The Deception of Destiny: A Novel

by Jennifer Walters

  Jill opened up my closet. "Seriously? He color coordinated your clothes, Dez."

  I ran over to the closet. "I can't believe he did that. And I can't believe he had his mom buy me a jogging stroller."

  "Before you two split up, all you did was run together. That was so sweet. Aren't you excited?"

  "I am. I just feel a little anxious, that's all."

  "How can you feel anxious? I mean, look at all the thought he put into this homecoming. Look at this pillow, for god's sake, it's almost as long as me. He did this all in one day? Amazing. How can you not be happy?"

  I shrugged. My secret digging deep inside my heart. “It's been a really long day."

  She put her hand on my shoulder. "Why don't you lay down and go to bed.” She suggested, walking out the door. "Oh, and Dez, maybe you should ask him if he wants to go shopping with you to pick out more stuff for the baby. It is the least you can do after he did all of this. Don't be stubborn, sis,” she scolded me.

  "I won’t. How are you going to get home?”

  “I’m going to walk to Michael’s, maybe go out for a little bit. He’s only a couple blocks from here.”

  “Ok, Jill. Be safe and thank you,” I said, wrapping my body around the pillow and hugged it tight.

  I woke up to the smell of bacon around noon. I slipped my robe on that was hanging on the back of the door, right where it used to be. I tiptoed down the stairs and saw Bryan humming while cooking an omelet and taking bacon out of the skillet. He looked so focused, so happy, so at ease for the first time in a long time. He turned around, heading toward the kitchen table, smiling when he saw me.

  "Careful, hot pan coming through. Good morning, beautiful." He greeted me as though nothing had changed, with a kiss on my forehead. He walked past me to the table where he finished filling the plates. "How did you sleep?"

  "Very well, thanks to that body pillow. It felt so good to be back in my—our bed." I corrected myself, hoping he hadn't noticed. "Thank you, Bryan. For everything.”

  "It was no problem, seriously. I am glad you liked it. Maybe you want to take a break from your homework today and go shopping. I have four days off, so if you need anything, I'll be around." He sat down in the chair across from me and took a bite of his omelet.

  I couldn't seem to muster the energy to eat. I was carefully choosing my next words.

  "What you and your mom did for me and the baby was really sweet, Bryan. You really didn't have to do that. I want you to know how much I appreciate it." I moved my eggs around a little on my plate, not feeling very hungry. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to take a drive to Duluth and we could pick out a crib and changing table together. If you aren't too tired. If you are, I mean, I understand." I stared at my plate and wondered why I was rambling.

  He got up, walked around to my chair and kneeled down, placing his pointer finger and thumb on my chin as he gently tilted my face to meet his.

  "Destiny, there is nothing I would rather do then spend the day shopping with you.” He gently kissed my forehead and stared at me for a moment before heading to the fridge to pour us both a glass of orange juice.

  "Oh, not for me, thank you. I have been a little sick to my stomach. And with how acidic orange juice is, I just don't think it would be a very good idea. To tell you the truth, this looks so good, but I may have to start with just a few saltines before I eat something solid."

  "No problem, I didn't even know you had morning sickness. I'm so sorry. Anything I can do?" He grabbed my plate and began covering it with plastic wrap.

  "You are doing everything I could possibly imagine, thank you. I’m going to get changed so we can head to Duluth right away. Ten minutes sound okay?" I grabbed a glass of water and he handed me a package of saltines while I made my way up the stairs to get ready.

  "Sounds good."

  The hour-and-a-half drive was the opposite of silent, like I had expected it to be. I hated having to go so far just to shop, because Hibbing was so small. Although we have a Kmart, our mall didn’t have many stores.

  Bryan talked about his job and how much he loved it. He told me he liked to put his police car in the garage so he didn't scare off the neighbors. He talked about the sheriffs he worked with and how great they all got along. He told me it hasn't been the same without me around and admitted to sleeping on my side of the bed every night.

  From there it turned a little less serious and I told him about school and that I was going to take a little time off after this semester to focus on my pregnancy and taking care of our baby full-time. He was very supportive, as I expected him to be.

  He was great shopping with me all day and carried all of our purchases. We bought a white crib and matching diaper changing table and dresser for the baby's room, to be delivered in two weeks. We bought a few outfits, bibs, and onesies. I made him stop at Barnes and Noble and I looked around while he searched for a new Tom Clancy book that was supposed to be out. After, we had lunch at Olive Garden.

  "I have a surprise, Bryan." I said, pulling a book out of the Barnes and Noble bag.

  "Guide to Running While Pregnant," he read aloud."So, I take it you want to use that running stroller, then?" I handed him the book and he turned it over to look at the back with a big grin on his face.

  "Yes," I smiled and blushed. “Thank you so much for all of it. You really didn't have to do that, but it means so much to me. I have heard a lot of talk about running while pregnant and how it makes for an easier labor as long as it isn't over-strenuous and thought maybe we could run together again."

  "There is nothing I would love more," he said, grabbing my hand across the table. "I will never forget the day I bumped into you in college when we were both running."

  I laughed. "Me either. How can I forget you running right into me."

  "Oh, no, you ran right into me."

  "Okay, well, I had to. How else would you have noticed me?"

  "Wait, did you do that on purpose?" he asked, leaning back

  and crossing his arms playfully.

  "I told you I had the hots for you in high school, Mr. Prom King. I never thought I had a chance, and then a few years later, I moved all the way to Bemidji to go to college and I saw you running without Olivia anywhere in sight. I had to make a move," I said, blushing at my confession.

  "You never told me that before. I may not have known who you were in high school, Dez, but I saw you that day running in those little black shorts and I may have pretended not to see you. Didn’t you know she moved away?”

  “No, not at the time. I thought you two would end up married, actually. Wait a minute, so you ran into me? All this time I thought I made the move, but we had the same intentions? You were a big hockey player, so I guess the thought never came to mind. But that makes so much sense now." I fingered my wedding ring in my lap, replaying that day in my head.

  "Not to mention, you were the most beautiful girl in the school, even if you were only a freshman," he said, winking and smiling at me. His perfect teeth and sexy dimples made me feel like I did that day I ran into him.

  "Well, I remember calling you first, mister. I also remember Casey getting mad that we hung out all the time."

  "Of course, I had to play hard to get. And we ran every morning together throughout the school year. I couldn't get enough of you. That body. As for Casey, he got over it and you two became better friends than him and me."

  "I couldn't believe Bryan Fredrickson could be interested in me. I knew I had to become friends with Casey or we would never last."I took a drink of my pop and felt a little sick at the recollection.

  "Why do you do that, Dez?" he asked.

  "Do what?" I snapped.

  "Put yourself down. I am the one who is so lucky to have you in my life. The minute I laid eyes on you, you had me in the palm of your hand. I love you, Destiny, and I have never stopped and never will.”

  I grabbed his hand and squeezed it as I shot him an apologetic look. I needed to stop being so defensive. Maybe I wo
uld even let him sleep in our bed tonight. Maybe.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  JULY 1991

  "Good morning, Mr. Fredrickson," I whispered when his eyes opened.

  "Good morning. Now this I can get used to," he said, smiling and rolling on his side to look into my eyes. He rested his head on his hand and ran his thumb down my jaw line.

  "God, have I missed you." He pulled down the sheets a little and looked up at me. Lifting my shirt just enough to expose my slowly expanding belly, he put his hand on my stomach and began to softly rub it.

  "I never thought I'd be so excited to have a baby bump," I said, meeting his gaze.

  "Hello, baby girl. It's me, your daddy again. I can't wait to meet you, just hopefully not too soon. We want you to be healthy, you little soccer player." As if in response, little Gabriella kicked, exposing a small lump on my belly.

  We both laughed and he leaned in to kiss it. He sat up and kissed my forehead before getting up and pulling on his pants.

  "Do you really have to go to work already?" I asked, looking at the clock.

  "Oh, I would much rather stay in bed with you all day, but someone has to keep the streets safe. Would you like to join me for a shower?" he asked, grabbing his uniform off the hanger in the closet.

  "I would love to, but the third trimester isn't treating me any better than the first two. I have to sit in bed and eat these saltines before I can even get up to pee," I said, reaching for the box of crackers on the nightstand.

  "I'm sorry you are still sick. Is there anything I can do?"

  "No, I'll be okay. At this rate, I may not even fit in the bathroom next week. How can I be so big when all I do is puke all day?"

  "Because our baby is still growing. The doctor said your morning sickness should be going away soon.”

  "I don't think it should be considered morning sickness when I am sick all day from morning to night. I dunno how women do it while working full-time.”

  "Get some rest, honey. If you need anything, I am only a phone call away."

  I sat in bed and fought the acid rising up. I chewed slowly, careful not to upset my stomach even more. My body was so heavy to lift and I could no longer even tie my shoes. How was I going to make it through two more months like this? I forced myself to get up and join him in the shower.

  Dropping my clothes on the bathroom floor, I opened up the curtain to see his naked body and perfect curves as he stared back at me, smiling. His eyes scanned my body from head to toe, leaving me feeling self-conscious as he raised his eyebrows in approval. I stepped in front of him as he put his arms around my belly and pulled me in as close as he could for a kiss.

  He tried to slide past me so I could get under the warm water, but we both broke out in laughter, because there was no way he could get around me without getting out of the shower. My belly was too big and the bathtub, too small.

  “Well, I guess I will just have to move the water.” He adjusted the shower head and moved back.

  I let the water run down my back as he bent over to grab the shampoo. I could hear the air squirting out into his hand from the bottle. He pulled my shoulders back and massaged it into my hair. I relaxed, feeling a little unbalanced, and closed my eyes. His hands ran down my back, his fingers dragging against my skin, leaving me with goosebumps.

  I put my head back into the water to wash it out. He reached around me and ran his fingers over my belly. I moved my hands down and put my hands on top of his.

  “Do you feel that?”

  “Yeah, it’s amazing. Does it hurt at all?”

  “The kicking? No, although it does feel weird. Can you believe we are going to have a baby girl in just a few short weeks?”

  “I can’t wait,” he replied, turning me around slowly.

  My hands squeezed his bulging arms and slid down his back. He felt so good, so soft, so perfect. The guilt hit me and I instantly felt sad, ruining this whole moment with him. I was a horrible person. How could I keep this secret from him?

  “I really gotta go to work. I love you,” he said, pulling me in for another kiss.

  I finished washing my hair and got out of the shower. I looked at myself in the full-length mirror and scowled at my reflection. Who had I become? I put on my t-shirt and slipped into bed as the exhaustion hit me.

  I awoke to the ringing of the phone next to my bed.

  "Hello," I said, groggy.

  "Why, hello there. Dez?”

  “Who is this?”

  “I hear congratulations are in order. It’s Casey. You don’t remember my voice anymore?”

  I sat up a little bit, placing a pillow under my lower back and grabbing a saltine.

  "Casey, how are you? Where have you been?"

  "Well, after my dad passed, I just needed to get away for a while.My mom and I went to Europe for a couple months and I come back to find my best friends, whom I thought were getting a divorce, are having a baby."

  "I take it you talked to Bryan."

  "Yes, he sounds very happy. Now the real question is, are you happy?"

  I sat there for a moment, unsure of how to answer. "It's a good thing, Casey."

  He cleared his throat. “Is it? Are you sure about that?”

  I felt sick to my stomach and frozen, unable to say a word back.

  “He’s too good for you, you know that,” he snapped.

  I cupped my hand around my mouth, having no idea how to respond to that. I hoped he would hang up. I couldn’t believe he came back. Why? I wanted him to go away again, far, far away.

  “I’m sorry, Casey.”

  “You made me a promise. Now I am going to have to follow through with mine,” he said, sending chills down my spine.

  “No, please don’t, please,” I pleaded, dropping the phone to the ground. I lost all control as the tears continued.

  He had to be lying to me, he just had to be. How could he do this? He wouldn’t tell him, would he?

  CHAPTER SIX

  My feet and hands began to swell as the pregnancy progressed. Bryan gave me foot massages while I laid in bed and read almost every night. As my belly expanded that last trimester, I gained my tiger stripes. He thought they were cute and told me I got them because I was such a warrior. Sometimes he would kiss them and then rub them with vitamin E, while singing to the baby. Although Bryan’s shifts were constantly changing, we never missed a run together. Every day we found time to push each other to move, enjoying Minnesota seasons. There was one day after we decided to start running again, it was fifty below outside and we literally ran around the block and came home with icicles hanging from our eyelashes. We ran as far as we could every day, depending upon how I was feeling.

  Casey called a couple times to meet us for dinner, but I told Bryan to go without me both times. I said I wasn’t feeling good and he said he understood. Every day I was on edge, wondering if he was going to tell Bryan. I came to realize his promise was more of a threat. He wanted, needed to control me, but I didn’t understand why.

  I walked into the nursery to enjoy my baby girl’s bedroom Bryan and I had finally finished, after weeks of hard work and long hours. Smiling, I took in each detail and accessory we picked out together. I went through all my favorite things, having to touch most of them again as I organized the room.

  I picked up the soft teddy bear that laid in the new white rocking chair. Sitting down, I placed the bear behind my aching lower back. I rested my hands on my belly and smiled, taking in the scenery.

  “Hello baby Gabriella. I can’t wait to finally hold you in my arms. I just pray you are a healthy baby.” I stared out the window and saw Bryan’s car pull into the driveway.

  “Oh, baby girl,” I said while rubbing my big bulging stomach. ”What am I doing being a mom? Sometimes I wonder how this all happened so fast. I love you and I promise to always be there for you, no matter what life brings our way.”

  I began to sing a lullaby and rock in the chair, imagining holding her in my arms. I relaxed, smiling to my
self. A shadow caught my eye and Bryan’s head peeked around the door.

  “Hey baby, what ya doin’?” He took a few steps into the bedroom and looked around to see if I was talking to someone. He shook his head, smiling at me and handed me a bouquet of yellow lilies.

  “Oh, they are beautiful, thank you,” I said getting up with the help of his hand. I couldn’t believe little things like tying my shoe or getting out of a chair or the car could be so difficult. I felt like a big fat penguin and waddled like one too. He pulled me in for a hug.

  “I’m just having a little one-on-one with Gabby. Strategizing on life and her coming into this world sooner than later.”

  He began to laugh as he pulled away.

  “Our little pea just kicked me.”

  He bent down so his face was inches from my big ol’ watermelon of a belly.

  “Hey there Gabby, are you going to be a soccer player or are you just trying to tell me mama belongs to you?” As if replying, the baby kicked just inches from Bryan’s face and we both erupted in laughs.

  “I’m not sure why you keep calling her a pea. Do you not notice my belly is the size of a hot air balloon? I gotta go,” I yelled, as I tried to make it in time before I wet my pants.

  Bladder control was something I didn’t appreciate enough until this third trimester. It didn’t help that I had no clothes that fit me anymore and had to wear the same pair of jeans every day that fit right under my belly. I hated to buy new maternity clothes when I only had a few days to go.

  I went into labor around three in the morning. By seven I was at the hospital and Gabriella Irene Fredrickson was born. She was eight pounds, three and a half ounces. She had a full head of curly hair that fell out two days later and grew back in ringlets. I decided not to have any drugs and Bryan was by my side through it all. He was my focal point as we breathed together through every contraction. I had a twelve-minute delivery, which my doctor said was phenomenal. I expected her cry to be louder than it was and I couldn’t understand why people complained about screaming babies so much. We were a great team, Bryan and I.