Tangled Dreams

by Jennifer Anderson

  “So, how about we go inside and watch some movies like we used to. We’ll grab some food, and go up to my room and relax.”

  “That sounds really nice.”

  “Okay, but that means we are going to have to pry your frozen body off that bucket.”

  “Yeah, I would like that. I can’t believe how chilly the nights get here.”

  “Well, fall is coming quickly.”

  “I can’t wait. I bet it is so beautiful.”

  “Not nearly as beautiful as you, but close.” He said helping me up.

  Why did words like that sound so much better coming from Gavin rather than Clay? “Why are you so good to me Gavin? I don’t deserve you.”

  “Don’t say things like that.” Holding me close as we walked out of the barn.

  “That’s just how I feel.”

  “Maybe, I don’t deserve you Madison.”

  “You deserve everything the world has to offer Gavin.”

  “You really mean that don’t you babe?”

  “With all my heart.” Stopping me he turned me to face him.

  “What if what I want in this world is you?” Asking in the most sincere way that it actually made my heart bleed for him. “Don’t say anything. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I should not have said that.”

  He started to walk away from me and I couldn’t help but grabbing his arm and pulling him in for a hug not wanting to let go. It is so nice to feel wanted even if it was just for the moment and not meant to be. If I ever lost him at this point I knew I couldn’t handle it. The fear of getting any closer to him was debilitating. Giving him a kiss on the cheek I pulled away and put my arm around his waist to finish the walk up to the house. I couldn’t remember being any happier than I was at this moment. I know I have been but not since dad was alive. That’s how I seem to categorize everything in my head. Before dad died, and after dad died. I knew this moment would categorize in my head as important either way. A lot of moments with Gavin seem to. Remembering back to how this gentle and caring Gavin wasn’t the same I had met when I first arrived here. Not to mention that he was so hot that I swear if I stared to long he’d burn my retina’s. Scolding myself for thinking such things. So flustered now that I stumbled on a step up to our bedrooms.

  “Whoa there tiger.” Gavin said as he caught me in mid-air of falling back on top of him. “You have to be the clumsiest person I know. It’s a good thing your so damn cute.” Standing me up again on my own two feet holding on to me as we finished walking the stairs.

  “I have always been clumsy, that’s why your into sports and I stick to the books. Until I kill myself from paper cuts that is.” Saying sarcastically.

  He laughed at my subtle attempt at humor as we walked into his room and I suddenly came to a dead stop forcing him to bump into me. He didn’t mind running into her however. Any excuse to touch her was fine with him.

  “What is wrong?”

  “Nothing, it’s just that I haven’t been in here for a while.” Trying to mask the sad look on my face.

  “Well, your here now, so lets watch a movie and have fun.” Saying with that gorgeous grin on his face. “Do you need to change?”

  Not that he was complaining. She was drop dead gorgeous in that short skirt and her shirt that dipped down so low that he was insanely jealous of Clay again. That jealousy tore even harder through his heart knowing Clay was snuggling up next to her today enjoying the outfit. Clay might have had her for a couple hours today but he knew that he had her now. Never before in his life had he seen such a beauty. Now standing in his bedroom again staring back at him, it was to good to be true.

  “I’m alright for now.” Shivering just a bit still.

  “Here.” Walking over to the trunk that sat at the foot of his bed and retrieved me a lap blanket hanging it on my shoulder, rubbing my arms. “So what will it be? Couch, bed, or floor? Since, your shivering to death I vote no to the floor.”

  “Couch is fine.”

  Thinking that would be a lot safer than that bed looming over there taunting me. Mocking me with the few tender moments we spent together on it. Waking up in his arms with the safest I had felt in a really long time. I was yearning to feel that way again but I dared not to go there again. Looking into his eyes it dawned on me why I was avoiding him. He was to damn irresistible. Not having these kinds of thoughts about any guy before it scared me. Ugh, I’m so screwed.

  ”So do you have anything in mind you want to watch?” Walking over to his stack of movies.

  “No, I really don’t care.” Saying quickly, fidgeting with the hem on my skirt.

  “Alright.”

  Grabbing the first movie on top he put it in the player and grabbed the remote. Standing up he stripped off his t-shirt and walked over to the couch flopping down on it to get comfortable. Looking at him I was in awe of just how ripped he really was. That wonderfully toned muscular body was going to be my total demise. He had to be the first guy I have ever seen up close that put six packs to total shame. To hell with six packs when you had a mouth watering guy sitting in front of me that had a gorgeous eight. I wondered what it would be like to run my fingers along every crease and kiss them softly.

  “Well, are you coming over here? Or, are you just going to stand there looking all cute and stuff?”

  Blushing, and being chilled clear down to my bones I walked over and sat on the couch at a distance. Kicking off my sandals I brought my knees to my chest wrapping myself in tightly.

  “Do you want anything to drink?”

  “No, thanks. I’m fine.”

  “Are you hungry?”

  “No. thank you.” Saying quietly.

  “You know I won’t bite Maddie, what’s up with the weirdness all of a sudden? You were fine a couple minutes ago. You still upset? If you are we have the power to make it better.”

  The concern was written all over his face. It was apparent that he was wondering what he did wrong. Gazing at him it was so hard to concentrate on anything but how handsome he was.

  “Just be honest with me Maddie.”

  “I’m fine Gavin.”

  How can I tell him that I was so afraid of falling in love with him even more so than I already have. I have worked so hard to stamp out those feelings lately. I shouldn’t even be feeling this way at all. He is the son of my aunt and uncle. Granted, he is adopted with no connection to me whatsoever. My mind continuing to try to rationalize the situation in my head. I can’t risk losing him like I did dad. I could never tell him this he would tell me I was being ridiculous. I would probably scare him off and I just got him back.

  Smiling “Honest. I’m fine Gavin.” Laying my hand down on his knee, “See smiling?” Giving him a wide exaggerated grin.

  “Okay, I get the point.” Chuckling

  He then grabbed my arm and tugged me in close to him, cradling me against his bare chest. He was really making this hard on me. Neither one of us saying a word as he held on to me tightly. Kissing the top of my head as he pulled the blanket on top of me. That was Gavin, always worried about me.

  I don’t know what it is about her. What is it about her that makes me want to take care of her? That makes me lay awake at night wondering if she is alright? Sitting so still, worried that she might come to her senses at any moment. Both enjoying the moment knowing that it will not last. Having to be strictly friends was more than torture. Having never felt this close to anyone before was more than freaking him out. The only girl I have a connection with, is the only girl that I can’t have. Sucks even worse that she was the most gorgeous girl he has ever laid his eyes on. Damn the luck, he thought begrudgingly. Reaching out to her, he started stroking her hair back out of her face. God, she had the softest hair I have ever felt. Leaning his head back against the cushion he fell asleep inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume.

  Laying here against his chest I could feel his breathing slow and I knew he had fallen asleep. Looking up at him he looked so peaceful and so incredibly gorgeous. Once,
in a while he would make a gesture and I knew he was dreaming. I had secretly hoped he was dreaming of me. God knows I’ll most likely be dreaming of him for the rest of my life. Long after I’m gone from here. Then a terrifying thought struck me. What would I do when I turned eighteen? Where would I go? I know I won’t be able to stay here. I’ll have to leave here. Leave Gavin forever. Looking up at him again my heart splintered. Knowing that we shouldn’t be together was one thing, but never seeing him again was quite another. Leaning up I kissed his lips lightly.

  “I love you Gain.” I whispered quietly.

  I couldn’t deny it any longer. I loved him. How could I not? He is such a beautiful person on the inside and out. Lying my head back in his lap my eyes closed not intending on falling asleep.

  Drifting off I was instantly transported the past, back to the day I found out that dad had died. This becoming a nightly occurrence. Yet again I was standing in my small bedroom in the city. Looking at the clock impatiently. “Where is he? Can’t he just be on time, just once? Work is always more important.” Saying out of anger kicking my empty book bag across the room, smacking the wall with a loud thud. Suddenly, fast forwarding to my mother coming home. “I’m sorry Madison. Your father was in an accident. He’s gone.” Saying with a blank look on her face. Falling to my knees I yet again couldn’t breath. I was right back there feeling that searing pain in my heart, the one I still feel today only amplified. Trying so hard to forget that day but, my heart not letting me. “No. He can’t be gone. Quit lying Mom. He can’t be gone.” Saying in between sobs as I’m cradling myself on the floor. “Madison, he’s gone. You have to be strong. He wouldn’t want you to be acting this way.” Scolding me and walking into her bedroom shutting the door to leave me sobbing on the floor alone. She never was a loving mother, so it came as no surprise.

  Gavin woke up startled to Madison thrashing her head back and fourth mumbling.

  “No daddy, please. Don’t leave me here all alone. Please come back.”

  Ripping his heart out he watched as the tears streamed down her cheeks, not realizing until now how much pain she truly was in. Covering it up well most of the time.

  “Madison.” Stroking my forehead softly. “Wake up, it’s just a dream.”

  Startled my eyes snapped open to gaze up into his dark, worried eyes. Looking around confused at first as to where I was it didn’t take me very long to remember what I was dreaming about. Sitting up embarrassed and angry at myself I looked away from him quickly, gazing at the television. I didn’t want anyone to know I was having bad dreams about that day. I especially, didn’t want Gavin looking at me like he felt sorry for me.

  “Madison, don’t do that.” Reaching out he turned my face towards him and gently wiped my tears away. “Don’t you want to talk about it?”

  “No, not really.” Looking at him I could see the hurt in his eyes and I knew he just wanted to help me feel better.

  “It’s alright. You don’t have to tell me.” Pulling me in closer to him and holding me tight. “If you are ever ready you know where I am.”

  Looking up at him and smiling in between tears. “Yeah, I have a pretty good idea how to find you. I’m sorry, I am just not ready to relive that day.” At least not in the conscious world.

  It didn’t take him long to figure out which day she was speaking of. However, he wasn’t willing to push her. She could tell him when she was ready and if she was never ready he decided he would still be here for her. How painful it must be to lose a parent. It made him wonder about his biological parents. Quickly, suppressing those thoughts. “Well, it’s getting late. Maybe I should be letting you get to bed, you look exhausted. After all, you did go on a hot date today, that must be tiring.” He said a little more bitterly than he meant to.

  Looking up at him I didn’t mind his tone. I was more than bitter about his date also. “Well, if it’s just the same to you I think I’ll stay right here for a couple more minutes.” I said as I was tracing the outlines of his muscles on his chest with my finger. I loved to touch him and he felt so good. Sometimes, wrong felt good though.

  How could he kick her out with her touching him? “Affectionate Madison” wasn’t a very common thing anymore and he was enjoying it. Laying his head back he closed his eyes and quickly fell back asleep with the hypnotizing motions of her fingers on his skin.

  Looking at him I could feel the love welling up inside me and I wanted to stay right here in this moment forever. Sadly, knowing that was impossible. Getting up slowly and carefully as to not wake him I knew I had to go back to my bedroom. I would go back to my bedroom and we would go back to normal tomorrow. Whatever, that was. Leaning down I kissed him lightly on his cheek. “Goodnight Gavin. Hope you have sweeter dreams than I do.” Reaching over I pulled the blanket onto him and quietly walked back to my own bedroom, sick to my stomach having to leave him. Walking into my big, empty bedroom I quickly stripped off my clothes and threw on my night gown, not looking forward to falling asleep alone.

  Waking up he could see that it was barely light out, reaching down he half expected her to still be next to him. She was gone, and disappointment hit him immediately and he wondered when she had left. Sitting up he stretched and yawned his back aching from sleeping on the couch all night. Which he would have happily done if she was still here. Looking at the clock it was barely 6 am and he knew with it being Sunday every one would still be in bed for at least a couple more hours. Deciding on impulse, he shot up and slowly crept towards Madison’s door, peeking inside. She was on her side sleeping with the blankets kicked down to the end of the bed. Her pink, lacy pajama’s twisted and lifted up showing a whole lot of skin. Her soft blond hair fanned out across her pillow, she looked so gorgeous and at peace. Tiptoeing softly over to her bed her crawled up next to her draping his arm around her.

  Waking up to his face I was confused at first. I remembered leaving his room so why was he next to me? Putting my hand up to his face, “Gavin are you alright?” Asking, barely awake.

  “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be in here. I just had to see you.” Wrapping his arms around me I wanted him here but, I didn’t all at the same time. This was just getting way more complicated than it needed to be.

  “Gavin, I am really happy you came in here. I know that is wrong also.”

  Sighing, like he aged twenty years in those few short seconds, “I’m glad I did to. I know what your going to say next Madison.”

  With an intense amount of pain in my voice, “I just can’t see any good out comes .”

  “I wish the circumstances were different. I wish that every day.” He said solemnly.

  “I do to. You know your parents would kill us, especially me.”

  “I don’t think mom would, dad on the other hand…”

  “Yeah, I think we would both be kicked out onto the street.”

  “At least we would be together.” He said sweetly.

  “We have to move on.”

  “My head knows we have to, but the rest of me dosen’t.”

  “I could stay here forever.” I said so sadly that I could feel the tears trying to sneak up on me.

  “You’re so beautiful Madison. Please, don’t let anyone tell you any differently.”

  “Gavin, you’re talking to me like your never going to see me again.”

  “That’s how I feel, being around you and not being able to touch you. You act like this doesn’t even bother you Madison.” Saying in a disgusted tone looking away from me.

  Pain seared my heart so brutally, I thought I may never recover. He had no idea how much this hurt. He never would. Grabbing his chin, I moved his face towards mine again. With tears zigzagging down my cheek, “You have no idea how much this bothers me, even more than I ever dreamed it would.” His face instantly softened by my unexpected honesty. And for that split second he knew that she had let him see straight into her heart. Just how far he didn’t know. Wiping the tear from my cheek, he gave me a quick playful kiss on the nose. I r
eleased a giggle and rubbed my nose with the palm of my hand. “Hey, quit.”

  “Quit that. Quit that. You didnt’ say please.” He said as he gave me another kiss on the nose and rolled me onto my back pushing his body on top of mine. The mattress creaking with the extra weight on one side. Pinning me down so easily since he was so much bigger than me.

  He had to admit she looked good enough to eat, and completely beautiful laying underneath him. The view being absolutely phenomenal. Her tight little body almost look like an athletes, only hers was soft, untouched, and delectable. The soft hint of her vanilla lotion mixing in with the scent of whatever perfume she chose was driving him insane.

  Looking up and seeing him towering over me, he was tanned and muscular and you could see the hint of veins running through his biceps as he was holding himself up as to not completely smash me with is over six foot stature. The look of his tan skin next to my light, pale skin was just beautiful. “Hey you’re crushing me!” Saying just to needle him.

  “Well, alright. I guess I should get off you then.” Starting to roll off.

  “No, no. That’s alright. I suddenly feel better.” I said smiling sweetly, tightening my grip on his toned back.

  “Oh you do. Well, I know what I could do to make you feel even better.” He said sweetly, with a glimmer of wickedness in his eyes.

  “We have already established that fact.” I said quickly. Begrudgingly, pulling away from me.

  “Alright Madison. I really think I should leave now.” Saying with pain in his voice, knowing he couldn’t keep doing this to himself much longer. His knees buckling he fell back down onto me our eyes connecting.

  “I’ll miss this Gavin. I will never forget this day, or this moment as long as I live.” I said longingly as I looked deeply into his eyes.

  Running his fingers through her silky hair that was fanned out onto the pale pink pillow he took a mental picture because, he never wanted forget this day either. Knowing deep down he wanted many more of them. He was old enough to realize all good things must come to an end, and not all things were meant to be. “I promise I won’t either.”