Chasing Shadows

by Rebbeca Stoddard

  Awkward silence filled the car. Helios crawled back onto my lap and settled in to take a nap. After an hour had passed, Sebastian huffed and pulled over. He turned to face me, a look of anguish, sadness, happiness, and frustration in his eyes. “AubrieAnna, I just, I want you to know, that . . . that I will always protect you. You’re important to me. You are . . . you are . . . ” Sebastian struggled to tell me something. I could see he was fighting it. My heart sped up, hoping he was going to tell me that maybe I was his soul mate. He sighed angrily and said, “You are my friend.” My heart fell into my stomach, and he pulled back onto the road and continued to take me to the cabin in silence.

  The crunch of gravel under the tires woke me up, and I noticed we were finally at my parents’ cabin. I was all too eager to get out of the cramped vehicle. Holding onto my little Helios, I stepped out and stretched my legs. My mom rushed out the front door and squeezed me tightly. She gushed over my kitten, and he purred under her pets and baby talk. Alexandier stood on the porch, glaring at Sebastian, and my father looked relieved that I was all right. We maneuvered my stuff into the house, and I hugged my older brother. Sebastian nodded at everyone and took his leave. I was too scared to say goodbye to him, but I was terrified of never seeing his deep green eyes again. Melly and Mickey bounded down the stairs and tackled me just as he walked out the door. Their excitement over me being back was palpable, as was the prospect of having a pet. When my younger siblings settled down, Helios cautiously allowed them to play with him. With the younger kids preoccupied, my parents began asking me questions. I answered every one dutifully. They were proud that I was learning to use my abilities so easily. My dad excused himself to go prepare dinner, my mom called Amelia and Mickey to go upstairs with her so they could pack up, and Alexandier was left with me. A silence fell over the room and settled into a strange feeling.

  “I don’t like him. I see the way he looks at you, and it isn’t strictly platonic. It’s serious. It worries me.” Alexandier’s voice rang with sincerity.

  “I know, Zany. But I sort of like him. He doesn’t know it. And he is really nice, I promise. Besides, when school starts up again, I will probably forget about him. After all, I do have to see you-know-who there. Zany, you know how my mind works. By September I will have forgotten Sebastian and will be heartbroken all over again.” I looked down, my eyes stinging. Everyone in my family understood that no matter how hard I tried, I was still in love with my ex, Langdon Tyler.

  “I know, Aubz. Sorry, I just . . . I worry for you. Always have, and always will. Who knows, maybe Langdon moved somewhere else.” My brother pulled me into a hug and tried to offer some relief from my heartache. When Alexandier finally released me, I smiled up at him and squeezed his hand.

  “Come on, let’s go get seated around the fire. It’s our last night here, so the roasting of random foods for dinner will commence in about five minutes.” I winked at him, and we ran to the back patio. Roasting sticks were by each person’s chair, and an assortment of random dinner and junk food sat on a table, ready to be poked and toasted.

  Leaning back in my chair, I watched as the embers started to die. The sun had set an hour ago, and my stomach was full. I smiled as I thought about our strange last-night tradition. We would always have the chance to roast hot dogs, marshmallows, and other random foods. It was disgusting at times, delicious at others, but always filled with laughter and happy memories. A few hours later, my parents sent Melly and Mickey to bed, and they followed shortly after. Alexandier stayed with me for another hour before disappearing into the cabin. There was always a sense of calm before going home, before going to the storm of emotions that I always left behind there. At that moment I realized that my life would never truly be the same. Clamora had shown me who I was, who I was going to be. Nothing in the world could change that, not even my ex, or his crew of bullies. Maybe when I started my first day of senior year I would be able to fight back against everyone who tore me down. Or maybe Sebastian would deflect every cruel word away from me and make me forget the reality of my life when it all started up again. Shaking my head, I pushed the hopeful thoughts away. I knew deep down that I would always be the object of students’ cruelty. Nothing, not even Sebastian, could change that.

  The embers had died completely, leaving me cold and alone. I got up and walked into the house. Scooping up a heap of sleeping kitten, I took the stairs two at a time and crawled into bed. Helios didn’t wake up, just snored and purred as I shifted him around. My sheets were cool against my skin, and I shivered as I got comfortable. A soft glow from the moon came in through the window and landed on my floor. Every muscle and nerve ending in my body felt alive at that moment. As I tossed and turned, my sheets tangled with my legs, Helios grumbled and jumped down. There was no comfort for my body, and no sleep was coming. After trying to force my eyes shut for an hour, I gave up and lay there, staring at the ceiling, hoping for some sort of reprieve. With a loud huff, I got up and paced the room. Birds chirped in the distance, large cats hunted in the trees nearby, ripples of water crashed and sloshed against the dock and sand, fires crackled and people laughed. Every sound came crashing through, slicing into my ears, begging to be heard. I felt overwhelmed and reached for my phone to call Sebastian for help. He answered immediately and told me he would be there soon. I watched out my window, waiting to see his sleek car pull up, but it never did. I jumped when something touched my shoulder. When I turned around to see who it was, I saw his windblown hair and flushed cheeks. Sebastian had run from where he was to me. A worried line creased his perfect forehead, and his green eyes were full of deep concern. He grabbed my hand and led me outside, down to the sandy shore of Waldo Lake.

  As always, I let my toes sink into the soft grains. Shivers ran down my spine. Embarrassed, I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked down. In an instant, black leather hung around my shoulders, soft heat started to warm my skin, and I smiled my thanks. Sebastian and I stood and walked along the shore; his long legs took shorter strides to keep pace with me. He didn’t probe me for answers, just waited patiently for me to explain. We stopped just before a small island of sand and rock. Taking a few steps back, Sebastian looked at me with a gleam in his eye and took a leap over the cool water, landing on the island. I knew he wouldn’t come back for me, and he didn’t, he stayed there, daring me with a look to jump over the water too. Cautiously, I took ten steps back for a running start. Closing my eyes for the jump, I felt sand hit the balls of my feet and then freezing-cold water lap at my heels. Squealing, I hopped toward the center of the small area. My nose bumped Sebastian’s strong chest, and I stumbled backwards. His laughter was loud and beautiful. I smiled at him.

  I sat down on a rock and picked up a small potato bug that crawled around in the sand. As I let its feet tickle my hands, I explained that every noise around me seemed to attack my ears. Sebastian understood completely. Even though he had never told me what he was, I knew the answer. He was a vampire, immortal and everything else that came with it.

  We both knew that I was part vampire. Clamora had even said I was. The thought of it was strange. Curious, I asked him what it was like to be a vampire. With a tilt of his head and a sad smile on his lips, he explained it to me. “There are perks, as well as not so nice things that come with it. You can happily eat normal food, seeing as you are also part witch and fairy. But for me, well, it is different. I can go to out in the sun. It can be uncomfortable, but bearable. Normal food doesn’t make me sick; it just tastes different now versus from when I was human. So I generally stay away from it. Some books and movies get it totally wrong. I have longer canines, not fangs, and animal blood can work, but it is very difficult to handle. It tastes like dirt and raw eggs, too salty and sometimes even way too sweet. And, like you, I hear everything around me. I will teach you to ignore it, to focus on certain things when you need to. Restlessness at night is constant. You can sleep; it’s just more difficult. We have to train our bodies to sleep at night and be restless during t
he day. Vampires do not normally get exhausted, but you probably will. There are no silly sparkles, no venom or swapping of blood. We cannot create other vampires. Females can actually get pregnant. But it is nearly impossible. There are a lot of things that myths and legends do not get right. I will tell you many of those things when the time comes. But for now, I should take you back home.” Sebastian held his hand out to help me up. I graciously accepted, and we walked back hand in hand. Peacefulness settled over my soul, and my heart wanted to jump out of my chest.

  When we got back to the cabin, I thanked him just before he disappeared into the night once again. Sighing, I opened the front door and snuck back into my room. Just as I crawled into bed, I realized I still had his leather jacket. Worried that Sebastian would need his jacket to keep warm, I texted him. When he replied, he told me to keep it until school started. Blushing like a schoolgirl, I took it off and snuggled it to my chest as I got comfortable. A dark and delicious smell lingered on the leather. There were no words to describe the smell other than “home.” It smelled like home. Smiling, I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

  The sun was warm as someone shook me, telling me it was time to get up and get ready to leave. I grumbled and rolled over. Helios took that as an invitation to lick my face with his sandpaper tongue. Opening one eye at a time, I glared at my cat and my mom, who was throwing the rest of my clothes in my bags. She had laid out a comfortable outfit of shorts and a T-shirt for me to change into. After shooing my mom out of the room, I changed and put Sebastian’s jacket in my bag along with the clothes I had slept in. I slipped into my black Toms, which had been left out of my bags. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I straightened up the room and took all of my belongings down to the car. When my bags were loaded up, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a maple bar from the doughnut box. Helios was chirping and running around with too much energy. Alexandier grabbed a cream-filled doughnut from the box and took a large bite. The cream gushed out of the opposite end, landing on his shirt and the floor. He laughed and cleaned up the mess. All of our stuff was packed and my parents came in to double-check the rooms, cabinets, closets, windows, and doors. “Auby, are you riding with Zandy?” my dad asked as he popped his head out of a hall closet.

  “Only if Mom is willing to take Helios. I can’t let him ride in Zany’s jeep. He might try to jump out since Zany doesn’t have the top on,” I replied around a bite of doughnut.

  “Okay. We can take him. You guys have fun. We’ll see you at home.” My mom and dad gave us hugs and kisses, and pushed us out the door.

  Alexandier and I ran to his jeep. We both jumped in, he started it, and we sped off. There were loudspeakers in the back, so we played music that we both enjoyed and turned it up. People we passed stared at us and all we could do was laugh. An hour passed with us on the road. My bladder was full, and I wanted a snack. At the next rest stop, Alexandier stopped so we could relieve ourselves and get something small to eat. The bathrooms were dirty. Very few people hung around or used the restroom. When I was washing my hands, two girls from my school walked in, and the minute they saw me, they turned around and left. Frustration and anger flowed through my body. With all my strength, I clenched my fingers into fists and stalked out of the bathroom. Ready to leave, I noticed that Alexandier wasn’t in the jeep. I sat in the grass and found a small weed trying to mature; I touched it, telling it to grow but to stay small. It flourished for a moment and then died away. My anger killed it. Tears of sadness and frustration rolled down my cheeks. Just as I was about to get up, I heard giggles from the two girls and turned to see Langdon hanging all over them. By the time Alexandier finally showed up, he had cookies, chips, granola bars, and water. I jumped into the jeep, and he followed suit. Never asking any questions, he drove off.

  We sat in silence for most of the car ride. The music played softly, and I let myself cry. I knew I shouldn’t be crying, but I couldn’t help it. Since my freshman year in high school, I’d had to deal with bullying from everyone around me. Alexandier tried to be the buffer for most of it, but that only lasted for a year. He graduated, and I was left to my own devices. Then, the summer before my sophomore year, Langdon and I started dating. As the star athlete of the school, I was surprised he wanted anything to do with me, the socially awkward teenager who was weird and different. We dated for almost a year. I fell for him, and he said he loved me too. But that was all a lie. Langdon wanted to prove to everyone that I would fall in love with him, and then he would take my virginity. And he did. After that, he stayed for a few more weeks and then left me. He even told the whole school that I was a slut and that I was crazy, and everyone believed it. The bullying got worse, yet I couldn’t get over him. Every school break we left for the cabin, I would forget him, then school would start again, and I would remember him. It was a horrible cycle that never seemed to end. My brother knew the story, the cycle, and understood why I was crying. The treacherous heart in my chest was breaking all over again.

  My tears stopped after another hour, and my body was tired. We pulled off the freeway at a small burger joint, ate burgers and fries, and took off on the road again. The wind from the drive kept us cool the whole way home, and as we reached the city limits, I began to relax again. Salem’s buildings came into view as we re-entered the freeway. I felt the call of nature. It pleaded to be free from the dangerous air. Various energies called to my soul, threatening to rip it out of my being. Forces around me seemed to weigh on me, but it was a strange, calming effect, almost like a heavy blanket at night keeping me warm when I needed it most, but it was still exhausting. All I wanted was to be at home, in my bed, cuddling with my kitten. Closing my eyes, I prayed that we would get there soon.

  When I opened my eyes, we were passing through the side streets of Aurora. Our private driveway was covered in dust, and we held our breath as it swirled around us. An old colonial house stood out among the trees. I sighed. We were finally home. My parents had inherited the house from my grandparents. It was basically a mansion, and had been in our family for generations. Tall columns held up the roof of the front porch, windows were shadowed by dark shutters, the front door was black, and an old creaky porch swing sat faithfully by bright pink and purple flowers. Everything about the place was beautiful. Of course, my parents had added a few modern details, inside and out—a playground on the right side of the house, a fountain in the center of a roundabout. In the backyard, there was a pool with a hot tub and other various accessories. I climbed out of the jeep and wandered into the house.

  The smell of takeout drifted from the kitchen. My parents had beaten us home. Helios ran toward me as laughter filtered from the living room. I walked toward the sounds, only to see my parents, Melly, and Mickey watching America’s Funniest Home Videos on the large flat screen TV above the brick fireplace. Melly sat by her dollhouse in the corner, Mickey was cuddled up to my mom and playing with a T. Rex toy, and my dad was eating chow mien out of a takeout box. Alexandier whooped from the kitchen then found everyone in the living room and plopped down on the sectional. Smiling, I shook my head and walked up the winding staircase to the third floor, and my bedroom.

  Familiar creaking floorboards brought me back to the present. Disappointment filled me as I remembered that tomorrow was registration day. I was going to be a senior. My last year of high school, and I had to go through it with Sebastian, my new crush, and my ex-boyfriend, Langdon. Butterflies swarmed my insides as I thought about Sebastian. He was a vampire, a supernatural creature, like me. But he was into his soul mate, who also happened to be reincarnated, and it wasn’t me. Well, he never said it was, but he never said it wasn’t either. It wasn’t fair. I wanted to know if I was Amaryia reincarnated. Yet at the same time, I didn’t care to know. If I had been her in a past life, then Sebastian had waited for me, but if I wasn’t her, then my heart would break at the thought of never kissing him. Grunting, I flopped facedown on my four-poster bed. Helios jumped on my back and started gently kneading me. His purrs and w
eight were comforting, and I soon fell asleep.

  A hissing and growling Helios woke me up. The fur on his back and tail were sticking up, and he was crouched at the foot of my bed, staring at my closet. As I tried to soothe him, I watched the closet. Shadows shifted and stirred. I watched as Helios began to calm down and the shadows in my closet disappeared. With my nerves unsettled and my mind racing, I went downstairs to the kitchen to get some warm tea. The dying rays of the setting sun filtered in through the windows, lighting the dust motes as they settled in their place. It was only nine o’clock, which meant that I had slept for three hours. Alexandier was snoring somewhere on the couch, and my parents were talking quietly in the kitchen. They smiled when they saw me and continued their conversation. I got the teakettle out of the cupboard, put water and tea leaves in it, then placed it on the stove and turned it on. A few minutes passed and water spewed out of the spout. Carefully, I moved the kettle to different burner to let it cool down and poured the hot tea into my cup.

  The old metal staircase was cool against my bare feet. Shivers traveled endlessly down my spine and I brought the cup closer to my body. When I finally reached my room, I saw that Helios had crawled onto one of my pillows and fallen asleep. Sighing, I sat down carefully so I didn’t disturb him and sipped away at the heat in the cup. Delicious aromas filled my nose as I took another sip. My tense body relaxed, and I started to feel calm. After I finished my tea, I leaned farther back into my pillows and got under the covers, and let myself fall back to sleep.

  He sat in front of me. The teacher was rambling about some math term, and I didn’t care. It was already in my notes, so I just stared at his glorious dark brown hair. At times, I would even lean closer so I could smell him. I could hear everyone whispering about me and the new kid. Sebastian had been there for at least three months now, and they still called him a new kid. We were officially together, but couldn’t be together in the way we wanted to until everything was figured out.