Wicked Women Whodunit

by Davidson, MaryJanice

  “But there’s been ... a murder.”

  Even though Rich said it with the appropriate dramatic pause, it was still hard to believe.

  Corinne and Grant blinked at each other, then blinked at him. “There’s been a what?” Corinne asked.

  Quickly, the tall blonde—who would be breathtaking once she dried off and washed her hair, and her clothes—explained.

  “Seriously?” Corinne asked when the blonde finished. “It’s not a joke?”

  “If it was, it would be in extremely poor taste. I understand you’re a police officer,” Rich said, “so if you could just—”

  “Simmer down, Colonel Sanders,” Corinne said, making the time-out motion with her hands. “One, I’m not a cop. I’m a private investigator—I quit the force when I got engaged.”

  “But—”

  “Two, even if I was a cop, which, if you missed the memo, I’m not, this isn’t my jurisdiction. In fact, we’re about fifteen hundred miles from my jurisdiction.”

  “But—”

  “Three, where’s the killer?”

  Their room was just full of people, Corinne saw to her annoyance, and they all stared at each other and then gaped at her. Oh, SUPER helpful.

  “In her room,” the blond woman finally said. “She locked herself in a couple hours ago when she told us what she did.”

  “And she’s still there?”

  “Uh ... I think so.”

  “Did you—is anybody guarding the door so she doesn’t get away?”

  “Uh ...”

  Civilians. Lord help us. “Mmm.” Corinne grabbed a pile of clothes out of her suitcase and marched to the bathroom. “Nobody go anywhere,” she ordered. “I’ll be right out.”

  A short silence fell, while everyone in the room tried to look everywhere but at the obviously mussed Grant Daniels. (Everyone except Todd.) Finally, the blonde said, “My name’s Caro. This is Turner, Jana, Lynn, Todd, and Rich.”

  “Grant Daniels,” he said, shaking her damp hand.

  “So. Uh. How do you like Maine?”

  “It’s ... exciting,” Daniels said, eyeing the group with something close to wariness.

  Seven

  The tiny Mrs. Daniels, who really did look like an elf with those short limbs and tip-tilted dark eyes, hammered on Dana’s door. “Hey in there!” she shouted. The amount of volume pumped out by that tiny frame was startling, to put it mildly. “Are you okay?”

  “Go away!” Dana shouted back.

  “Who’d you kill?”

  “Mind your own business!”

  “I’ll tell the cops you cooperated!” Corinne yelled into the keyhole. “And they’ll tell the D.A.!”

  “History will exonerate me!”

  “History will what her?” Lynn asked.

  “I’m telling my whole story to the press!” Dana shouted. “But I’m not coming out there until you can guarantee my safety!”

  “She’s scared of us?” Turner asked. “Oh, that’s rich.”

  “What?” Rich asked.

  “Never mind, boss.”

  “Okay,” Corinne said, turning back to the group. “So at least we know she’s still in there. I guess the murder weapon’s in there with her.”

  “No,” Caro said. “It’s—oh, shit!”

  “Don’t tell me, let me guess.” Corinne paused dramatically, then rolled her eyes. “It’s gone. Bum-bum-bum!”

  “Completely gone,” Rich said, eyeing the bloody patch of carpet with distaste.

  “It was right there,” Todd said, pointing. “Right there!”

  “So she either came out to get it, or somebody took it.”

  “Who would take it?”

  Corinne shook her head. “Okay, so the crime scene is totally fucked.”

  “Totally fucked?” her husband teased. “As opposed to only partially fucked?”

  She ignored him. “We’ll worry about that when the locals land. There’s no way to properly process the scene anyway, not without the right equipment. It’s too bad, because the more time that gets wasted ... anyway, it’s better to just leave the whole place alone and try to find out who’s dead. Is there a way to lock her in?”

  “Yes,” Turner and Rich said in unison.

  “So, let’s do it.”

  Caro was impressed. She so rarely met a woman as forceful as herself. And this one was half her size! Bet she gave her husband hell on a regular basis. “Good idea.”

  “Uh ... darling ...”

  “I know, Grant,” Corrine replied, holding up her hands. “I’m not a big fan of squashing constitutional rights, either. Well, usually. Sometimes. But she admitted to murder. I think for everyone’s safety, we lock her up until the cops come.”

  “Come on,” Turner said, and to Caro’s complete surprise, he grabbed her hand and pulled her away from the group. “I know where the keys are.”

  “That’s nice,” she said, unnerved by the pressure of his big hand around hers. “Are they so heavy you need help carrying them?”

  “No. But I’ll feel better if I know you’re with me.”

  The evening was getting more surreal by the minute. Dead bodies she was used to—she worked in a Minneapolis emergency ward, for God’s sake. Criminals she was used to—bad guys as well as good guys got sick. But scrumptious-looking handymen wanting to be with her? Being protective of her? That was just too damn weird.

  “ Uh ... uh ...”

  “You know, I noticed you at breakfast.”

  “I didn’t notice you,” she confessed. “I was too busy listening to Mr. and Mrs. Daniels debate whether or not King George was a bad enough king to justify the Revolutionary War.”

  “Right.”

  “Apparently he wasn’t such a bad guy.”

  “Right.”

  “I mean, to hear the British guy tell it.”

  “Right. Are you okay?”

  “I’m a little nervous,” she gasped.

  “Oh, sure. Understandable. You know, with dead bodies and killers and ex-cops running around.”

  That’s not why I’m nervous, buddy boy. “Uh-huh.”

  Turner was rummaging around behind the big desk, and then he emerged with an old-fashioned set of keys on a large metal ring. “Haven’t seen something like this in a while, huh?” he asked her. “Amazing how fast we all got used to key cards. But this place is two hundred years old, and Rich refused to put modern locks on the doors.”

  “Uh-huh.” Oh, you’re really impressing him with your wit and style! Good thing you don’t LOOK LIKE HELL or you’d really be in trouble. “That’s ... uh-huh.”

  “Listen, Caro,” he said, fixing her with a look and then grabbing her hand again. “I want you to stay away from Dana.”

  That broke the spell. Thank goodness! “No shit. Thanks for the tip.”

  He had the grace to look abashed. “Well, it’s probably tempting to talk to her, try to get some details, right? Tempting for you, I mean.”

  “Well ... yeah ...” How does he know that?

  He grinned at her. “You seem like the curious type. But she’s dangerous. Like, drooling crazy dangerous. Network-executive-run-amok dangerous. Steer clear. For my sake, okay?”

  “Why in the world do you care?” She had to restrain herself from slapping her own forehead. Oh, shit! That was out loud!

  “I just ... do. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.” He rubbed the bump on his head. “She just knocked me cold, but that could have killed someone else. And I—I knew her. From before.”

  “Knew Dana?”

  “Well, yeah. We sort of have a history. Not much of one,” he added, seeing the alarmed look on Caro’s face. “She was out here our opening weekend, and I—we—we sort of spent the night together. But she wouldn’t have anything to do with me afterward.” He shook his head. “My own fault. One-night stands never lead to anything good. Should have kept my pants on.”

  “I guess so.” Ya big pig, she thought but didn’t say.

  “She was sort
of—uh, she came on kind of strong. And I was kind of lonesome, and—look, I’m not proud of it, okay? I’m just saying, please stay away from her.”

  “Don’t worry,” Caro said. “But if I do get near her, I promise not to fall into bed with her.”

  He blushed. Blushed! Red to his eyebrows. “Look, I just wanted to tell you, okay?”

  “How come? I mean, why me?”

  He shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “I—I think you’re kind of cool.”

  “You don’t even know me,” she said, flattered in spite of herself.

  “No, but I’d like to. I noticed you earlier and tried to figure out how to talk to you, but you’re so gorgeous and classy ...” He trailed off.

  “I am?” she practically gasped.

  “I hate to say it, but as awful and scary as this whole thing is, it gave me a chance to, you know, talk to you.”

  Okay, this is getting weirder and weirder.

  “Come on,” he said. “Let’s go lock her in.”

  Wordlessly, she let him lead her back to the others.

  Eight

  “Why would she kill the cook?” Caro mused aloud, after Dana had been locked in her room. Turner had jammed a chair against the doorknob for good effect, and everyone had breathed easier. Now they were all in the small dining room where breakfast had been served earlier. Lit candles gave an appropriately spooky glow to everyone’s face. “That’s the only one we haven’t found, right? The cook? Anna what’s-her-name?”

  “Barkmeier,” Rich confirmed. “She’s been in my employ for about a month. And I don’t know why.”

  “You never heard them—Dana and the cook?—arguing about anything?” Corinne pressed. “About money, men, whatever?”

  “No. Nothing. I barely saw Dana before she ... you know.”

  “This might be kind of a dumb question,” Turner said, “and it’s off the subject, but has anyone tried their cell phone?”

  “Yes,” Todd and Caro said gloomily. Todd added, “The storm must have taken out the tower, or whatever cell phones have. Nobody can get a signal.”

  “And land lines are out, needless to say,” Corinne observed.

  “Right.”

  “Well, getting back to the subject, as a former cop, I can tell you, people kill other people for the dumbest reasons in the world ... or no reason at all. I once arrested a guy who shot his wife because she burned the pork loin. Honest to God.”

  “Well, maybe Dana didn’t like Anna’s cooking,” Todd said, trying to smile.

  “Maybe Anna had something she wanted. Or did something she didn’t like. Or knew a secret Dana didn’t want to get out. Seriously, you guys, it could be anything.”

  “I just wish we could get her body,” Caro said.

  Corinne shook her head. “It’s better you leave it where it is. The first commandment of crime is, Thou shalt not fuck up thy crime scene.”

  Grant snickered, then sobered when everyone looked at him. “Sorry. That was amusing to me.”

  “So ... what?” Todd asked. “We’re just going to sit here in the dark and stare at each other? Blurgh.”

  A short silence, followed by, “Well, there’s really nothing we can do, right? Dana confessed, and we locked her in. We can’t get the body—and shouldn’t, anyway. We know who’s dead. Everyone else is accounted for. And it’s now ...” Corinne grabbed her husband’s wrist and squinted at his watch. “Eleven-thirty-two P.M. And the storm ...” Another crash of thunder. “Isn’t letting up anytime soon. And ... frankly, you guys ... I’m on my honeymoon, here.”

  “Darling, you’re insatiable.”

  “Shut up, Grant. Anyway. I vote we all go back to our rooms and hit the sheets.”

  “That sounds all right,” Lynn said cautiously. “I mean, I was against tromping around in the woods from the start. If there’s really nothing more we can do ...”

  “I’ll post watch outside Dana’s door,” Rich volunteered.

  “I’ll do it,” Turner said, shooting a glance at Caro. “Maybe I could have some company?”

  Caro opened her mouth, but Rich interrupted with, “No, no. It’s my mansion, I’ll do it.”

  “Okay, but then I’ll relieve you at ... what? Three o’clock?”

  “That sounds fine, my boy.” Rich rose, adjusted his pleats, and bowed. “Until tomorrow morning, then.”

  “Turner, will you walk me to my room?” Jana asked. “It’s so dark ... and scary ... and you’re so ... big ...”

  “I can’t,” he said. “I promised Caro I’d ... look at her JAMA collection.”

  “What?” Caro asked.

  “JAMA?”

  “Journal of the American Medical Association,” Caro said automatically. Then, “Oh. Oh! Right. I’ve been dying to show you my, uh, collection.”

  Later, as they scampered down the hall like kids freed early for recess, Caro asked, “How in the world do you know about JAMA?”

  “My sister’s a doc,” he replied easily. “Thanks for going along with it. Badly, I might add.”

  “Well, give a girl some warning next time!”

  “How about this?” he asked, and pulled her into his arms and, right below the painting of the elderly woman with the flashing eyes and wispy moustache, kissed her.

  Nine

  “Just so you know,” Caro gasped, coming up for air, “I never do this.”

  “Me neither. Okay, I do it sometimes.”

  “You did it with Dana!”

  “Believe me, that was way more her idea than mine. I thought she’d be there in the morning so I could buy her breakfast, maybe we could spend the weekend together, get to know each other, but ...” He shook his head. “Gone.”

  “Oh, like that’s the first time that’s happened. You probably horndog after all the girl guests.”

  “No,” he said soberly, pulling back and looking at her. “I don’t.”

  They were in her room, and she couldn’t help noticing it was just romantic as hell with the candles and the lit fireplace. How was a girl supposed to resist? Not to mention, Turner must have been a Boy Scout in his youth, because with the help of four matches and several pages from US magazine, he had a blaze going in no time.

  They kissed again, hungrily, exploring each other’s mouths, and she traced her fingers along his jawline and across his shoulders. He was as firm to the touch as he was candy to the eyes, and smelled delicious ... if slightly damp.

  His hands were busy beneath her BLO POP T-shirt, grazing the flesh just beneath her bra, big warm fingers sending shivers down her spine ... the good kind of shivers, for a change.

  “Seriously,” she said again, breaking the kiss. “I mean, I never do stuff like this. When I’m not working, I’m writing. Doesn’t leave a lot of time for a social life.”

  “You’re a writer?”

  “Would-be. I’m still trying to get published.”

  “Well, if you came out here for inspiration, you got it in spades.”

  “Are you talking about the murder?” she teased as he nibbled on her earlobe. “Or other things?”

  “Mmmf,” he replied, then pulled his lips away from her ear. “Uh, listen, Caro, I really like you ...”

  “Well, I didn’t think that was a roll of Life Savers in your pocket.”

  “Life Savers?” he said, offended.

  “Caro, I really like you ... ,” she prompted.

  “That’s about it. I mean, I wasn’t really going anywhere with it.”

  “Very romantic,” she grumbled. “As it happens, I like you, too, but don’t ask me why. I mean, five hours ago, I didn’t know you. This is so unlike me.”

  “You keep saying that,” he murmured, kissing the base of her throat. “And then you keep doing things.”

  “The whole thing. Isn’t like me, I mean. Oooh, that’s nice, don’t stop doing that.”

  “Don’t worry.”

  “I don’t even read mysteries, y’know? I’m strictly a cookbook girl. Well, and maybe a few Star Trek novels. I ju
st love Commander Riker.”

  “Could you not reveal your major geekiness right now? It’s sort of killing the mood.”

  “Give me a break. It’s just so weird to be in the middle of all this. The last mystery I read was ... I can’t even remember. Miss Marple I’m not.”

  “Definitely not,” he said, nuzzling her other ear. “I sort of liked the way you took charge.”

  “You weren’t even there.”

  “Oh, Jana and Lynn were bitching about it.”

  “Figures,” she snorted. “I doubt Jana’s legal, by the way, so don’t get any ideas.”

  He actually shuddered. “Don’t worry. Neither of them is my type. She’s too young, and her mom’s too annoying.”

  “Nice way to talk about guests,” she teased.

  “And if this is all so unlike you, how come you’re here?”

  “Well ... I’m just trying to be polite ...” Her fingers brushed the front of his shorts. “And I did pack some condoms. It’s been so long since I bought some,” she added grumpily, “the pharmacist laughed his ass off.”

  He pulled away from her. “Oh. That’s good ... that’s great. But I wasn’t going to, y’know, push you or anything.”

  “You were quick enough to jump into bed with Dana!” she said, stung.

  “She jumped in with me. I told you, the whole thing wasn’t exactly my idea,” he said patiently. “I don’t want to wreck things with you. I mean, a one-night stand isn’t exactly what I’m after. They don’t work for me.”

  “Well, what are we doing here, then?”

  His brow clouded. “Oh, I’m like your summer vacation boy toy? Bonk the help and then go back to the real world?”

  “You’re not the help,” she said, shocked. Then she thought about it. “Well, I guess you are. But I didn’t think about you that way. Honest.”

  “That’s true,” he said. “First you thought I was a dead body.”

  “But then you got better!”

  He laughed. “Sorry. I guess I’m a little touchy. I felt really used by Dana, you know?”

  “Sure, I can understand that.”

  “It’s just, you’re so classy and beautiful, I didn’t think you’d even talk to me. And now that we’re here ... it’s like it’s too good to be true. I don’t want anything to ruin it. You know, anything more than felony assault and homicide.”