We focused on Gabby, who was growing into a sweet little girl and probably a little too spoiled at times. We had our struggles but we focused so much on baby Gabby, we never really stopped to think about ourselves or our relationship. We took turns going out with our friends so one of us would be home to babysit. We didn’t realize we were setting up our marriage for failure because we didn’t get enough time together.
My mom helped out when she could, but I needed her while I finished up my Associate’s Degree. Bryan worked a lot to support us and had to sleep during the day after he worked midnights.
I realized involving my mom, the alcoholic, in my life wasn’t the best idea. Although she was sober during the day when she had Gabby, she was constantly trying to tell us what we were doing wrong and how we should raise our child; her way was the only way.
One time my mom gave Gabby a Baby Asprin when she was just two. I told her Baby Asprins were not actually for babies and she stormed off and wouldn’t talk to me for a week. Another time, she gave Gabby a peanut butter sandwich at just thirteen months. Oh I was so mad because I was told by doctors to wait until she was at least two just in case she was allergic. She told me what I should or shouldn’t do, and if I told her Gabby was too young, she would shrug her shoulders and say, “I fed you and your sister that and you two are just fine.” What I wanted for my own child didn’t matter. Mom demanded she got her way or she’d punish me for days.
Bryan’s parents were just very supportive and I was much closer to them than my mom. I began distancing myself from her and gravitating toward Bryan’s family.
Casey came around way too often after the baby was born. It really strained my relationship with Bryan when he was around, because I felt so guilty.
Every day my relationship with Bryan got a little weaker, we didn’t really give each other much attention. We were constantly fighting over what was the appropriate punishment when Gabby colored on the wall or when Gabby hit a kid on the playground, or when she flushed a washcloth down the toilet, flooding the bathroom. Bryan would laugh and I would get angry.
We took all of our anger out on each other and I began making a habit out of slamming the door when we fought and locking myself in my room. He would become silent and eventually got around to apologizing to me even if I was the one in the wrong. I no longer apologized and Bryan no longer blamed me for our fights. I became spoiled, always getting my way, beginning to hate who I’d become. Bryan just kept on fighting for me by taking the fault.
We tried not to argue in front of Gabby, but as she got older she began to catch on. By her fifth birthday, we no longer slept in the same bed or kissed. Bryan would try, but I would just pull away. We lost that spark we once had and I gave up on us.
CHAPTER SEVEN
JANUARY 1997
Hearing a knock at the door, I put down the dish towel to answer it. Casey.
“Hey Dez, everything okay?” He had concern in his eyes as he handed me a bouquet of roses. I turned around and threw them in the garbage.
“You can drop the act, Casey, Bryan isn’t here yet.”
He reached into the garbage, pulling out the flowers.
“I’m really sorry about what I said, Dez. I guess I was just upset at the news. I was in shock. I was scared you would tell him, so I threatened you. Please forgive me. What happened is the past and I will never tell him. Cross my heart.” He smiled at me, his perfect teeth and sincere smile made me want to just move past all of this.
“Don’t ever talk to me like that again. The only reason I’m letting this go is because you haven’t told him yet. You’ve definitely had infinite opportunities.” I glared, pouring us both a glass of Merlot. I was really glad Gabby was staying at Judy and Carl’s tonight.
“Thank you. I will be better, scout’s honor.” He pulled out a stool at the breakfast bar and sat down, putting up the girl scout sign with three fingers. I just laughed to myself. He slid out the stool next to him for me. I handed him a glass and set the bottle in between us on the counter.
“To a better start to our new friendship.” With that, we clanked our glasses and I gulped down the entire glass and poured myself another.
Casey stared at me in shock. “Listen, I want to make it up to you.”
“Oh really and how are you going to do that?”
“Well, Bryan told me you are sick of staying home all the time, so I thought maybe you would would like to come work at the firm.”
“You want me to come and work for you? I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Casey. Plus, I don’t wanna work full-time.”
“Just hear me out. Sophia just put in her two weeks Thursday because she is going to law school. Jim and I have been interviewing, but we just can’t find what we are looking for. Would you be interested in a legal assistant position? The pay would be around ten dollars an hour starting off and you would mainly be doing secretarial work, but it would be great experience for the time being.”
“I dunno, Casey. I don’t think us working together is a very good idea.” I began to feel a little bit of excitement at the idea, but still had my doubts if I would like doing that kind of work. Also, the thought of working with Casey gave me a bit of anxiety. Although what happened between us was in the past, I still felt guilty and uncomfortable alone with him. He scared me.
“The job would start off at thirty hours a week, eight to two. Jim’s wife, Linda, comes in right now from two to five to give Sophia a break and she is really enjoying working there, but full-time is too much for her. If you decide to stay, you could go up to forty hours a week and Linda would probably just come in and do some filing after you leave. She likes to make sure the office is organized. She is a retired secretary for some dentist’s office and likes to take care of the place a little bit as a hobby to keep herself busy.”
“I’ll think about it,” I replied, getting up to take the cherry cheesecake out of the fridge. I put it down, licking my fingers.
“Don’t worry about our past, it’s going to stay in the past. Destiny, it was one night that we both regret. We promised to start over. Just come work for us until you find something else. At least come in for an interview.” He was right, I needed to try to move past this.
“I will think about it.”
“Will you at least talk to Bryan about it?”
I sat there, taking it all in. It didn’t sound so bad. I wouldn’t mind having a desk job, dressing nice again. Then again, could I stand to work for Casey? I checked on the chicken breasts in the oven and cut one open, not pink. I took them out, cut them up and began mixing them in with the rice when I heard the door shut. Within a couple seconds, Bryan was at my side, his lips planted on my cheek.
“Smells delicious.”
“It’s just chicken and rice, but thank you.” I picked up the pan and put it on a hot pad on the table. When I turned around his arms were open. I hated when he wanted to touch me in that uniform. He needed a shower.
“Bryan, go change before you touch me.” It came out of my mouth a little ruder than I had expected, but no reason to apologize at this point. He went into the living room, said hello to Casey and headed upstairs for a quick shower.
He returned in an old hockey shirt and jeans. He went into the living room to chat with Casey before I called them both in to eat. I kept the chicken and rice warm in the oven while finishing up the peas in the microwave. I took the aluminum foil off the food and grabbed some rice and chicken before passing it to Casey and reaching for the peas on the counter.
“So, Casey was telling me there is an opening for a secretary position at his law office. Did he happen to mention it to you at all? I thought it would be perfect for you,” he said, smiling. He put down the chicken and rice and looked my way, clasping his fork in his right hand.
I looked over at Casey and glared. “Yeah, he mentioned it.”
“And, what do you think? Just for the time being?” he said, looking hopeful.
“You would be perfect for it,
Dez,” Casey added.
I tried to read Casey, tried to figure out if this was another trick. How could I turn it down in front of Bryan when all I’d been doing lately was complaining about not being able to find a part-time job.
“I dunno, I’ll think about it.”
“What’s there to think about? You’d be perfect for the job. Unless there is some reason why you’d feel uncomfortable working there,” Casey said with an innocent look on his face.
I shot him a giant smile, “Maybe I would like to work there. When can I start.”
I knew I needed to get him off my back, fast. No way was he going to start this again. He had something up his sleeve. The rest of the dinner I sat in silence and listened to them go on about the Vikings. I couldn’t wait to get Bryan alone. The guilt was eating at me and I had a great idea of what I wanted to do to him after Casey left. I knew what would make him smile and he deserved to be happy. I love him.
Casey and Bryan cleaned up the kitchen after dinner, while I went and took a hot bath. It was tradition when Casey came for dinner, the boys always did the dishes while I relaxed. Bryan insisted, because I worked hard making the meal.
When I got out of the bath, I noticed the light was off in the downstairs hallway, so I knew Casey had left. I decided I would put on my lacy red teddy, that didn’t leave much for the imagination, and go down to the basement and crawl in bed with him. I needed to try harder, show him how I really felt. I needed to stop the darkness that crept above my head most days and try to let him in.
Since Gabby was at a sleepover at my in-laws, I decided on the matching see-through thong, thigh-high pantyhose, and red high heels. I walked down the stairs and noticed the bathroom light was on. I leaned against the hallway and did my sexiest pose. It had been weeks since we had any fun and I was so excited to surprise him. I heard the water turn off and the bathroom door opened quickly, the light above me in the hallway shined like a spotlight.
“Hey baby, wanna take me into your dungeon?” I said in my sexiest voice as the door cracked open and there stood Casey with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open. “Oh my god, Casey?” I could feel the heat from my face blending in with my teddy. “I…I…” I stood there, frozen.
He laughed at me and put his fist over his mouth.
“I thought…you were…gone,” I mumbled covering up my chest as much as possible and with another hand covering up my tiny thong. I turned around and ran upstairs with one hand covering my bottom.
Casey laughed. “No thank you,” he said, walking out the door.
I was so embarrassed. No way could I tell Bryan what just happened. I laid my head on my pillow after I stripped my teddy off and cried. The guilt was eating me alive. Why did I accept the job working for this jackass? I would give it a couple weeks, then start applying for other jobs; no way would he trap me there.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I walked into my new office Monday morning and was instantly greeted by a beautiful brunette. “You must be Destiny,” she said, shaking my hand with a huge grin. “I’m Sophia.”
“Hello, Sophia.” I felt guilty and ill to be here, but it was only a couple weeks, I reminded myself.
“You can hang your jacket up on the hook in the corner, behind your desk and your purse can go in the bottom of that file cabinet,” she said, pointing.
I put my things away and slowly walked back to the desk she just sat down at.
“So, I have a few basic things to show you before Casey takes you out for coffee.”
I felt sick. “Wait a minute, why is Casey taking me to coffee? I mean, I just got here.”
“He always takes the new assistants to the cafe and tells them about expectations within the company. It is nothing to worry about, I promise,” she reassured me. “I must admit, I was a little bit worried they wouldn’t find anyone to replace me in time. I only have one more day left here. My orientation starts Wednesday, can you believe it?” she said, too peppy for this moment.
“Wait a minute, I only have one more day of training with you?” I blurted out. I couldn’t believe it. There was no way that was enough time for me to learn everything.
“Yeah, but don’t worry,” she shot back, placing a hand on my shoulder, “Jim is out most of the week on a trial, but Casey only has felony court tomorrow and will pretty much be around the rest of the week to help you. He sounds very confident you will do just fine.” She smiled, turning to her computer to explain how to run the answering machine, answer the phone, and explain where the files are kept for public defendant and private clients.
She opened a private folder and showed me the file’s outline. She explained how public defendant files were put together a little bit differently than the rest and all the paperwork was labeled and clipped to the right side. She went through the billing system briefly and told me Casey would be out of his office at ten o’clock sharp for coffee.
By ten, I was so overloaded with information, but I couldn’t stop watching for him to open up his office. He was a half hour late and I hoped he had forgotten about me; I couldn’t be so lucky.
“I am so sorry for the wait, Destiny, Jim was having some issues finding some paperwork for his trial, but they were just in the wrong order. Shall we?” He put his arm out for me to clasp and walked me out.
“No problem. Sophia was just telling me she will only be here one more day and then you will be training me. Funny you didn’t mention this bit of information earlier.” I felt anxious at the thought. I was nervous about working in the office, even if being fired wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to me. The worst thing is being trapped here with him, alone. Casey watching me, correcting my every move.
“I knew you could handle it. It is my job to be by your side at all times; now let’s go.”
He led me out of the office and down the stairs to the small but comfortable coffee shop.
“What can I get for you? It’s on the house.”
“Aren’t you the best boss ever,” I retorted.
“Funny, I hear that all the time,” he responded, checking out the beautiful petite Italian barista. “One french vanilla cappuccino and the usual for me.” She blushed at him as he handed her his credit card and I was disgusted.
I could see right through this jerk and was sorry she couldn’t. He acted like a powerful, junior attorney. Why should she be scared of him? Poor girl had no clue what he was capable of. I shook the thought away. Focus.
A few moments later, we both grabbed our coffee and the barista, with the name tag Adreana, just stared at Casey. We headed back to the table and a laugh escaped his lips.
“What is so funny?” I asked, confused.
“I was just just thinking about the look on your face when you saw it was me and not your husband coming out of the bathroom.” I instantly blushed in anger.
“Casey, this isn’t the time,” I replied, coldly.
“I’m sorry, I just haven’t been able to get you off my mind since that night.” Mocking me, he looked down at his coffee and took another sip.
“Let’s just not speak of this again. It was hard enough accepting a job with you when I can’t even trust you. I just want you to promise me that if you decided to tell Bryan our secret, you will talk to me first. You owe me that at least. I want to tell him, but I just can’t break his heart yet. I mean, if Bryan found out--”
“Dez, he’s not going to find out,“ he snapped. “I do not want to break up my friendship with him over a stupid mistake. But you know you are beautiful. Since we are never going to talk about that night again after this, I just want you to know you were amazing,” he said. I knew he was crossing the line, but I decided to just let it go. I just wanted it all to go away.
“As long as you aren’t trying to play me. I can’t believe I have to run the office by myself in just a couple days. This is crazy.”
“It will be fine. If you wouldn’t have started so soon, I would be running the office by myself until we found someone. I know how smart y
ou are. You will catch on in no time, I promise, just relax.” He placed his hand on mine and it took everything out of me not to punch him in the face.
As I came back from the bathroom, the barista was talking to him at the table. She handed him a piece of paper and he gave it back to her, apologizing. What was wrong with him? Why wouldn’t he take her number? I rolled my eyes and headed back to the table. I couldn’t wait to get away from him.
“Well, how was your first day at work?” Bryan greeted me with a big hug when I walked in the door. I felt a little guilty and anxious having to work with Casey.
“It was fine. I mean, it’s just for a little while, right? It is a lot of information, but nothing I can’t figure out.”
“I’m glad it was a good day, babe,” he said, putting on his uniform. “Your day is over and now mine begins. Gabby is in her room reading Spot books. She is really doing a good job of sounding out the words.” He kissed me on the forehead, then headed to the door. He turned around and came back to me.
“Well, my first day of afternoons. Don’t forget, Friday I have to double-out for George. He’s going to the Bahamas with his wife. We should definitely do something like that someday. Love ya,” he said, kissing me goodbye.
Gabby and I spent the night reading together and playing Barbies before she got into the shower. She didn’t like baths and told me they were for babies and she was five, so she was too old for baths. She was five going on thirteen.
I laid on my stomach, face down into my pillow. I let out a muffled scream into it. Should I really work with Casey after what we did to Bryan? Maybe we should tell Bryan. Maybe I should just leave Bryan for good. I didn’t deserve to be with him after what I did. The pain in my stomach was never going to go away until I could be honest. I knew what I had to do. I got up and went to pick out some pajamas for Gabby. As I stepped into the hall, the phone on the wall began to ring.
The Deception of Destiny: A Novel Page 4
