by Bry Ann
“Rex,” I hear a soft voice say behind me. The patio door slides closed again. That’s not my mom’s voice. That’s Alex. I groan and drop my head. She can’t see me like this. “Rex,” she says again and softly places a hand on my shoulder. It’s so gentle it almost doesn’t feel like her, but I know it is. No matter what mood she comes in, I always know when it’s her. “Is it Mia?” she asks softly. “It’s okay if it is. You don’t have to be strong for me Rex. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Me. Your mom. We are strong women. We just need you here. We don’t need you to be “okay”, whatever that really means anyway. We are partners now, right? Im your fiance. You can talk to me.”
I keep my face down. “Yeah, it’s Mia. She should be here.” Alex stays quiet like she’s waiting for me to talk, but she starts to rub soft circles along my back, encouraging me to keep going. That’s her way. “I just miss my sister. There’s not some grand speech or grand depth of feelings. I just miss Mia. The world just feels empty without her. She’s always been there for me, ya know? Always. Me and her have always been attached at the hip. She was so bright. So sunny. So her. I just don’t know how to do this,” my words get caught in my throat and the tears hit me faster. Alex catches it immediately and rubs more gently and kisses the back of my neck. “Wedding with her. She would have been so excited. I mean just over the top.”
“Yeah,” Alex says breaking her silence. “She would have been.” There is a sadness in her voice. “But somewhere in heaven or whatever she is watching us doing a little dance party with the angels or something. She’s still watching over you eating twizzlers somewhere.”
“Now I know you are lying. You don’t believe in heaven.”
Alex’s hand falls from my back and her tone becomes serious. “No, I don’t, but you can’t really think I believe Mia is just rotting in the ground somewhere. I know she is somewhere, Im just not sure that place is heaven.” I turn to Alex and she quickly goes wide eyed. “I don’t mean hell!” she quickly clarifies. “Or wherever else. I just mean that I don’t know where good dead people go.” She still looks at me like she is worried I am offended. Seeing her worried softens me. I put my finger by her lips.
“I know what you mean.” I move my hand. We stare at each other for a minute and then she slowly moves her hand up and wipes the tears from my eyes. Her voice, her touch, her eyes, everything about her is soft again.
“You know Rex Carter, I think we are going to make a good team.”
That makes the corners of my mouth tip up a bit. Our bodies are so close and our eye contact never breaks. I take one step closer to her for emphasis. I see her take a deep breath, but she doesn’t move. “Do you?”
“Yeah I do.”
“I happen to agree with that.”
A sweet smiles spreads across her face, and she gives me a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth like we are in high school or something. It is so genuinely sweet and endearing, especially coming from her, that it brightens up some of the darkness dwelling inside of me.
“Should we head inside? Your mom is worried.”
“Yeah.” I wipe some of the crap off my face, and try to look as ‘fine’ as possible. I don’t want my mom to know I was out here crying.
Alex nods and heads for the door. She slides the glass half way open and then turns back to me. “And Rex, anytime you want to talk about Mia or anything else I am here. Know that. I can handle anything you throw at me.”
Then she slides the door the rest of the way open and walks inside, completely calm and collected. This is why all her sometimes cruel remarks, all her walls and all the times she breaks apart and needs someone to help her stay together are worth it. It is because she is the strongest, most loyal person I have ever met. Kindness is something you have to earn from her, but when you do you have it unequivocally.
I feel awkward walking back inside. Like, everyone knows I was crying. The man of the house lost it. It’s awkward. I walk in and my mom wraps me in a hug.
“I miss her too,” she whispers in my ear. Then she gives me one of those forced smiles that lets me know she is there for me and we go on with our night. It doesn’t take away the pain. If anything, I think we are all lost in our own little world of pain, guilt and loss, because we are celebrating this without Mia. However, not being alone in the pain helps. Not having to hide it helps. Having people who cherish Mia and miss her the same way I do helps the most. We all want to honor Mia with our lives, and that makes some part of me feel better.
I glance over at Alex who is drinking a bottle of beer and laughing with my mom. For the first time in God knows how long both of them look genuinely happy.
I am lucky.
Really, really (WORD) lucky.
Chapter 23 (Logan):
Im gonna kill her. Honest to God this woman is aging me.
“We have to tell the kids,” I tell Sam when she stops crying enough for me to let go of her. She wipes the snot from her face, wipes her eyes and clears her throat.
“Right.” Her voice is back to normal. Strong for the kids, but she is feeling anything but right now. She seems okay. Her arm seems a little off but other than that she is physically unharmed. I won’t know the extent of everything until I talk to her. Im so freaking angry with her I can’t see straight, but what is driving me right is finding out if those (WORD) laid a hand on her.
Sam and I head up the stairs. Both of the kids are by the railing listening. The second they seem Sam the feeling in the air changes. Jazmine bursts out crying and runs at Sam. Sam grabs onto her, and squeezes her tight. I can see she is trying to hold back her own tears.
“I’m so sorry Jazmine. Im so sorry.” Jazmine squeezes her harder. One thing I’ve always admired about Jazmine since the day I laid eyes on her was her amazing ability to forgive.
“You scared me mom,” she says through her sniffles. “You scared me so much.”
“I know. Im sorry. Im so sorry.” A tear escapes from the side of Sam’s eye. She frowns and wipes it with her free hand. I glance over at Dusty is arms are stiff by his sides and he has taken several steps back. I didn’t connect to Dusty the same way Sam did, but the longer he is here the more I think it was a good decision to bring him to our home. While Sam and Jazmine are having their moment I walk over to Dusty. The closer I get the more stiff his body becomes, like he is steeling himself up for battle. He is much more comfortable around Sam than me. I can’t tell if it is because I am a male or if it is because he only feels comfortable with Sam because of her scars. Maybe it’s a little of both. At least something good comes from her scars, because they damn near kill me every single day. I know she saved my little sister from something terrible, but I don’t know how to make peace with the fact that I didn’t save her in time.
I crouch down to Dusty level to make myself less intimidating. I also make sure my hands are visible to him so he doesn’t think to expect any surprises. Sam taught me that.
“You can say hi to Sam Dusty. She’s happy to see you.”
“Where was she?” His voice is harsh and he is still keeping his distance from me.
“She had some business to take care of.”
“Did they hurt her?” Dusty tries to keep his hard exterior, but I notice the way his voice softens and his jaw twitches. He’s too young to suspect this stuff. To know exactly what went down. I want to reach out and hold him. I want him to let me help him, but I know he won’t. I sigh and give him direct eye contact.
“I’m not sure buddy. I haven’t talked to her yet.”
He nods. “You should take to her and see if she’s okay.” His gaze flickers over to Sam.
“I will buddy, but she missed you. I really think you should go say hi.”
He stares me down for a second and the slightest bit of his wall falls. He gives me a stiff nod, and walks over to Sam who has now let Jazmine go. I lean back on my heels and run my hand over my face. Geez, what has this boy been through? He’s like a soldier prepped
for battle at all times. I make a mental note to find him a therapist. He won my over when he had my daughter’s back that day at the school. He showed me his true colors.
I watch Sam interact with Dusty. She really loves him, and I can tell he really looks up to her. I don’t think she realizes how much he does, but to him she is a symbol of strength. That someone can overcome something awful and come out on the other side. No one really knows what she goes through behind the scenes though. Not they should.
Finally, I walk over to Sam and grab her hand. Jazmine is still crying so I walk over and give her a big hug. She wraps her arms around me and squeezes tight. It still blows my mind I have a daughter. I never saw my life going this way. I had fame, fortune, success, I didn’t realize how little that crap mattered until I met Sam.
“I really need to talk to your mom for a few minutes guys. We will be right back.”
“No, she just got back!” Jazmine yells and runs over to Sam. Sam sets her hand on Jazzy’s head. Dusty’s gaze flickers back and forth between the three of us.
“It’s just a little while Jazmine I promise.”
“No,” Jazmine squeezes Sam tighter. “You always say that and then mom goes away and gets hurt. She’s not leaving.”
I look to Sam. She is barely holding it together.
“I pinky promise Jazmine. Have I ever broken a pinky swear?” Jazmine’s grip loosens slightly. “I’m not going anywhere. I just need to talk to Lo… your dad.”
“You swear?”
“I swear.”
Dusty walks over next to Jazmine. “Jazmine, let’s watch a movie. I’ll let you pick.”
Jazmine looks over at Dusty with wide eyes and then narrows them. “Sure you will,” she grumbles, but she lets go of Sam. She stomps past Dusty and all the way over to the game room. I look at Dusty impressed, and Dusty actually lets out a smug grin and follows Jazmine. I look at Sam with raised eyebrows.
“I love how he has her back.”
“Me too. He’s a good kid.” Then Sam swallows. “We need to talk now, right?”
“Yeah. Our room?”
She gives me a stiff nod, but I see her hands are shaking a little. She’s nervous. She damn well should be. She scared the living hell out of me. When we get to our room she sits on the edge of our master bed watching my carefully. I can see her guard is up. It’s so obvious the more I’ve gotten to know her.
“Okay shoot.” I cock an eyebrow at her. She is expecting me to yell at her. She’s expecting me to lose it. I manage to reign in my emotions enough to not start out that way. I need answers and I won’t get them if Sam is on defense.
“Did they hurt you?” Instantly some of the tension dissolves from her body.
“No.”
“Sam, Im trying not to lose it here because I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I need you to talk to me.” Her gaze flicks up to me, and some of my self control slips. “Do you know what I’ve been going through over here? Do you know how worried I was? Not even two years Sam. It hasn’t even been two years since I almost lost you. How would you feel if you trusted me and I just up and left, huh? I don’t think you’d like it! I trusted you Sam.”
“I’m so sorry Logan. He didn’t lay a finger on me. I promise. All he did was chain me to the side of his bedpost so I was sitting on the floor. The only injury I got was a dislocated shoulder or something, but he fixed it. I saw some things,” Sam starts to pick at her pants, “but Alex is safe. We all are safe now. I couldn’t leave her.”
“I get that Sam, but offering yourself up as bait! You have a family. Did you think of us?!”
“Yes,” she whispers. “But I couldn’t not do it. I just couldn’t Logan.”
“Sam, you need to go therapy. The kidnapping, now this. Fuck, you are killing me here women.”
“I don’t want to Logan,” her voice is pleading. “And I already go to therapy.”
“No. You are stepping it up. Im serious Sam. If you don’t I…” I run my hand over my face. “If you don’t I am going to put off the wedding for a while.” All the blood drains from Sam’s face.
“You’re… you’re leaving me?” Before I can tell her no, I would never leave her, she just loses it. I mean it is so unexpected. I jerk back in surprise. Sam is not an affectionate person. I mean I’ve learned to read the ways she shows me she loves me, but it’s rare that she is outright obvious with it.
“Logan please. I’ll do whatever. I’ll work at this. Im sorry. I had to. Please don’t leave me..” She continues on crying and begging.
“Sam! Sam!” I yell, trying to get her attention. I run over and grab her shoulders. She looks at me. She looks so young and vulnerable, all traces of the strength I know she carries gone. She looks terrified. Family is everything to her, and I know it would crush her to have her family broken apart. “I’m not…”
“Please don’t leave me Logan.” Her voice is soft. “I know you should, but please give me another chance.”
“Sam!” I grab both sides of her face gently so she looks at me. I need her to see my sincerity. “I’m not leaving you. I love you babe. I just meant I would postpone our wedding until you agreed to increase your therapy sessions. It’s not just about what just happened, although that is a large part of it. It is also the fact that you are still really struggling with what happened. I should have asked you to do this sooner. Babe, your nightmares are still out of control.” I feel that pain creep up in my chest. “And you throw up all the time. You’re really struggling. I understand loyalty to your friend. I do, but you didn’t think this one through. You didn’t tell anyone. You went off without protection. You just offered yourself up and weren’t even nervous about it. You’re not invincible.” I pause and think though the wording of what I am about to say. I have to say it though, because I know this is one of the real reasons Sam went off without protection. “Sam,” I grab her hands. I can’t even look in her eyes. This is the most fragile I’ve seen her since that day in the hospital. “You aren’t damaged goods babe. You aren’t less than anyone else because of what you’ve been through or your scars. You can’t do that to me again. I mean it. You and our kids mean the world to me. More than my career. More than anything. Do you understand me?”
Sam lets out a deep breath. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Yeah, and it’s that belief right there that proves my point.”
“What point?” She sniffles and wipes the back of her hand. She’s shaking still. I know a lot of this is her releasing a lot of the adrenaline she’s felt the past couple days. Not to mention the fear and anxiety she’s probably suppressed. I swear this girl has turned me into a (WORD) therapist.
I smirk a little. “That you need more therapy.” She swats at me playfully.
“I’m not crazy.”
“I know that, but you’ve been through a lot. You’d give them same advice to Dana, Alex, Jazmine, me or Dusty. Speaking of I was thinking we should get him some help as well.”
“You know he’s going to like it just as much as I do.”
“Be a good example then.”
She scowls at me. She knows I have her there. That’s one thing about Sam. She’d do anything in the world for her kids.
“So for work…” I say hesitantly. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave Sam after all this drama, but I did commit to this movie and I miss working. It is still a large part of me. It’s a rush. The fame part can be a bit annoying now. I always didn’t like it when people delved into my personal life because of Dana, but now it’s worse with Sam, Jazmine and Dusty in the picture. I am adamant about protecting their privacy. It is honestly incredible the strings I am constantly pulling to keep them as anonymous as possible. There’s a lot of people I down right refuse to interview with because of this issue. Most are semi respectful, because I am such a big name and they don’t want me to cancel, which people now know I will.
“I signed on for this film Sam. I really don’t want to cancel unless I have to. I did
damage control for my emergency exit, but I really have to get back. I really love this movie. My heart's in it, but you know I won’t leave unless you feel you’ve got this.”
“I got this. I can hold down the fort.”
“I said I trusted you, and you broke that Sam.”
“I know.” I watch the way her face drops and her body language shifts.
“I still trust you. Just don’t break it again okay?”
“Okay.” Her posture still looks like a child being scolded. I take a seat by her side and pull her into me. I hear her let out a deep sigh. “I really am sorry Logan.”
“I know.”
I spend the next two days with my crazy fiance and our kids. Then I board a private plane to LA where I am absolutely hounded by press about my emergency evacuation from set. I give the same answer to everyone.
“I’m going to keep that between me and my family. Thank you for your concern. Everyone is okay.”
… Because finally everyone is okay or going to be.
Chapter 24 (Sam):
One Year Later:
Rex and Alex brought the coolest place ever, not that I would expect anything less from them. Rex’s old condo was modern and very white. It was definitely a nice place, but this place is stellar. It’s a condo, with dark walls and a very dark interior. A lot of the decorations are navy blue and burgundy. There are some signature pieces that are totally Alex; spiky statues, dim lighting and cushy black blankets. I’ve spent the last week here. It was my bachelorette party of sorts. Dana even spent the night for three nights, and we kicked Rex out, and because he is the nicest guy ever he was super cool about it. Honestly, its hysterical that Alex ended up with the cliche nicest guy out of all of us and Dana ended up with the biggest boy boy. Talk about hysterical and shocking. Today’s an interesting day because Dana and I get to officially meet these guy Anatoli and Tobias that Alex has talked about. I mean I met them when they killed the Russian, but, uh, that doesn't really count. I more saw them in brutal passing than anything else.
