiden?”
“Oh, Amy.” The tears were back; Iris could not stop them. Being adored and needed was such a wonderful feeling. Iris had no idea if she’d be able to find it again, or not. “You will have a family of your own very soon, you will not need me...”
“But you can come with me...”
Iris shook her head firmly. If she was going to leave Ewan behind, then it needed to be a clean break. There couldn't be any link to him ever again or she wouldn't be able to get him out of her mind. If Ewan was always in her thoughts, then she would be a tortured soul forever more.
“Amy, it has to be this way. If it is not, then someone will end up very hurt. I do not want to upset anyone, that has never been my intention.”
Amy hated how gutted this made her feel, she wanted to put an end to it. She wished that she could dive back into her bed so that she could wake up and do this whole day over again, somehow bringing with it a different outcome, but she could not. She raced forwards and flung her arms around her handmaiden, holding her as close to her body as she could.
“I will miss you so, Daisy. I do not want things to be this way.” Her mind spun as she tried to find a way to make things right. “Is there anything you need? Will you want money to get you started?” Amy did not have direct access to money, but she’d find a way if she needed to. “I will do what I can, I do not like the idea of you out there alone.”
Iris did not answer Amy, instead, her gaze was fixed over her shoulder as she saw Ewan standing at the other end of the hallway, panting heavily like he’d been chasing after her.
Even though she had directly rejected him, still he was not ready to give up. That hurt Iris more than anything else, she hated that sadness in his eyes, it killed her that she had put it there, she wished she could make it right.
“Daisy, p
lease?” he begged. “Do not go like this. At least explain.”
She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. But she did owe him that much, didn’t she?
Chapter 32
Iris stood across from Ewan in his bed chambers wondering what on Earth she was doing in this man’s bedroom. He was not her husband, she had already told him that she would never become his wife... but she was standing next to his bed regardless.
Iris tried her best not to look at anything in too much depth, she didn’t really want to acknowledge anything, but she couldn’t help noticing the warmth of the browns and beige colours that he had decorating the place.
“I am sorry to bring you here,” Ewan told her a little stiffly. “I just feel that we need to have a candid conversation where there is absolutely no risk of us being overheard. Do you agree?”
“Yes,” Iris whispered.
There was no escaping it now. Ewan had absolutely no intention of letting her go unless he found out the truth. Iris desperately hoped and prayed that he cared enough about her to keep the truth to himself. If he learned how many other people would be impacted by the secret getting out, maybe that would stop him.
“Alright, now, Daisy. I would love to know what is really going on here.” He paced the room with his arms tucked neatly behind his back. “It is obvious that there is something I do not know, and I only believe it is fair that everything is shared with me before we put an end to this forever.”
His lips pursed tightly together and stress etched his expression. Clearly, he was doing his best to keep his cool while Iris finally confessed the truth.
She sucked in a deep, shaky breath. Here goes nothing.
“Well, first off my name is not Daisy.” She expected Ewan to blow up at that, she even winced a little, but Ewan simply nodded as if he’d guessed that much himself. “Erm.” Iris assumed the next part would not go down quite so easily. “I am also not low-born."
“What do you mean?” Ewan demanded quickly. “Did your family fall on hard times?”
The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance) Page 24
