by Bry Ann
“Well this one is glad it’s done, but is annoyed that her boyfriend does everything perfectly with seemingly no stressful whatsoever!”
He smiles and pauses a second. “You ready to go home babe?”
I feel a lot of my stress dissolve and my shoulders fall. “Yeah. Im ready to go home.”
Home.
Chapter 21 (Alex):
“I hate you for doing this. This is the second time you have gotten on my bad list. It’s not a place you want to be Rex!”
“Alex, he’s family.”
“I don’t…” I can’t even finish that sentence. Rex knows as well as I do that Mia meant the world to me, and despite how scared makes me feel (therefore I don’t like him) I would never outright not give a fuck about him. “Fine,” I grumble. “But if he starts anything I swear!”
“I know I’ve talked to him.” Rex walks off and puts the last snack tray on the table. We decided against a formal sit down dinner, because that would be hella awkward. “This should be interesting,” I hear Rex mumble to himself. Yeah. I sorta feel sorry for the guy. He is always the buffer.
Forty five minutes later the doorbell rings. When Rex opens it, in all his miserable country glory, is Blaze. “I don’t know why Im here.” That’s all he says as he barrels is way in past Rex.
“Me neither,” I mumble. Rex shoots me a hard look and I lift my hands in surrender.
“Can we just all pretend to not hate each other for one night. Haven’t we had enough drama? Blaze.”
Blaze doesn’t say anything. He just sits down and starts stuffing food in his face. I look at Rex helplessly and Rex motions for me to move along. I sigh and take a seat next to Blaze.
“Look. Me and you haven’t gotten along. You hate me. I get it, but I want to try and explain myself here. I think you have enough hate in your heart for a lifetime. If I can just move that hatred down to general dislike I will be happy.” Blaze just stares at me with his cold, unfeeling eyes. I clear my throat uncomfortable. He unnerves me. It is crazy hard for me to believe this is the guy Mia was head over heels in love with. “So, um,” my voice gets softer as the topic gets harder. My eyes well up with tears, even though I wish like hell they didn’t. When Blaze notices there is a slight draw in his eyebrows like he is confused. “You have to know I love Mia with everything. Honestly Blaze I didn’t know. If I could go back in time and take her place I would in a heartbeat. I was baited. Then I just… had like a psychotic break or something. They threatened Rex and Mia and I played along, but after….” my throat starts to close up and I feel slightly dizzy. “After they had my dad rape me I just… lost it. I didn’t think. I forgot about the threat. I just wanted out. I killed people Blaze. Real living people.” That seems to hit him. Something in his expression changes. I think it’s because he knows how extremely desperate you have to be to get to the point where you are willing to kill someone. “Blaze, Im so sorry. I was drowning. I tried so hard not to bring anyone down with me. I just… failed.”
There is a long silence. My heart is pounding in my chest and tears as running down my face as I silently beg Blaze to forgive me, to say something, to give any hint that he believes me to any degree. Finally, I get it, but the silence takes a lifetime.
“I believe you.” That’s all he says, but I am able to breath. Like really breath in a way I hadn’t in years. The guilt has been eating me alive, and I needed his forgiveness. I needed it like oxygen. I stay frozen in my seat, but Blaze gets up, stuffs food in his mouth and walks over to Rex. They talk for the rest of the night and I say in my own silent bubble of shock on the couch.
“I believe you.”
He believes me.
Does that mean he forgives me? Am I forgiven? Am I forgivable?
Im taken out of my thoughts when I feel Rex come over and sit next to me.
“He’s gone,” he says in my ear. I jump.
“Oh he is?”
“Yeah. We both figured you needed some space.”
“Oh really did Blaze actually think that?” I ask sarcastically.
Rex’s face is deadpan. “Yes he did. Alex, he’s not a bad guy. He doesn’t hate you. Somewhere in there is the guy Mia fell in love with. Im not giving up on him until he comes back.”
“Of course you are not,” I say with a smile. “You’re a good man Rex Carter.”
“Am I?”
“Yeah. You are alright.”
Rex grabs the back of my head and kisses me. Softly at first but then it grows more possessive. I give everything he is giving me right back. Soon I am leaning back on the couch. In a frenzy we both remove our clothes and then go right back to kissing. He runs his hand along my body. Not just my boobs and my clit, but my stomach and my back and my hair. He rubs all the parts of my body that needed a little TLC before he makes his way down to the part of my body that needs the most attention.
I moan as he slides one finger inside of me, and then two. I feel my body shake beneath him. He kisses me softly as I slowly lose control. I come around his hand and he slides out carefully. He begins to line himself up with me, but I stop him.
“Wait,” I say with my hand on his wrist. I crawl out from underneath him and get down on my knees in front of him, something I have never done before with him. With anyone, since being forced to do it on multiple occasions. It makes me vulnerable to someone, and I hate it, but for the first time I want to do it. I want to take care of Rex like he does me.
“You don’t have to…” he begins but I throw him a sarcastic look and he grins. Yeah, there’s no way he is going to fight me and play good guy when it comes to getting a blow job. I don’t want him to. I want him to accept what I am offering him, and he does.
I slowly run my hands up his thighs. His leg tense beneath my hands and his cock hardens. It makes me smile. With him, this makes me feel powerful. I may be the one on my knees, but his pleasure is entirely in my control. I love it. I lick the tip of his cock and his hand jumps to the back of my head. I smirk up at him and he smirks back. I place my lips of the head of his cock and swirl my tongue all around. I take my free hand and start to massage his balls, and, as if it was humanly possible he tenses even more. I run my tongue from the base of his cock all the way down before taking the entire thing in my mouth. I feel a choking sensation for a second, but Rex takes the back of my head and slowly pulls me out and back in. I feel him jerk and then a warm, salty liquid is released into my mouth. I look at him and swallow. I smirk and move up to the couch and grab Rex and kiss him passionately. Rex is no longer the controlled, gentle man I know. We are both caught up in a moment of complete and total lust and trust.
Rex shoves me back on the couch and roughly runs his hand along my body. He quickly grabs a condom and slips it on.
He is no gentle.
It is not painless.
It is perfect. He pushes inside of me in one quick thrust. I gasp and grab onto him. He fucks me. We don’t “make love” in the way most people picture it, but to me this is perfect. I like that Rex loses control… because of me. When we finish he colds me in his arms. We are both sweaty and breathing heavy.
“Wow,” I hear him say in my ear.
“Yeah.” I laugh. “Wow. You need to let that guy out more often. That was hot.”
Rex laughs and squeezes my arm. “Babe,” he laughs again. “That is me. I just… I haven’t seen you in years. You’ve been through alot. I was just feeling it out. I wanted to be sure you were okay. Then with that, I just lost it. I was like fuck this.”
“I trust you Rex.”
He leans over and kisses me. We lay there for a while. Calm. Just breathing. Relishing in the sensation of peace for once. Of just being able to enjoy each other's company. My eyes are closed peacefully when suddenly Rex pops up and scoops me in his arms. I yelp and he laughs as he carries me off to his room. I kick and hit at him
“What the hell are you doing?” I laugh. I can’t sound angry even if I tried. “Put me down you asshole.” I keep giggling.
Rex doesn’t respond. He just carries me to his room and literally throws me onto his bed. I squeal as I fly throw the air. He doesn’t even give me a second before he is on top of me caging me. My laughter and steady heart rate instantly disappear. My heart picks up its place and desire courses through my body.
“What are you doing?” My breath comes out breathy and quiet.
“Marry me.”
Everything in my freezes like I was doused with ice water.
“What?” Rex softens and looks at me.
“Marry me? I love you so much. We haven’t officially dated long, but I think all our shit counts for something. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I want you to be mine.”
I thought I would be more conflicted than this. More opposed to marriage. More opposed to losing my independence. More shocked.
But Im not.
This is the easiest decision I’ve ever made in my life.
“Well, I think you need a piece of hardware if you are gonna pop that question. Don’t you?”
His whole face lights up, and it just lights me up inside. I rarely say things that make him visibly happy. It feels really good.
“Yeah I agree.” He hops off of me and goes to his bedside drawer. As he goes to the back of his drawer where I know he had the ring hidden, he adorable starts rambling. “I wasn’t gonna propose like this. I had a whole thing planned out but the moment was so perfect. I think. I don’t know. I hope you feel like it was… I don’t know. Special.” I put my hand over my mouth and sit up to hold back my laughter. This big, strong guy rambling over proposing to me has to be the best moment of my life so far.
“Rex,” I giggle and put my hand on his shoulder. “This is so beyond perfect. Im happy Rex. I'm so, so happy.”
“You are?” I see him finally get the box.
“Fuck yeah I am.”
He laughs and pulls out the box. He opens it slowly and I see in his eyes how nervous he is. Literally does he know it could be made of rubber band and I would love it, because he gave it to me. Since he gave it to me I know whatever is in this box he put an immense amount of thought into.
He slowly opens the box and inside is a gold ring with a small diamond in the middle. It’s classy. Elegant. I immediately want to know why he chose this for me. My heart beats fast knowing this is mine. My ring. I look at Rex, and he takes it out and slowly starts to slide it on my finger.
“This was my moms,” he says softly. “I got it from her that day we went over. I thought of getting you your own ring. Something that is, you know, you, but I really thought hard about it. I just… your family has always sucked. I wanted you to be apart of mine. I wanted to pass this onto you.”
And there it is. The thought. The knowing me better than I know myself.
I feel shaky. I stare at the ring on my hand. This feels surreal. I was never supposed to have normal. To have love. I’ve never been worth anything. For some reason I find it all overwhelming. My legs give out from underneath me, and Rex jumps to catch me.
“Woah. Woah! Steady. It’s okay.” He sets me on the bed and laughs. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
I blush and shake my head. “You rambled like an idiot for a solid minute. We are even now.”
“Fine even for the sake of this proposal.” He throws me an adorable side grin.
I smile and shake my head. “So am I, like, your fiance now?”
“You will be when we make it official.”
“Make it official, huh?” I smirk and cock an eyebrow.
“Yeah babe.”
Then he slowly takes me. I keep all my clothes off, but keep my ring on. Im going to be a wife.
A Wife.
Chapter 22 (Rex):
My body is honestly shaking. I cannot believe she said yes. I did not intend to it that way. I had this whole grand plan in my head. I was going to take her to these cool places and buy her nice things, but then we shared that moment. She was so open with me. So trusting. I couldn’t imagine a better time to do it, and the words just came out before I could think about it. I admit I got really nervous there and rambled for a bit, but I wanted her to know that was not how I planned for things to go down. She didn’t care though.
Right now we are driving to my mom’s. See my mom planned this big bash for us but when I explained to her what happened she laughed at me and told me to give her an hour and she would prepare something special. I have the best mom in the world. Alex has been quiet since we got in the car. She keeps staring at her ring and smiling and spinning it on her finger, as if I am not right next to her. It’s cute. I love these moments with her. I was surprised to see how surprised she was. I mean she nearly fainted.
When we finally pull up to my mom’s we both get out of the car. Alex looks nice. Like really nice, and so out of character for her. She is wearing a simple black dress that has this wrap that goes around her waist. Along with it she is wearing gold earrings and gold bracelets. I know she is wearing them to match her ring, which is one of those things I know I can’t comment or she’d act all mean. She gets mean as hell when she is embarrassed. I can’t stop myself from admiring the rare sight that is her in a nice dress though.
“Hey! Take a picture it will last longer Rex!” she snaps as she fidgets nervously with her dress. “I’m trying to be, I don’t know, classy. Don’t make me regret it.” Then she storms off to the front door. I laugh. It’s so interesting seeing someone you have known virtually your whole life change right in front of yours. Not change in an unrecognizable way, but bettering herself because for once she feels safe enough to do so. She doesn’t need to keep her guard up so high 24/7. I follow her up to the front door. Alex is tense. Really tense. I can tell she still feels uncomfortable around my mom, which is understandable but I still hate it. I wish she understood how fully my mom has forgiven Alex. How she really never blamed her in the first place. The door swings open and my mom (of course fully crying) goes straight to hug Alex. I see Alex stiffen for a second, but then she lets go and lets my mom hold her.
“I’m so happy,” she cries. “You’ve always made my son so happy.” Then my mom pulls away and attempts to wipe her tears.
“Not always,” Alex mumbles. My mom laughs and shakes her head.
“Come in you two.”
My mom holds the door open and I kiss my mom on the cheek as I pass. She stops me and squeezes my shoulder.
“My son,” she whispers. “I’m so, so proud of you. You are a great son and an even better man.”
I feel my heart swell with pride. People can call me a whoose. A pussy. Soft. Whatever shit they want to call me, but this here, having the women in my life love, respect and trust me, yeah, that’s the shit that means the most to me.
“You are the best mom. Im lucky.” I squeeze her arm and we walk back in the den. We both stop in the doorway when we see Alex. She is hunched over spinning the ring around her finger like it’s the most precious jewel in the world but she also feels it doesn’t belong there. I look at my mom, and my mom puts a hand on my shoulder telling me to stay back. I hate it, but I do.
I clean the kitchen, help my mom set the table and thirty minutes later both women walk back in. Both teary eyed, but calm. That’s all I care about. I grab Alex’s hand and squeeze it. I notice she is wearing a large zip up hoodie over her dress. Her earrings are gone, and most importantly she has stopped fidgeting and the ring is right where it is supposed to be on her finger. I look at mom and shake my head. She is incredible.
Alex’s whole posture is way more relaxed. My mom thanks me for taking care of all the kitchen tasks. My mom made all of our favorites. She called and asked for Alex’s favorite food. The food is amazing and there is enough to feed an army. Knowing my mom, which I do pretty well, a lot of this food will be shared with the homeless folks around town when we are done. My mom says a prayer to start, and I kick Alex’s leg letting her know she doesn’t need to feel bad or out of place for not being Christian. I know that is exactly where h
er head will go. The meal starts out light hearted. My mom wants to know all about the proposal, which makes me and Alex burst out laughing because, well, it happened after a moment of intense fucking. How do we give my mom the fairytale story every mother wants. My mom and Alex then start laughing as I awkwardly try and fumble through the mom version of my proposal.
“I got it son,” my mom says through her tears of laughter. “I don’t need any more details. It was a moment of passion.”
“Yes,” I say, taking a deep breath and relaxing in my chair.
Alex wipes the tears from her face and then the mood just goes flat. Solem. In an instant. There is an emptiness in the air that we all feel. All of glance at the fourth chair. She should be here. My sister would be so flipping excited about this. She would be over the top and I would be annoyed, but secretly love it because that’s just her. She would throw a party and call all of us one hundred times about the wedding. She would send as candy and flowers and call Alex non stop to see how she is doing. She would be one of Alex’s bridesmaids, but there’s nothing. She’s gone. Blaze should be. Hell, he should be here! I stand up from the table and excuse myself. I walk out to the back patio and overlook the garden my mom puts so much time and effort in to upkeeping. For the first time since Mia died I just lose it. For a long time the desire for vengeance covered up my pain. Then anger took over. Anger became my best friend. If it made me feel, boom I was pissed as all hell. Then Alex came back in my life, and I focused all my energy, all my feelings on hating her. Then I heard her story. Then protector became my role. I had to keep her safe, shield her from further pain, but in all of that I forgot my own pain. Behind all of the aggression and all of that outward strength was a deep seated sense of pain and loss that just won’t go away no matter how hard I try to fill it. I miss my sister.
I feel the tears slide down my face as I lean over the patio railing. I hear the glass door slide open but I close my eyes and ignore it. I don’t want them to see me like this. They have their own pain. They miss Mia just as badly as I do, and they both of guilt they carry on top of that.
