by Bry Ann
I hear Rex laugh and then he grabs both of my hands, still chuckling. “Well you’re back. I must say you seem to have made up for lost time with that string of curse words.”
I smile sheepishly. “I cried in front of Dana! No, broke down. I don’t do that. I…”
My rambling is cut off as Rex plants his lips on mine. He grabs my lower back and pulls me into him. Everything around me disappears. The pain. Anger. Guilt. Dana. All of it. I grab his thick black hair and kiss him just as greedily as he’s kissing me. Years have gone by and not a day has passed where I haven’t missed this. His scent. His lips. Just him. Eventually he pulls away leaving me panting and breathless and horny.
“I’ll get Dana now,” he smirks and turns on his heel. I quickly grab his arm.
“Jesus asshole! Give me a second. I...I need to prepare how I'm gonna act.”
“Gonna act?”
All traces of amusement and pleasure have left his face.
“Yeah, like, around Dana. She saw me break down. Heard my story. They know I’ve struggled. How did I fix this? I won’t be the “broken friend”. I won't.”
“Alex,” Rex cups my face and sighs, “Sweetie, a broken friend is much better than a fake friend. Much worse than the friend you never really get to know. Besides, you are not broken, you are struggling. There is a huge difference. You will never be the “broken friend”. Let them get to know you. The smart mouthed, bad ass, vulnerable person that I know. Okay?”
He doesn’t give me time to respond. He just stalks out of the room like he 100% fully believes I will do the right thing and be authentic with my friend. Damn him. Now I'm going to feel guilty if I don’t. My ego is still an ever growing thing inside of me though. I don’t want to appear weak, although it is a little late for that. Fuck. With that the door swings open and Dana stands there looking worried. Rex is close behind her with his eyebrows raised, challenging me.
“Uh, hi. Here’s to a proper introduction.” I cock my head. Dana laughs a little and comes to sit on the bed. Right as her butt hits the mattress I hear a loud sound coming from the living room and Sam comes barging in. I don’t even have time to be annoyed before Sam really makes her presence known. She makes herself right at home in my bed. Fuck, Rex’s bed. Rex’s.
“Yeah sorry Rex, but there’s no way in hell I'm waiting in the living room to give Alexa time to “adjust”. I mean she can cope fast. It’s just me. ”
I look at Rex and smirk slightly. I’ll always love how Sam doesn’t baby me despite everything she knows. Rex just shakes his head at the two of us.
“I’ll give you girls time to catch up.”
“Yes grandma.”
“Hahaha,” he rolls his eyes and walks out.
Sam turns to me. “We’ve missed you. A lot. Like a whole lot. Our worlds our to quiet and boring without you.”
I can’t help but smile a bit. I figured after everything they heard they’d be done with me. “I go by Alex now Sam.”
“Oh sorry,” Sam says sarcastically, raising her hands in a surrender gesture. “You tell us your life story and now you have a new name and everything.”
She says it jokingly but I can hear the pain in her voice. I know after everything we’ve been through together she’s hurt I didn’t tell her anything, especially because she shared her life with me. What hurts her more though is that I truly believed she would disown me as a friend after she knew everything about me. I know that that cut her deep. She doesn’t say it though. I know she figures I’ve been through enough without her making me feel guilty. Too bad I don’t need her. I can feel super guilty all on my own.
“Alex just feels more natural to me. Alexa belongs to a whole act, not a real person. I know it sounds stupid out loud.”
“No I get it,” Dana jumps in. “Like from a psychology perspective it makes sense.”
Sam looks at Dana curiously. “I’m actually being serious here. Have you thought of going to school and becoming a therapist Dana?”
Dana scrunches her face up. “Me! Heck no. I'm too fucked up.”
“I mean you have issues, but because of that you are great at relating to people. I think it is something you should consider.”
Dana laughs silently to herself.
“What?” Sam asks.
“Well, I mean, I would love to see the look on Gunner’s face knowing he ended up in a serious relationship with a therapist.”
Sam busts out laughing. “I mean that’s reason enough!”
Sam face turns serious as she throws Dana she gives her a motherly look. Sam’s pretty much half mom, half badass at point.
Meaning 100% the strongest human ever. Because there is nothing more badass than a mother.
“Okay, okay I’ll consider it.”
“Good. Start looking at schools. I mean, for real, you have a brother who can pay your way. Why the hell not? You love helping people and can relate to them. Think about it.”
“This is nice,” I mumble. Both girls quickly turn their heads to look at me. “I mean I’ve been so in my fucking head the past few days it’s nice to just talk like normal. To not be looked at like a flipping wounded deer.”
Sam nods. “You forget I’ve been in your shoes, and so has Dana. We get it. You’re not fucking wounded okay. Besides I have so much to catch you up on!” Dana’s face lights up and Sam starts to fidget. “So… I know you aren’t going to believe this since you’ve seen my parenting struggles straight out of the gate, but, um, well….” I’ve never seen Sam this nervous.
“Spit it out Sam!”
“Logan and I are adopting a child!”
“What?” I scream. Dana’s face lights up even further. She’s like a little kid on Christmas.
“Yeah. His name his Dusty. Alex,” Sam sighs and gets this dreamy look in her eye. “he came into the foster home riddled with bruises and two broken bones, but had an attitude like no other. He mouthed off to the nurse who tried to give him a lollipop. Shit, he snapped at me when I tried to “be nice”, which I generally suck at. Alex, I just love him. I went home and told Logan about him, and, well, we are taking him home with us tomorrow.”
I stare at her in shock. I never, ever expected Sam to have or acquire another child. I know she didn’t either. This Dusty kid must be something. “Well wow, I mean I definitely think you’ve turned into a great mom. I can’t think of a better place for a smart ass, abused kid than you and Logan’s place. Although Logan may kill himself having two of you running around.”
“You really think I’ll… you know, I will be good for him? I'm pretty fucked up and unconventional.”
“That sounds just like what this kid needs Sam.”
“See, that’s exactly what I said!” Dana shouts. “Plus, when shit hits the fan you are the ultimate mama bear.”
“No one can argue with you there Dana.”
“No one in the universe can,” Dana says firmly, “I'm pretty sure you’d be one of those moms to lift a bus for her kids.”
Sam blushes. “If it was in my way.”
Dana and I both laugh. Partially because it is funny, partially because it is true. Sam totally would.
“How’s Logan? Jazmine? How’s the foster home?” I ask. For some reason I feel so disconnected, although it really hasn’t been that long.
“The foster home is amazing! I mean it’s really taking off. Like we are helping kids find families and our home is so great. Ms. Arnette does a great job, although I think she’s retiring soon, which sucks. I hoping I am finding kids mom’s like the one I had. I mean I know they don’t always get the best home, but we have the best and most intensive process ever. It would take a lot for someone to dupe us. Plus, we let the kid talk with the interested party first. We ask the kid how they feel with them. I have no interest in rushing kids out. Although, we may have to expand or something. We are looking into that. It’s a lot of work, but I have the best people working for me. Yeah, I get a little riled up sometimes, but I really feel I am making a differen
ce here. I…” Sam looks at her hands and I can tell she is on the verge of tearing up, which rarely happens. Then she clears her voice and straightens up. Toughens up. “It’s the most closure I’ve felt since my mom died. I feel like I am doing right by her. I know she’d be so proud of this. Proud of me.”
Dana and I sit in silence for a second. I never knew Sam’s mom, and it’s not something she ever discussed with her, but I’ve always gotten the distinct impression that her mom framed her whole life and made her who she is. Dana told me her mom’s death destroyed her and that was how she ended up in Wisconsin.
“Okay, you all can say something geez. I don’t know if you really you’re just staring at me awkwardly. I'm highly uncomfortable.”
“How’s Logan?” I blurt out, hoping the conversation doesn’t spin back around to me. Sam raises her eyebrows because she knows I am not Logan’s biggest fan.
“Oh don’t get Sam started on Logan. She’s like a lovestruck teenager,” Dana teases.
“Says you. You look at Gunner like he’s your freaking sun and moon.”
Dana smiled and totally doesn’t deny it. Instead she turns her attention to me.
“Don’t think you got out of this lover girl. How’s Rex?”
“Fuck you Dana!”
Sam laughs and pulls out her cell phone. She starts searching for some sort of video. “Well to get back to your question Alex, Logan’s away at work, but he only left a few days ago and comes home tomorrow to get Dusty. He had some press to do for the movie he’ll be filming. It’s been weird having so much press around. He hasn’t even started filming the thing yet! It’s annoying. I love him but,” she rolls her eyes, “his life is annoying Anyway, I'm going to be really annoying here and show you an interview he did.”
I furrow my eyebrows, totally confused, but Dana jumps in.
“If Sam didn’t I would. It’s so cute! Oh my gosh. Gunner would never say stuff like this.” Dana’s face gets all mushy, but my face is stoic. It really, seriously seems my mushy side only comes out around Rex.
Sam whips out her cell phone and holds it in front of us. Logan’s face fills the screen. He’s all “glammed up” and on sort of entertainment show. His hair is perfectly styled, his blue eyes seem to shine brighter and he’s wearing some sort of sexy leather jacket. Some shit he’d never wear at home. He really is a good looking guy.
“So Logan, we haven’t heard from you in a while.” The reporter's eyes light up and she is clearly checking him out, and flirting with him. I glance over at Sam and her lips are pursed. She looks tense. She is by no means a jealous partner, but it pisses her off that girls would flirt with him so blatantly when they know he’s married. It’s more the principal of the thing for her. She trusts Logan.
“How’s it being engaged? What’s your fiance like? She’s just a normal, average girl, right? We love you for that. Will we ever meet her? And Oh my God,” she fakes concern, “She was kidnapped last year right. Is she okay? You are a dad now too! What’s it like being a father? So much has happened in your life.”
She twirls her hair. I want to gag for Sam. If this was Rex, oooh I’d feel sorry for the bitch.
“I'm not going to talk about my soon to be wife,” Logan says firmly. “I'm going to respect the privacy she so craves, but I will say a few things. One, she is anything but ‘normal’ and ‘average’. She is the most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You have no idea what she’s done for me and my family or what she’s been through. I will also say this. You will never meet her.” A small smile plays on his lips and his eyes light up, making even me swoon. He looks so totally in love it’s sickening. “Let’s just say my girl isn’t Hollywood’s biggest fan, and I'm not sure she’d make good TV. Well, I take that back. It’d be entertaining, but not in the professional standard I like to hold myself by.” He laughs to himself. “Anyway, let’s get back to the movie.”
Then Sam pauses the video and puts her phone back in her pocket. Dana and I look at her. She looks absolutely smitten.
“I know. I'm so disgusting,” she says before I can. “I’m so annoyingly in love, but in my freaking defense. Logan and I get so caught up in the day to day, our jobs, Jazmine, the seemingly endless pain and drama of our lives that we, like, forget we love each other. Forget we are engaged. When I hear him say stuff like that it reminds me of the old days. It reminds me that he sees something in me that I don’t. It makes me feel real good. And,” she smirks, “I love knowing that those beautiful, bitchy women will never have him, because he’s with plain ol’ me.”
Dana and I both laugh. “You deserve for someone to love you like that,” Dana says softly. “And, I’d kill my brother if he said anything other than what he did, and he didn’t put that woman in her place.”
I love when Dana gets feisty. I’ve seen her in action. She’s shy 97% of the time, but the other times, well, I’ve seen her put Logan and Gunner in their places multiple times. Those are the two people in this world she gets all bossy around. It’s so fucking amusing.
“So Dana, how are you and Gunner?” I wince a bit, knowing where he is.
“Alex, please. It’s okay,” she says calmly. “I’m okay. He’s coming home and we’ll continue with our little life.”
I let out a deep breath. “What are y'all's plans then?”
“Well, I mean Gunner and I are going to stay in the cabin. I don’t know what else to say really. Neither of us have thought about marriage, and we don’t want kids so…”
“You don’t?”
Dana let out a bitter laugh. “Me and Gunner? Sam, we are way too fucked up.”
“I have kids. Im super fucked up too!” Sam says , sounding almost offended.
“Sam, you are the kind of fucked up that makes you more productive. It gives you a mission. Drive. You know I didn’t get lucky enough to have that reaction to pain, and Gunner, well, I don’t think I need to explain all the reasons he shouldn’t be a dad. Besides, that is so far from our life plan.”
“What’s your life plan then?”
“Well,” Dana blushes. “Just hanging. Gunner’s kind of teaching me to fight, um, I know I'm gonna suck but…”
Even I interrupted that. Dana and her low self esteem. “No Day. I think it’s a great idea, and you couldn’t have gotten a better fucking teacher.”
Dana grind cheekily. “No, definitely not. Other than fighting, his soon to be new job and keeping up with you crazies, it’s mainly movies and coffee nights for us.”
“What?” I laughed. “Movie and coffee nights? Tell me your joking. Gunner, no way!”
Dana frowns. “He’s not a robot Alex! He likes chill nights too. They are my favorite.”
… and so I get it. The dreamy look on Dana’s face tells me. She loves it. So he loves it. They probably cuddle and fuck and are all cute and romantic. That’s actually kind of cute now that I think about it. I can totally see them doing that in their cute, isolated little cabin.
Silence falls between us. We are all caught up in or heads and the natural direction of the conversation should shift to me, since they both just discussed their lives. They both know, however, I don’t want to talk about my shitty life and recent emotional breakdown. In the midst of the awkward silence the door swings open.
“Okay. Are you threee gonna gossip all day? Should I bring you a bottle of wine? Maybe a Friends DVD?” Rex asks, sounding amused. None of us are the type of chicks to sit down and have a heart to heart. This is abnormal behavior for us.
Dana laughs, Sam frowns and I stand up and throw a pillow across the room, which Rex blocks with a laugh.
“Shut the fuck up Rex. It’s better than the weird silent bromance thing you and Gunner have going on!”
Rex laughs again. “Seriously though. What now?”
That question is directed at me. Everyone’s eyes drill into mine. I look around frantically looking for someone to save me from this awkwardness. I'm good right now, but that seems to change every five seconds. My eyes cling to Sam,
who seems to be studying me. Finally, she sighs and decides to jump in and save me.
“Well, Logan’s flying into Nashville tomorrow, and Jazmine and I have to go home to prepare for Dusty,” an unintentionally huge smile spreads across Sam’s face. “I was hoping, well, I was hoping you all would come with me… to meet him and support me.”
She turns to me. I sit up straighter when I see the emotion laying heavy in her eyes.
Alexa,” she shakes her head. “Alex, you’ve always been there to support me as a parent and a person. I… I can’t imagine picking up my new kid without you. I need you there, and Rex, I need you there too because I need you to keep Alex in check. I am assigning you the role of babysitter.”
I hit Sam, and just like that we all make plans to go to Nashville tomorrow and pick up Sam’s new kid.
It’s little shit like this that saves a person, because in the seemingly small moment of a booking a ticket to support my best friend, little pieces of myself start to fit back together. Despite everything, I still belong.
Chapter 2 ( Rex):
Sam and Dana left for a while. Who knows how long. I can’t figure out Alex’s crew of girls to save my life. They make Alex happy though, and that’s all I really care about. That’s all that really matters. Plus, they are pretty cool and badass in their own right. The second the girls left Alex came to sit next to me on the couch, which was a small miracle because it’s the first time she’s left her room in days. Seeing the girls was good for her. She seems calmer, more confident.
“They are pretty great Alex.”
“They’re alright,” she mumbles, but I see the smile play on her lips. There’s a pause before she turns to me with a curious look on her face. “Wanna watch a movie? Dana and Gunner…” her eyebrows pull together and she immediately stops talking. She turns away from me and shakes her head like what she was about to say was crazy. I am curious as shit now. She was about to want to do something Dana does. That’s a first.
“Sure,” I shrug. “What movie?”
