Beauty of Man and Woman - Volume 13: Bomaw

by Mercedes Keyes

  Over the music the first thing she heard came from the woman, “Trust me, this is all steak, however - what will I be getting?” Which is where Vivian delivered her line, feeling that it was only fair she be warned what she was getting into. The blond was clearly not impressed - looking around Jake, “Who the heck are you?”

  Leaning around him as well, Vivian returned in equal fashion, “You ‘bout to find out!”

  Sweat broke out on Jake’s face, “Vivia-a-an,” Jake warned, and that was far as he got before the bottle of wine crashed upside the left of his head. He should not have had those beers, his reflexes were sluggish.

  “And they’re off!” Someone watching sounded the call loud and clear as if at the races.

  “WHAT THE-…” Jake started but then the plate of spaghetti slapped him at the right side, and hard. So hard in fact that because of the way Vivian’s hand slid to his left, it caused the flat disk to flip sideways before his face and away where someone caught it before it hit the floor. The catcher ran his finger across the sauce to lick it claiming with wide expressive eyes, “Tha’s some good spaghetti!” He looked at it falling off the side of Jake’s face with longing, ‘Dang waste! I wanna eat that.’

  Exclamations of every kind sounded around the bar, shock, mixed with laughter and whistles - some even howled. Others actually got up high on the stools to see. This was a momentous event, the day that finally, Jake would get his own back! The bartender simply could not step in, he couldn’t step in - well, he could - but he wouldn’t. He and Jake had history.

  Yes, long ago.

  Yes, over a girl, his girl.

  Matt, the bartender was going to enjoy this while it lasted.

  Too many beers and the element of surprise, and the audience cheering for his wife, had Jake’s reflexes slow. Besides, he couldn’t see, wine had run in one eye, burning with a slight stream of blood from where the bottle shattered, and spaghetti sauce with peppers and garlic was jacking up the other eye. But he had to move and get his wife out of there.

  “Vivian!!!” He barked down at her, blinking one eye then the other, trying to see.

  She was leaning around him looking at the steak lady, “Now that he’s been served his dinner, time to cut into some steak!” The remnant of the wine bottle firmly in hand was clear to see with a sharp jagged point you didn’t want to be on the receiving end of.

  Someone yelled at her, “That’s his wife - get out the way!”

  “Does it look like I care?! You gone be chewing on that-…”

  Jake could barely see, but his big hand darted out grabbing the woman’s shirt and shoved her hard, “Touch my wife and I’ll snap your neck!”

  Her arms wind milled as she went backward to stay on her feet. The guy that caught her held onto her, shouting, “Don’t be stupid, stay back and leave it!”

  With his eyes burning, Jake growled, “Drop it and let’s GO!” He grabbed Vivian by the arm with the broken bottle and tried to haul her off towards the door at the same time he squeezed to get her to drop it.

  “NO you don’t! Get yo’hands off me!” She ground through tight teeth.

  “I SAID DROP IT!”

  “I’m not done with it yet!”

  Jake squeezed until she had to drop it, but that pissed her off even worse, “I was gone use that to carve yo’azz up! Let me go!” And swung at him with her free hand, his reflexes were coming back to life and caught that arm too, but she was going wild and bent forward biting his arm.

  “OW! YOU-… Vivian!! Are you crazy?!” He shouted at her, and snatching his arm from her mouth and that’s when she popped him in the mouth, giving him a bloody lip and dropped down yanking her other hand free.

  “Yeah I’m crazy! Hell yeah! And so are you if you think I’m gone put up with you pulling this on me,” She shouted, “I’m not Doris - Mr. Cheetah…” And attacked him again, this time with the windmill rope-a-dope so he couldn’t catch her arms. She backed up and moved in, backed up and came back kicking too.

  Some fool started howling again - in love with her just for doing what so many wished someone would.

  While another said as country as he could be, “He’s gettin’ his ass kicked!”

  “Where your ring at, huh?! Where your ring?!” Vivian blazed at him, huffing, puffing and blowing.

  “Calm yourself down and get outside, you hear?! Get outside!” He tried, they’d moved closer to the door because he’d been trying to get a grip of her, but she’d moved in popped him and moved back out. Fast on her feet and he couldn’t see.

  “I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!!!” He roared, if he could just open his eyes long enough to spot her. Steadily moving her towards the door when he managed to crack an eye long enough to locate her, “Get over here, get-…” He bit between teeth, trying to fast move on her, getting fed up. “Vivian! What’ve I done? Huh? What’ve I done!”

  “You know what you did!” She yelled, nodding her head at him, lips in a snarl, “Been doing! You trifilin’, sneaky, shiftless lying freaky snake! Better believe it baby, I ain’t the one! And Lord knows, I’m not done yet, it’s only just begun, ‘cause I took a nap!”

  “Get your ass outside!” He rushed her to the door, but she blocked it. “Get out that door VIVIAN!”

  “You get me out the door!” She went for him again, just as he was trying to rub his eyes clear.

  “WHAT THE HELL!” He shouted in the midst of it, and not one person stepped in to help him, not one. Instead they were moving in, gasping, grinning and shouting, “Whoooa! That had to hurt,”

  Growling because he finally got hold of her arms, “Come here, yeah - got you now, ohhh when I get you home! You’re gonna regret this, stop it! You hear, I said stop it! Ow-ow-ow - stop biting me! Can somebody please help me here, I can’t let her goooo, OOOOW!” He let her go.

  Help came opening the door. That was it.

  “Bastard!” Jake spat at the helper. Who only grinned and winked at him.

  Vivian was ready to go by then, and made her way out the door, yelling back at him, “Don’t come home! I swear ‘fore GOD, you bes’ not show up there!”

  He was following her, yelling as well, “That’s why I didn’t come home in the first place! I knew it - I knew it! Knew you were gonna act crazy!”

  “No - you didn’t come home because you a no’account, good fo’nothin’ but what you known for!”

  Keeping his distance, Jake yelled back, “Yeah, well - I’m tellin’ you now, don’t you ever pull this with me again! You hear? Don’t think I won’t slap your ass!”

  Vivian stopped.

  ‘Oh no,’ Jake groaned to himself.

  There was a really big rock in the midst of the gravel, she picked up the biggest one.

  “DON’T YOU DARE! Don’t! I’m warning you!”

  She threw it hard and he blocked it with his arm, it hit the bone of his wrist, “Ow! You little bitch!”

  “Who you callin’ a bitch?” She ran up on him again.

  In the bar, they crowded the windows and the open door trying to see. Calling out play by play as if they were at the game.

  Matt, the bartender shouted out, “What’s happening, what’s happening?” he couldn’t leave the bar of course.

  “She’s got’em by the hair,” one called back, scared to take his eyes away.

  “Oh yeah! A Mike Tyson, bitin’ off the ear!”

  Jake didn’t know what to do, he wanted to tackle her to the ground, pen her, hold her, but he was scared to do it, he’d been drinking and she was too small. Drink could cause him to misjudge his own strength and end up hurting her. She was pregnant after all. He just couldn’t take any chances. Besides, deep, deep, deep in the dark hidden place of his secret mind, he knew he deserved this whipping. He would never admit it, but she was getting him good and in a way, he was letting her. Her bony little fist hurt like being pummeled with nice size rocks, they really packed a wallop!

  Back in the bar, more calls, “An upper cut, that’ll be a black eye tomorr
a.”

  “I think she’s gonna kill’em,” Another turned to shout back at Matt, the bartender, just as all who could see cheered.

  “She got a gun? A knife?” Matt asked, he didn’t want no murder taking place on the parking lot.

  “No, she just screamed,” the reporter tried to mimic her posture and speech, “I’ll kill’yo’azz!”

  “Ooooh, that’s all right then.”

  “OH NO!” They all chorused, “That’s it, McPherson going do-o-own!”

  “What happened, what happened?” Matt the bartender shouted.

  “She kicked him in the nuts!”

  “He’s going down, down, and down for the count!”

  “He’s on the ground and the crowd goes wild!!” Everyone cheered raising their beers and laughing.

  Outside…

  Crying, mad, and sweating, Vivian shouted down at him, “Like I said, don’t bring yo’white azz home!” She turned from him, marched to the truck getting her own set of keys from her pocket and climbed in. Starting it up, she revved the engine, pulled out of his park and pointed it directly at him.

  Jake knew crazy - and something told him, roll and now. He did just in the nick of time. Had he not rolled, she looked like she would have driven right over him.

  He hurt, he hurt bad.

  “Aiiiiiigh!!” He hollered out, still holding his jewels, legs drawn up, knees bent, “GOD - help me - she’s insane, she’s friggin’ insane!” He cried out, whimpering, throbbing as he rolled one way and then the other. Looking towards the open door, where a few still stood, “Can one of you frickin’ assholes - call my brother! Tell’em come get me - aaah, I - I can’t walk.” He whimpered, trying not to cry.

  Ms Steak was the last left in the open doorway looking at him roll and writhe about on the ground in the gravel. Walking up to him, hands resting on her knees, she gazed down at him, “Didn’t know you was married. An’ she plum crazy too. Wanna ride home? I’ah take yah.”

  “NO!” Jake blasted her, he wanted her to get away from him, what if Vivian came back? She’d kill him for sure this time.

  She shrugged, stood and turned back re-entering the bar.

  The few happy ones that had come away and turned back into the tavern yelled out, “Matt! Call his brother, he’s done!”

  Matt shook his head, “How’d it end,” he asked the last remaining ones as they returned to the bar.

  “She almost ran him over.” One answered.

  “Shame she missed,” from another.

  “Oh well, there’ll be a next time - cuz we know, Jake don’t learn.”

  “He better, cuz’ whooo-weee,” someone else chortled, “He got a tiger by the tail…”

  All that heard him laughed out slapping the bar and clinking their bottles of beer, instantly they began singing, Buck Owen’s, “Tiger by the tail…”

  Chuckling, at the far end of the bar, Matt was on his cordless, waiting for Shawn to answer, “Hey - this is Matt from the bar? Your brother needs you to come and get’em again. From what I hear, he’s on the ground in the parking lot, can’t get up - in pain.”

  “In pain? From what?” Shawn asked gruffly.

  “Fightin’.”

  “Someone beat him up?” Shawn was getting riled.

  “Aaah, yeah - they’re saying, his wife did it. She’ah - a pretty lil’black thing? Dark as the night? Afro?”

  “Uh… uh oh, yeah…”

  “Em - yeah, come get’em. She’s done’em in.”

  Shawn’s & Sylvia’s…

  She arrived just as Shawn was leaving and buzzed her into their security gate. Vivian parked around back, got out of the truck and walked into the family room via the sliding glass doors to meet Shawn face to face. He had his leather on, keys in his hand, shoving his wallet in his back pocket, looking her over as he did so. “You all right?” He asked gently.

  Vivian braced herself. Shawn had a way about him and how he spoke to you that could make you cry. Vivian didn’t want to cry, so she stiffened her spine, and nodded, “I’m okay… so, you know then?”

  “Yeah… I know - going to get him now. He gonna live? Or should I be taking him straight to the hospital?”

  Sylvia knew as well because Shawn told her of course, thus - she stood in the kitchen area watching them while trying to keep her mouth closed, scared to ask - how bad?

  Reluctant to answer, but feeling she needed to Vivian thought about it all a second and then, “He’ll live, the bleeding should’ve stopped by now.”

  Sylvia flopped down over the counter with her face hidden in her folded arms, as she rolled her head back and forth in disbelief, but then… she should not be surprised, this was Vivian after all. Pregnant Vivian!

  Shawn sighed, “Guess I better go get’em then.”

  Vivian nodded, asking softly, guarded, “You bringing him here, or taking him home?”

  “Does it matter?” Shawn asked.

  “Em hm, bring him here.”

  One of Shawn’s brows lifted in surprise and then he whistled, shaking his head he turned away, made his way out the sliding glass doors to get his brother.

  Hearing it shut behind her, Vivian looked up across the room towards Sylvia.

  “Don’t just stand there, come tell me what happened.”

  Vivian strutted across the room, head held high - fighting with all her might to keep it together. Her knuckles hurt, and her wrist, but she would never admit it. She just kept flexing her hand, fighting with her emotions. Her posture was important to maintaining her dignity. She didn’t look it, but she’d never been more fragile than right then and there.

  “You look pretty,” Sylvia chuckled, “Don’t look like you been fighting.”

  She didn’t, her very expensive makeup was all still in place, her skin had a luminous and lovely glow, and her afro was as lovely as ever. She sat on one of the bar stools facing Sylvia.

  “Come on, what’d you do? What’d he do?”

  Vivian was trying to hold off from speaking anymore, she was starting to crumble, she could feel it and simply put, she did not want to cry about it. What was done was done. Didn’t matter how she tried to keep it at bay, Sylvia knew her, and could see she was close to eruption.

  “Aaah honey, what happened?” Sylvia coaxed gently, feeling so bad for her, and she didn’t even know all of what had gone on.

  “He …. he had - his ring off.” Vivian leaned forward, elbow on the bar, palming her forehead, “I’ve got a headache,” came out next, and then the tears began rolling.

  Shawn arrived for Jake - and spotted him right away sitting with his back against the concrete post stops before the tavern. He pulled the van up in front of him so he could stand and get right in. Leaning across the center counsel, he opened the door for him and called, “You need me to get out and help you in?” Shawn was fighting to keep his expression straight - but - holy crap his brother was a mess.

  He had a swelling eye, his hair along the front was caked with some other reddish substance and dried in blood, that also flowed down the left side of his face, also dry. Vivian was right, he was no longer bleeding. The other eye was red and squinting at him. He had a fat lip, and marks and scratches on his face and neck.

  “Well?” He asked, leaning across the center panel trying to contain his humor.

  Jake grunted as if he’d made an attempt to move that Shawn hadn’t been able to see, “Give me a minute, she - she kicked me in the - nuts!” He grunted through a tight jaw.

  Shawn began chewing on the inside of his mouth - trying to inflict pain that might stop him from laughing. This was not funny, this was his baby brother sitting down there on the ground in absolute pain - looking like he’d been in a dog fight. The question was, why? What had he done?

  Jake tried various ways to heft himself up and then finally, “Don’t just sit there Shawn, come get me up!” He yelled at him impatiently, “Freakin’ hell, I can’t get up!” He groused.

  “Okay-okay, calm down, calm down.” Shawn
shifted the van into park and jumped out trotting around to his brother. Just then the tavern door came open and three men were leaving, the moment they saw Shawn there, trying to help Jake, they bent over bursting into laughter. Then cleared their throats, straightened up serious like and began singing, “He-e-e - got - ah - tiger by the tail, it’s plain to see-e-eee - won’t be much left of Jake from that bumble bee-e-ee…”

  Shawn had to turn his face away so his brother wouldn’t see that he was losing the battle. He did not want to laugh, he would not - if it killed him, he was determined to keep it in.

  “Sons’ah’bitches…” Jake griped.

  “Now-now, ignore them, let me get you on your feet.” Shawn went behind him, chewing on his lip. He hefted him up a midst moans, groans and sharp intakes of air. Carefully, he got him to the open door and in the seat. Slamming the door - he made his way back around to the driver’s side and climbed in slamming his own door. He was about to shift the gear into drive when he looked at his brother, intending to say, ‘Buckle up.’ But the look of his brother and the way he was sitting was his undoing. He couldn’t help it, it tore out of him and he erupted into uncontrollable laughter. There simply was no way to hold it back, he could not.

  Jake was a hot mess.

  Shawn’s laughter filled the vehicle as he rocked and stomped the floor, slapping the stirring wheel and crying with tears rolling down his face. Every time he turned to look at him again, he started up all over again. Plus, there was a spaghetti noodle halfway down the neck of his t-shirt. His voice went high, his head went back as he cried out, “I knew I smelled spaghetti… is that spaghetti… oh god… help please… I hurt.” The belly laughter was gripping him so he was sliding in the seat from the gripping belly cramps of his laughter. His eyes were blinded by the tears.