A Relationship...Or Something Like It

by Greene, Caroline

  I yawn. Kyle takes the hint.

  “Abigail has had a long day. She had a job interview with the Sun Sentinel for after she graduates. I forgot to ask, how did it go?”

  I tell them that I think it went well and say,

  “But it would be nice to live down here. I like the thought of no winter and lots of beaches and palm trees.”

  Kyle grins.

  “Well, maybe tomorrow after school is out I can take you to the beach.”

  I’m glad I bought some tampons which are only comfortable to wear for a little while. Kyle turns to me.

  “Why don’t we turn in for tonight?”

  I nod politely at Tim and Keith and let them know it was nice talking to them. We go into Kyle’s bedroom.

  “Well, tonight you got to meet the guys. What did you think?”

  I decide to be honest.

  “Is Keith just playing or is he really cheating on his wife?”

  Kyle sighs.

  “Nobody’s perfect. He married too young and now he wants it all. But he’s been a good friend. We’ve talked enough about Keith.”

  He shows me to the bathroom where I change into a nightgown that I bought for this weekend. It is modest but soft and silky. Regretfully, I pull out my tampon and flush it in the toilet and put on a thick, bulky pad that will definitely kill a mood. I enter the bedroom and Kyle is already lying in bed.

  “Come here,” he gestures for me to lie down next to him under the covers. “Abigail Wiseman, you are so pretty, and I am naked under here!”

  I am nervous but let him pull me closer. He gives me a deep, lingering kiss. We kiss for a long time and then he reaches down and takes off my nightgown. His lips work his way down my neck and to my breasts. I feel a pulse of electric energy and a flash of pleasure and excitement that I have never known before. He works his way down my belly. His hands move between my legs and then he stops when he feels my pad. He takes his hand and puts it on his penis, and he guides me on how to stroke it. It is hot, hard, and throbbing. It seems to have a life of its own, the way it moves. I have never touched one before, and I am curious and nervous at the same time. I just hope that I am satisfying him as much as he is me. I kiss his bare chest, and he cries out. I feel a need, an urgency that is like nothing I have ever felt before. I have the urge to rub myself against him. I wrap my legs around him and stimulate my body, moving against his thigh until I come to an orgasm. He is breathless as well. I collapse in his arms. We lay just holding each other and then he gives me one last, lingering, passionate kiss and says,

  “I think we better go to sleep.”

  Later in the night, I wake up and hear him masturbate. I smile. I may be inexperienced, but I know how to turn this man on. I allow myself to think of a future with him in it. We certainly got this time together off to a good start. I smile contentedly lost in my thoughts, and I eventually drift off and go to sleep.

  Chapter 27: Morning After Heartbreak

  I wake up the next morning before he does. I am content to watch him sleep, thinking about the passion he brought me last night. He looks so peaceful when he is sleeping, and I am content to listen to his regular breathing in and out while I think about our future.

  The alarm buzzes, reminding me that for Kyle this is a work day. I try to think what I can do to entertain myself while he is teaching his classes. He groans.

  “I am so tired, and I think I had too much wine!”

  I smile in what I hope is a seductive manner.

  “Come here to momma big boy and let me wake you up a little bit.”

  Kyle just gives me a grouchy glare.

  “Yeah, my 21-year-old momma, huh? You don’t have any business being with an old guy like me.”

  He seems so cold and standoffish compared to last night. I try to reassure myself that he is just not a morning person and that this had nothing to do with regret about last night.

  He ignores me and goes over to his closet to get dressed. He picks out a shirt and khakis, much like he wore when we worked together. Then he goes over to his ties. He inspects one, frowns, throws it in the laundry, and picks out another.

  “I guess I’m stuck with this ugly tie today.”

  I look at him.

  “It is not ugly, and you look fine; just as sexy as you did when we worked together. This brings back memories of summer.”

  He just gives me another glare. Then, realizing his mood, he turns back to me.

  “I should be home about 2:00. Afterwards, we can go to the beach.”

  I am relieved at his thawing mood.

  “Sounds good. I think I may take a walk around the neighborhood and then I brought some stuff to study.”

  Kyle walks out the door, ready to leave. Then, as an afterthought, he pauses, turns around, and gives me a quick peck on the lips.

  “I’ll see you later.”

  And then he drives off. I am alone in the townhouse. The only noise is Ronnie saying,

  “How do you do? Halloos.”

  There isn’t much in the refrigerator, but I find some coffee grounds and toast some bread and find some peanut butter. I walk back into the bedroom to get dressed. I see his and Sarah’s wedding picture. It’s not hanging up but propped against the wall. I study it. The woman is totally plain. I am not the prettiest woman in the world, but I think I am definitely better looking or at least the same as she is. I know I should not compare the two of us, but I can’t help it. She couldn’t make him happy but maybe I can. I throw on shorts and a T-shirt.

  For most of the day, I am sitting on the living room couch studying for my final exams. I take a quick break, eat a piece of fruit for lunch, and then decide to enjoy the warm, beautiful Florida day. I walk around the neighborhood, not missing the Michigan snow.

  I walk back inside and call grandma. I let her know that I am having a good time so far and that everything is great. ‘It is,’ I think. ‘I had an incredible night last night, and there will be another one tonight. My cycle is lightening up so maybe we can do a little bit more.’

  At 2:15, Kyle walks in the door as I am reading a book.

  “Hello,” he says. “Do you still want to go to the beach? We should get ready.”

  I have always been shy about my body, but I decide to wear the bikini that has sat in my drawer for now. I throw my shorts on over it and pack a bag with my shirt, a towel, sunscreen, and my book. Kyle just looks at me and doesn’t say a word. He still seems to be in the somber mood that he was in this morning.

  “Let’s go. We need to stop by my classroom for a few minutes.”

  The school is only 5 minutes away. He looks me up and down.

  “Can you put on a shirt? This is where I work.”

  I get out my bag from the back seat and put on the T-shirt. We walk inside the building to his classroom.

  “So this is it? Very nice,” I say trying to lighten his mood.

  “It’s nothing fancy,” he replies. “The bulletin boards could definitely use a woman’s touch.”

  He grabs the papers he needs and turns to me and says, “Let’s go.”

  We drive to the beach in silence. He parks the car, and we walk down to the sand. He is still being strangely silent. I take off my shorts and T-shirt, put on some sunscreen, and throw everything in my tote bag. Kyle breaks the silence.

  “Let’s take a walk along the ocean.”

  I agree, loving the salty, warm air, and the feel of the sand on my feet. We walk for a few minutes without saying a word to each other than all of a sudden Kyle turns to me.

  “We need to talk.”

  I look into his deep, blue eyes.

  “All right.”

  I wait for him to begin.

  “As you know, teachers have to take a certain amount of education classes to keep up their certifications. There is a woman that I met in class who is getting her teaching degree. She asked if she could observe my classes, and I agreed because she seemed nice enough. She is 28, divorced, and has two kids and has decided
to go back to school to give them all a better life.”

  I do not like where this is going, but I let him continue.

  “Over the last few weeks, we have become very close, hanging out together a lot. Last week, we realized that we are attracted to each other, and we slept together.”

  I gasp in shock and don’t know what to say.

  “I feel so guilty,” he goes on. “Like I am cheating on her. We have not been together a week, and I haven’t known her very long, but I think she could mean something to me. She tells me I am just infatuated, but I think it could be more.”

  I try to bite back my tears and to be the bigger person.

  “I can’t say that I’m not disappointed but if you think that this is something special for you then I am happy.”

  He looks at me.

  “I really did have big plans for us this week. I wanted to romance you. I even told her about us, and she gave me her blessing to do whatever I feel. I don’t even know if she feels the same way. She’s been through a lot: the divorce, her ex-husband taking custody of the kids. I don’t even know if I will get to meet them.”

  I am still in shock and trying not to burst out into hysterics in a public place and in front of him.

  “You know I like you a lot and if things don’t work out with, What’s Her Name--”

  He cuts me off.

  “Don’t say you’ll wait for me. I don’t want you to do that. Please know that last night was real and that you are ready for sex and will eventually find someone closer to your age who’ll be right for you.”

  Now I am angry.

  “Don’t tell me what I should be doing! This always seems to happen to me, and it’s not fair! I never get the guy. I am the one stuck on bad blind dates, being passed over for someone else. What is her name?”

  For some reason I need to know that so that I have somebody I can put the blame and my hatred on.

  “Diana,” he replies.

  Oh the irony.

  “Diana, Diana, Diana! It is always a Diana! I have had a friend named Diana since middle school who always seems to get the guys I want. My freshman year boyfriend only used me to try to get her attention. She has dated several of my crushes, including the man she is now seeing. Of course, I have to lose out to another Diana!”

  I think to myself, ‘What sort of a wild slut sleeps with somebody after three weeks?’ Then, I realize, the kind that he likes. What meant so much to me obviously didn’t mean that much to him, but I am desperate and pathetic enough to not want to lose this feeling.

  “You haven’t known her for very long and I thought---,”

  He cuts me off.

  “That’s your problem Abigail. You think too much and take things too seriously. This is the ‘90s, you need to lighten up. Have sex with the next guy you are attracted to, even if you don’t marry him or even become his serious girlfriend.”

  We drive back to his townhouse in silence. I try to think what I want to do next. I have my pride or maybe I am a glutton for punishment. Kyle asks me,

  “Do you want me to drive you back to your grandma’s?”

  I think for a minute. Going back to grandma’s means my parents will know everything, and I am just not ready to deal with their “I told you so.” Plus, I think from all the smothering attention that I will get from grandma and, later from mom, and I just don’t want to hear all the post-dumping corny sayings. I also think of Jennifer who, according to Kyle, does not feel she is on the best of terms with me. She did come up to campus when Jason and I broke up, and I felt much less for him than I do now. I know that she will think I am a fool and agree with Kyle about reading too much into things. She sleeps with whomever she’s attracted to and does not concern herself with the future. Plus, then Ruth and Sherman will know everything and surely pass it on to my parents. Like the short, unexpected romance, I decide that it is best to keep things to myself until I determine how I want to spin this.

  “No,” I finally answer. “For now I will sleep on your couch.”

  He looks at me with pity; the same look of pity that I’m not ready to see from my friends and family.

  “We were friends when we worked together. I hope we can still stay friends.”

  Chapter 28: Pain and Awkwardness

  That night, we are both quiet. We are sitting apart, watching a sitcom. The characters are not even doing anything that funny, but I am laughing hysterically. If I don’t, I will probably not be able to stop crying. The phone rings. Kyle answers and goes in the bedroom. He stays there a long time, and I wonder if it is his Diana. ‘Probably,’ I think bitterly. He comes out looking very sad.

  “That was Sarah. She still doesn’t want to speak to me, but she is feeling sad about letting me go. I miss her so much sometimes,” he continues. “She was always there for me and made me want to be a better person. When I met her, I was addicted to cocaine. She saw me one day coming off of a high and told me she would leave me if I ever did it again. Now, I just occasionally smoke some weed but no heavy stuff. She really straightened me out.”

  I look surprised.

  “As a teacher, don’t you have to pass drug tests? How can you do anything?”

  He just smiles.

  “You get enough advance notice when those are coming up, and there are ways around it to pass.”

  I never realized this about Kyle, and I don’t like it. He continues,

  “I just miss Sarah so much sometimes. She was my best friend.”

  I feel bad not only for myself, but I wonder what Diana knows she is getting herself into.

  “What about Diana who I thought meant so much to you?” I ask this very sarcastically.

  Kyle looks up at my tone.

  “You can’t replace your best friend.”

  He is deep in thought for a long time and then he looks at me.

  “What do you say if we get out of here for a while? I know a great guitar bar.”

  I agree because I do not want to sit around and think of how miserable I am.

  I order a Long Island iced tea, which is much stronger than those they make at the college hangout. It only takes one for me to have a pleasant buzz. The guitarist is playing a wonderful acoustic song of a popular ballad. We try to make small talk.

  “I always enjoy the music of a good guitar. I liked hearing your father play. I could have sat and jammed with him all night long.”

  I nod.

  “He is talented and has been surprisingly supportive of things. I still don’t understand. Did you mean anything you said to me? What about last night?”

  Kyle looks me straight in the eye.

  “I was very attracted to you from the beginning. A young and pretty woman was just what I needed to get over my past, make me feel better about myself, and give me the confidence to approach Diana.”

  He looks at me and takes in my expression.

  “Don’t pout. It’s not like you didn’t get anything out of it. Think of the sexual experience that you gained.”

  So I am the transition woman, I think. The one time somebody finds me attractive, he does not see things as permanent. His comment on my attractiveness only makes me feel worse, and his reference to my new sexual experience cheapens things. He does not understand that I wanted to experience things that I had never done because I saw something special in him. Then, the knife gets twisted even further. I reach for some pretzels that are sitting on the table.

  “I probably shouldn’t eat those. I feel like I am putting on a little weight.”

  Kyle nods.

  “I thought you looked a few pounds heavier in that bikini today.”

  I bite my lip and want to cry and want to slap him, too. He realizes what he said.

  “I must be really bad for your ego tonight. I keep hurting you. I know you are very hurt right now but believe me, you will get over this.”

  ‘I wonder if we will ever run into each other again. Maybe at a wedding or a Shiva at the Katz’s,’ I think. I fantasize about such a mee
ting where I vow I will still look good and be in a happy relationship or even married.

  We go back to his townhouse. Keith is waiting outside, and Kyle motions for me to go inside and that he will be in soon. I pull out the couch and make up my bed for the next two nights. ‘How depressing,’ I think. ‘Not the way I wanted this break to go but as much as I hate to admit it and try to deny things, I saw this coming. Alone again,’ I sigh.

  Kyle comes inside.

  “Thank you for listening to me today. I know this wasn’t what either of us planned for this week. I’m sorry if I led you on yesterday, but I had to figure things out. I just didn’t realize.”

  Not knowing what else to do, I offer him my hand.

  “Come on,” he says and leans over and gives me a peck on the lips.

  Chapter 29: A Relationship or Something Like It

  The next two days are really awkward, and I wonder if I made a mistake about not going back to my grandma’s or calling Jennifer and begging her to rescue me one more time. But I know this is the last time I will see Kyle in a long time. I realize that I will miss feeling this way. It took me almost 22 years to meet someone who brought out these feelings in me, and I don’t know how many more bad dates I will have to suffer through to get there again. I wonder if I ever will get to that point with somebody else.

  Kyle comes out of the bedroom Friday morning.

  Wow! Keith gave me some good stuff last night!”

  I ask, “What did you take?”

  He gives me an annoyed look.

  “Just a little weed. There’s nothing wrong with pot except maybe it’s bad for your lungs.”

  His tone turns sarcastic.

  “I know: you are such a goody, goody! You really do need to think about living a little bit.” He complains, “Ugh! I think I am coming down with a cold. I have the worst canker sore.”

  I sympathize with him.

  “Those are really bad. I had one last week with my cold.”