Cupid's Revenge

by Melanie Jackson

  Zoom began purring hysterically into the phone. Maybe she liked the chief’s voice.

  “Maybe she learned a lesson,” I said optimistically as the chief strangled a laugh. “It has to be scary when a dog jumps on you.”

  “This is a cat we’re discussing, right? Can they learn lessons?”

  “You have a point. And both of them are as stupid as they are loving. Honestly, I thought A-p-o-l-l-o was the dimmest cat around.” I moved the phone to my other ear since I could hardly hear above the purring. “Sorry for the digression. I thought you were Alex. I hung up on him when the cat spilled the coffee. Did the lab get the prints off the extension cord?”

  “Yes, nine sets of them. All with a perfect right to be there. What I was calling about was your friend, Agatha Graves.”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked with sudden alarm. “Is she hurt?”

  “She’s fine, but someone wrote an obscenity on her garage door in the night. In bright colored chalk.”

  “Huh. Which obscenity specifically?”

  “Traitorous bitch. She mentioned that it was spelled correctly.”

  “So, probably not one of Debbie Mullin’s fifth graders.” But maybe Debbie Mullins herself? Or someone who knew about Debbie having colored chalk for her kids and trying to shift the blame onto her or them? Mrs. Graves lived only a block from the community garden. “So, you want me to see Mrs. Graves before I come into work?”

  “It might be wise. Just in case there is a connection with the other matter.”

  “Okay. I think I also better go check on the storage locker. Just in case anything happened in the night.”

  “Good plan. Don’t worry if you are a little late. Things don’t get busy downtown until ten this time of year.”

  I glanced at the clock.

  “I will probably be late, but not by much if I leave now. I’ll let you know if I find anything.”

  “Good.”

  Alex came in the door as I hung up the phone. He looked from me to the dishes on the floor. Zoom still clung to my shoulder, purring away. I picked up a napkin and started blotting her.

  “I expected a dead cat and maybe dead parents after the swearing,” he said mildly. “I tried calling back but the line was busy.”

  “I’m sorry you got dragged home. Was I swearing? I was thinking bad things inside but didn’t know I said any of them out loud.”

  “Yes, you were swearing.” He smiled broadly. “Even your dad heard you. He thought it was funny.”

  “I wasn’t even aware of it.” I walked forward and handed Alex the cat then bent and retrieved my plate and mug. They were sparkling clean. Blue is thorough. “That was the chief. I have to leave as soon as I change my shoes. I need to check on the gazebo and go see Mrs. Graves. Someone wrote ‘traitorous bitch’ on her garage door last night. It could be unrelated, but I think our arsonist is getting pissy and maybe reckless. More reckless. This isn’t like the storage place. Mrs. Graves has outside security lights that work on a motion sensor. If we’re lucky maybe the neighbors will have seen something.”

  “Mrs. Graves didn’t see anything?”

  “No. She hates the lights that go on several times a night and sleeps with blackout shades in her bedroom.” Alex opened his mouth to point out the illogic of this behavior but closed it again. “I know. It isn’t logical, but there you are.”

  “We are as God made us,” he agreed, looking down at Zoom, half in affection and half in disgust. His jacket was covered in hair. So was my right shoulder.

  I kissed his cheek, wishing for just a moment that I could be a conjoined twin and skip going out.

  “Gotta go.” I headed for the bedroom.

  “Tell you what, you go see Mrs. Graves and I’ll go by the locker. This afternoon I will do some checking on the various queens and sweethearts. Maybe we’ll get lucky and someone will have a record.”

  “Take Blue with you,” I said. It was hard to add the next part. “I was afraid for a second that she would actually hurt Zoom. I was very angry about the spilled food and Blue sort of picked up on that.”

  “Let’s play it safe. I’m locking the cats in the guest bedroom. Mom can let them out when they get back from breakfast. And if they tear up Mom’s clothes, then so be it.”

  I thought about the drapes. I didn’t like the ones in the guest bedroom either so I just nodded.

  “I’ll come by the locker after I see Mrs. Graves. The chief doesn’t expect me until ten so I have some leeway.”

  “So he’s taking this seriously?”

  “Yes. I don’t know if this is good or bad. What if it’s all nothing? I’ll feel like an idiot.”

  * * *

  Mrs. Graves had zero to add to the chief’s report, though she held off washing her door until I arrived and could see things for myself. The handwriting was kind of high up for a child and was neat enough to be calligraphy. I took a picture with my phone and then helped her wash off the door.

  Alex didn’t report disaster but I went by the storage facility anyway. As I suspected, Alex had been pressed into work, making carnations and stuffing them into the high places. I rescued him by suggesting he make a donut run and he accepted gratefully. My motives weren’t all altruistic. I hadn’t gotten to eat my breakfast and I was starved. Blue stayed with me at the locker since I needed moral support and she wouldn’t be allowed in Big Daddy’s Donuts anyway.

  “Mrs. Graves will be here soon,” I told Mom and Aunt Dorothy. “She had a bit of trouble at her place last night. Graffiti. Probably kids just messing around, but maybe it was our saboteur again.”

  I thought this sufficiently interesting to divert Mom and my aunt from wedding talk, but Althea and Dale were back from their honeymoon and settled into Dale’s house. Aunt Dot, short a daughter and still in wedding mode, was only too happy to help Mom worry about me and my lack of plans.

  They tried to talk gowns and reception sites while we worked on the gazebo ceiling but I was politely unresponsive and making only one observation, which was that men didn’t like to be fussed at and Alex and I could always just elope to Las Vegas if things became too much of a bother.

  Mom took the hint and hushed her sister, but I knew a private mother-daughter talk was coming. I wasn’t acting like a happy bride-to-be. What I would say to Mom was a mystery because I wasn’t entirely sure why I didn’t want to just rush right in and let Mom plan everything so we could be married by March.

  Partly it was that I wanted a little time to adjust to being engaged. Alex and I had gone from long-distance lovers to live-ins to engaged couple very quickly. For sure I wanted Alex in my life. But I just needed a little breathing room before I said ‘I do’.

  And then there were his parents. I decided to risk an indiscretion and quickly filled Mom and Aunt Dot in on the fact that we hadn’t told Bob and Rosemary the happy news. I said that it wasn’t that they didn’t like me exactly, but that they had just had their son move away and they weren’t ready to deal with anything else. It was craven of me to shift the blame to his parents, but it got Mom and Aunt Dot on my side. Then I told them about the cats and both women were appalled at the destruction of the drapes.

  “And Alex just got his office fixed up!” I said, pouring it on. “What he doesn’t need is another headache. But they are his parents so what’s he going to do? Certainly I can’t say anything.”

  “You know, dear. It sounds like Alex might have a better time of it if Bob and Rosemary were occupied with something meaningful.”

  “Definitely.” Preferably far from Alex and me.

  “I think perhaps they should come down and help us decorate for the dance. And they could come to the ball too.”

  For the price of two tickets, she meant. Mom wasn’t so far gone as to miss a chance to make money for her favorite charity. Still, it was a good idea.

  “I’ll ask them. Maybe they would be interested in our other problem. After all, Alex solves crimes for a living. Maybe they would like to feel close to an
investigation.” I kind of doubted this, but anything was possible. “It isn’t like this is dangerous or anything.”

  “I would let Alex tell them about the problem if he wants,” Mom advised and then we dropped the conversation because Alex was back with coffee and fritters.

  I gobbled a donut and then had to leave for work.

  “Before you go, Chloe, my work gloves are missing.” Mom stopped there.

  “They’re in Dad’s van,” I said, buttoning my coat. Dad had stopped in to help with the gazebo after work and then given Mom a ride home. Being cold, she would have worn her work gloves to the van. Being warm in the van she would have taken them off again.

  “Oh good. I hate breaking in new gloves and these are already stained.”

  “Call Dad,” I suggested since I knew she wanted to. “Maybe he can bring them over on his lunch hour.”

  I kissed Alex, hugged Blue and then reluctantly left for work.

  Chapter 5

  It occurred to me as I was driving into work and passed the cupid-strewn card shop window, that I didn’t have a Valentine present for Alex. Except tickets to the Sweethearts Ball and that couldn’t be disguised as anything other than self-serving and was unromantic besides. Thousands of paper carnations and ball gowns aside, the dance was one of the most unromantic things there was.

  Of course, having Alex’s parents in town wasn’t the most romantic thing either. Maybe we were screwed for this year.

  For safety reasons I was keeping my cell on while I did my rounds and answered when I saw my home phone number come up in the screen. It was Bob suggesting that maybe I could come to lunch with him and Rosemary since Alex said he had to work and Mary Elizabeth was making deliveries to clients. I could tell Bob was puzzled at this seeming coldness in his son and from the sniffling in the background that Rosemary was hurt by their son’s desertion, but I figured my mom was correct about letting Alex explain stuff to his parents, if and when he wanted to.

  “Bob, another day I would love to do that,” I lied. “But I had a late start this morning and will probably have to work through lunch.” There was a silence so uncomfortable that I had to say something. “Do you and Rosemary play Scrabble?”

  “Um— well, we used to enjoy a game or two.” That meant no.

  “Good. How about if tonight I pick up a couple pizzas and we break out the Scrabble board? That will give us a chance to have a visit.” Which I would enjoy as much as having my teeth drilled without Novocain. But it did mean that the cats would be supervised so perhaps Alex and I wouldn’t lose any more furniture or drapery. One must always look for the silver lining.

  “Listen, I’ve got to go now. You wouldn’t believe the number of scofflaws who think the red curb is for everyone but them. Bye!” I said gaily and then hung up.

  Damn. If only I could count on Mom and Dad not to say anything to Bob and Rosemary about our engagement. I would invite them to dinner to help deflect Rosemary’s growing unhappiness about their visit.

  I tried to think of things to investigate, but there wasn’t enough of a lead to follow. And I kept running up against the mental wall of my secret engagement and the fact that I didn’t really like my future in-laws. That was bad because they weren’t like a faulty appliance I could take back to the store.

  Dithering, I drove by the Kandy Kounter and the card shop again and this time noticed a pink flyer in the window next to the velvet heart boxes full of truffles. It was an advertisement for the Sweethearts Ball and the calligraphy on it looked very familiar. I had already forwarded the photo of Mrs. Graves’ garage door to Alex and the chief. I took a second photo of the poster in the window to compare handwriting. Alex had some software on his computer that I was dying to try.

  This was a good lead. There had to be some committee in charge of publicity. Surely they would know who penned the flyer. That didn’t prove this person was our arsonist, but at least we would know who had it in for Mrs. Graves.

  It was time to call Mom and put her to work on something besides making paper carnations. I wanted to know who thought Mrs. Graves was a ‘traitorous bitch’ and if they were angry enough at the whole organization to try and sabotage the biggest fundraiser of the year. She needed to take some friends to coffee and pump them for information. And maybe that would keep her from thinking bridal things.

  * * *

  I arrived home with two pizzas, one for carnivores and one plain cheese for us purists. Alex was perched on the edge of the sofa, looking harassed in spite of Blue being pressed against his legs and doing her best to calm him. Bob was blank-faced and pale compared to Rosemary who looked blotchy and red-eyed.

  “You should have just said we weren’t welcome,” Rosemary gulped. “I thought you said Chloe likes cats.”

  “Mom, it’s not that. It’s just…” But there he stalled.

  “Okay— enough,” I said, shrugging out of my coat. “It’s time for a family meeting. Everyone into the dining room.”

  I sat everyone down at the table and opened the pizza boxes. I guess I looked grim because everyone was sober about this announcement and ignoring the delicious smell of molten cheese which had Blue and the cats riveted, though I was sure they had had dinner already.

  “No more beating around the bush. I am going to lay my cards on the table because I think it is the best thing to do.”

  Rosemary looked from me to Lucy who had jumped into her lap. She was worried that I was going to complain about the cats. And well she should be. Who brings pets to someone’s house without any warning?

  Bob was smarter. He looked at the ring on my hand— which I had forgotten to take off— and then back at my face. I didn’t need to glance at Alex to see how he was taking this. His silence was a clear indication that he has feeling helpless. He always caved when his mother or sister was tearful.

  And, though I wanted to tell Bob and Rosemary that we were engaged and to just get over it, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t yell at them about the cats either. At least not right that minute.

  “I know that after what happened in October that you were upset. My parents were too. Violence came a little too close that day. But sometimes we have close calls— regardless of our professions— and all we can do is move on and keep doing what we know is right. Alex is safe here. At least as safe as anyone can be anywhere. And there is a lot less crime in Hope Falls than in the Silicon Valley.”

  Rosemary got teary again and I had a light bulb moment. She didn’t object to me— the person— she was worried that because of my wanting to be a detective that I would endanger her son with my work. Alex had left police work after a case went bad and he lost a partner and was nearly killed himself. She was afraid it would happen again if I involved him in police work.

  “I am not being the hostess with the mostess this week because I have other things on my plate. One of our town’s institutions is under attack, and Alex and I are investigating who is behind it. We need to find out why and put a stop to it before Valentine’s Day.”

  “What’s happening, Chloe?What is being attacked and why Valentine’s Day?” Bob asked. He was still a little pale but had had relaxed at my speech and so had Alex who was slumping slightly in his chair. Rosemary was staring at me with shock and confusion, but she wasn’t crying.

  “This will sound silly and maybe it is, but as Mary Elizabeth can tell you the Sweethearts Valentine Ball and their other philanthropic endeavors have raised a lot of money for small causes and charities that would never get noticed otherwise. This year the money is going to Books on Wheels, a much needed program now that the library has lost most of its funding and had to close all but the main branch, leaving a lot of elderly patron and kids in the small towns without anywhere to borrow books. And someone is trying to sabotage the Valentine ball.”

  I leaned forward and started explaining. I downplayed the potential danger from the vandal and painted a touching picture of these pathetic elderly ladies out in the cold, trying to finish the centerpiece of t
he Sweethearts Ball so that the Books on Wheels program would not go under. Mom and Mrs. Graves would forgive me for making them sound decrepit, and by the time I was done emoting both Bob and Rosemary were fired up and volunteering to help in any way they could.

  Alex looked at me with awe. He went and got dinner plates and a bottle of wine.

  “Step one,” I said, taking a slice of cheese pizza. It had cooled to the point that it was safe to eat. “We are going to break out some new handwriting recognition software and compare a couple samples of graffiti. I think we finally have a solid lead and it is high time that you see what Alex can do with a computer. It’s absolute magic.”

  Chapter 6

  Whoever said that many hands make for light work hadn’t stuffed those many hands inside a storage locker with little ventilation and where they were likely to get in each other’s way. The room seemed full to bursting when I arrived on my lunch hour with deli sandwiches and sodas. Taking a quick mental roll call I found the ranks were swollen not just with Bob and Rosemary but also Alex and Cousin Althea. She works in a dental office but it is only open four days a week.

  Althea isn’t an evil person, but any prolonged conversation with my cousin causes my brain to stall and, when over-burdened with hormones, to slip into defensive catatonia. Especially if Althea is reciting her latest poem Revenge of a Lovelorn Cupid On Valentine’s Day. The thing about Althea’s doggerel is that she is an unremittingly bad poet, which is unfortunate because the lack of talent is paired with an unflagging zeal for writing verse. So, Blue or no Blue (and a Zen master at the height of meditation would have felt the weight of that doggie stare), I would have been happy to leave my food offering for the Sweetheart slaves and flee back into the drizzle and deal solely with parking malefactors. But Blue, Alex and Mom were clearly relieved to see me, Alex because he was twitchy about my mom blowing the secret of our engagement (he had come around to my way of thinking about the dangers of premature announcement to his parents) and Mom because they needed someone small to go up the fragile, rickety ladder and stuff more carnation in the roof. Blue was happy to see me just because.