Tangled Dreams

by Jennifer Anderson

  “If Eric so much as looks at you ever again. I swear I’ll finish that ass kickin I started today.”

  “I don’t want to go back to school Monday. I don’t know if I can face him.”

  “Don’t worry about him. He’ll stay away from you. I promise you that. He’ll never touch you ever again.”

  Tucking my head under his chin I could hear is heart beating in his chest. I wanted to believe him with all of my heart. Even if he was right, it still didn’t take the fear out of my heart. Closing my eyes I was so tired but, scared to go to sleep at the same time. Hearing the down stairs door open I heard Kayla and Kylie running up the stairs and into their room and knew Aunt Julia and Uncle William were home.

  “I’ll go tell mom that your sick with a headache and went to bed, so you can be left alone for a while.” Looking at the clock it was a little past seven and they would likely believe it. Getting up he started walking towards the door to leave.

  “Gavin, are you coming back?”

  “Do you want me to?” Asking with a look of concern on his face.

  “I know you probably have plans tonight, but can you for a little while? I’m still afraid to be alone. I know it sounds stupid.”

  “I’ll be right back babe.” Smiling reassuringly and turning to leave.

  He did in fact have plans. He had a date at eight o’clock. His heart wasn’t really into it in the first place but, found it necessary to move on. Walking to the phone in the dining room he called her quickly to cancel. Of course, she was mad but, he hardly cared. She’d be at school Monday and most likely hanging all over him and completely over it anyways. There was no way in hell he was going to leave Madison tonight anyways. Even if she did want to be alone he was going to stay home and close to make sure she was alright. Walking into the living room he fed the story to his mom and dad without any real problems. Mom wanted to go check on her but, he quickly side stepped and told them she had a migraine and any noise hurt her head, and that she just wanted to sleep. Dad didn’t really give a shit just as long as she had gotten her house chores done for the day. Which she did before she even went out on her date. Walking back upstairs he went into his bedroom so no one would be suspicious, turned on the television and locked the door and quickly went into Madison’s room. She had fallen asleep in his absence and she didn’t look any more at peace in her sleep either. Walking over to her bedroom door he locked it to cover all there tracks. The last thing he needed was to be caught in her bed with her. Standing at her bed he couldn’t help but to stand and watch her.

  “Gavin? Are you getting in?”

  “Oh, yeah. I thought you were asleep. I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “You know that’s not possible. Please get in.” I said pulling back the covers for him. “I need you close to me for a while.” Getting in he pulled me close wrapping his arms around me.

  “When your not here, it’s feels like his hands are still all over me. I don’t think there is enough soap in the world to make me feel clean ever again.”

  “You don’t know how strong you are Maddie. You never gave up, and you got away If nothing else you should feel proud of that.”

  “When did you start looking at the glass half full?” I said attempting to lighten the mood but, failing miserably. Giving me a kiss on the head.

  “When you came into my life.”

  What do you say to something like that? The one thing that I did know was that being in his arms felt like the safest place on earth. I know I’m being selfish I thought miserably to myself. This is not fair to Gavin to be here with me right now when I told him he needed to move on. Now I’m begging him to stay with me. I know it must really suck for him having to bail me out every time I have a problem or do something stupid. He is always here with no complaints and with an immense amount of caring and kindness. I must be a complete fucking idiot for letting him go. I’m always so damn worried about other people that I forget to worry about what I need. Unfortunately, I do need a roof over my head and if Uncle William found out, I wouldn’t have that for long. Either one of us most likely. I know he would gladly get kicked out on my account. I however, refuse to ruin his future plans about going to college. Refusing to be selfish just because I love him and I want him all to myself.

  “Have you decided what you are going to do yet?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And that is?”

  “I’m not going to tell anyone. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t either. Either way it is my word against his.”

  “Madison. He forced himself on you, and damn near…. I can’t even say it out loud without wanting to punch something.”

  “Believe me I know the feeling.” I loved him so much for caring so much about me and I could feel how tense his body was up against mine like any minute he was going to jump up running. “No one would believe me. He is rich and popular, and I am a nobody.”

  Between clenched teeth, “You are not nobody.”

  “Just relax Gavin.” I said running my fingers down his right arm laying my head on his chest. I hated seeing him like this and I hated being the one putting him through it. It was my own stupidity that got me into this situation and now the person I care most about is paying for it.

  “You don’t need to worry about me babe.”

  “Yeah, but your so tense.” Taking my hand I gently ran my fingers down his eyes closing them softly continuing to run down his neck to his chest where I lightly massaged his tight muscles. I could feel the tension melting out of his body and his muscles starting to relax. Opening his eyes and looking into mine

  “You know your amazing. You’re the one who went through something so horrific not long after your father passing, and now your trying to console me.”

  “I don’t want you to worry about me so much. You don’t deserve that.”

  “Madison, I’m glad you came into my life and I’m glad you’re here. Don’t ever doubt that for a second.”

  “Promise me you won’t tell anyone what happened tonight?”

  “Madison.” He said sighing.

  “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  “I just don’t need this right now. It’s just to much.” I said half sobbing.

  Squeezing me tightly against him, “Alright, It’s your decision to make. However, I’m taking care of Eric and if you have any more problems with him you have to tell me. So a promise for a promise?”

  “Alright, deal!”

  “Remember any problems you tell me, just so we are clear?” Staring into my eyes.

  “Crystal Clear. I really am sorry for ruining your night. I know you probably had plans.”

  “No worries.” Shrugging it off. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is Sunday so you can sleep in and get yourself pulled together for school Monday.”

  “Can I tell you something that scares me?”

  “Of course.” Looking down at me concerned. “I don’t know if I can. Every time I try to close my eyes I see his face and feel his hands on me and it feels like I traded one nightmare for another. I’m afraid I’ll never get another peaceful night’s sleep again. It’s been so long since I’ve slept through a night without any nightmares and now this. I feel totally beaten down. I just want to give up sometimes. Is it selfish to wonder what I did that was so bad for this sort of punishment?”

  “Babe, that’s not selfish. You’ve been handed raw deal after raw deal. In my opinion it’s a miracle that your kindness and good heart hasn’t been destroyed by all the things you have had to deal with. Yeah, your going to have battle wounds but it will just make you stronger. I guess what they say is right about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. ”

  “I don’t feel very strong, I feel like my heart is completely shattered.”

  Picking up his hand he pressed it to my chest where my heart laid. “No, it’s still there and still in one piece.”

  Smiling I tilted my head up and gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek. “I’m re
ally not very tired but, can you stay with me until I fall asleep? I really don’t want to be alone.”

  “I’ll stay with you as long as you want me to.” It hadn’t even been ten minutes and she had already fallen asleep in my arms. Once in a while she would mumble something incoherently like she was in distress and I’d just pull her in tighter and sooth her the best I could. Deciding not to leave her I stripped down to my boxers and got comfortable beside her for the night finally falling asleep myself.

  The next morning he woke up to the most beautiful sight he has ever beheld and wished he could wake up every morning next to her. Staring at her sleeping he wondered if she could ever not look completely stunning. It was amazing how gorgeous she is all the time. Her hair was all tangled around her face and she was still amazing. Forcing himself up he decided to go downstairs for something to eat and to see if mom and dad were home or if they went on one of there frequent Sunday shopping trips. Looking out the kitchen window the family car was missing and relief swept over him. Lost in his thoughts he didn’t hear Madison walk in to the kitchen behind him.

  “Good morning Gavin.”

  “Oh, sorry did I wake you up?”

  “No, I turned over and realized you were gone and didn’t want to stay in bed alone.”

  “Sit down and I’ll get us some cereal or something.” Watching him walk over to the cupboard and get the cereal and bowls out I could tell he was still troubled and I was worried he was mad at me. He just looked mad and I didn’t like seeing him this way.

  “Are you angry at me Gavin?” Sitting down at the table across from me he sat silently for a couple of seconds.

  “No, Maddie. I’m not angry at you. I’m just angry at that scum bag and at Clay.”

  “Clay didn’t know that was going to happen.” I said looking down still ashamed.

  “Don’t defend him. You know if you were with me I would never let anything like that happen to you.” Saying with renewed anger in his voice.

  “I know Gavin, but your special. Not everyone can be like you.” Looking up at him, his eyes softened a bit. I took that chance to change the subject and we started talking about the horses and farm related things.

  Just when I was finally starting to forget the horror of yesterday for two whole seconds the phone rang. Gavin put his spoon down and got up to answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey Gavin. This is Clay. Is Madison around?”

  “Maybe.”

  “I was worried about her. I just woke up and realized she was gone and I panicked when I realized I slept through the night. I hope she didn’t get into trouble.”

  “Madison, Clay wants to talk to you.” He said in an angry tone.

  “Tell him I don’t want to talk to him right now.”

  Now pleased, he put the phone back up to his ear, “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  “C’mon I need to tell her how sorry I am.”

  “Don’t c’mon me. You get drunk and leave her to fend off that scum bag Eric. You’re lucky I don’t come over there and kick your ass right now.”

  “Whoa what the hell are you talking about? What happened?”

  “What happened is she is home with me and safe no thanks to you and your pervert friend. If I ever hear or see Madison get hurt on your account ever again I promise you there is no limit to how fast I’ll be up in your fucking face at your doorstep.” Slamming down the phone the anger was simmering in his eyes again.

  “Did you really have to say all that to him?”

  “I kept my promise. I didn’t tell him what exactly happened. He needed to know how his friends are, and where we stand.” Looking into her eyes he could see the worry. “You’ve forgiven him already haven’t you?” In disbelief.

  “What? Forgiven who?” “Clay. You’ve forgiven him haven’t you?”

  “Gavin, he couldn’t of known what was going to happen to me. I can’t put all the blame on him.”

  “Un-damn-believable. Next you’ll be hanging with Eric.” He said immediately regretting it, especially after seeing the hurt in her eyes.”

  Looking up at him I was so shocked by his words and had to admit I was more hurt than if he’d of slapped me right across the face. Standing up I had lost my appetite and felt very much betrayed. Turning around without saying a word and before he could see the tears fall I fled from the room.

  “Madison, come back.” He said disgusted with himself for not controlling his anger better. Surprised at himself for the snap of control. Usually he had it put together better. This situation had him rattled to his core. Hearing her bedroom door slam he took off after her to apologize. Coming up to her door he could hear her inside crying and his heart sank to his feet. I’m no better than everyone else who has hurt her he thought pissed off at himself. He was just angry at Eric and Clay and scared to death she would go back to Clay and he would be without her again. Having a hard time seeing them together and getting closer when he was so in love with her. I guess fear makes you say and do stupid things. “Madison.” He said knocking on her door. “Please let me in.” Not hearing anything he tried the door knob and it was locked. Going into his bedroom he tried the other door and for the first time since she has came it was locked also. He felt his heart crumble knowing he had really hurt her. Not even when they had not gotten along before at times had she ever literally locked him out of her life and he felt absolutely stupid and helpless.

  Laying on my bed I had never felt so horrible in my life and suddenly felt as alone as the first day I came here. I knew I owed Gavin so much but, people you love always hurt you. I thought sadly wanting more than ever just to find a hole to crawl in and hide and just be left alone. I wanted to be a little girl again and crawl up into my daddy’s lap and cry my eyes out. Just the very thought of not having my dad to go to ever again was more painful than anything I had ever felt before. But, I have to deal with it and stop burrowing my head in the sand. Sure Gavin helped ease the pain a little bit but, he can’t take it away. No one can deal with this but me, and it’s time I start dealing with that. Knowing the anger I felt towards my mother was adding to my poor state of being. Now I need to come to terms with my fear, and being depressed about last nights situation is going to affect me. I call it situation because I can’t bring myself to say attempted rape. Deciding I would talk to Clay and probably end it with him if not now, soon. I need to stay away from Gavin also and keep my head clear. I thought sadly. I also need to quit screwing up his life. I reasoned. I just need to get my life straight again. I don’t deserve Gavin’s loyalty, not after continually pushing him away and him still being here for me when I’m sad or in a jam. I just can’t do it anymore. The rest of the day I hid in my room and only came out when I absolutely had to, luckily never running into Gavin.

  Monday morning came to quickly and I decided to be a coward and play sick. Most of the day I slept or listened to the radio normally I would go into Gavin’s room and watch TV but, I decided against that. I was awaken in the afternoon by Gavin’s truck pulling in and knew the school day was over. Closing my eyes I could hear him walk up stairs and a knock on my door.

  Pushing her door open he peeked inside to see her lying in bed and it looked like she hadn’t moved all day.

  “Madison. I have your homework for you.”

  “You can drop it on the desk.” I said without turning around to look at him.

  “Madison. I’m sorry for what I said.” I had no response for him. “Clay bugged me all day about you. The jerk was worried.”

  “I don’t care.” I said with no emotion in my voice. Walking to the edge of her bed he looked down at her.

  “Please, don’t shut me out again.” The sincerity in his voice was breaking down the newly built walls around my heart and it terrified me. “Madison, why won’t you talk to me? I said I was sorry.”

  “I heard you. I just need space right now.”

  “Fine. Take all the space you need.” Stomping out mad as hell.

 
Closing my eyes tight it was all I could do to not go after him and run straight into his arms. I have to quit relying on people. I have to quit being such a burden to him. I knew I had to go to school tomorrow and face my problems head on. No more hiding.

  The rest of the evening flew by with little incident. The next morning I forced myself to shower. Forced myself to dress. Forced myself to eat. Forced myself to get into that truck with Gavin. Of course we didn’t talk all the way to school. I had a feeling that I won’t have to worry about Eric to much. If he didn’t get the hint with the broken nose I’m sure Gavin probably set him straight yesterday. Pulling into the parking lot I spotted Clay’s car and was plagued with anxiety almost immediately.

  Turning the engine off Gavin stared down at the steering wheel, “If you have any problems today come and find me and I’ll take care of it.” And without another word, or waiting for a response he got out of the truck and walked away.

  Taking a deep breath I slid out and caught site of Clay waiting by the door for me. Building up courage I made my way towards the door planning on walking right past him until he reached out and grabbed my arm.

  “Madison, please talk to me.” He said with pleading eyes.

  “I don’t have anything to say to you.” Starting to walk off again. Tightening his grip.

  “Please. I do.”

  Sighing, “Alright.” Pulling me off to an area where no one could hear us.

  “I’m so sorry Madison. I never meant to get drunk and leave you alone like that.” Looking down at the ground I couldn’t even look at him. “Eric told me what happened.”

  Shocked I looked into his eyes. “How he got drunk and came on to strong.”

  “Came on to strong? Is that what you call it now?” I said with tears burning in my eyes.

  “Listen. I don’t know what happened. Only you two know. So, what did happen?”

  “Lets just say coming on to strong is a mild word for what happened.”