Loyalty (RiffRaff Records Book 4)

by L. P. Maxa

  My mom was silent for a few more moments than were comfortable before she spoke. “I think you’re right. And I think you and your dad are long overdue for a talk like this.” She wrapped me in her arms, squeezing the life out of me. “You’re going to be fine, Katie.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Was there ever a question that I wasn’t going to be okay? Geeze.

  “One word of advice though.” She pushed me back, holding me by my shoulders. “Your dad goes through life utterly terrified that his little girl is going to get a tattoo and meet a boy and fall in love, and move away and leave him and not be his little girl anymore. So when you talk to him, be gentle.” Her smile was small, nostalgic even.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “I will, Mom, I promise.”

  ***

  Twelve hours and a whole bunch of flights and layovers later, I was in London. I walked off the plane with my head held high, switching my phone back on as I weaved my way toward baggage claim. My cell immediately started to light up. I had texts from my mom, as well as Cash. Once I made it to the giant steel carousel that should spit out my bags, I read through my waiting messages.

  Mom: Your dad thinks we’re both meeting him for dinner at 8:00, The Five Fields in Chelsea.

  Mom: Did you make it? I know you’re being an adult today but I can’t help but worry.

  Mom: I’m sure you made it. I haven’t seen any plane crashes on the news.

  Mom: Don’t forget to wash your hands after you leave the airport. There are so many germs.

  Mom: When you get a cab, make sure it’s a real cab. Not some Taken situation.

  Mom: You know what? Snap a picture of their license plate and their face, send it to me immediately.

  Mom: Maybe I should send you a car.

  Mom: I sent you a car. He’ll be waiting by the exit outside baggage claim. His name is Paul and he has five grandchildren.

  I shook my head, laughing at my phone in the middle of the busy airport. The light came on, signaling that suitcases were about to start spilling out and spinning around too fast for anyone to actually grab them.

  Me: I’m at baggage claim. Thank you for the car. What’s Taken? Is that like a movie or something? I’ll text you when I get to the restaurant, love you.

  I shoved my phone in my pocket, sad that Cash’s texts would have to wait. Politely, I shouldered my way to the luggage conveyor belt. One of my suitcases was already circling, and I caught it on the next go-round. My other one didn’t come out until the absolute end, but that was okay because that meant there weren’t a lot of people around to see me walk the wrong way and have to get escorted to the exit by a nice security guard.

  Avory was right; my sense of direction was shit.

  Paul had a signed that read BUG, which was equal parts embarrassing and heartwarming. I tried to help him load my bags into the trunk, but he told me, in the greatest British accent, that it was his job.

  Apparently, my mom had asked him to drop me off at the restaurant, and then take my bags to the hotel. I hadn’t thought about where I planned on keeping my bags while I had dinner with my dad. Adult in training.

  Once we were on our way, I pulled my phone back out of my bag. I felt almost giddy at the thought of reading Cash’s text messages. He’d never texted me before. Granted we’d only know each other for a week and this was the first time we’d really been apart.

  Cash: It’s weird not having you here. Life is boring without you Katie Baby.

  Cash: Also. Bug? When we were discussing nicknames the other day, you didn’t want to mention that your family called you Bug?

  Cash; It’s sweet. Not as sweet as Katie Baby, but sweet.

  Cash: Crue and Avory are fucked. They aren’t speaking, Crue hasn’t left his room and Avory is walking around like nothing happened. It’s odd. I wish you were here.

  Cash: I’m packing for my trip. You think 86 condoms is enough? We can buy some there, I’m sure.

  Cash: My dad walked in while I was tossing an economy sized box of prophylactics into my bag. We had to have a talk. It lasted forty-five minutes. I’m traumatized.

  Cash: I love you.

  I giggled at the image I had in my head of Mr. Matthews and Cash sitting in his room, talking with a ton of condoms sitting between them.

  Me: I feel so terrible for Crue and Avory. I’m sure it’s hard on you, to be in the middle like that. Your twin and your cousin…and yes. Bug. I know. But they’ve all called me Katie Bug since I was a baby. I’m sure they sell condoms in Europe if we run out. I’m almost at the restaurant. I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel. I love you too, which still seems surreal to say. But I do.

  “Miss? We’re here.” Paul got out, opening my door, and then helping me to the sidewalk. “Have a good evening, miss.”

  “Thank you.” I smoothed the front of my shirt. I was wearing a grey tunic sweater over the tank top I’d left Austin in. It got cool at night in London, while in Texas it just got muggier.

  “Cadence, please.” The hostess was tall and willowy. She looked like she belonged on a runway, not standing behind a glorified podium. She also looked a little snotty, like how could I possibly be here to meet up with Mason Maxwell? Well, girl-looking-to-climb-the-ladder, I’m his daughter, and he’s married AF.

  “Hey, sweetheart.” My dad stood as soon as he spotted me, drawing me in for a big hug and then pulling my chair out so I could sit. “Where is your mom?” He was looking back toward the entrance, an expectant smile on his face.

  I suddenly felt really shitty. Of course he’d missed her, he was probably so excited to see her. They weren’t ever apart either, and I’d delayed their reunion for twenty-four hours. “She’s, uh, she’s not coming until tomorrow.”

  “What? Why? Is Kasen okay?”

  “I asked her to wait. I wanted to spend some time with you.” I took a sip from the fancy water glass sitting on the table.

  “You flew here alone?” My dad reached out, taking my hand in his. “What’s going on, Katie?”

  “I wanted to talk to you about a few things.” And I wanted to do it without mom’s help. I want you to see me as an adult. I want you to hear me. “I guess there is really no easy place to start, so I’m going to jump on in. Okay?”

  “Okay…you’re scaring me a bit, kiddo.”

  Well, hang on, Dad. “I um, I got into UCLA.” I smiled, tight and nervous. “I’ve been planning, for the last year or so, to move to California. I was terrified to tell you. I knew you wouldn’t like it. You and Mom have been talking about me staying close to home for school for as long as I can remember. But I’ve always wanted to go out of state, to live on my own.”

  When he opened his mouth to speak, I cut him off. “I fell in love with a boy. Cash Matthews, actually. And it turns out, he’s going to Pepperdine to play baseball.” Talking about Cash was making the anxious smile on my face turn genuine. “I know you sent me to stay with Dash and Lexi so that I would be safe, so that I would have supervision, and I’m sorry if hearing any of this disappoints you. That was never my intention.”

  My dad was blinking too rapidly; it looked odd. “You’re moving to California. And you fell in love with a boy you met a week ago?” His voice was quiet, but high-pitched at the same time. Like maybe he wanted to yell, but didn’t want to cause a scene in the posh Chelsea restaurant where thirty cell phones would record every word, gesture, and grimace. “Katie.”

  “I know. I know it all sounds so out of left field, and crazy.” I shook my head, still not able to shake my smile. “You are so protective. Like, I can’t do anything.” I laughed a little, no idea why. “Kasen gets to go to camp, and go to public school, and have sleepovers.” I pointed to myself. “I never got a chance to do any of that. And the first time you agreed to give me an iota of freedom? It lasted like twelve hours. Then you promptly banished me to the Devil’s Share compound.” I took another sip of water. “Not telling you about UCLA, that was a shit move on my part.”

  “Shit?”
r />   “Oh. Uh, sorry. That was a bad move on my part. I should have been honest with you guys. But, hell.”

  “Hell?”

  “Crap. Sorry, those Devil’s Spawn kids use the worst language.” I cleared my throat and started again. “I didn’t want to disappoint you. You gave your life for mine. You gave it all up to raise me. And I know you were scared, and I know that the media was a circus. But I think, in trying to protect me, you isolated me.” I watched his expression turn from thoughtful to shocked.

  “Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I’ve always kind of wanted to run.” And that was the truth, a truth I hadn’t realized until I’d actually been on my own. “I’m not a girl that’s meant to be confined. That’s not who I am, and, it’s not who I’ve ever been.” It took Cash to help me see that. To help me embrace my wild heart. “And honestly, Dad, I don’t think it’s who you are either.”

  “Oh, you’re telling me about me now? Where is this coming from, young lady? UCLA, cussing, boys? You’ve been away from us for seven days.”

  “Dad. Please. Stop.” I sent him a sad smile. “You caged yourself for me, to keep me safe. And I know you’re happy, and I know you love us, that you love Mom. But don’t you ever wonder what your life would have been like if our parents hadn’t died?”

  I rarely called them our parents. But here, in this moment, it felt right. We were twenty-one years apart, and if tragedy hadn’t struck he would’ve been my big brother. Maybe I’d still be sitting here with him in London. But maybe we’d be sharing a bottle of wine and laughing. Maybe he’d be hugging me, telling me congratulations on getting into UCLA. Maybe he’d have introduced me to Cash one night after a show. But instead, I was sitting next to my dad, and he looked utterly terrified, exactly as my mom had predicted. But underneath his fear was disappointment, confusion, and anger.

  I got to my feet, putting my napkin back on the table. “I’m going to head to the hotel. It was a long flight, and I’m tired.”

  And I’m sad. I don’t know what else to say to make you see me. To make you hear me. To make you understand me.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Cash

  It sucked giant donkey balls not having Katie here. Crue was a shell of a human. When I’d tried to talk to him earlier, he’d rolled over in bed and ignored me. I left his lunch sitting on his desk and told our dad that Crue was hungover and sleeping it off. I’d sworn off lying, and yet I was still fucking doing it to save Crue’s ass. He’d made a mistake. A terrible fucking mistake, but he wasn’t doing anything to try to fix it. Avory was staying at Landry’s house. They told her parents that Landry and Brody weren’t feeling well and Avory was watching Wyatt for them. More lies. Lies upon lies upon lies. The Devil’s Spawn way.

  I lunged for my phone the second I heard it ring. I tripped over a discarded t-shirt on the floor and fell onto my mattress. “Hello?”

  “Hey.”

  I smiled, instantly. “You made it? How was it with your dad? How’s London? Are you in the hotel?” I was firing off questions like a crazy person, but I couldn’t help it. I missed her.

  “Made it to London, only got lost in the airport once.” She laughed into the phone, and I wanted to record that sound and keep it forever. “I had dinner with my dad. Well, I didn’t actually eat. I’m starving.”

  “How’d it go?” I knew she was nervous. Hell, I was nervous for her.

  “Real freaking bad.” She sighed, the sound forlorn. “I was honest, and he got pissed. I stormed out, and he didn’t stop me.”

  “I’m sorry, baby.” And I was.

  “I’m going to order some room service and sleep until you get here.”

  “You still think I should come? I don’t want to make things worse between you and your dad.” I loved Katie, I did. And I’d do anything she asked me to. If that meant giving her the summer with her family, then I would. I’d see her when we got to Cali. I’d text and FaceTime her every day. I’d miss her like hell, but I’d make sure that we’d be fine.

  “Of course I think you should come.” She paused and I listened while she ordered room service from the hotel. “Sorry, I’m hungry. Cash, please get on that plane with my mom in a few hours. I can’t wait to see you. I can’t wait for you to meet Uncle Pax and Kasen. It’s going to be a great summer, no matter how my dad feels about it.”

  “Okay. I’ll get on a plane and try really hard to keep all graphic images of you out of my head. You know, while I’m sitting next to your mom for nine hours, wanting nothing more than to defile her daughter.”

  Katie snorted. “Who’s the horn dog now?”

  “You.” I chuckled. “Always you, Katie Baby.”

  “Good night.”

  “It’s three-thirty in the afternoon here.”

  “Oh.” She paused. “Well, good afternoon then.”

  “See you soon.”

  After we hung up I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. My Katie. I may have shown her wild heart how to live, but she showed me what it was like to truly feel alive.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Katie

  I ate an embarrassing amount of food. I ordered everything on the menu that sounded recognizable. I’d been too nervous to eat all day, and then dinner with my dad had gone to shit. Crap. Had gone to crap. Talking to Cash had made me feel better though, had made me feel like I could breathe a little. Was that love? Or was that simply Cash? The sound of his voice could calm me down and amp me up. Either way, I’d take him.

  When there was a knock at my door, I knew who it was. Mainly because there was only one person I knew in the U.K., but also because he was my dad, and I knew he wouldn’t leave things hanging between us.

  I climbed out of bed sort of wishing I hadn’t put on my fuzzy plaid pants with one of Cash’s t-shirts I’d stolen. Showing my dad how close Cash and I had become was adding insult to injury and probably wasn’t going to get me far. I opened the door and then moped back to my bed, sitting down and folding my legs under me. “We’re alone, you can yell at me now.”

  “Katie.” My dad locked my door—safety first—and then pulled up a chair to sit in front of me. Damn. It was going to be one of those talks. The ones where he gets on my level to make me feel like we’re connecting, but really he’s placating me. “You’re right.”

  Holy shit. I squinted so my eyes wouldn’t grow as large as saucers.

  “When you were born, I lost my dad and the only mom I’d ever really known. I walked into a hospital, fighting back tears and a mental breakdown, and was handed a baby. You were so tiny, and every time I fed you, you held my finger.” He smiled at the memory, tears in his eyes.

  “I didn’t know the first thing about what to do with you. I didn’t know how to deal with the death of our parents. I didn’t know how to be a responsible adult. I didn’t know how to love your mom the way she deserved to be loved.” He hung his head for a moment. “So I left.”

  “You what?” I’d never heard him talk like this. Neither of my parents ever mentioned my dad leaving.

  “I got scared of all it and I left when you were about five weeks old. I didn’t come home for almost four months.”

  “Why didn’t I know this? Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  He shook his head. “When I came home, after your mom and I got back together, I vowed to never leave either one of you again. I swore that I would be the man you two deserved, and that I would spend the rest of my life making sure that you were safe and loved.” He wiped a tear before it began to roll down his cheek. “I guess I overshot the mark a bit.”

  “Dad.”

  “No, Katie, let me finish.” He was breaking my heart. “Our dad had me when he was barely eighteen. He was a kid, raising a kid. He let me stay up late and travel the world with him. I ate junk food and swam with sharks. The real ones, and the Hollywood ones.

  “Johnny Cadence was more like my older brother than he was my father. It wasn’t until he met M Kat, your mom, that he started to change. He settled
down and started doing dishes.” Dad chuckled at some distant memory I’d never have of my parents. “When they told me about you? They were so excited, like over-the-top thrilled. He was so ready to be your dad. And when he died, I guess…I guess I got it all wrong, Bug.” Tears started streaming down his face.

  “I didn’t have the kind of dad that worried about me. He never asked where I was or when I’d be home. He didn’t make me do my homework. Instead he loved hearing about the dumb shit I did, the adventures I had.” My dad reached for my hands. “So I went the opposite route. I kept you close, afraid to lose you—afraid to screw up this amazing tiny little gift that had been placed in my arms. Meeting you was the best and the worst night of my life. All I’ve ever wanted was to raise you the right way, to make them proud. And I’m so sorry that I did it all wrong.”

  I jumped into my dad’s arms, crying as hard as he was. “You didn’t do it wrong. You didn’t.” I hugged him as hard as I could. “There has never been a day in my life that I haven’t felt loved and wanted and safe. I promise. I’m sorry I made you feel this way. I’m so sorry, Dad.”

  He pushed me back a little, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “We’re going to do better, you and me.” He grinned, his eyes still misty. “I should have known that you’d break free one day. You’re Johnny Cadence’s daughter. You were born to rebel.”

  “I’m your daughter too.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s even worse.” He winked and hugged me back to his chest again. “Now. You want to tell me about this boy?”

  ***

  My dad’s room was right next to mine, but he fell asleep watching a movie with me. It was late and I was glad he was here. I hated that I’d made him feel bad; I’d only wanted him to hear me. I never wanted to see my dad cry again. It had ripped my heart out. I got up to go to the restroom and when I came back I noticed an envelope on the desk with my name on it. Had this been here all along? Did my dad bring it in when he came in? I looked back toward the bed; he was still asleep.