I’m surprised as I thought he would be pleased with my decision.
“I think that I am the one who…”
Kyle cuts me off. “Well, I think you are taking things much too seriously. We are having fun the way things are. You need to stop being so serious!”
I am shocked and trying to bite back tears.
“Kyle, I…”
“I don’t want to hear it now, Abigail. Goodbye.”
I stare at the phone, look at my roommates, and it’s my turn to cry and be comforted. I just hope that I didn’t blow things by coming on too strong. I have a sinking feeling that this is more than just a fight.
Chapter 19: Pining and Getting By
I do not hear from Kyle for over two weeks. During that time, I accept a dinner invitation from Norman, my mom’s friend son from Pennsylvania, as more distraction than anything. He takes me to a local Italian restaurant where he orders his usual dry spaghetti and plain chicken breast. Out of spite, I order pasta with meat sauce and extra cheese.
I have decided that Norman is going to be a friend given that his parents are so close to mine. I tell him a little bit about Kyle and our fight, and he advises me that I need to call him as soon as possible to clear up any misunderstandings.
“You have got to talk it out now if you hope to have any future in this.” He pauses. “Although when I’m interested in a woman, I would do anything possible to get her attention.”
I hear the same advice from a different source later that week. It is Diana’s 22nd birthday and in three more days it will be Leigh’s. We decide to have a celebration where we invite friends from both home and school. We end up with a group of 10 people, and someone suggests dinner and a group hot tub place for something different than the usual dancing. Jason, the guy who dated me freshman year mainly to get Diana’s attention, has remained friendly with Diana and to a lesser extent, me, is invited too. We have become better friends as more as time has passed since our freshman year boyfriend/girlfriend fiasco. Diana, Leslie (Diana’s roommate from freshman to junior year) and he all lived on the same floor in the dorms last year so we have seen more of Jason and his girlfriend Chelsea socially since then.
Jason and I get to talking, and it turns out that he just broke up with Chelsea, his girlfriend of two years.
He explains, “I love her more than I have ever loved anyone but soon I need to find someone I can bring back to meet my parents and marry. Chelsea isn’t right for the life I want to have. My parents, and me too, have visions of me settling down and marrying a nice Jewish girl who is intelligent but willing to put her career aside for children.” He admits further, “Chelsea is too much a Shiksa (non-Jew) whose values and experiences are very different from ours. I love her but I can’t see bringing her back home and fitting in.”
I know through Diana that they broke up once last year but then got back together. I listen with sympathy knowing that he was right about us making better friends than being a couple. I tell him a little bit, without getting into great detail, about what’s been going on these last few months with Kyle and ending with our recent fight. He reiterates Norman’s advice,
“You need to call him. Don’t write him any letters. You need to call and clear things up right away and find out if he is really worth it to you.”
I think about my ex-boyfriend’s advice through dinner and the hot tub which is relaxing after a tense week. I realize that I need to clear things up now. If Kyle does not want a future with me, it’s probably best to know that now so I can try to move on. I also want to possibly do a girls’ trip to Chicago with Leigh as we once discussed over Spring Break to try to repair things with our friendship if my first choice, Florida and Kyle, aren’t possible.
Since the week of Leigh’s break up, things have gotten a lot better between us; almost like they used to be. We sit and play games on her computer, go out to dinner when Matt is visiting Diana, and her attitude around me seems more relaxed. Maybe I can even do both: a weekend in Chicago and then Florida for a few days. Before I can plan anything, though, Norman and Jason are right: I need to call Kyle, as difficult as that may be.
Chapter 20: Apology And Hope
“Hello?”
“Hello, Kyle?”
“Hi, Abigail.”
“I just wanted to say I am really sorry if my letter upset you or made you misunderstand things. I don’t know that I am ready for a serious boyfriend, but I like what I have with you, and I don’t want that to change.”
“Apology accepted. Am I still going to see you in March?”
“If you still want me to come.”
“Of course I do. Let me know when you have flight information.”
“I’m glad we talked.”
“Me too.”
“Bye!”
Even after the phone conversation, I still do not hear from him. Valentine’s Day is coming up, and I know it would be nice to get a card from Kyle. I find a card at the drugstore, one that I don’t think that Kyle would interpret as me “taking things too seriously.” The inside of the card says “Happy Valentine’s Day to someone who I have a nice ‘Whatever’ with.” I write on the inside, “Here is to our wonderful something. Whatever it is, I am enjoying it very much.”
In the week before Valentine’s Day I check the mailbox every day, and there is nothing. He does not call me on the day itself. That night, I lay on my bed sobbing, and Diana and Leigh come in wondering what is bothering me. I tell them how I was really hoping for a card or a call from Kyle even though we are taking things slowly.
“Even though he is not my boyfriend, and we can see other people, I feel we have something special, and I’m really hurt that he doesn’t feel the same.”
Diana sits on the bed,
“Kyle seems like he wants to keep things really casual with you. When things are that casual, he may not even be thinking of that.”
I realize then that I want it all. I want what my friends have or have had at some point in their lives. I have never celebrated Valentine’s Day (except for pity cards from my parents which don’t count), never slept all night in a bed next to somebody, and I want all that. I hope that Kyle can someday want that with me, but I have to be prepared if he doesn’t.
I tell Diana about the letter, the phone conversation, and the fight that followed. She offers her advice,
“You brought this up way too soon, and it should’ve been done in person. Having sex is not something that happens right away; you need to take things in stages that lead up to it. Then it just kind of happens.”
I just hope that I didn’t totally ruin things and scare him away, coming on as strongly as I did. I decide that if we do make up, I will visit him and just see where things lead in our process of getting to know each other emotionally as well as physically.
At this point, I’m not even sure that Spring Break in Florida is even on. I do need to go down there for at least a couple of days as I got a phone call from The Sun Sentinel for an interview. The plane ticket that my dad is letting me use has me going from a Tuesday to a Saturday, giving me time to interview, visit with my grandma, and maybe, hopefully see Kyle. Also, Jennifer Katz, my old friend and Kyle’s cousin, has decided to move down there this winter. A favorite Aunt had offered her a place to stay, and she decided to transfer there for school. I realize that I have not talked to my old friend lately except for Chanukah cards and a few brief, impersonal letters and think that it would be nice to have a chance to re-connect with her. I also want time to try to repair my friendship with Leigh. I realize that with the timing, I can go to Chicago from Friday to Monday morning. As Leigh and I are having a rousing game of Scrabble that night, I ask if she is still interested in a girls’ weekend. She agrees, and I feel better than I have all day.
Chapter 21: Anticipation
February 16, 1993
Dear Abigail,
It was nice talking to you on the phone, and I am glad that we cleared things up. I also got your Valentine’s card. I di
d not send you one given that the state of our relationship is, well, you know. Your card, I think was perfect. It says exactly what I feel and think of us together. You are right “whatever” we have is great, and I am enjoying it very much.
That being said, when you come down for Spring Break I don’t want you feeling pressured. I just want us to enjoy being attracted to each other and express that with however you are comfortable. I’m really looking forward to seeing you, and I’m thinking of fun stuff to do. Parrot Jungle is a fun place. Do you know I have a Mynah bird named Ronnie who I would like you to meet? Ronnie is a great bird, and I’ve taught him a few phrases. Let me know if there is anything special you would like to do.
In the meantime, it will be very nice to see you again. Please call or write with your flight information as soon as you can.
Love,
Kyle
The closing of this letter is not lost on me. “Love!” It is the first time he has ever signed a letter to me that way. I am looking more and more forward to Spring Break.
February 20, 1993
Dear Kyle,
I was happy to receive your letter and glad you enjoyed the Valentine’s Day card. Yes, we definitely have an amazing “whatever” together. I am flying in on Flight 195, and I never got a chance to tell you, but I have an interview with the Sun Sentinel on Wednesday! Tuesday night through Wednesday I am staying with my grandma at her condominium. She doesn’t drive, but she and one of her friends will be picking me up at the airport. I’m borrowing her friend’s car for the interview, but I have to return it to her. I was figuring you could pick me up at my grandma’s Wednesday night. I know she’s looking forward to meeting you. I go home Sunday afternoon as I have to be back at school on Monday. Do you think you could drive me back to the airport?
The Parrot Jungle sounds like it would be an interesting thing to do. I went to the Monkey Jungle once when I was a child visiting my Great Aunt and Great Uncle, and I remember that one of the monkeys got on top of our car and ripped off the antenna! The Parrot Jungle seems tamer. I’m looking forward to meeting Ronnie the Myna bird. Superfudge by Judy Blume was one of my favorite childhood books. Fudge, one of the characters, had a Myna bird as a pet. One of the funniest parts of the book was the inappropriate phrases he learned to say!
In any case, I cannot wait to see you!
Love,
Abigail
The night before I’m supposed to go home for Spring Break, I’m sitting with my roommates watching soap operas on TV. I’m feeling rundown and have a cold. Leigh seems on the verge of a cold too, so we decide to cancel our trip to Chicago.
“You have to rest up for that interview,” she winks. “And your visit with Kyle!”
I can tell she is a little bit disappointed but with my cold and other trip logistics, we’d decided to take the bus down so we wouldn’t have to deal with a car, so it was probably for the best. The week before, mom was being difficult because she doesn’t like snow and didn’t want to drive us down to the bus station, and Leigh’s parents were both working. Mom tried to talk Ruth into driving us to the station, and she ended up telling her about what had been happening between me and Kyle. Ruth tells my mother that I need to be very careful as, it is in her opinion, that he can be charming but self-centered. I’m sure if Ruth knows, then Jennifer knows about everything.
The phone rings, and I pick it up.
“Hello Abigail,” Kyle sounds a bit drunk. “I just wanted to talk to you tonight. Sarah wrote me a letter, and she says that she does not want to see me or talk to me anymore even as a friend.”
It’s good, I think, that it was me that he chose to call.
“I am very sorry to hear that. There are many people out there who care about you.”
After a long pause, Kyle speaks again, “I hope you are one of those people. Do you know what I like best about you? Your size; I love that you are petite enough to fit perfectly in my arms. I can’t wait to hold you.”
I cannot believe what I am hearing, essentially since our last conversations have all seemed to say back off. Diana and Leigh are laughing at something in the background.
“Are those your roommates? I wonder what they must think of me. I bet they think I’m too old for you. You need to find yourself a young guy.”
I think about the way the conversation is going and then reply, “I am an adult. I’ll be 22 a week from Sunday, and I can date whomever I want to. I like being with you.”
“Well, I like being with you too, and I am very attracted to you. No pressure, though, remember?”
I pause again not wanting to say the wrong thing. I think of a conversation I had with Diana,
“I had a conversation with a friend recently who said that to be ready to have sex, you need to do things in stages that lead up to it. I may not be ready for sex, but I think I am for the next step.”
I hear him take a deep breath.
“Do you mean oral sex? Oh, I would love to have oral sex with you. I’m going to romance you as you have never been romanced before.”
I am all tingly with anticipation, especially down low just thinking about the next week.
“I’m really looking forward to seeing you. My grandma can’t wait to meet you, too. She wants us to go out to dinner with her.” I hear an impatient sigh.
“Your grandma? What makes you think that I want to spend time with your grandma?” There is a long pause. “Okay, you, your grandma, and I will go to dinner on Wednesday.”
I am relieved he agreed and that I didn’t sound too pushy or clingy.
“Sounds good. We’ll have a lot to talk about then, including how I think my interview went.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. That will make for a fun time if you are living so close next year! Well, I better let you go. Keith, my neighbor, is over and we’re going to hang out. Take care!”
“You too, goodbye.”
I hang up the phone trying to contain my excitement. This is one of the longest and most personal conversations we have ever had. For the first time in a long time I feel that things are making progress with Kyle and his feelings towards me. I smile thinking about the possible promises of Spring Break.
Chapter 22: Parental Moment
I suffer through my cold for the next few days, thinking how glad I am that we decided to cancel Chicago. I think about how mom told Ruth about my upcoming visit to Florida and who I was planning to visit. I need to get the courage to call Jennifer while I’m down there just so that she has a clue as to what is going on. I’m not a believer in premonitions, but I have a funny, unsettling feeling in my stomach over the next few days. It’s a feeling that things with Kyle are not going to be what I am hoping and that he is ready to move on. ’Don’t be silly, I try to tell myself. You heard what he said on the phone. How can he have time to meet someone in less than a week?’ Still, I find myself becoming more and more uneasy about what’s going to happen when I see him.
It also worries me that I’m due to start my period. My cycles have always been all over the place, and I am hoping that it doesn’t show up in Florida. I try to tell myself that I have a cold because my resistance is low not because it’s one of my typical PMS symptoms. It better stay away until I return from Florida. I am counting on these days with Kyle to become closer to him on a physical level. To experience the next step in our journey together, whatever that may be.
Leigh drops Diana and I home after our last finals. It’s, exciting to think that after the end of this semester we will be college graduates. I am excited for this interview and the changes it will bring. I try not to give in to the fears running in my head about Kyle no longer wanting to be with me. That night, a group of friends, all home for Spring Break, come over to my house to watch The Color Purple. I am taking a class on Race Relations and the Journalist and watching this movie is our break assignment. The acting is great, and it packs a powerful message and leads to a spirited discussion when the movie is over. Diana wishes me luck on my trip, the
interview, and the visit with Kyle.
“Take pictures,” she requests on her way out. “I am curious!”
After the movie is over and my friends leave, mom and dad want to talk to me.
“Tell me your plans for this trip,” Dad inquires.
“Well,” I reiterate. “I am going to grandma’s Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Then Kyle is picking me up Wednesday night, and we’ll stay at his place, and he’ll drive me back to the airport Sunday morning. During that time, I may call Jennifer to say hello.”
Dad gets a really tense look on his face. Mom chimes in,
“We think you should stay with your grandma the whole time you are there!”
“Myrna!” Dad interrupts. “I do not like this any more than you do, but Abigail is an adult. She is interviewing for her first job.” He turns to me. “You are going to meet all different kinds of people out there in the real world and are going to need to learn your own lessons.”
I look at dad gratefully and give him a hug. He speaks again,
“But you call us and let us know that you are okay. And if there are any problems, please call grandma.”
Mom speaks again, all choked up like she is trying not to cry.
“It is just that if you hurt, I hurt. You and Ross are my world.”
As I am leaving the room, I hear her saying to dad,
“Harry, I hope we are doing the right thing.”
Chapter 23: To Grandma’s House (Condo) I GoMy trip to Florida does not start off very well. My grandma Fanny and her friend Bertha are waiting for me at the gate. Grandma hugs me hard.
“It is great to see you, Abigail! It has been too long.”
I hug back.
“You, too, grandma! If this interview goes well, you may be seeing more of me. Let’s get my bags.”
I turn to Bertha.
“Hi, I am Abigail Wiseman. Thank you for picking me up today and loaning me your car Wednesday. I appreciate it.”
A Relationship...Or Something Like It Page 7
