by Bry Ann
Safe:
Prologue (Gunner):
I burst through the door. No warning. The wood splinters from the force of the blow, sending chips flying everywhere. The older of the two men, the one I know as Anatoli, immediately whips out a gun and points it at me with no hesitation. Interesting. I don’t flinch as I fight to keep my face impassive. The younger of the two, the one I see a hint of my old self in, just watches me. Even without a gun in his hand he’s lethal. He’s the one I know would kill me if I don’t play my cards right.
“What do you want?”
Anatoli’s narrow as I make my way further into the room.
“You know an Alexa Ray?” I cock an eyebrow. I see his eyes flicker with shock and recognition. “I thought so. Knowing her you probably know a Pytor as well I presume.”
I lean against the wall casually.
“There’s something I need from him.” His life. “You two are going to be the ones to help me.”
The young man narrows his eyes. The look he throws me is deadly. I can almost feel the fury running through his veins, but I’m not focused on him. I’m focused on the man whose gun has lowered ever so slightly. He’s trying to act tough, but I see he cares. I know the whole ‘I’m pretending not to care’ for survival act all too well. If anyone’s going to help me, it’d be him.
“Alexa?” he asks.
I can hear the worry in his voice despite his stiff posture. I can tell this man is a trained killer. Both of them are. The younger man is a whole different breed though. He wants to kill me. I can see see the desire in his eyes. The way his body stiffened when I walked in the room, and his eyes follow my every move. Something is stopping him though. I see him flick his gaze over to Anatoli several times, as if gauging what he should do. How he should react. Again, Interesting. He’s searching for Anatoli’s guidance despite the fact he could easily kill him. He could probably kill me too.
“You probably knew her as Alex I guess,” I reply, sounding relaxed.
“What the fuck is she involved in now?” Anatoli snaps. He fails to hide the concern buried under his anger.
“She’s not. She’s happy.”
Anatoli’s arms slips a little. “What? She is?”
I have him where I want him, but the younger man isn’t convinced. Whether or not he cares about Alexa is irrelevant to him. It’s dangerous to get involved. Bad business. I understand this all too well. I like this guy. I’ve never met someone so like myself. It’s like seeing the ghost of Gunner’s past, except this guy has seen more than I ever have. It’s clear by the scars running along his torso. All he’s wearing is black sweats and tennis shoes. He’s shirtless and it’s clear he wasn’t expecting anyone.
“Your name?” I say to the younger man.
Anatoli takes a step forward protectively. I’m just not sure who he is trying to protect; Me from killing Tobias or Tobias from killing me. Either way his intention is to protect. So fucking interesting. These two clearly aren’t brothers, but they sure act like it.
“Tobias,” the man says coldly. I nod.
“You don’t want to get involved. Why?”
I totally ignore Anatoli at this point. I can feel the offense coming off him in waves, but he’s not the hindrance to my mission here anymore. Tobias is. I glance down at his scars again. The second Tobias notices his whole body stiffens. Which was my intention.
“You want to kill Pytor. I’m not fucking stupid Gunner. I know all about you. You made quite a name for yourself back in your day.”
“Yes I did.”
“Yeah well. I’m not planning on going on a suicide mission for some stupid girl.”
“Stupid? I believe Alexa escaped him, despite his oh so impressive attempt at keeping her caged up.”
“Yeah,” Tobias scoffs and glances over at Anatoli. “Not alone.”
I finally turn my gaze back over to Anatoli, who is eyeing me suspiciously. He is conflicted.
“She lost the kid right?” There’s pain in his eyes. “I know Pytor was out to kill it, but... that’s around the time we left. That’s all I know, but it’s enough. I know he does not fail.”
“Yeah, she did. She lost her. Her name was Anna.”
There is a flicker of emotion in his cold eyes. This man may be a trained assassin, but that gets him. Knowing Alexa followed through and did in fact name her child after him. I see it, and the brilliant thing is Tobias see’s it too. He knows he’s fucked. He is loyal to Anatoli for some reason, and he knows Anatoli won’t drop this. Not when Alexa named her fucking kid after him.
“Fuck,” he says, but his voice is soft. “I didn’t do anything to stop him, even though I knew what he was planning, so I have no right to be mad.”
I roll my eyes. I hate this guilt shit. It hinders people. “That’s a pussy excuse for not doing anything. He’ll keep going after her. You know that. He killed someone else she loved. He’ll kill her.”
Anatoli flinches, but Tobias jumps, clearly losing his battle for emotional control. “Yeah, and why are you fucking involved in this?!”
“Alexa is my girl’s friend. And I retrieved the body of one of his victims. A skinny, young girl. No older than 25. I may be a heartless criminal, but to pick on defenseless young woman is pathetic.”
Tobias nods. “He’s never been about killing them before. He lost his mind. Hence us leaving.”
“Just trapping them into prostitution.”
“He fucking fed her. Gave her a place to stay.”
“Geez, I’ll begin his application into sainthood.” I roll my eyes. This is a pathetic conversation. I’m disappointed. Tobias has to know how weak he sounds.
“Your girl?” I’m surprised Tobias has just picked up on this, but it pisses me off to hear him talk about Dana.
“Don’t talk about her.”
I step right about his face. The corners of Tobias’s lips turn up. He’s happy to have found my weakness. He doesn’t understand that Dana is the furthest thing from my weakness.
“I don’t care if you’re riddled with scars. I will kill you.”
Tobias eyes darken in a way that even makes me think twice. I don’t move or give him any fear to go off of, but my heart is alive in my chest. A steady rhythm pounding away, reminding me how easy my life would be to take. Anatoli sticks an arm between us.
“Okay, back the fuck off,” he growls. Tobias gives me one last hard look before stepping away. I decide right then I need to understand these guys respect for one another. They are both independent dudes. It makes no sense. I shake my hands to get rid of my urge to beat the shit out of him.
“Tell us what you want Gunner,” Anatoli asks with his arms folded over his chest.
“I want to kill Pytor.” I lean against the wall. “I want him out of the picture.”
“That’s not possible. You have no idea how far his reach extends.”
“But you two do.”
“Leave us the fuck out of it!” Tobias seethes.
“Fine.” I turn around, smirking to myself. “I’ll tell Alex you said hi Anatoli.”
I feel fingers curl around my shoulder, halting me. I know it’s Anatoli before I’m even all the way around.
“Don’t play me for a fool наркоторговец.”
“Fucking stand up then,” I snap. “Enough with the games. You fucking care about Alexa. Do something about it.”
“Do you have a plan?” Tobias asks, cutting me off. My eyebrows raise. I didn’t expect him to intercept.
“I always have a plan.”
Tobias looks over at Anatoli who gives him the slightest nod. Tobias crosses his scarred arms over his chest.
“Then talk.”
Chapter One (Alexa):
I feel empt
y. I feel like someone has scooped my insides out and left me with this shell. I honestly don’t know what happened. One minute I was telling my story. The next I was thirsting for revenge, and then I was just gone. It was as if the girl I was before never existed. Someone could point a gun to my head and I’d probably shrug nonchalantly. I just don’t care anymore.
I don’t remember much after my talk with Gunner. One minute I was talking to Gunner, the next everything went blank. I felt almost robotic. I faintly remember Rex ushering me out of the room, and then I ended up here. At Rex’s condo. It’s been three days. I’ve spent nearly all of that time in the room Rex has let me use, and I know it’s driving Rex crazy. He’s trying to give me my space, but doesn’t know how much to give. He tried to talk to me this morning, but I didn’t engage. I only remember one part of the conversation. Before Rex left the room . I had to warn him. He needed to know.
“He’ll never stop looking for me Rex,” I said ominously. “My life is his. I got in bed with the devil, eventually I’m going to have to sleep there. I can’t avoid it forever. You need to let me go like I’ve let you go twice now. Give me what I deserve and save yourself.”
I didn’t give Rex a chance to respond. I turned away from him and stayed quiet until I heard the faint clicking sound of a locked door. I felt the urge to cry but no tears would fall. I just laid there, staring at the ceiling, letting the hollowness consume me. That’s been pretty much been the extent of my human interaction. I need to do something, but I’ve never felt like this before.
Hopeless. Completely and utterly out of hope. Out of shits to give. Out of fight to fight. I'm just done.
My survival instincts have always kicked in, but it’s like they are broken now. I’ve survived too much already. They know as well as I do my time is way past up. The door slams open and I sit up immediately. My eyes are glazed over and I mindlessly run my hand along one of my tattoos. My favorite one. The one nobody notices. It’s a girl in a flame. You can barely see it, but on the outside of the flames is a set of eyes watching. Watching, but doing nothing to stop the girl from burning alive. I don’t know who it represents. My mom maybe? It all started with her. I miss her. I love her no matter what, but in her rare sane moments she had to know stuff was going on and she did nothing. Didn’t even try. That continued my whole life until I stopped deserving to be saved.
In the doorway is Dana. Of all people she is the very last person I expected to see. Rex was at the top of my list. Then Sam. Okay maybe Logan would be dead last, but still.
“I understand hopelessness Alexa.”
“Alex,” I mumble. “I think the whole Alexa ship has sailed.”
She nods faintly. “Alex then. I understand, to a degree, how hollow you feel inside.”
“I’m sorry about Gunner,” I mumble. “I know you need him.”
Dana raises her eyebrows and takes a seat next to me. “One, nice subject change. Two, I don’t need anyone. I want him. I love him. He’s my best friend, and he better not make a habit of this but even I know the police aren’t the best people for this situation. I don’t want that man to ever hurt you again.”
“I don’t care if he hurts me at this point, but he wouldn’t go after me. He’d go after one of you, which is why I know Gunner had to go and do this. I'm just so scared he’ll lose.” I choke on my last words. Who knew I cared so much?
“I trust Gunner.” I can hear the worry in her words though. “Okay, so I'm scared too, but I do trust him. You haven’t seen him in action. I have. My guy knows what he is getting into. He’s the most level headed human being in the world.”
“What if he’s not okay? You don’t know Pytor. He’s so smart! He beats me everytime. No matter what I do he always wins. Even if we win the battle he’ll win the war.”
I tuck myself into a ball and cry. Everything around me disappears. This is the root of everything. I know I’ll lose. I’ll lose everything, and I shouldn’t be dragging people I care about into this. I feel a hand stroking my back for a while before it disappears. It always does. I miss the comfort, but am too wrapped up in my pain to take real notice. Days of numbness and now the floodgates have opened and I can’t stop. I don’t think I’ll ever stop crying. Several minutes later a strong arm wraps around me. I know who is it instantly. I do what I know I shouldn’t but so desperately crave. I leap into the arms of the only person who's ever brought me true peace. Rex.
I tuck into his side and put my face on his crisp white shirt. I feel him stroke my hair gently, without saying a word. Just letting me feel. I pull in so close to him that I am pretty much sitting on his lap. I can feel my body shaking in his strong grasp, but I can’t stop it. I cry until my body is so exhausted that I feel my eyes involuntarily start closing. Rex slowly lies me back and pulls the cover up to my neck and tucks it in. I feel so tired and temporarily calm that I just let him tuck me in like a child. That is until I feel the bed shift. I sit up quickly, going from full to empty.
“Stay! Please stay. Rex please.” I feel tears spring to my eyes again. I thought I’d cried myself out. Apparently not.
Rex nods and lies back on the bed and pulls me into his side. “I’m not going anywhere. Okay? I’m right here.”
Tears slip out of my eyes again. Silently this time, because I know I should leave him. I know I’m not good for him, but I can’t. I crave the comfort he’s always given me. Somehow around him I’m just me. I don’t have to be strong or tough or fake or anything else I'm not. It’s just me and him, authentically. I’ve never had that, and I know I never will with anyone else. I can’t let him go. I squeeze him tighter as I feel his gaze slowly drift down to me.
“Alex. Can you talk to me now? You’re scaring me.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“Um…” Rex sits up and looks at me, the ever confident and cool man I know him to be. “You’ve shut down. I’ve barely heard you cuss. I mean, shit Alex, you’ve barely spoke. We are all worried about you.”
“Sam doesn’t even know me.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it. She knows you in all the ways that matter.”
I tuck my head into the pillow like a coward.
“I don’t think I can handle it anymore Rex. The pain. The hurt. The loneliness. The guilt. That’s the worst part. The guilt. It’s eating me alive.” I sit up suddenly feeling the weight of the pain inside me. I sit up and grab the ends of my hair and tuck my head into my chest and pull on it. “I’ve killed people. Literally killed someone with my own bare hands. I’m responsible for not only my daughter’s death but Mia’s.” I pull on my hair harder. “I’ve hurt people. I… I can’t take it anymore.”
The urge to hurt myself is overwhelming. I know Rex would never let me though, so I settle on tugging on my hair and gritting my teeth. My breathing is harsh. The pain inside me is literally crippling. It’s a pain so intense that you’d never be able to understand it unless you’ve truly hit rock bottom.
I feel Rex watching me for a bit as I try to contain the pain. It’s all spilling out now. The acts are over. I don’t have the energy for it anymore. Rex grabs both of my hands and holds them in his lap. I try desperately to pull away. Rex finds my eyes, which I know are swollen, red and blotchy.
“I need a shower,” I mumble.
Rex lets out a ghost of a smile. “We both know all about your showers. That’s not gonna happen for at least another hour so get used to how you feel now.”
Usually I’d have a smartass remark to that, but right now I have nothing to say. I just nod and look down at my lap. Goosebumps break out across my skin as Rex starts to trace his hand over my tattoos.
“I love your tattoos. You’ve added a lot.”
“Yeah,” I mumble. “They just fit.”
“Yes they do. They’re hot.” I finally let out a bit of a smile. It makes me happy to know he finds them hot. He’s the only person’s opinion that matters to me when it comes to my physical looks. I revel in his touch until I realize the t
attoo he is tracing his finger around. I stiffen instantly. His circles stop.
“You noticed,” I say in barely a whisper.
He removes his hand and furrows his brows. “Isn’t it obvious?”
I shake my head and try and fight the stupid girly tears threatening to hit my eyes. “No one has ever noticed before.”
A small smile plays on his lips. “I guess that’s why I'm your best friend then, huh?”
Fuck you Rex, I'm gonna cry.
“Yeah, guess so. You noticed all my fucked up tattoos. That puts you high on my list.” He lets out a small laugh, but as he’s doing so reality hits me. “What now Rex? Where do I go from here? What do I do? I feel lost.”
“Well, first we let Gunner do his thing. Give the guy a little credit. He’ll get us somewhere at least. I trust him.” My face tenses. “Alex, what’s wrong? Gunner…”
“Is gonna die. Pytor is smarter. You don’t get it. He’ll outsmart him. He’ll kill him. He has more men. Dana…”
Rex silences me. “Look, I have no doubt Pytor has more men or more of a killer instinct than Gunner. I will give you that. However, no one, and I do mean no one, is going to outsmart Gunner when he’s focused. I mean I'm not saying he’s the smartest criminal who ever lived or anything, but he has patience, control and wits like I’ve no one I’ve ever seen. He got my sister and mom back from him and he will end him for good this time.”
I forgot it was Pytor that Gunner got Rex’s mom and Mia’s body back from. That brings me a small amount of comfort.
“But…”
“Shhh… Let Gunner take care of Gunner like he’s always done. If he feels he’s in danger you know he will be done. He wouldn’t leave Dana forever. You know he’d never do that to her.”
I glance at the doorway and slowly nod. “Yeah.”
“Okay then. Trust him. Let him see what he can do to keep you safe. That’s step one.”
“Step two?”
“You have a timid blonde waiting in the other room.”
“Shit Dana! Shit! Shit! Shit! I broke down in front of her!” I stand up abruptly and being pacing the room and running my hands through my stringy blonde brown hair. “Shit! Fuck! Shit!”
