Iris knew this happened far more often than was spoken about in polite society, which would have made it a much better explanation than the truth.
“Not exactly. Maybe you should take a seat." Ewan remained defiantly standing, if she wasn't going to sit, then neither would he. "Please, just listen to me, hear me out before you react. I do not want you to panic before you hear everything.”
She murdered her husband, Ewan’s mind instantly went into overdrive. She is on the run from the law, I have been harbouring a criminal for all this time... falling in love with her like an idiot.
“I am Iris Warwick.”
“What?” Ewan actually laughed as she blurted that out. “But you cannot be. I met Iris Warwick, at the ball. She recently wed the Duke who she met there.”
“No.” Iris tried to keep some control over her voice, but it shook regardless. “That was Daisy. I am Iris.”
Ewan finally collapsed into a sitting position on his bed while he tried to wrap his head around this. It sounded like a very obvious lie, but it was a dangerous one to spin. The woman he loved was intelligent, she knew how much trouble she could get herself into...
Intelligent. He looked up at Daisy in shock. Maybe she was too intelligent to be uneducated. Some of the things that she knew could’ve only come from formal learning. But that means...
“Please explain this to me,” he begged. “I do not understand any of it.”
“No, I am not surprised you do not understand, it is a very complex situation.” Iris nodded slowly as she tried to figure out the best place to start. “When my mother passed away, I did not know what to do with myself, I felt like I could not cope without her in my life. She truly was my everything, and I became consumed with sadness.”
Yes, Ewan knew this. He had not heard much about Iris Warwick, only that depression kept her in her room. He had been shocked to learn that any man would be willing to marry such a difficult woman...
But the woman standing before him did not seem challenging at all. She was like a rich breath of fresh air. It made no sense.
“My maid, Daisy, quickly became my best friend. She knew everything about me as we spent most of our time together. She... understood more than anyone else why I got so upset about my father’s dying wish for me to marry the Duke.” Iris smiled a little to herself at the memory. “She saw that I hadn’t experienced enough life to wed some man I did not like. I do not know if you have heard, but the Duke also has a reputation for a bit of a brutish man.”
“I... I do not know.” Ewan was never one to pay much attention to rumours, they did not interest him.
“I knew that I would be desperately unhappy, that I would never love someone chosen for me, so the idea for the switch came around.”
“The switch?” Ewan said scathingly. “You and your maid switched places?”
“It was never supposed to be a permanent thing,” Iris tried to reassure him. "We did not want to fool anyone or hurt any feelings. I just felt happier and freer as a maid, and Daisy found a love for being a lady. It just... it happened. I suppose it spiralled out of control.”
Ewan thumped his fists down on the bed beneath him, he could not believe what he was hearing. “So you thought you would bring your little charade into my house? You thought you would fool me of all people? Is that why you danced with me at the ball? Were you looking for someone to work for?”
“I did not even know that the switch would remain permanent then.” Iris understood his rage, she would be angry too, but she did not like the way he kept trying to taint that beautiful moment as something it wasn’t. “I did not know it would be your home when I arrived.”
“So who invited you here?” Iris zipped her lips tight, there was no way she wanted to get anyone else into trouble. “Does your cousin not work for me? Victoria?”
“Please, please, please.” Iris flew at Ewan and she grabbed onto both of his hand while she begged. “Do not blame Victoria for this, she only agreed because Daisy begged her. She just wanted to make two people happy. I never meant...”
Suddenly she trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence, so Ewan took it upon himself to do it for her. “You never meant for me to love you, I see.”
Iris could not contain it any longer, she needed to share her feelings, especially as there would never be another chance. “I love you too,” she whispered. “So very much. That is why everything has been so difficult, I never wanted anyone to get hurt.”
Ewan pulled himself up off the bed and he wrapped his arms around Iris to claim her in a deep, sensual kiss. There was nothing chaste about this one, all the passion that they felt for one another came flying out. Desperation burned off of Ewan and Iris was boiling with shame and heartbreak.
This was it for them, their one chance at real love, and Iris’s real identity had been the thing to destroy them.
“If only you were you,” Ewan panted against her passion bruised lips. “None of this would be so hard.”
Iris wasn’t sure if he meant you as in Iris Warwick or Daisy Jones, it hardly mattered now. Nothing mattered anymore.
“I am truly sorry,” she gasped as he held her for just a few seconds longer. “I wish I could be me, I wish this had not ever happened.”
“But if it had not,” Ewan replied knowingly. “Then we would never have met. You would be wed to the Duke. Ironically the only thing that brought us together will now tear us apart.”
Iris paused for a second, before asking a question that only came out of her mouth because she felt irrational and crazy after that kiss. Every argument she’d ever given herself still stood, she was just having some trouble remembering them.
“Does it have to?”
“I am not sure,” Ewan admitted. “It feels like if we want our happiness then others will lose theirs.” He could see all the potential issues very quickly. “We could be together as Daisy and Ewan, but I fear people might find out the truth. Then you and I will also affect Amy, Daisy and the Duke, your sister...” He paused as the thought just hit him. “Your sister. That was her house we stopped outside in the city. Your father, he is not even dying.”
Iris cringed as all her lies worked their way around her. “No, he is already dead.”
Everything caught up with Ewan, he suddenly realized just how deep this web of lies ran. This was no longer just one small lie spinning out of control, it was lots of lies, and they just kept on going.
“I thought that you were losing your father.” He stepped back, processing all the information he’d just been given. He could not believe that he has kissed Daisy... no, Iris – that would take some getting used to – after this. “I felt truly terrible for you. I thought you were this sweet, innocent girl who I could easily love, but everything about you is false; your name, your age, your family status... how could I ever trust you again?”
“My feelings were real.”
“But you never were.” Ewan gave Iris a burning look which chilled her to the bone. “You weren’t real at all.”
Iris has been expecting this sort of reaction, it made sense of Ewan to go mad, but it still hurt to see rage rolling off of him in waves.
“I know that you are angry,” she spoke calmly. “But please, keep this a secret. I know you must hate me, but as you said there are so many other people who will be affected by the truth. People who do not deserve this. My sisters, my uncle, my nephews, the Duke...”
“Oh, now you care about the Duke?” Ewan hated himself for being nasty, but he was just so angry. He hated knowing that he’d been duped so easily, it did not speak well for his character. “The man that you were so desperate to avoid that you caused all of this.”
“I know.” Iris hung her head in shame. “But he does not deserve all the negativity that he will receive. It is not fair.”
“But it is fair to me and my family?” Ewan felt impassioned, he had never done anything wrong, why should he be the one in so much pain?
“No, I did not say that...”
Iris felt terrible, she was not explaining herself as she wanted to at all. All she needed to do was find the right words, but Ewan did not have enough patience left to allow her to speak.
“Daisy, Iris, whatever your name is, I suggest you do not leave yet if you do not want this to get out. I need to think, to work out what to do, and I cannot make a decision if you are nowhere to be found.”
Half of Iris wanted to run away, to escape this horrible tension, but the other half of her was glad that she’d been given a little more time. The less of her life spent working on the streets, the better. This would not be a pleasant night, but she would have a roof over her head.
“Yes, whatever you want.”
Ewan’s head fell into his hands and Iris could almost hear him stifling a sob. She hated knowing that all the pain he was currently suffering was entirely her fault. It also hurt to know that she couldn’t go to him, to comfort him.
He wanted her to stay, but he also wanted her to go. He wanted to know where she was, but he did not want her anywhere near him while he worked out what all of this meant.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated herself one final time. “I never meant to hurt you, the last thing I want is for you to feel bad.”
But it was too late for that now, he felt awful. Much as she did not want to, Iris had to give him space, so she twisted her body around and she forced herself to leave. Her future was in Ewan’s hands now, she just had to wait.
Chapter 33
Iris waited outside Amy’s bedroom for her to wake up, hopping anxiously from foot to foot while anticipation raced right through her system rapidly. Of course, she had not been able to get any sleep, but she had absolutely no exhaustion in her system at all.
She wasn’t sure what Ewan expected her to do while she remained under his roof, but she could not sit still and wait for things to happen around her. She needed to carry on as normal until something dramatic changed. Especially if she did not want anyone else to discover what was going on.
Well, as normal as she could be, while also constantly checking on Victoria. The moment her saviour lost her job, she would know. Then she would be certain that she should have escaped. She hated that someone so innocent had been endangered by her. It was not fair.
Iris bit down on her fingernails, she paced outside the door, her feet twitched impatiently with nerves. Of everything that she’d ever had to wait for in her entire life, this was officially the worst. It made her anxious down to the marrow in her bone.
The moment Iris heard movement in Amy’s room she entered. She didn’t have time for her Lady to wake up, she owed her an explanation as well and she needed to get it out quickly before she fell apart completely.
“Miss Amy, how are you this morning?” she asked in a garbled tone of voice. “Is there anything I can do for you? What do you need?” Her words were getting away from her, she had lost all control of her mouth. “Just let me know, whatever it is...”
“You are still here.” Amy’s chest swelled with glee. “I cannot believe it, I am so happy, I feared you might leave.”
“No.” Iris hung her head in shame. “I am still here.”
Amy twisted her body until her feet hit the floor, and almost immediately something caught her attention. There was a white envelope sitting on her dressing table that had not been there the night before. She pushed herself upright and padded across the carpet.
“What’s this?” she asked quietly as she fiddled with it between her fingers. She recognized her brother’s handwriting, but not the name written across it. “Who is Iris?”
Iris nodded slowly. Ewan knew her movements well, he understood that she would come and see Amy first. She was not sure if this was a way to make her confess to Amy, or if he simply knew that she would.
"I am," she breathed. "My name is not Daisy Jones, it is, in fact, Iris Warwick." Iris waited, to see if there would be any recognition, but she remained very blank. "I am not who I say, I am not even a maid. I am, in fact, a lady."
“So... why would you pretend otherwise?” In Amy’s mind, this made things even more confusing. If Daisy, or Iris, had a title, then surely it was even more likely that she could marry her brother without any issues. “I do not understand.”
“I ran away.” Iris decided to give the short version of events this time. She wanted Amy to know the truth, but not all of it. If she kept telling everyone everything, then sooner or later reality would be revealed and everyone would be affected anyway. “I left home to escape a situation that I did not want to be in. I came here to work, to earn an honest living. I did not mean for everything that happened afterwards.”
“So, you cannot be yourself or people will come looking for you?”
“Yes.” Iris was glad that Amy was starting to understand. “That is right.”
Amy paused for such a long moment that Iris prepared herself to be kicked out of her bedroom. If only she hadn’t fallen in love, she could’ve kept up this new life that made her really happy forever more.
“I suppose you better read the letter then.” Amy finally shot her a smile. “Let us find out what Ewan has to say.”
“You are not angry?” Iris asked quietly.
“Of course not, D... Iris.” Amy knotted her eyebrows together for a moment while she tried to get her head around that. “Sorry, it might take me a while to get used to your new name.”
“I do not mind you calling me Daisy. I have lived a very happy life as Daisy.”
“I do not mind,” Amy reiterated. “I understand that things happen, that there are sometimes things that need to be escaped. I am just glad that you came here, that is all.”
Iris tore at the envelope with a hammering heart. She had absolutely no idea why Ewan would leave her a message in written form rather than speaking to her face to face, but it seemed that she was about to find out.
Dear Iris,
Iris ran her finger over his cursive script. Ewan had taken the time to write this carefully, which had to mean the contents were very important. Iris was not sure how she knew, but she felt certain that this would be bad news.
I am sorry to leave you now, but as I am sure you can imagine I have a lot to get my head around. I need space and time to think things through.
Please, do not worry, your secret is safe with me, I am not considering revealing the information to anyone, I simply need to work out what it means for me. And you. For us.
Iris's heart beat faster, she could almost taste blood in her mouth. In a way, this was very good news, but in another, it was absolutely terrible. If Ewan was not here, then how could she make things right?
I would appreciate it if you stay while I am away, it would give me great comfort to know that you are still in my home for me to speak with, regarding my decision. My feelings for you have not changed.
He still loved her? That provided Iris with more comfort than she thought possible. If Ewan still loved her then they could somehow, maybe work things out, couldn’t they?
I hope that your feelings have not changed either, or that you feel less of me for needing this space.
Less of him? Iris completely understood, even if she did not like it.
Amy will take care of you, of that I am sure.
Kind regards,
Lord Ewan Oakley.
Iris did not need to reiterate what had been written to Amy because she had been reading over her shoulder. Upon finishing, Amy rubbed a reassuring hand all over her shoulder.
“So, what do we do now?” Amy asked. “Of course I will take care of you, but what should we do?”
Iris folded the paper up carefully and she tucked it into her pocket. “I suppose we carry on as normal. I continue being your handmaiden, we act like nothing has changed, that way no one will suspect.”
Amy nodded. "Right, I see. It will be strange now though. I do not know if I will be able to see you, in the same way, knowing that you are a Lady."
“In all truthfulness, I never felt like a Lady. I feel much
better being useful, I truly enjoy being your handmaiden.”
Iris picked up a brush and she dragged it through Amy’s hair. She could do ‘business as normal’ it made a lot of sense. Everything else was out of her control, so instead of losing herself in that like she would have done once upon a time, Iris found it much more practical to focus on what she did have power over.
“Can I ask you something?” Amy started quietly, sounding about as shy as she was when Iris first met her.
“Of course, I will answer anything if I can.” Iris had learned the hard way that honesty felt so much better than lying, even if the lie was an essential one.
“Why did you run away? What were you trying to escape from?”
“A man,” Iris replied quietly. “I did not want to get married to the man my father had picked out for me.”
“And... he did not listen to your concerns?”
“It was written in his will.” Iris gulped as she recalled Ewan’s reaction to that particular lie. “I am sorry that I was not truthful about my father dying. I needed to speak with my sister to let her know that I am safe.”
“Oh, I see.” Amy did not seem as troubled by this as her brother was. “That is alright. So, you could escape your marriage in any other way?”
“Do not worry about yourself,” Iris did her best to reassure Amy. “I am certain your brother will give you much more freedom.”
They continued to get Amy dressed in an almost silence while they both thought things through. Amy looked at her life through a new lens, she was starting to realise just how lucky she was. She did not have anything excessive thrust upon her, and she felt certain that her brother would allow her to pick her own husband. Maybe it was a good thing that Iris had come into her life, it made her see how different things could have been.
She had always felt sorry for herself, having no parents, but things could have been so much worse.
Iris’s nerves were grinding, but she had managed to push them to the back while she concentrated on each task at hand: pull on dress, tie up hair, get Amy ready.
The Duke of My Heart (Regency Romance) Page 25
