by Leddy Harper
Until Eden.
She gave me so much. More than she’d ever know.
It didn’t matter how much I wished for our high school relationship again, it was never going to happen. And that’s when I realized something. I was holding on to the parts of her that had long since been gone. I was merely waiting around for the impossible to happen.
“Did that help? Do you feel any better now that you’ve gone through all that?”
I took her hand in mine, and had to fight off the urge to link our fingers together.
“No.”
9
“Do you believe things happen for a reason?” I questioned her, staring into her eyes.
She nodded slowly, then licked her lips and began to answer. “Yeah. I do. But I don’t think we always know what those reasons are. I think sometimes things happen and we may suffer in order for something better to come along, but I don’t believe we always know the good in every situation.”
“What about people? Do you believe people come into our lives for a reason?”
“Absolutely. However, I don’t believe they are always meant to stay. I think some people are brought to us for a momentary reason, to help us through a short-term problem. Very few last, and even less stick around for the long haul. I also don’t believe everyone who comes into our lives with a purpose will serve it. Sometimes they end up leaving more destruction in their wake.”
“Why do you think you came into my life?”
She giggled nervously. “I’ve already told you…to make your job easier.”
“No.” I shook my head and peered at her with my jaw set, no humor in my expression. “I’m being serious, Eden. If you had to take a guess…what purpose do you serve in my life?”
“I have no idea, Dane. I don’t think that’s something we ever really know. Speculation never does anyone any good. Assumptions are dangerous.”
“I think you are here to help me see things differently. Over the past few weeks, I’ve realized so much about myself and my relationship. And the only reason I can come up with is you.”
“Don’t say that,” she whispered as she scooted away from me.
“Why not? What’s wrong with that?”
Eden brought her knees to her chest and closed in on herself. “Because it’s not fair. If you walk away from your relationship, from your fiancée, especially after you just got done saying how you’ve stayed because she needs you…that’ll make me the bad guy. Don’t put that on me. I didn’t do anything to you. I didn’t do anything to make you want to leave Gabi. And if I did, I truly apologize for it.”
“No…” I moved closer to her, watching her slink away until she was flush with the headboard. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’ve never thought about myself. Gabi has always been my number-one priority. But you’ve made me see how I deserve more than that. I deserve to have someone put me first for a change. And I’m not saying I’m leaving Gabi…just that I deserve for her to make me a priority. There are so many things I’ve thought about since I’ve met you that I had never thought about before. You’ve opened my mind to other possibilities.”
“Like what?” She seemed timid and nervous for my answer.
“It took me eleven years to pop the question. I still don’t know why. I’d never thought about it before. Even when Gabi brought it up right before I took her to pick out her ring. It never crossed my mind why I’d spent eleven years with a woman and never once contemplated making her my wife. We’ve been engaged for almost a year, yet we still haven’t gotten married and never discussed a date. Sure, it hasn’t been easy since we lost the baby…but think about it. She was pregnant and we still didn’t make it official. I’ve asked myself a dozen and one times why…but I haven’t been able to come up with a logical answer.”
“Well…” She started twisting the sheet between her fingers. “I’m glad I’ve been able to bring up things for you to think about, but please, don’t use me as an excuse to walk away from her. Like I said before…only you can make that decision, and it can’t have anything to do with old promises, me, or anyone else. It can’t be based on the amount of time you’ve been together or who she used to be. It has to be your decision and yours alone. Please, Dane…don’t make me the bad guy.”
“You’d make a horrible bad guy,” I said with a chuckle, hoping to lighten the mood.
It worked. She smiled and dipped her chin.
“If you keep looking down every time I make you laugh, I’m gonna put you in one of those neck harnesses to prevent you from doing it again. Stop.” I caught her eye and watched as the green lit up with her salacious grin. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind getting off the bed so I can get some sleep. I’m tired.”
“Me?” She giggled and swatted my arm. “I have to move?”
“Well, yeah. I paid for this bed.”
“How do you know this wasn’t my original room? Maybe your room is the one with the leak? Have you thought about that?”
“Regardless, Eden…” I moved into her until my face was inches from hers. “I paid for the room. Yours. Mine. It doesn’t matter. It’s my credit card on file. After all, aren’t you the one who said I should start doing things for myself and not always put others first?”
“You can start this whole new and improved selfish Dane thing tomorrow. And with other people. Not me. I was in the bed first.”
I stepped away and offered her a smirk before grabbing a pillow. “You’re lucky I like you.”
I grabbed a blanket from the closet and set up a makeshift bed on the small couch across the room from Eden. My legs would hang off the end, but I didn’t care. One night of restless sleep wouldn’t kill me. Plus, it’d prevent me from dreaming of Eden.
“This is stupid, Dane. You’re too big for that thing. I didn’t even think about it when I claimed the most comfortable spot. Here, I’ll take the couch. I’m much shorter than you are.”
When I turned around, my mouth dropped open and it wouldn’t surprise me if my tongue had fallen out. She stood next to the bed in tiny sleep shorts that showed off her toned thighs and a tank top that left little to the imagination. I’d seen the tank top while she sat in bed, but with the way she was positioned and the conversation we were in the middle of, I hadn’t taken notice of the fact she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her nipples pebbled and peaked against the thin fabric.
I thought I was about to choke.
I turned around quickly, unable to look at her another second without having a physical reaction to her figure. It’d been too long since I’d been intimate with Gabi, and I worried I wouldn’t be able to control my impulses. “It’s fine, Eden. I can sleep here. You take the bed. I swear…it’s not a big deal.”
“Then at least let me help you make a pallet on the floor where you can stretch out.”
I took the pillow from the couch and threw it behind me, knowing I’d hit her when she let out an oomph and a giggle. Instantly, she slung it back at me, hitting me in the head.
“Fine. Have it your way. I was only trying to be nice.”
As soon as I heard the sheets rustle and the mattress creak, I knew it was safe to move. I couldn’t risk seeing her in her pajamas again. I needed to avoid vivid dreams of her body and the way I knew she’d make me feel, and seeing her dressed in skimpy clothes with nothing but my imagination of what she had—or didn’t have—on beneath them didn’t help.
Once we were both settled in, Eden turned off the bedside light. The cloak of darkness seemed to help us both relax. It was like we were finally able to be ourselves again, and that’s when we started joking around, making each other laugh while we talked from across the room.
Damn did I miss her laugh. I loved hearing it. She made different sounds and I was starting to understand them all. When she really thought something was funny, she’d throw her head back, open her mouth wide, and let out the loudest, throaty guffaw I’d ever heard. There was no way anyone within hearing distance could have kept a straight face when it erupted. But
it was the complete opposite when she became shy. She’d look down with a slow-building smile. If you weren’t close enough, you’d almost miss the soft humming of a giggle that escaped. Then there where her teasing snickers, the ones she’d let out right after giving me a hard time about something. Her lips would turn up in a tight smirk and I could tell she was trying to hold back and not openly smile. She thought she was funny but tried to play it off.
I couldn’t tell which one was my favorite. They all were. And it wasn’t just the sounds; it was the smile and what she said before and after. It was all of it. It was how they made me feel. The emotions that erupted on my face and the noises she was able to induce in response from me. It was happiness I didn’t ever recall feeling. And that’s when it hit me. I didn’t know Gabi’s laughs or smiles, not like I did Eden’s. I couldn’t remember there ever being a time I was so drawn to an emotion from her. And I certainly didn’t ever remember her laughter making me feel that content.
I fell asleep and suffered the worst night in a long time. Not only was the couch incredibly uncomfortable, but I couldn’t get Eden off the brain. By the time my eyes popped open, I prayed she was still asleep so I could make it to the bathroom without her witnessing the display of my morning wood.
Except, she was already in the bathroom when I got up.
“Give me a minute,” she called out through the closed door.
I took the blanket from the couch and wrapped it around my waist while I waited for Eden to emerge. When she did, I couldn’t even look at her as I slipped into the bathroom. The entire time, my heart raced. I was convinced she knew what was going on. As if she could sense the erection hidden beneath the blanket. It felt wrong. Like a betrayal. Like I was cheating.
I felt ashamed.
Guilty.
“Let me know when you’re done getting dressed,” I said as I closed the bathroom door behind me.
I was thankful I’d left my bag in the bathroom after my shower last night. It made it easier to change my clothes without having to worry about being in the same room as Eden. I thought I’d be able to handle this, handle being so close to her. But I couldn’t. Sharing a room was a horrible idea and I regretted not listening to her when she suggested we find another hotel.
Pure torture.
I couldn’t wrap my head around my feelings for the woman. She was sexy and beautiful and caring—an amazing person I found myself wanting to talk to endlessly. I was drawn to her. But not in a sexual way, despite the dreams that plagued me. Sometimes they were of Eden alone, but most of the time Gabi was in them, too. It was like my brain couldn’t decide between the two. But there was just something Eden offered me that I hadn’t been able to obtain from anyone else. Aside from the support and friendship she gave, there was something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But it was there. And it was something I didn’t care to give up.
The thought of losing it frightened me.
More so than the thought of losing Gabi.
I shook my head and finished getting dressed. I couldn’t allow myself to think that way. Eden was right when she said my decision couldn’t be based on anyone else. And it wouldn’t do any good to think of Eden while contemplating the future of my relationship. Although, it was incredibly difficult to not think about Eden, for any reason.
I took far too long in the bathroom, almost making us late for breakfast. I guess somewhere in my subconscious, I was trying to stay in the room. Leaving meant the trip was almost over and we’d have to head home. I wasn’t ready for that quite yet.
I wasn’t ready to return to reality.
However, I didn’t have a choice in the matter because there were businessmen waiting for us downstairs with contracts to sign. Eden seemed a little tense on the way down, but once we were all seated at the table, she acted as if everything was fine. This wasn’t the time nor the place to question her.
“Before you sign this,” Kyle, the owner of the company, said as he held his hand over the contract, “take a second to make sure this is what you really want to do.”
A knot formed in the pit of my stomach, thinking he was about to back out. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“It’s not a matter of wanting to. I have to in order to see my company emerge from the black hole it’s been sucked into. And honestly, you’re the only one I trust to do it. I’m not just saying that because your parents are friends of mine, either. I’ve looked into your records and I trust you. So this isn’t about me. I need to make sure you won’t regret the offer you’ve made.”
“This is a sound business decision. Not to make a bunch of money off you, but because I truly want to see you succeed. Don’t get me wrong, I hope every company I take over flourishes, but I have more of an interest in yours.”
“Because of your parents?”
I shrugged, not sure how to respond. Yes, a great portion of my reason for the offer I’d made had to do with his connection to my family, but I didn’t admit that. Kyle was a prideful man, and I knew my generosity would be misconstrued as pity. On the other hand, I wasn’t a desperate businessman, willing to cut myself off at the knees in order to make this deal, and I refused to come off looking that way.
Luckily, Eden stepped in and saved me from having to answer. “With all due respect, sir, Dane wouldn’t have made an offer if he wasn’t sure of it. He’s not the kind of person to regret a decision. He doesn’t make decisions of this magnitude lightly. If he brought an offer to the table so quickly, it’s because he’s been thinking about it for a while. You forget he’s been trying to work with you for some time now. He was hoping you’d take him up on his offer long before you reached the point of needing it, so he wouldn’t use your current disposition for his gain.”
Kyle studied Eden as she spoke. With a slight grin tugging at his lips, he hitched his thumb at her and said, “Where did you find her? I like her. But you better be careful. Watch out for this one. She might steal your business right out from under your nose when you’re not looking.”
I laughed and glanced at Eden next to me, catching the pinkish hue licking her cheeks. “Would you believe me if I told you I found her in a sports bar? And I don’t have to worry about her stealing Kauffmann Investments from me…I might just give it to her.”
With a smirk, he winked at Eden before returning his attention to me. “In all seriousness, Dane. I need to make sure this is something you’re completely okay with. You have your percentage in here”—he tapped the stack of documents on the table between us—“at an absurdly low rate. You essentially won’t make anything from this investment. In order to have a clear conscience about this, I have to point out what a dumb business move this is on your part.”
I appreciated his concern, especially since I knew he wouldn’t have questioned it had it not been me, or had he not had a relationship with my parents. But in the end, it was my decision on what I’d walk away with. I’d talked to Eden last night while we spoke in the dark, and she agreed with me. This was business, but at the same time, there was a personal aspect to it. I was fully aware how dangerous it was to mix business with pleasure, but I danced to the beat of my own drum. I listened to my instincts and followed my gut. That didn’t mean I never got burned, but the ratio was largely in my favor.
“I don’t agree with taking advantage of people in a time of need. And right now, you need me. I have the resources to help, and I won’t be walking away with nothing. If it were up to me, I’d get you on your feet, take my initial investment, and leave the rest for you.”
“How the hell can you run a multi-million-dollar company that way?”
I laughed under my breath. “I obviously don’t do that, but for you, I would. I believe in you. I believe in all the companies I acquire. I wouldn’t put my time and money into them if I didn’t. And regardless of who I’m dealing with, I’m not in the market to rake anyone over the coals. There’s a reason people come to me. I make smart decisions, I know what I’m doing, and I don’t look at
every business as a dollar sign. I see an ‘open for business’ sign. That’s what it comes down to. So you can think this is an asinine decision all you want, but it’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”
Kyle stretched his long arm across the table and shook my hand. “When you put it like that, I guess I don’t really have a choice, now do I? I’ll take it. And I appreciate your generosity. I know you’re likely doing this as a favor for your dad, but I don’t have much room to argue with you.”
Not long after the contracts were signed, Eden and I headed to the airport to catch our flight home. I was exhausted after a night of restless sleep, but I didn’t want to leave. I worried about the destruction I’d find at home and the state Gabi would be in. She never handled my business trips well, and that was before the height of her depression. It wouldn’t surprise me to come home and find her in bed, exactly where I’d left her, still in the same clothes she had on all weekend. That was not something that enticed me to return quickly.
“You’re quiet this morning. Is everything okay?” I asked Eden once we were seated on the plane. Her cheerful disposition wore off as soon as the meeting ended and Kyle left. It unnerved me.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night and I miss my own bed.”
I didn’t buy it. Not one word of it. “You know, it’s not nice to talk to the man who slept in a ball on the couch about how you didn’t sleep very well on that very comfy queen-sized bed. It’s inconsiderate,” I mumbled with a grin, teasing her in the hopes she’d cheer up and be herself again. I missed the woman who’d laughed with me in the dark last night.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” Even though I’d been joking, it seemed as though she took me seriously. Her tone was soft, but the melancholy was intense enough to hit me as if she’d shouted the words. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”
