Tangled Dreams

by Jennifer Anderson

  “Sure.” She said starting to close the door. Just when he stuck his foot in the door. She could feel the panic in her chest worried that he caught on to them.

  “Another thing, if you do talk to her please tell her I miss her. I need her. And to please come home.”

  “Sure, Gavin. I’m sure she is fine.” Andrea said smiling reassuringly quickly closing the door and locking it as he walked down the side walk his shoulders slumped in defeat.

  I walked out and slowly into the hallway.

  “Madison. His heart is broken. I don’t know how I lied to him.”

  “I’m sorry for making you do that. I should have known he would come here looking for me.”

  “He really cares about you Madison.”

  “I know.” I said slumping down into the nearest chair.

  “It just isn’t meant to be.”

  “Who says?” Andrea asked sitting down across from me.

  “It just isn’t. Believe me. I’ve spent many hours thinking about it.”

  “Alright. I won’t push.”

  “I’m really tired Andrea. You mind if I lay down for a while?”

  “Sure, I’d give you the guest bedroom but you never know when my parents are going to drop in. You better stay in my room.”

  “Thank you so much.”

  “Sure my couch in there pulls out into a bed if you want me to pull it out for you.”

  “No, the couch is totally fine. Besides if your parents come home we want everything to look normal as possible.”

  “Good point.”

  Laying down, I could only think of Gavin, and how scared I was. And how scared I wouldn’t be if Gavin was by my side. But, he wasn’t. I’m not going to make him fight with his family. Not over me. Not ever. When I drifted off I dreamt about him of course. We were lying down in the pasture by the creek the tall grass all around us. He was holding me close to him and we were laughing. He was kissing me gently. I didn’t want the dream to end. It was the sweetest dream in the world but, like every night that sweet dream turned into my nightmare about my dad dying. Every sleep ended the same. Me waking up at some point weather it be in the middle of the night, or in the morning. I always wake up in a cold sweat. Getting up Andrea wasn’t in the room and the room was dark. Turning on her small desk lamp I quickly got in to my bag wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Searching for my link to Gavin. I had to see him. My dreams weren’t enough. Finally finding our picture I studied it closely and held it to my chest tightly wishing it were him instead. I’m tired of losing the people I love most in my life. I can’t help but feel cursed. Laying back down I fell back asleep clutching our picture tightly. Sometime in the middle of the night I heard Andrea creep in quietly but, soon fell back asleep.

  The days came and went quickly and her parents literally peeked in here an there barely staying for very long before they were off again. It was easier hiding from them than I thought it would be. To easy almost. It made my heart go out to her realizing just how much alone time she really does spend. I could probably live here for the next two years and her parent’s would never even notice. But, my time here was coming to an end. Christmas break was almost over and it was the Saturday before school would start up again on Monday. I already made up my mind that I had to leave before school came back into session. Knowing when that happened it would be ten times harder to slip out of town without being noticed. I would say before the second hour of school everyone would know I ran away and of course then everyone would be taking that extra glance driving, or walking, or whatever they were doing at a stranger to see if it was me. That was something I couldn’t risk. My train is to leave Sunday night for Chicago. I got the address for the bar and have called it to make sure she still worked there. They told me they couldn’t give me that information. So, I waited until later one night and called and asked for her and when she got on the phone I hung up. I couldn’t let her know I was coming. I had this bad feeling she would leave town if she knew. Clay had already found out and called Andrea to see if she knew anything. Obviously Gavin had called him in desperation to see if I went to Clay for help. Which kind of hurt my feelings but, I couldn’t blame him. I knew he was going to try anything possible to find me. That’s just the kind of guy he is. Andrea on the other hand never felt so popular her whole life and she absolutely beamed every time Clay or Gavin called to check up to see if she heard anything. Yeah, she realized they were calling about me but, it still made her feel good knowing she was talking to the two hottest guys in school on the phone.

  Finally when that Sunday came I decided to leave early to ensure I wouldn’t miss my train. Plus, I had a pretty good distance to walk. We lived in such a small town that there were no taxi’s and I couldn’t exactly call someone to take me. So, here I go again. Walking. Zipping up my jacket and putting on my hat the sadness I felt got worse with every step I took towards the door knowing in a couple hours I would be gone and never coming back. No matter what. Even if my mother and grandparents don’t accept me I still won’t come back. I’ll find some way to make it. At the door Andrea was now the one begging me not to leave but, of course it fell on deaf ears. Hugging her in appreciation I thanked her and said my good byes.

  “I’ll miss you so much Andrea. You really are a good friend.”

  “Promise me you’ll call when you get there so I know your all right.”

  “I promise.” I said with tears in my eyes.

  “I promise to keep in touch with you.”

  Hugging her I said goodbye to another part of my life. Walking out into the cold I started towards the train station knowing I was going to have to hit the highway for a while before I could get back on some back roads. I hated that fact knowing someone could see me easier.

  “Gavin, sweetie. We’ll find her. She’s got to show up somewhere. You have to eat.” Julia said sitting down beside him on his bed.

  “Why did he have to do it mom? Why did he have to run her off?” Staring up at the ceiling while I laid here all I could feel was pain. That was all I could feel since she had been gone. Not realizing how much she was such an intricate part of my life. Feeling now like there was a huge hole in his heart. Every second of every day he has worried about her. Where she was? If she was cold? Worse yet if she was still alive? What if something bad happened to her? She was so naive and clumsy, what if she trusted the wrong person? His imagination was getting the best of him. And he knew he was torturing himself. He tried and tried and he couldn’t find her any where. He felt so guilty all the time.

  “He didn’t mean to run her off Gavin.”

  “Who cares if her dad was adopted. I’m adopted.”

  “I agree honey. But, she probably looks at this like she’s not really related to us. So she probably figures we don’t want her because of that. In truth I knew she was but I still wanted her here.”

  “But, dad doesn’t does he?”

  “Your dad has a hard time dealing with his past with Madison’s father and mother. I think he has unresolved issues that he has carried over onto Madison. He’s your father Gavin. You don’t have to forget what he’s done but you need to forgive him.”

  “I know mom. I don’t plan on forgiving him until he brings Maddie back to me.”

  “Believe it or not he has been out looking for her.”

  “Mom I’m not stupid I know it’s only because you would castrate him if he didn’t.”

  “A woman has her ways.” She said now with a small smile.

  “I know you love her sweetie.” She said patting him on the leg. “But, maybe there will be other girls.”

  “What if I don’t want there to be any other girls?”

  “That’s your decision honey. I wouldn’t be disappointed, that’s for sure. She was such a gorgeous, smart girl.”

  “You said was. Don’t say was.”

  “I’m sorry honey. I didn’t mean it that way.”

  “Besides, I never said I loved her.”

  “Honey, I see it in your
eyes everyday. I especially see it now. She’s not a hard girl to care about. We all fell in love with her the first day she was here. Well all but William that is. But even then, you could tell when his friends asked him how she was doing and he told them about her perfect grades you could tell he was a little proud. It’s just that you fell in love with her in a different way than everyone else did. And there is nothing wrong with that.”

  “Well, according to Dad it would be a fuckin catastrophe.”

  “Gavin.” She said sighing.

  “I’m sorry mom. I didn’t mean to cuss around you. I’m just aggravated.”

  “I know sweetie.” She said patting his leg and getting up to leave him to alone. “Me and your father are taking the girls into town to try and get there mind off of everything for a while. They really do miss her.”

  “I know mom.”

  “You sure you don’t want to come along?”

  “Positive.”

  “It’s not good for you to just lay here.”

  “I’ll be fine mom.”

  “Okay.” She said relenting now walking out and shutting the door quietly.

  He didn’t want to lay here anymore thinking about her. But, she was always here. He couldn’t help but feeling this way. Turning over to look at the clock he heard the downstairs door slam and the family car start up. He almost felt relieved he was putting on an act of trying to keep it together. When he was alone it wasn’t as bad. He felt like he could just be sad, mad, depressed or whatever he felt like feeling at that moment. Just as he was thinking about going out to look around town again desperately, knowing she was long gone from this town, the phone rang.

  Walking slowly into the hallway he didn’t get excited anymore when the phone rang. He had pretty much given up on Maddie calling and it just caused to much heart ache when it was someone else on the other line.

  “Hello?” Gavin grumbled.

  “Gavin?”

  “Yeah, who is this?” Asking impatiently shifting his weight to his other leg.

  “This is Andrea.”

  “Yeah, Andrea? You need anything? Have you heard from her?”

  “You promise not to get mad at me?”

  “Andrea.” He said slowly drawn out. “Why do you want me to promise not to get mad at you?”

  “Um well, I’m sorry but….”

  “Andrea, please spit it out. Your killing me here.” Now pacing back and fourth.

  “Okay, here it goes. Madison has been staying with me all this time. She made me promise not to tell anyone. She wanted to stay until she figured out where she was going.”

  “What?” He practically yelled into the phone. “Why didn’t you tell me! Andrea? Is she still there? Let me talk to her!” He said now mad and excited at the same time.

  “Well…”

  “What do you mean well?” Anger rising but trying to stay calm afraid she would change her mind on telling him anything. “Is she there? Where did she go?”

  “Well…”

  “Andrea…. Please, I love her.”

  “You do?”

  “There is not a doubt in my mind.”

  “She’ll hate me forever, but she left ten minutes ago. She is walking to the train station to go to Chicago to find her mother.”

  “She’s what?”

  “I’m sure she hasn’t gotten very far. She wanted to leave early to make sure she had plenty of time to walk and have some extra to wait on her train.”

  “Which way did she go?” Panic rising.

  “Well, she talked like she was going to take the highway for a distance then hit the back roads.”

  He knew he would be able to find her on the highway but if she hit the back roads, there are several different directions she could go. He could go wait for her at the train station but, he couldn’t stand the thought of her walking in this cold. It had to be twenty degrees out there and it has already started to freezing rain.

  “Gavin, I’m scared for her. I want you to bring her back. She won’t be safe going to her mom. Her mom doesn’t even know she’s coming.”

  “Alright. I’m out of here before she gets to far.” He said going to hang up the phone.

  “Gavin!”

  “Yeah?” “Go easy on her. You are all she thought about and talked about while she was here. It was killing her leaving you behind.”

  “Thanks Andrea.”

  “Tell her I’m sorry.”

  “I will bye. Bye.”

  Running down the stairs as fast as he could he grabbed his jacket and keys and flew out the door to his truck. This was his last chance to get her back. He knew that, and that scared him. Because if he missed this chance he knew he would never see her again. He couldn’t come face to face with that prospect again. No, he wouldn’t. He was going to bring her home. He didn’t care if he had to physically carry her the whole way home she was coming. Throwing the truck into drive he barely gave himself enough time to put on his jacket. It was so cold and it was getting dark. If someone hurts her or touches her it’ll be the last thing they do, he thought to himself. Getting into town it felt like it took forever. He drove as fast as the now icy roads would let him cussing them the whole time. Finally, making it to the highway he was getting worried with a couple miles she had gotten to far. That is until he spotted her walking on the side practically in the ditch stumbling along to keep her feet on the grass and not on the icy pavement.

  Walking along I was cussing my self and the damn weather. Of course it’s cold and freezing rain. Why wouldn’t it be? I thought to myself. I felt miserable, wet and chilled to the bone. I knew I had a long ways to walk still. And I was even starting to fell sick, now coughing. I hadn’t gotten over my first long cold walk to Andrea’s house and now I was doing this again. Now in colder, wetter weather an even farther distance. I was kicking myself for not leaving last night. It wasn’t near as bad last night. Suddenly I heard someone drive up behind me and I knew the sound of that truck. Cussing again to myself. I thought about running for a split second but who was I kidding? Gavin could reach me in seconds. Damn it! I’m to weak to tell him no now. I knew if I seen him before I left I would stay. I was to afraid of turning around to look at him. I had to admit I was excited to see him again. He was my whole heart. My every thought. My whole world and it was killing me inside leaving him behind. I had to stay strong. I wouldn’t let him take me. I was getting tired and having a hard time not coughing and even keeping from passing out. This cold, flue thing I had was taking all of my strength. Every step was becoming a struggle. And yet again Gavin appears. It’s like he has a sixth sense. Every time I’m in trouble, sick, or need him he’s right here. But, in all actuality I already figured out Andrea called him.

  Slamming his truck into park he got out of it and started running towards her. “Maddie, what the hell are you doing?” He called out.

  Turning around slowly he was running towards me and he looked like absolute heaven. He was tall, gorgeous, inviting, and very warm. I so badly wanted to run into his arms but I couldn’t.

  Finally, reaching her. “Maddie, look at you. You look so sick. Your coming home right now!”

  “Gavin, no I’m not. I’m going to the train station.” I said turning around and walking away from him.

  “Like hell you are!” He screamed in her direction against the now howling wind. Running to her he grabbed her around the waist and started carrying her back to his truck.

  “Gavin let me go.” I yelled now kicking and screaming. But, I didn’t have very much strength behind it and it was like pummeling a rock. It was hurting myself more than it was him.

  “I will not let you go! Your coming home now!”

  I thought about yelling for help but that would be pointless I would never dream about embarrassing him anyways. Not that there was anyone out in this crazy weather anyways. Desperation was setting in and I knew he was stronger, and probably more stubborn. But, I could be just as stubborn. With all my strength I dug my heels in as hard as I
could. Thinking it would jolt him and he would drop me so I could kick him or do something. But, no luck. He didn’t even miss a stride. “Gavin, let me go. I’m leaving. You have to let me go.”

  “Like hell I do.” He said dragging her along while she was still kicking.

  Truth was I was getting more tired and weak and all I really wanted to do was crawl up in the nice warm cab of the truck and right into his lap and warm arms. But, I just had to get to Chicago. I have to get to my mother. She may not be the best mom but she was family. Real family. And that was the only thing I was sure of lately. Reaching the cab of the truck he opened the passenger door and gently set me inside even managing to do so with all my struggling. Slamming the door he started to walk around the truck to get inside. I opened back up my door and started walking again.

  “Damn it Maddie. Why are you doing this to me?” He shouted at me walking behind me.

  “I’m not doing anything to you Gavin. Don’t you see that? I’m not your family. I wasn’t related to you before but, now I’m really not. I’m just a stranger. I’m not coming back.” I said stumbling forward and catching myself with my hands before I toppled over.

  Running up to her he helped her back up to her feet and she started trudging along again. “Technically, I’m not their family either. Remember? I’m adopted to just like your father was. Does that make me any less important?”

  “God no Gavin. I didn’t mean it like that. Besides, that’s different and you know it.” I grumbled.

  “No, I don’t think it is. What dad did to you was wrong I’m not denying that. I know you definitely don’t want to come back home for him. Do it for Mom, or even Kayla and Kylie they miss you so much. Turning around to face him now this was the first time I had actually looked at him straight in the face and I wanted to walk into his arms and start sobbing and let him do with her whatever he wanted.

  “And you what about you?”

  “What about me?”

  “You want me to come home for Aunt Julia, Kayla, and Kylie, but what about you?”

  “Maddie, do you really have to ask?”