by Marie Tuhart
“If I’d known you were going to act like a jealous ass, I wouldn’t have helped you.” Helen set her fork down and touched his hand. “I only agreed to help you because I thought it would make Nicki happy.”
“She was, until I screwed up.” Adam hated admitting it, but it was the truth, and it was time he faced up to it. He was going to lose her again if he didn’t clean up his act. Helen was right. He’d acted like a jealous ass today, and he was ashamed. All he wanted to do was be a better man for Nicki, to be a husband, and a Dom she could be proud of.
He turned to Helen. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve made a mess of things.”
“You took responsibility for the mess.” Helen cocked her head.
“Yes.” Another first for him.
He’d explained to the security personnel what happened, apologized to the kid, and everything had been straightened out. Except for Nicki. She wouldn’t let him near her, and he had no one to blame but himself.
“I can’t lose her again.” He drew back in shock. He was admitting out loud he could lose her? His gut tightened. He didn’t want his marriage to fail. But he’d already failed as a husband, so what could he expect?
“Put the caveman routine into deep freeze,” Helen advised.
“I’ll try.” His protective instincts where Nicki was concerned outweighed his common sense.
He glanced over at Nicki’s table. She was smiling at her dinner companions, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes and a hint of sadness lined her face. He didn’t want to see the level of sadness on her face ever again. Yet he had put it there. He mentally kicked himself.
He would apologize to her for what had happened. It would be some time before dinner would be finished, and there was no guarantee Nicki would even talk to him.
If she didn’t talk to him tonight, he’d try tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that, until she talked to him. They were on the same flight later tonight, sitting next to each other if she didn’t change her seat. So he might just have a shot at this.
He was also her ride from the airport back to the set. More time for him to make his case. He could only pray she’d listen.
****
“Damn it, Nicki. I’ve apologized. What else do you want me to say?” Adam asked as they drove from the airport back home later Sunday night.
They were back to square one. He’d lost his head at the convention, created a scene, and someone had snapped a picture of him holding the pimpled-faced kid by the shirt collar and posted it to the Web. Social media could be a bitch.
“I don’t want you to say anything.”
Well, at least that was better than the one word answers she’d been giving him.
“I know I was an ass and created the problem.” He let his gaze drift from the road to her for just a moment.
He knew people called him Stoneface. If they could see Nicki now, she would claim his nickname. She stared out the windshield, her jaw clenched and her muscles tight.
“Talk to me, sweetheart.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” She gripped her hands together in her lap.
They couldn’t talk this out if he was driving. Adam pulled the car to the side of the two-lane highway. “Get what?” he asked, turning off the engine.
“When are you going to learn that my scream queen persona has nothing to do with me as a person? It’s a role I play. It’s what people expect when I make a personal appearance. They’re expecting Nicki the Scream Queen, not Nicki the everyday woman.”
“I know that.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’m a jealous ass, but I’m aware you are very different from the character you play.”
“Then why did you attack that kid?”
“I didn’t…” But he had. “I can only say I’m sorry. But you had to see the way the kid was undressing you with his eyes. I lost it, my dominant side leaped out.” Jealousy had burst out of him when the kid snagged Nicki around the waist without asking. No one had the right to do that—except maybe him.
“So your answer to being inappropriate—to a situation which I was handling by the way—was to pick him up and shove him against the wall.”
“I didn’t like the way he was leering at you.” Remembering the kid pulling his wife close, Adam’s fingers tightened around the steering wheel.
“It’s nothing that hasn’t happened before.” She took a deep breath. “If we’re going to work on our marriage, you’ll have to get used to it and stop acting like a jerk.”
“When did it…?” His voice trailed off as her words registered. “Our marriage.”
She placed her fingers over his on the steering wheel. “Yes, our marriage. I can’t go through this again.”
“What, this?” He turned his palm up, and their fingers entwined. Hope and dread flared through him. He had to find a balance within himself so he could win his wife back.
“Your jealousy.”
“Nicki—”
“Don’t.” She tightened her fingers. “I’m married to you, Adam. You have to trust me to take care of myself and let me ask for help when I need it.”
“I can do that.”
“Can you really?”
He hesitated. Of course, he could. Couldn’t he?
“Your silence tells me you aren’t sure.” She removed her hand, and he missed her warmth.
He reached for her, but she shied back. He dropped his hand, curling his fingers into his palm. Her rejection hit him hard in his gut.
“Nicki, it’s my job as your Dominant to protect you.”
“When I need it, yes, I agree. But you have to let me be the judge when I need it.” She took a deep breath. “I’m not talking if I’m about to be hit by a bus or something that drastic. I can handle my fans; I’ve always been able to.” Her fingers tapped her chin. “This isn’t negotiable. If you can’t trust me to know when I need help and when I need to ask you for your help, then we’re better off getting a divorce.” She turned and stared out the window.
Adam didn’t know what to say. Maybe because he never thought about it the way she was talking about it.
“I want to say I’m sorry, but that isn’t a good answer.” He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel. “It’s been drummed into me since I was little to take care of a woman, that women needed protecting no matter what.” Nicki wasn’t weak, but yet his urge to protect what was his was strong and instinctive.
Nicki didn’t respond.
Instead of arguing and creating more tension between them, he started the car and pulled back onto the road. When had trust become an issue between them? It happened when he, like an idiot, had walked out on her after the loss of their child. His actions had caused this breach in trust. Now, he had to get it back.
His fingers rubbed the scar on his face. The scar that reminded him of his father telling him that since he was no longer perfect, maybe women wouldn’t want him as much. How many times before Nicki entered his life had women left him because he wasn’t the perfect face they wanted in their lives? But Nicki had never treated him any differently.
So, why couldn’t he trust her to take care of herself?
****
Nicki stared out into the darkness. Her mind was in such turmoil. Well, she’d gotten to part of their issues. Adam didn’t trust her to take care of herself and probably never would. His jealousy wasn’t just about protecting her from fans, either. It reared its ugly head every time she had an interaction with another male. She’d never give him cause to doubt her, but he still did. It was stifling.
His jealousy was a tangible thing between them. Maybe he didn’t understand her brand of friendship. There were hugs and kisses between her and Chris, but Chris was like a brother to her. Kisses were always on the cheeks and nothing like what she and Adam shared.
She peeked at him out of the corner of her eye. He was fingering his scar. She didn’t care about his scar; she loved him for more than his face. She’d fallen in love with a man who had laughed off her nervousnes
s on their first date and kept her from making a complete fool of herself.
That same man would surprise her by showing up on the set of her latest movie and take her to lunch. There were also those stolen hours they’d spent in her dressing room. That same man had courted her, had made her feel as if she were the most important thing in his life. She recalled their shared love of old movies, long walks, and just hanging out with each other. If they were apart, he’d send her cards, flowers, and seductive lingerie. And once they were back together…they’d have extended time alone in their bed.
She frowned. What had caused Adam to stop doing those things? What made him stop loving her? Why did he stop trusting her to take care of herself? Was it because she lost the baby? She placed her head against the cool window. She still loved him. There was no question about it. No matter how hard she tried to stop, she couldn’t. He was under her skin and in her heart. However, they needed to talk about the baby and his crazy jealousy. The only question was how.
****
Two weeks later, Nicki shifted her position on the blanket where she sat with Michael, trying to get this scene right.
“Cut,” Adam yelled.
“It’s about damn time,” Michael said as he sprang off the ground, holding his hand out to Nicki.
“Thanks,” she whispered. Her legs were half-asleep from sitting on the blanket for so long. “Whose idea was this?” She stomped her feet, trying to get some feeling back into them.
“It’s a beautiful day. And you’re looking better than you have in a while,” Michael observed.
“Oh, so I look like a hag.” She grinned at Michael. Last night, she’d finally slept all night, and it had helped erase some the dark bags under her eyes.
“Yes, you did, but not today.”
She punched Michael in the arm.
“Ouch.” He rubbed the spot while grinning at her.
“Don’t agree with me.” The hair on her neck stood up.
Adam was behind her. Since they arrived back from the convention, her senses were even more attuned to him than before. She was constantly aware of where he was and when he was close.
“Waiting for the light to change is going to take some time. You might as well go relax in your trailers,” Adam said.
“Good idea.” Nicki made her way around him and to her trailer. Twenty minutes later, a knock sounded. Great, the light has already changed. She’d be happy to get the scene done, but she’d hoped for a little more time to rest. “Come in,” she yelled.
“Why aren’t you resting?” Adam asked, stepping into the trailer.
“It’s only been twenty minutes.” She stared at him. His eyes were tinged with tiredness and frown marks marred his forehead.
“Well, you have the rest of the day off.”
“What happened?”
“I’m delaying filming this scene again.” He ran a hand through his hair. “The clouds are coming in, and two of the cameras are on the fritz. Plus, the extras I need for the next couple of scenes won’t be here for a few days.” He sat down on one side of the L-shaped sofa and rested his elbows on his knees. “I can’t believe the delays we’re having.”
“It’s not your fault.” She sat down on the other side. Unable to stop herself, she took his hands in hers in comfort. “These things happen on all films.”
“Not mine.”
That was true. No matter what, all of Adam’s films finished on time and under budget.
“It will take the rest of the day to get the new cameras from Portland. I can’t believe we don’t have extra cameras.”
Adam sounded defeated and not at all like himself. And she didn’t like it one bit. Maybe they both needed to get away for the day. Maybe this was the cosmos telling her it was time for them to talk. Really talk. “Why don’t we take a drive up the coast?”
“What?” His brows dipped down in a frown.
“You know, drive. You do remember how.”
His lips turned up. “I thought you wanted to keep our relationship to a minimum.”
She did, but it wasn’t working. “If you think that’s working, please tell me how.”
“It’s that obvious, huh.”
“Yes. I’m getting comments of how good we look together.” Plus, just one glance from him, and she went up in flames. No matter how many times she told herself that without Adam’s trust and without him being willing to communicate, they were better off apart, all it took was one look from him. Her feelings for him were not fading; they were only growing stronger. He’d trust her again. In her heart, she was aware he was willing to work on their marriage.
“So, what do you say to the drive?” she asked.
“Pack a bag and meet me at the house in ten minutes.” He stood.
“Wait,” she yelled as he walked toward the door. “I didn’t agree to an overnight.”
“It will be more fun that way.” Adam bounded down the stairs and out of her trailer. Nicki wondered what the hell she had just agreed to.
Chapter Seven
“Do you want me to put the top up?” Adam yelled over the roar of the ocean, wind, and road noise as they pulled out onto the highway.
“No, it’s wonderful.” Nicki grinned at him, enjoying the feel of wind in her hair and against her skin.
He smiled and returned his attention to the road.
It had taken almost an hour to leave the set, and when Adam had brought out the restored, red convertible Mustang, her heart had melted. She was a sucker for the classic vehicle.
“Why did you cut your hair?” he asked.
She absently fingered her above shoulder hair cut. She turned in her seat to face him as much as she could with the seatbelt on. “I needed a change.” She’d kept her hair long when they were married, well below her shoulders. But after the baby, she need to make a change, and her hair was something easy.
“Because of me?” he pressed.
Nicki laid her hand on his thigh. “No. I needed to see myself differently. Cutting my hair was the easiest way to do that. Besides, it will grow back.”
“You could cut it all off and you’d still be beautiful.” He covered her hand with his and gave it a squeeze.
“I…” Her voice trailed off. His touch could still take her breath away.
He kept his gaze on the road, and Nicki watched his face. What was he thinking? His features tightened, his breathing a little more ragged. Something wasn’t right.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing.”
“Bull.” She yanked her hand back. “Pull the car over. Now.”
Adam followed her command and pulled the car over to the side of the road, surprising Nicki. He shut off the engine, and his labored breathing filled the air.
“What is it?” she asked, unclipping her seat belt and facing him.
He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed his eyes, his breathing rapid.
Nicki kept her gaze on him, waiting, hoping he could open up to her.
“Easy, Adam.” She stroked the back of his hand where it clenched on the steering wheel.
“I’m sorry.” The words rushed from him in a tortured breath.
“For what?” She kept stroking his skin to keep contact with him. He was trying to communicate. She wanted that so much but disliked the tortured look on his face.
“I’m just sorry.”
“Hey.” She cupped his cheek and turned his face. The desolation in his eyes made her heart clench. “Breathe, honey.”
His muscles were tense, and while she didn’t understand what he was apologizing for, and she really didn’t care. He was trying to express himself.
While she wanted to know what he was feeling right at this moment, it wasn’t as important as he was. She’d done a lot of thinking over the past weeks and finally had come to a decision. She couldn’t go on without Adam in her life. She would have to learn to trust her heart and body to him, and he’d need to have faith in her personal decisions. It would be ha
rd, but she wanted this.
Her gaze didn’t waver from his face. With each breath he took, his tense muscles loosened, and he didn’t look so desolated.
“How you doing?” she asked.
“Better.” His fingers lifted her chin. His muscles relaxed and the tense lines of his face eased and smoothed. Oh, that was so much better.
“You said you were sorry,” she whispered.
“Yes, because I am. And because I want to be a better husband. A better Dom.”
Her heart melted. He was trying so hard, and she appreciated him taking the effort to talk to her. His fingers tightened on her chin.
“You are so beautiful, you know that?” His lips brushed hers. “I want you so much.”
Her nipples tightened, and her breasts grew heavy in anticipation of Adam’s brand of lovemaking. “I want you, too.” She leaned closer to him as her palms slid up his chest, preparing to unbutton his shirt. She wanted to show him she cared, that she did want him back in her life and her bed.
“Not here,” he whispered against her ear.
“Why not?” Her nails traced the skin above his shirt.
“Because…”
“Excuse me, folks,” a heavy male voice intruded.
Nicki lifted her head. An Oregon State Patrol officer stood beside the car. “Sorry, officer.” Nicki scrambled to her side of the car, wanting nothing more than to hide her face in her hands.
“My apologies, officer. My wife and I haven’t been alone in a while.” Adam’s voice was steady, but there was a slight tremor in his hand as he reached for his wallet.
“There’s a motel not too far up the road.” The officer glanced over at Nicki. “It would be better than the side of the highway. Have a good day, and drive safely.” The officer turned and trudged back to his vehicle.
When Adam pulled back onto the roadway, Nicki burst out laughing.
“What is so darn funny?” he asked.
“Us.” She scooted next to him and laid her arm around his shoulders. “I’ve never been caught necking in a car before.”
