Regrets

by Caragh Bell

  She kissed his lips slowly. Did he mean it? He must have said the same thing to Charlotte at some stage. Was she a fool to be swept away by all of this?

  ‘Let’s go in.’ She swam away abruptly. Common sense gripped her. She was getting carried away. This wasn’t right; she needed to gain perspective.

  She waded out of the water onto the sand.

  Her towel was warm from the sun as she rubbed her body vigorously.

  Luca appeared at her side, his face concerned.

  ‘Did I upset you?’ he asked bluntly.

  She dried her hair. ‘No. I just can’t deal with it right now. Let’s just stay in the present – let’s just take one day at a time.’

  He picked up his own towel and rubbed his face. He didn’t look pleased.

  She faced him. ‘Let’s go to New York first. I can’t deal with this until the air has been cleared. Do you understand?’

  ‘I got it.’ He flopped down on the sand.

  Her stomach flipped over. She didn’t want all of this to end. It was like they were trapped in a time warp, protected from everyone and everything. She wanted to stay like this; she didn’t want to face reality.

  ‘I keep missing calls from Mom and Char. As soon as your permit comes through, we have to go back. It’s time to face the music.’ His face was set in a grim line. ‘It doesn’t have to be this complicated.’

  ‘Whatever you say.’ She opened her bag and pulled out the sandwiches she had made earlier. ‘Are you hungry?’

  He nodded.

  ‘Here,’ she said, throwing a package wrapped in foil at him. ‘It’s nothing special: just cheese.’

  ‘I like cheese,’ he said, grinning.

  They ate in silence, the hot sun beating down on them.

  ‘Here!’ She threw him one of two small bottles of Evian.

  He drank and wiped his lip.

  ‘Lyd,’ he said quietly.

  She looked up. ‘Yes?’ Her heart started beating loudly. She wasn’t sure what he was about to say.

  ‘This is the best goddamn cheese sandwich I’ve ever had.’ His blue eyes were deadly serious.

  ‘Oh!’ she exclaimed. ‘Are you for real?’ She started to laugh. ‘I was worried there for a second.’

  Chapter 38

  Luca poured a glass of wine and handed it to her.

  ‘Are you sure you don’t need some help?’ he asked, noting her flurried movements and stressed demeanour.

  ‘No!’

  ‘I can cook pasta. Just let me help.’

  She gulped her wine. ‘I can do this. I mean, I cook this all the time.’ She tossed the penne in the sauce and added some basil.

  ‘You’re an awesome chef,’ he said gently. ‘But, I’ve got to say, I can smell burning.’

  ‘What?’ she shrieked, looking around wildly. ‘Luca! Get the bread out of the oven!’

  She threw a tea towel at him and he jumped into action. The oven door opened to reveal a black baguette, emitting toxic burnt smoke.

  ‘Damn!’ she wailed. ‘How did I do that?’

  He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. ‘I guess it’s kind of my fault,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘I distracted you.’

  She blushed when she remembered how he had enticed her into the utility room and hoisted her onto the washing machine. How he had lifted her skirt and wrapped her legs around his waist. How he had thrust into her, over and over until she cried out …

  ‘Look, back off. You’re distracting me again.’ She pushed him away. ‘All we have left is this penne and it’s not looking good.’

  He switched off the hob. ‘It looks amazing,’ he soothed. ‘That basil looks great.’

  ‘Why do you say bay-sil and we say bah-sil?’ Lydia frowned. ‘Americans are weird.’

  ‘Why do you say Lef-tenant, when it’s clearly spelt lieu-tenant?’ he replied.

  ‘Touché.’ She tipped the contents of the pot into a large ceramic bowl. ‘Grab the salad, will you?’

  They sat down at the table.

  ‘Can you cook?’ she asked, forking up some pasta. As she tasted it, her face fell.

  ‘Nah, not really.’ He chewed his pasta and tried to mask the grimace that was forming on his face.

  ‘You hate it!’ she wailed. ‘I knew it. I’m such a failure.’ She threw her fork down with a clatter.

  ‘No, no,’ he insisted. ‘I love it. It’s awesome.’

  ‘Liar,’ she said darkly. ‘I can tell you’re about to spit it out.’

  He deliberately shoved a huge forkful into his mouth. ‘Look,’ he muttered with his mouth full. ‘Yummy!’

  She giggled. ‘Stop!’ She picked up her fork, took another mouthful and chewed. ‘Oh God, it’s truly awful! I’ll be such a terrible wife.’

  They both choked on their food simultaneously.

  What did I just say? Lydia felt herself flush. Why did she mention wife? Talk about inappropriate.

  ‘I mean, it’s just a saying …’ She trailed off.

  ‘You think?’ He regarded her in amusement.

  ‘Yes – albeit a sexist one.’ She gulped her wine.

  ‘We could always live on take-out,’ he suggested, helping himself to some salad.

  ‘Oh?’ She eyed him warily.

  ‘You know, when you’re my wife.’ He folded his lettuce leaf expertly and speared it with his fork. ‘Wow, this salad is good!’

  She said nothing. Her head was spinning. He was obviously joking. There was no way he was serious. No way.

  ‘You can’t burn a salad,’ he continued. ‘So that’s an option too.’

  ‘More wine?’ she said in a high voice, holding up the bottle.

  ‘No, I’m good.’

  Her phone began to ring again, a welcome distraction. She looked at the screen before silencing it.

  ‘Colin again?’ he asked.

  ‘Yep. He’s like a hen with an egg.’

  ‘You’ve got to answer it, Lyd.’

  ‘Not yet.’ She placed the phone on the counter. ‘I don’t want this to end.’

  Colin rang seven more times before she finally accepted the call. It was the next morning and she was still in bed with Luca by her side.

  ‘Just answer the call, Lyd,’ he said in exasperation. ‘I can’t take it anymore.’

  She pressed the button and held the phone at arm’s length.

  ‘Lydia Kelly! What is going on?’

  Luca traced his finger up and down her waist.

  ‘Stop,’ she mouthed, trying to stay serious. ‘Nothing major, Col. How are you?’ She resisted the urge to throw Luca off the bed. She was really ticklish and he was driving her crazy.

  ‘Cut the crap, Lyd. I know he’s there.’ Colin sounded annoyed.

  ‘I know that you know,’ she replied.

  ‘Where is he now?’ he demanded.

  She giggled. Luca was trailing his tongue down her belly and smiling.

  ‘Will you stop!’ she whispered furiously, half-laughing.

  ‘Stop what?’ said Colin in exasperation. ‘Lydia?’

  She pulled herself together. ‘Nothing. So how are things?’

  ‘What is going on?’ Colin was on the brink of insanity. He hated being left out of scandal.

  ‘Look, now is not a good time so –’

  ‘Lydia! Don’t you dare hang up on me!’

  She hung up.

  Colin screamed at his phone.

  Val stopped eating his cereal and sighed. ‘Why do you even let it get to you?’

  ‘First of all, it’s Lydia. Second of all, he’s engaged.’

  ‘Look, it’s typical behaviour from a guy like him. He’ll dump her too, just you wait.’

  ‘I try to believe in love,’ replied Colin haughtily. ‘Maybe, just maybe, he’s genuine.’

  Val snorted. ‘Are you joking?’

  ‘You just hate him anyway.’ Colin stalked into the sitting room. ‘God, I loathe when she’s around him. She loses all sense of right and wrong.’

 
‘Get me the iPad on the coffee table if you’re passing,’ called Val. ‘I need to check if there’s an email from the theatre.’

  ‘She just goes crazy or something,’ continued Colin distractedly, depositing the iPad on the kitchen table. ‘I’d better go down there.’

  ‘Why?’ asked Val. ‘There’s nothing you can do.’

  ‘I need to see her and find out what’s what.’ Colin was determined. ‘I need to see if she knows what she’s doing.’

  Colin pulled up outside the Kellys’ house and checked his reflection in the rear-view mirror automatically.

  Loping up the path, he rang the doorbell. There was no answer. He rang again. Still no answer.

  Fishing a key out of his pocket, he inserted it in the lock and walked in. The kitchen was in a terrible state. He looked in horror at the overflowing sink and the crumbs on the table. Two coffee cups lay discarded by a half-eaten loaf of bread. The butter lay melting on the counter and the radio was blaring.

  ‘Lydia?’ he called.

  No answer.

  He bounded up the stairs to find her room empty and the bed unmade. He noticed jeans and a hoodie on the ground, too large to be Lydia’s. Peering closer, he was pretty sure he could see Calvin Klein boxers underneath Lydia’s bra in the corner.

  Suddenly the front door slammed and he jumped.

  ‘Colin!’ called Lydia. ‘Come out wherever you are!’

  He descended the stairs to find them both in the kitchen. Lydia’s hair was wet and she was wearing a bikini and a black sarong. Luca was decked out in Ollie’s boxer togs, his bronzed torso ripped. Colin gulped. He was so gorgeous you could almost forgive him anything.

  ‘What brought you down here?’ Lydia asked, smiling.

  ‘I wanted to see that you were okay,’ he answered honestly.

  ‘I’m fine,’ she answered, switching on the coffee machine. ‘Do you want a cuppa?’

  He nodded and took a seat at the table.

  ‘Thanks, man,’ began Luca.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘For telling me where she was.’

  Colin half-smiled, looking uncomfortable.

  Lydia placed an espresso cup on the table. ‘So, why are you worried?’ she asked bluntly.

  Colin took a deep breath. ‘I’m worried about you,’ he stated. ‘I want to make sure that you know what you’re doing.’

  ‘We know what we’re doing,’ she replied, emphasising the ‘we’.

  Luca stood up and pulled Lydia into his arms. ‘I love her, Colin. I’m not joking. I’m here to take her back to America.’

  Colin nearly spat out his coffee. ‘What? To America? Have you both lost your minds?’

  Lydia moved closer to Luca. ‘We want to be together. We need to sort things out.’

  Colin put his head in his hands. ‘Lydia, you’re not thinking straight. What about your job? What about Auntie Helen and Uncle Seán? You can’t just up and leave.’

  ‘It will all work out, Col. Everything will settle.’ She walked over and hugged him. ‘I’m really happy.’

  He could see that she was on a high; she was positively radiant. He hadn’t seen her this well in ages. It reminded him of the old Lydia: the young, carefree girl of old.

  Luca cleared his throat. He could tell that Colin wanted to talk to her alone. ‘I’m just going to take a shower, you guys.’

  Lydia smiled at him gratefully.

  Colin stirred his coffee, unsure of what to say. He certainly hadn’t expected this. Who was he to rain on her parade? Then again, had she any clue about what she was doing? He loved her too much to stay quiet.

  ‘Lyd,’ he began.

  ‘Stop,’ she said gently. ‘I know what you’re going to say but you’re wrong. He does love me. He came back for me. Yes, it’s a terrible situation, but we’ll get through it.’

  ‘Will you just listen to yourself?’ he said bleakly. ‘This is a car crash waiting to happen. You’re so caught up in your little fantasy world that you’ve lost perspective.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Her eyes glittered dangerously.

  ‘Think about it. Luca up and left New York without a second thought. He left a girl he was living with, Lydia. A girl he’s supposed to marry in a couple of weeks and ran to you. On a whim.’

  ‘A whim?’ she cried.

  ‘Imagine if Craig had done that to Sam. You saw all the preparation that went into the wedding, how everyone was involved, how it’s a family affair, not just about the bride and groom.’

  Her face grew pale.

  ‘Imagine how Sam would have felt if Craig ran off with a girl a few weeks ago. How her life would have collapsed. Think, Lydia!’

  She felt nauseated. It would have killed Sam. She would never have recovered.

  ‘Charlotte will be that girl. You are about to destroy her life.’

  ‘It’s not just me!’ she protested.

  ‘All I’m saying is that you’d better be sure. You’d better be positive that this is what you want.’

  She wanted to bolt. Her brain was clouding over; she couldn’t think straight. Oh, why did Colin do this? She had blocked it all out. Now the guilt and shame were taking over and she wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

  The only beacon of light in all of this was the love she felt for Luca. It was ever present, it was strong and true. Everyone disapproved but they didn’t understand. It was like Molly had said: All’s fair in love and war. Hearts were broken every day. It didn’t make it right, but it was reality.

  He shouldn’t marry this girl when he was in love with someone else.She had to keep repeating that to herself. It offered some justification for her actions.

  ‘Look, Col,’ she said quietly, ‘this is the real thing. We are going to face it together. I promise it is genuine.’

  He rubbed her cheek. ‘You know I’ll support you no matter what.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘I just had to be sure.’

  ‘I know.’

  They hugged fiercely. His gaze shifted to the mess.

  ‘I need to get back but I might give this place a bit of a clean first.’

  She mentally high-fived herself. It couldn’t have worked out better.

  ‘Only if you want to …’ she trailed off.

  ‘I have to.’ He sighed. ‘I would have nightmares about poor Auntie Hel arriving home to this tip.’

  Chapter 39

  Her travel permit came through that eveing. Luca then used her laptop to book their flights, making hers a return ticket as she would need to pretend she was visiting the States on a vacation.

  She offered to pay for her ticket, but he waved her away.

  ‘I got this.’ He punched in the numbers of his credit card and waited for the confirmation email.

  She took a deep breath. Everything was moving so fast.

  ‘Luca, I’m nervous,’ she cried, running her fingers through her hair. ‘I’m scared.’

  ‘You got nothing to be scared about. I’m here. I’ll look after you.’ He pulled her onto his lap and she rested her head on his shoulder.

  ‘What about my life here?’ she whispered. She thought of her family, of Adam and Joe, of Sam and Craig, and of Colin and Val. She had responsibilities. It was very hard to just disappear.

  ‘Leave it behind. The only life you got now is with me.’ He rubbed her temples in soothing circular motions, designed to calm her down.

  She knew he was right. If he went back to America without her, she would die of loneliness. They had to stay together.

  ‘When is our flight?’

  ‘Tomorrow.’

  Her stomach heaved. ‘I have to tell people.’

  ‘Sure.’

  She got to her feet. ‘I need to tell Molly. She can let Mum and Dad know when they come back. Colin needs to know too.’

  ‘Whatever you want.’

  She started pacing. ‘I need to email Adam. Maybe he’ll let me submit articles from America. I mean, we live in a digital age.’

 
‘Do what you need to do.’

  ‘Luca,’ she said suddenly, feeling terribly unsure. ‘Everything’s going to be okay, isn’t it?’

  His blue eyes were warm. ‘Everything will work out. You’ve got to have faith.’

  Victoria du Maurier stared at her daughter. Charlotte was still in her pyjamas and her face was red from crying. She was curled up on the couch in the apartment she shared with Luca. She had never seen her lose control like this. Ever since she was a little girl, she had been poised and confident. The girl opposite her now was a mess.

  ‘Now, you tell Momma all about it,’ she said in her southern drawl.

  ‘Luca has disappeared. He said he was going to meet some buddies but he won’t answer his cell.’ She rubbed her red nose with her sleeve. ‘Momma, I think he’s left me.’

  Victoria’s face hardened. This couldn’t be true. Her daughter was a catch. She was successful and gorgeous with a good family name and a hefty inheritance. It must be pre-wedding nerves.

  ‘Look, my darlin’, I think you must be wrong. Luca loves you. He’s been fixin’ to marry you for a long time.’