by Marie Tuhart
“Nicki?”
Her heart lightened for a moment, thinking Adam had returned, until she saw Michael poke his head in the door. His dark hair was mussed from the slight wind outside. His expression filled with concern.
“Hey, Michael.” She hid her disappointment and motioned for him to enter.
“I saw Adam storm off. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. I just saw you run off the set, and I was worried.”
“Kelsey is such a lucky woman.”
Michael grinned. “She likes you, and so do I.” He looked down at the bear with a puzzled look.
She stood, put the bear back on the shelf, and faced Michael. “I guess we better get back to work.”
“Don’t want to talk about it? Okay, I can take a hint.”
“Yes, you can.” Nicki pushed Michael out of the trailer. “You’re a good man.” She kissed him on the cheek before they walked back to the set.
****
“I’m going to look at the rushes,” Adam said that night after they’d finished dinner.
Nicki bit her lip. The walk Adam took solved nothing, and his temper had been in full force this afternoon. She’d barely held on to her own temper.
“Adam, stay and let’s talk.”
“I have work to do.” He stood and marched toward the door.
“Please don’t walk out on me.” She stood. She’d barely made it through the afternoon’s filming, but they really needed to talk about what happened. He was bottling everything up again.
“Is that an ultimatum?” His voice was dangerously soft.
“A request.” She held her breath.
After a long minute, he answered, “Let’s be comfortable.” His voice was steady, but she’d caught a flash of emotion on his face. He gestured toward the living room.
Stunned by his acceptance, she walked over to him. He cupped her elbow, and she allowed him to guide her to the sofa. She sat on the edge of the forest-green sofa. Adam sat at the other end.
“I want to explain about today.” She had to use the direct approach. Maybe then they could get past this. She was fighting to keep her emotions in check.
“No need to explain.”
“I think there is.” She took a deep breath. “I needed to talk about our baby.”
“I know.” Adam leaped off the sofa and escaped across the room to gaze out the window.
“Please, Adam. We need to finish clearing the air.” She fought not to let the tears filling her eyes spill over. Crying wouldn’t help.
“I can’t.” His words were soft, but she heard them.
She approached him with caution. His back was to her, so she slid her arms around his waist and hugged him. With her breasts pressing into his back, she rested her head between his shoulder blades. “I know how hard this is.”
His solid muscles beneath her made every nerve in her body come alive. He laid his hands over hers.
“Nothing we say can or will bring our baby back.” His voice was just above a whisper.
“True, but maybe it will help us complete the grieving process.”
“And make us forget.”
“No!” Her arms tightened around him. “The baby will always be a part of us. We created him out of love.” It had taken her a month before she could bring herself to look at the ultrasound they had done at twenty weeks, right before she lost the baby.
“Him?” His fingers ran lightly up and down her arms where they held him around his waist.
“I finally looked at the ultrasound. We were going to have a little boy.”
“I like the idea of having a son. Hopefully, he would have had your temperament.”
“And his father’s looks.” Adam stiffened beneath her hold. Damn it, when was he going to get over the scar on his face?
His fingers curled around her wrist. He pried her arms from around him and stepped away from her embrace, putting some physical distance between them. “I’m going to look at the rushes now.”
“But—” She’d barely gotten the word out when he stomped out of the room. There went her high hopes. Nicki stared at his retreating back and let out a sigh. Why did she keep trying? Because Adam was starting to open up to her, but not enough, and they couldn’t keep going on this way otherwise it would destroy them both.
****
Nicki slid the zipper of her overnight bag closed a week later. Chris had called her two night ago. Miralar wanted to push up the meeting with her about her designs. It gave her the excuse she needed to leave the set and put some space between her and Adam.
“When will you be back?” Adam asked.
“Tomorrow afternoon.”
Since their talk, Adam had clammed up more than ever before. The only time he seemed to open up was in bed. She needed a man in and out of bed. This was how their marriage had deteriorated before. She couldn’t go through it again.
“Call if you’re going to be late.” He took the bag from her hand when she started for the door.
“I will.” She hated this sterile conversation. She’d rather fight than have forced politeness between them. They walked downstairs and out the front door to wait for the car to be brought around.
“Nicki.” He set her bag down and drew her into his arms. “I’ll miss you.”
She laid her head against his chest, soaking up his warmth and strength. She couldn’t go on this way anymore. “I’ll be moving back into my trailer when I return.”
She had to blurt that out now, didn’t she?
“What?” He pushed her to arm’s length, confusion making him frown.
“I can’t go on like this, Adam.”
His features froze. “Like what?”
“This cold, sterile life. I need more.”
“Fine.” His voice was devoid of any emotion and his face was wiped of any feelings.
Anger hit her, and her control snapped. “I’m so glad you can take this so calmly.” She wrenched out of his arms. Her heart was heavy. Their marriage was over.
“It’s your decision.”
“My decision.” Her voice rose, and she poked him in the chest. “You have no idea how hard this is for me. To lay there night after night after night next to your stiff body, feeling as if you’re afraid to touch me. We have sex, but during the day, there is nothing but coldness flowing from you. Sex apparently is all you can share with me.” Her tirade stopped as the limo pulled up. “While I’m gone, think about what you’re doing to us.” She grabbed her bag and turned to the car.
Adam stepped around her and into her path. She glanced at him. He leaned down and took her lips in a hot, hard, possessive kiss. His tongue thrust into her mouth as he pulled her close. Her bag hit the ground. Her fingers curled into her palms so she wouldn’t entwine her arms around his neck. His kiss continued, and she fought with everything she had not to react to his scorching kiss. She hated not reacting to him, but she had to fight. For her own self-preservation.
It took all her strength, but she jerked back and pushed him away. Without a word, she picked up her bag, stepped around him and climbed into the waiting limo.
****
“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” Chris asked later in the evening as they sat at the hotel’s outdoor restaurant, his green eyes filled with concern.
“Whatever could be wrong?” The meeting with Miralar had gone off without a hitch. She had a new job once the filming was over. Now, if she could only be happy about it…
“Nicki.” Chris cradled her hand in his. “Don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Close me out.”
“I don’t mean to, it’s just—” She broke off as tears filled her eyes. Hadn’t she cried enough?
“It’s Adam, isn’t it?” Chris handed her his handkerchief.
“Who else can reduce me to tears so easily?” She wiped her eyes. Her recent exchanges with Adam had left her heart aching. He’d made so much progress and then had retreated without warning.
“I never should have m
ade you do the movie with Adam directing, I just thought—”
“You’d help us get back together,” she finished.
“Yes.” He squeezed her hand. “This is my fault.”
“No, it’s not.” She straightened her back in her chair. “It’s mine for falling in love with Adam all over again and for believing he could open up to me.”
“Oh, is that all? I can fix that.” Chris snapped his fingers. “Why don’t you just marry me and make things easy.”
Nicki laughed. Chris had a way of making her feel better.
“Now, there’s my Nicki.” He leaned closer and brushed a kiss over her cheek. “How about you tell me what has happened between the two of you. Do I need to worry about Caroline finishing?”
Nicki took a deep breath. Talking to Chris would help. She needed to let go of the past and look to the future. A future without Adam and without her heart because it belonged to him.
****
Two days later, Adam stomped into the makeup room with a scowl on his face. Nicki’s gaze met his in the mirror. Oh, hell. Anger flashed in his eyes.
“Amy, can you give us a few minutes, please?” Nicki asked the makeup person.
“Sure.” Amy scurried off.
“I want an explanation for this, and I want it now.” Adam shook the paper he held in his hand.
“Explanation for what?” Nicki stood and faced Adam. Anger came off him in waves, and she wondered why. They had returned to the fighting and anger, and it drained the life out of her body.
“This.” He snapped the paper open and held it up in front of her.
Nicki read the headline. Has Adam Bainbridge Lost Scream Queen Nicki Masters a Second Time? The article featured an older picture of her and Adam when they were happier. Thank goodness their fights were never photographed. She swayed on her feet.
“How did they get this?” He lowered the paper, glaring at her.
“I don’t know.”
Adam snorted—actually snorted at her.
She stared at him. “You can’t possibly think—” She shook her head, forcing her brain to process his accusation. “You do. You really think I’d leak something like this to the press?”
“Maybe you should read the article. Only one of us could have given them the information, and it wasn’t me.” He shoved the paper at her before striding out of the room.
Nicki began to read.
Wedding bells may soon be ringing for Scream Queen Nicki Master and her new beau, executive producer and manager Chris Hunter. The two have been seen happily planning their upcoming nuptials. However, the couple may still have to contend with Nicki’s formidable husband, Adam Bainbridge, director of Nicki’s current movie Caroline. Adam and Nicki were rumored to have divorced, but there is no public record of it.
Nicki closed her eyes, her heart heavy. How the hell did they get this stuff? Well, obviously someone had seen her and Chris together. Worse yet, why was Adam reading it and believing it? Sinking down onto the chair, she continued to read.
A close, undisclosed source to Nicki and Adam says in the beginning, they were deliriously happy until their jobs began to interfere with their lives. In a desperate attempt to save their marriage, Nicki became pregnant.
The paper crackled as her fingers tightened around it. “Oh God, no,” she whispered. The pregnancy was a happy accident. It had never been a desperate attempt to save their marriage or anything else.
Forcing her grip on the paper to loosen she continued to read. Sadly, at four months pregnant, Nicki miscarried. Along with losing her baby, she also lost her husband. The two quietly separated but never divorced. Rumors on the set of Caroline say Nicki and Adam have been creating their own sparks of late. They have been sharing more than just a meal or two with Nicki spending nights at Bainridge’s lavish home. So if this is true, why was she out with Chris, and why did he propose?
I guess the real question now is which man will show up at the altar? This reporter is betting on both men showing up—Chris as the potential groom and Adam as the spoiler. After all, three in a marriage is too many.
A sob caught in Nicki’s throat. Her life had been laid out in the crudest form possible, and the gossip-hungry vultures were just waiting to go after her. The fragile reconciliation she’d almost had with Adam was now shattered.
How could this be happening?
She had survived day after day because she’d shoved the pain to the back of her mind and locked it away, but now, people would begin to question and stare. Oh God, she couldn’t handle this, not now.
In a daze, she made her way back to her trailer. After closing the door behind her, she sank to the floor as pain engulfed her from head to toe. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she huddled down. The baby had meant so much to her. And she’d lost him. It had been all her fault. It didn’t matter that Adam took responsibility, too. She had the ultimate responsibility and had failed.
The doctor had claimed it was just one of those things. Her mother had told her it was God’s way. But she knew the truth. The look on Adam’s face when she had awakened in the hospital had told her it was her fault. The cold stone look. The accusation in his gaze had said it all. He blamed her. Then he’d walked out of the hospital room and her life without a word.
When she’d arrived home the next day, everything of his was gone, including him. This time, she didn’t stop the sob that rose in her throat. She let go the tears as her heart broke. This time, she couldn’t put it back together.
****
Adam threw the glass of whiskey across the room, enjoying the sound of it shattering against the wall. He wished it had hit that damn reporter’s face. He’d canceled the rest of today’s filming. What else could he do? Nicki was locked in her trailer, and his emotions were all over the place.
He opened the balcony doors and stepped out into the fresh air, tasted the salt from the nearby ocean. How could Nicki air their private life in public? He hated the intrusion into his privacy. She knew this.
Walking to the railing, he gripped it like a lifeline. What he really needed to be doing was working. Yes, that was the ticket. He turned away from the panoramic view and made his way to his director’s room. He had three days of filming to go through, and now was as good a time as any. Working wouldn’t allow for his emotions. He could push them away, and ignore them.
Two hours later, he re-wound the film again and hit play on the remote. Damn. The remote left his hand as he sent it flying across the room. It landed on the carpet.
He’d done maybe five minutes worth of work because Nicki’s face kept breaking his concentration. He’d see flashes of the agony in her eyes when he’d accused her of leaking the story to the press. Would their baby’s eyes have been as blue as Nicki’s?
Pain took a strangle hold on his heart and squeezed. Hadn’t they lost enough? His brain and heart hurt. Could Nicki have been telling the truth? Did the reporter have another source? But who? Could it have been someone Nicki had confided in?
He could count the people she was close to on one hand—Helen, Chris, Michael, and her mother. And he was pretty sure none of them would have talked.
Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. What about Chris’ marriage proposal? Why had Chris proposed? He admitted to himself reading that surprised him. And only Chris or Nicki could have spilled the beans on that. Did she share out of a need to make him own up to his failings?
Adam surged out of his seat. How could she do this to him? He stomped to the door. Nicki was going to answer for her actions and answer to him.
He pounded on Nicki’s trailer door, waiting for her to answer. She wasn’t going to avoid him now.
The lock clicked, and he opened the door, pushing his way past her. “We need to talk.”
“This isn’t a good time.” She motioned toward her cell phone.
“I don’t care.”
Nicki huffed and put her cell phone to her ear. “Mom. Yes, it’s Adam. I’ll call you back later.” She slipped her c
ell phone into her pocket.
“Crying on your mother’s shoulders.” He winced inwardly at his snide comment.
Nicki glared at him. “What the hell is your problem?”
“My problem is you went to the press.”
“I did not go to that reporter.” Frustration rang in her voice. “I wouldn’t air our dirty laundry to the press, especially something as private as our child.”
“Then how did he get those details?” He noted her red and puffy eyes. His breath shuddered in his chest as his anger deflated. She was hurting, too.
“Public information. All the reporter had to do was dig and find it. No matter how private we want the matter to be, certain things are public records.” That included their lack of divorce papers and marriage and death records.
“But how did he know when and where to look?” Who had betrayed them? He wanted their blood.
“How the hell do I know?” She paced around the small confines of her trailer. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“The truth.”
“I’ve told you the truth. I didn’t talk to the reporter.”
“What about Chris’ marriage proposal?”
“It was a joke.” She put her hands on her hips, glaring at him. “Chris was trying to make me smile.”
“By proposing?” Adam wanted to take her in his arms and shake her and then kiss her. To show her she still belonged to him.
“I knew he was joking, and it did make me laugh. How it leaked, I don’t know.”
Adam maneuvered forward, his touch grazing Nicki’s arm. “It was a poor joke.” He trailed his fingers from her elbow to her wrist and back again.
“Adam.” Gooseflesh popped out on her skin from his caress.
“I’m aware I’m a jerk.” His head descended, he took in her fresh scent, his lips nuzzling her neck. “But you belong to me.”
“No, Adam.” She took two steps back.
“Yes.” He reached for her. They communicated so well when they were in bed together.
